“...Aidan. Aidan!”

Aidan shook his head and looked away from the danish he was holding. The expression Nikki looked back at him with was that of clear disapproval – a hand on her hip, her lips pursed, and one pierced eyebrow arched so high it almost disappeared under her flaming red bangs. 

“It won’t heat up if you just stare at it. You can’t still think you have, like, laser vision or something like that. You’re way too old for this shit.”

Heat rushed to his cheeks, which he hoped he could chalk up to the oven he quickly moved to put the pastry in.

“Is how to be fucking rude one of the classes they’re making you take?”

“No, but psychology 101 is so I’m hoping maybe it’ll explain some of this. This is like… the fifth time in the past hour,” she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, and her gum from the left side of her mouth to the right. “Seriously, what is up with all of you today? First your mom, now you...”

“My mom?” He blinked in surprise, turning to look at her over his shoulder.

“Yeah she’s been really out of it all day,” Nikki looked at him with concern. “Are you sure you’re good?”

“I’m fine.” Rolling his eyes didn’t seem to convince her one bit, judging by the way her eyebrow climbed even higher. Though, after a moment she sighed and proceeded to wipe down the counter.

“Sure, whatever you say. Maybe still check your house for mold or something, I heard it can control people’s brains.”

“That’s mushrooms and they only work on ants.”

“As far as you know.”

“Sure, Nikki. Yeah. Um,” he sighed. “Can you please finish this for me? I need to step out for a second.”

Nikki gave a dismissive wave without turning around. “I thought I already was. Someone has to make sure you’re not starting a fire.”

Her words barely filtered through his ears as Aidan took off his apron and put it underneath the counter. The heaviness in his chest grew tenfold, making it feel as though he was trying to breathe through a particularly twisted tube. Was his mom really acting strange? And if so, how and why did he fail to notice?

Well, the why wasn’t such a big mystery. He’s been busy – too busy – with what Chris told him that morning. There were so many implications that should have been his top priority, like figuring out what this meant for them or finding a place to live in that didn’t include him or Ben and Leah, but all he could think of were those three words. They were replaying in his head over and over again, like an angry swarm of bees that refused to let him hear anything else over their furious buzzing. 

As he stood outside his mother’s office Aidan shook his head, trying to get rid of them. The fact the light wooden door was closed should have been enough of a sign something wasn’t right. At the very least, it acted as supporting evidence to what Nikki said. He took a deep breath before gently knocking on it three times. There was a beat of silence, then a familiar voice called him in.

As it always did, before landing on the Eleanor Park sitting behind the desk, Aidan’s gaze drifted to the one smiling at him from the picture hanging behind her. The expression made her entire face light up, and her round cheeks, which tapered into a pointy chin, even more prominent. In one of her arms was a chubby toddler excitedly showing his ice cream to the camera. The other was wrapped around a tall man with olive skin, raven black hair, and dark eyes that happily crinkled behind his glasses.

Aidan’s gaze lingered on him for a few extra seconds before shifting to the real life version of his mother. Twenty-something years didn’t change much about her. Her face still retained a soft heart shape, with the addition of a few thin lines along her forehead, around her mouth and in the corners of her eyes suggesting the pass of time. It was still framed by the same short bob, the rich brown locks now woven with subtle streaks of silver. Yet, as he finally took a close, proper look, Aidan noticed there was one thing that was glaringly different, something he wasn’t sure how he missed before and which made the invisible grip on his chest grow even tighter – her eyes. They were tired, defeated, with no trace of the keen glimmer he was used to seeing in them. Perhaps the worst part was that she wasn’t even trying to hide it.

“I was wondering when you’ll come,” she offered him a tired smile that made his heart drop to his stomach, and his stomach drop to the center of the earth.

“Why?” Aidan didn’t know when his mouth went this dry, but moving it to speak felt like chewing on sand.

“Sit down Aidan.”

“Why?” he repeated. His hand still gripped the doorknob tightly, his body planted in place. “What’s going on?”

Eleanor studied his worried expression, searching for any signs that might indicate he would give in a little, before letting out a heavy sigh.

“It’s the cafe.”

“The cafe?” he blinked in surprise. This time, it was his turn to try and search his mother’s expression for any clues. “What about it?”

Eleanor sighed again, the sound more shaky than before. She dropped her eyes to her hands, tightly wound in her lap.

“I was hoping I won’t have to tell you like this… hell, I was hoping I won’t have to tell you at all,” she let out a bitter chuckle before her expression darkened again. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before opening them. “We have a debt, Aidan. A big one. I’ve been trying to cover it, but… I guess I wasn’t fast enough.”

Her words echoed in the room, freezing it in time for a heartbeat. Both mother and son looked at each other, examining, measuring.

“A debt?” Aidan’s forehead creased. “Why would we have a debt? We’ve been doing well. Like, really well.” Have been, for the past five years or so. Sure things were a bit slow when he returned from college, but a few changes Ben and his mother put in the menu along with a heavier emphasis on marketing he was quite proud of quickly helped them shift gears. They’ve been smooth sailing ever since.

“Did we forget to pay one of the suppliers?” He finally let go of the handle and crossed the room to one of the filing cabinets standing to the side. His mother had a strong preference for documenting things on paper, no matter how many times he told her it was less effective in just about every possible way. He produced a large black binder and began swiftly flipping through it.

“It doesn’t make any sense, I’ve been keeping track of it. They would have said something if-”

“It’s not the suppliers.”

Aidan looked up, his hands faltered on one of the receipts. His mother was looking away from him, out of the window. She looked almost… guilty. “I took a loan.”

“A loan?” A baffled look crossed his face. “Why would we need a loan? We never went below twenty-five thousand for monthly revenue in the past year. It’s… you know, we’re not going to get rich from it, but it covers everything we need. Comfortably.”

There was another short pause while Eleanor twisted the simple gold band on her finger. Aidan wasn’t sure if she was fighting to get the words out or keep them in before muttering quietly, “It’s not from the last year.”

“Well…” his brows pushed even closer together as he glanced down, resuming his quick browsing through the carefully organized papers. “I don’t remember the numbers, but we didn’t have any big expenses at any point. We’ve been balanced for… I mean pretty much since I came back.”

Eleanor sighed and nodded her head. “I know.”

“So… I don’t understand. What did you take a loan for? When?”

“Six years ago.”

Aidan’s hands stopped again. “Six years ago? That was…”

“Your Junior year,” Eleanor finally lifted her eyes to him. “It… all happened at once. All those big chains opened up around us, rent went up and we barely had any people coming in. It just… it wasn’t enough.

“At first I thought it’ll be just for a month or two, that it’ll balance out. It was only meant to be so that we could keep everything running, but it just got bigger and bigger until…” she raised her hands and let them fall back down at her sides. “Until it became this.”

“I… mom, I don’t get it.” Aidan’s stomach was in a thousand knots, his ears filled with a low-pitch ring. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I knew how busy you were. And I knew if I told you you would have done something stupid like quitting school.”

He couldn’t even argue, because that would have been exactly what he would have done. Put his tuition money towards the cafe – or tried, at the very least. His mother wouldn’t have allowed it so easily.

“I’m sorry, maybe I should have stopped it then. I just…” She glanced at the picture behind her, her voice growing brittle. “I couldn’t give it up. He wanted it so much.”

"No, don’t apologize mom.” Though his body was so stiff it almost felt like it wasn’t his own, Aidan closed the binder and crossed the room again. He put it down on the desk and reached for her hand. “I know. I would have done the same. Look, I’m sure we can work this out.” 

“There’s no use Aidan,” she shook her head. “I tried.”

“No,” he sat down and hastily reached for a pen and a notepad. “It's just a matter of numbers. All we have to do is move some things around, we’ll figure it out.”

“Aidan-”

“How much is it?”

Eleanor fell silent again. She closed her eyes, her long fingers coming to cover her forehead.

“A hundred thousand.”

Aidan’s hand twitched. A jagged, ugly line appeared at the very top of the clean paper, plummeting down towards the unknown.

“A hundred thousand?” He echoed weakly. The math there was terrifyingly simple. A hundred thousand dollars. A monthly revenue of twenty-fine. Even if they put every single dollar meant for reinvestment into the cafe towards this goal, even if they miraculously wouldn’t have any unexpected expenses during that time, it’ll take at least forty months, over three years, to pay back everything. And that was without considering interest.

The pitch black hollowness that replaced the tightness around his heart must have shown on his face, before this time it was his mother who gently reached for Aidan’s arm.

“I’m sorry my love. I’ve been trying to take care of it but… it was just too much.”

“No, we… we can figure it out.” He shook her off and tightened his grip on the pen, trying to will his hand to stop shaking. “I’ll… I’ll decrease my salary, and we can replan, make some changes. Maybe make some of the shifts smaller or… or…”

“It’s not going to be enough Aidan. It’s too late.”

He could see it, the resolve in his mother’s eyes, the finality in their depths. The shaking returned, stronger than before.

“No, no, there has to be something we can do. We can’t just… There’s no way…”

Aidan’s eyes as he looked at her over the desk were pleading, desperate. Although Eleanor’s shoulders slumped, this time she didn’t look away. It was an expression he only saw her wearing once before, yet could remember as clear as day. It was like he was nine again, sinking into the big couch in their living room, staring up at his mother’s tear-stained face. There were flashing red and blue lights outside, coloring the heavy rain, and the distant sound of sirens. It was the only time before he lost something as precious without ever being able to have it back. 

“I’m sorry Aidan,” she said in that soft way that made his heart grow even colder than that night was. “We’re going to have to let it go.”