I stand and pick up a pile of clothes, taking mine off and putting them on. 

They're my workout clothes, as I decided that a run will help me with the feelings I'm dealing with. But they make what I'm thinking worse. 

You see, because Im a suductress, they have to catogorise my clothing as such. So unlike the spies who get normal sweats and tshirts, they give me matching sets of sports bras and either leggings or very short shorts. Theyd all be really cute, if I had chosen them for myself. But no. Instead higher ups chose my uniform. And they had to make it what I am ment for: Sexy and an object for murder. 

I step out of my room and begin jogging around the halls of the dorms. No ones awake and if they are they're not going to care about me. It's common to have people jogging the halls. 

I know cameras are watching my every step. There's a period of waiting time after every mission in fear of corruption, and especially for me who had a confirmed encounter with the others, I’ll be watched and stuck down here for a bit. 

I don't want to be seen right now though. All that's going through my head is what happened on the mission. How he used me, and how I didn't really care that he did. 

I don’t even care that his message he wrote is on display even now. That what he wrote could be seen by anyone in the halls or watching the cameras. 

What he wrote wasn’t wrong. He did it to me because he knows it's true. That I enjoy things I shouldn't. That he's the only one who has called me doll and got a rise out of me that wasn't anger. That it makes me feel small and protected from him. Not like a challenge or some disgusting example of what people here know I am. 

I make my way back to my room, needing to shower, but not wanting to. There are cameras everywhere, and I can guarantee they have them in the bathrooms. 

It’s so we don't get into trouble. There's a reason so many teens in society use public rest rooms for illegal activitys. Drugs, alcohol, sex.

Even suicides. 

Its a preventative measure, in case something like that does happen they can be on their toes. 

I just dont want to be seen right now. Not anymore. 

So I change into some PJs and crawl into my bed. Cover my whole body in the comforter, using a pillow as a stand in for someone there. Anyone. A person who actually cares for me, my feelings, not just the ones they can exploit. Unreachable dreams, I'm told. I can feel a lump in my throat before I hear my door open. 

I uncover myself, and look at the person standing in the doorway. 

Its my room mate and a nurse behind her. 

The nurse says nothing as she pulls pills and a needle from her bag, wires and a computer being hooked up quietly next. 

“Hey” I greet my roommate quietly as the nurse works. 

She turns to me after getting some clothing from the dresser.

“Hey. How was the mission?” I nod my head at her, both in reply and as a message. 

Talk about it later. 

“Have you gotten a shower?” I shake my head. 

“You go first. You know me and my cold showers after missions anyways.”

She smiles, nodding and leaving me in our bedroom with the nurse. Shes reading my vitals at this point, watching my heart rate. After that and injecting whatever it is into my body, she watches me swallow the pills and smiles at me.

“Go ahead and sleep in tomorrow. No need for morning training. Enjoy.” and with that shes gone from the room.

Thank-fucking-goodness. I tie my hair up and watch the ceiling. 

“What was that about? The nurse had a whole needle injection for you. Everything go ok?”

“Yeah. just a run in with the others. Came in paralized because of dd. But I worked it off, obviously.” 

She stares at me in shock.

“You had a run in with the others? How was it?” there's fascination in her voice. Lilly was 13 when we brought her in through a major accident. It killed both her parents and she was presumed dead with them. Now shes 16 with barely any recollection of the outside world. Stories of the others fascinate a lot of the younger group. 

I’m suppose to be a good leader and tell her how horrible it was. How they’re evil and tried to hurt me. How they had no soul in their eyes and how I only just got away. 

Instead I tell what I really felt. Who cares if I get sent to be reprimanded. At this point they could saw my hand off and I’d thank them.

“Mmm. It was Lucian again. He was decked in a suit and his hair was styled messy, you know? I finished the job and was just about to head to my exit when he sneaks up behind me. Hes too good at what he does, had me flustered the moment I heard his voice in my ear. Ugh. it was” I can't finish what I was saying as the memories play again in my head. 

“If that happened to me I'd be putty in his hands, my god.” I nod. I was, almost. Just a little bit more and I would have done anything and gone anywhere with him. 

“Anyways. I need my sleep so, I'll see you at lunch tomorrow. Mission perks.” in reality it because the tranquilizers they use after missions kick us out till around 10 and we’re still sluggish at noon. 

“Ugh. lucky. I can't wait to go on missions so I could sleep in till noon.” 

I wanted to reply to her that she doesn't know what a mission entails, but the tranquilizer had kicked in and my mouth was numb. My body already feels the call of sleep, and I give in quickly. The quicker I sleep the better tomorrow will be.