Waking up, Lev had tucked right around me and it was comfortable. I didn’t mind the fact he was tucked around me, either. I just kept thinking about my brother and hoping he was still behaving. My dad surely would call if something was up and I hadn’t got that call, so I was sure I didn’t have to worry. Checking my watch, Lev and I had slept in. It was around noon. I had missed my entire morning shift in the medic wing, and had no missed calls, rather a couple of texts. A couple from my dad and one from Maddox. It was the one from Maddox that I was more worried about. I checked it first. Reading over the message a few times to make sure I was understanding it right, I woke up Lev and even had him read the message. 

“That says that I can have the day off and not to panic when I wake up late. Right?” I asked. 

“That’s what it says, or at least what I’m reading.”

“I need to go. My job isn’t getting done when I’m laying in bed already late.”

“Maddox said you have the day off. Just relax. You need it.”

“I need to go to work.”

“No, You have the day off. You’re going to take it.”

Lev tossed one of his legs over me and much more. He had me pinned down to the bed and even with the temperature lower in the bedroom, Lev was still just as warm as ever. I dropped my phone beside me, before speaking. 

“Lev, I need to go to—ugh, you’re so heavy.”

“Yes, I weigh twice as much as you, Alessio.”

“Yeah, and it’s all muscles. I can feel it.” I lightly pressed my fingers against his chest, confirming what I had said. 

“Are you feeling me up?”

“What! No—Yes?”

“Well, what is it, yes or no?”

“Why are you asking me that? You know I didn’t do that on purpose!”

“Do I?”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he smiled. 

“Relax Alessio, I’m only teasing. Playful banter.”

“Oh. Playful banter, huh?”

“Yes, Healthy playful banter.”

I let out a sigh before relaxing under his leg. He made it pretty clear that I would not be allowed to work on my day off. Oh well. I was on call if I was needed. I rarely ever left the complex, so I wasn’t worried. 

“Maybe I should check on my brother. I want to make sure he has caused no issues with my dad or Lukas.”

“I’m sure if something was wrong, you would be the first to know.”

“I still just want to check.”

“Understandable. Give Lukas or your dad a call.”

“That seems like the best option.”

I reached beside me, grabbing my phone. Lev was still using his weight to pin me down. 

“Hey Lev, want to let me up so that I can call Lukas? If anyone will tell me the full, complete truth, it will be him.”

“Right.”

Lev moved his leg off me just enough so that I could sit up, but he pinned just my legs down again. I scrolled through my phone and found Lukas’ contact and hit call. I listened to it ring twice before it was picked up.

“Hello Alessio. I wondered when you would call.”

“Afternoon, we slept in. I was wondering about Matteo.”

“He was well behaved. Not a single issue. He had breakfast with us this morning and your dad took him to the workout room. Then they went to get pizza from a takeout place. For all of us, for lunch.”

“Alright, Let Lev and I get dressed then we will head there for lunch. Maddox told me to take the day off. Which was fine. I’m mostly on call. Anyway, When I’m needed. I’ll get the call.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you guys shortly, then.” He said before hanging up on me. 

Having my dad looking after my brother this way left me feeling strange. It wasn’t a bad strange either. After all, the kid needed some kind of father figure, since his dad had ‘fallen’ off the face of the earth. Or so my mother had told us all. I believed something far different. Something more like gunned down and swimming with fishes. But that was information my little brother didn’t need. Not now, or possibly ever. 

“My dad and Matteo went to get pizza for us all, for lunch. They apparently had breakfast, and he was well behaved. It’s almost nice, but, he doesn’t get to stay long to enjoy it. His dad is M.I.A.”

“M.I.A isn’t the word I would use, but yes.” Lev muttered, laying back in the bed still. 

“Do you know something about it?”

“I only know what I saw on the contract your mother had put out looking for someone to take him out. To protect you.”

“Hmm. I knew it. She had him taken care of.”

“I don’t know who took the job, but it wasn’t me. I was busy working for someone else.”

“Even if it was you, it was bound to happen. Matteo’s dad crossed one too many lines. I just feel sad about Matteo. I gained a father, and he lost his.”

“That man was only biologically his father. He is still young enough for another grown male to make an important impression on him.”

“I’d more than share Andrei with him, If it meant that he grew up his last few teenage years with a better father figure.”

“You care for your brother, that’s very apparent.”

“I care for both my brothers. I’m just closer to Matteo because he is older than Gabriele. Gabriele is still very young and won’t remember Matteo’s father.”

“Do they not have the same dad?”

“I have no clue, if I’m honest. My mother and he were apart for some time and then she got pregnant just after he got back and things between them were messy. I was too busy being tortured again by him to notice.”

“Again?”

“Yes, he would leave and things would calm down, but he would be back in a few days or weeks, then it would start over again. At times, I wouldn’t even notice if he had left. I was too worried about him hurting me again. My arms serve as enough proof to that.”

Lev did not respond. He just sat quietly, his fingers now tracing some scars on my arms. The only one who truly understood the disgust and anger I felt about them was Alexi. But that was because we had borne similar marks. His far worse than mine, but still a laugh in our faces. Fate made us more alike than just the shared DNA and looks. We shared the same fate, beaten by the male who had been in the father’s position in our lives. His abuser was his biological father, mine was my stepfather. 

Lev paused, his fingers on my arm, speaking. 

“We should get up and get dressed.”

“I agree.”

Lev moved his leg, and I groaned. He laughed, standing up. I stretched out fully and groaned again. 

“Are you getting up or just making—”

“I’m finding the will to live, Lev.”

“I see. I’ll be that if you ever need it.”

“One day I may take you up on that, so I hope you’re being serious.”

I was aware Lev might have been flirting with me. While I still didn’t want to let go of Caleb and everything I was finding, the thought of Lev leaving now was similar. The feeling was sobering, and I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. I was positive that the only thing I was doing was using Lev. I was using him to fill my loss of Caleb. God, that wasn’t fair. 

“Alright, let’s go. You head to my dad’s. I need to do something quickly first.”

“Okay.”

I stood up and got dressed. Lev also changed. We parted at the front door. He headed to my dad’s, headed to Dr Martin. I needed a voice of reason to tell me ‌I was latching onto Lev just because he was available to me. He was bound to see the same truth as I could. I was keeping Lev here for my own selfish needs. 

I was feeling guilty for a lot of things. Caleb’s death just lived at the top of that list. Dr Martin had an open door policy like I did. If the door was open, he was free. I seemed to be lucky, too. That door was open. I still knocked on the door, getting his attention. He perked up as soon as he saw me. 

“Good afternoon Alessio. How are you?”

“Good afternoon Dr Martin. I’m—okay. But if you have the free time, I need to bounce something off you. I have a lot of guilt and—-Sorry. I’m just unloading.”

“Please, sit. You are more than welcome to unload.You have been through a lot over the past few weeks.”

 “Alright. I appreciate this.”

“Tell me anything you need to get off your chest.”

I nodded, but did not speak. The problem was, the only thing I wanted to speak about was Lev. My guilt about keeping him here because I was selfish. I sighed. 

“I think I’m being selfish by keeping Lev here when he knows he can go home.”

“Have you spoken to Lev about this?”

“No, I can’t because I am filled with guilt because that’s not just it, I don’t want Lev to leave. I don’t want to let him go. He makes the pain less noticeable when he is around. I get how nuts that sounds too, considering he hasn’t been here all that long.”

“Hm. Perhaps we should talk about the roots of the pain. Caleb.”

“Right… Caleb.”

“We don’t have to talk about this all right now, but I would like to suggest a couple sessions to help work through your grief and loss healthily. Are you ok with this? If you need time—”

“No. I’m ok with that.”

Lev told me before that I needed to see Dr Martin, and yes, I delayed it. Therapy is healthy and sometimes you just need someone to be there for the ride, too. Just accept the help. That’s what I might as well do. I came here on my own. I clearly thought I needed to be here.

“Let’s plan another session for a few days from now, and we can really sit down and have a deep conversation about your guilt, grief and loss.”

“Ok.”