.....I'm so tired.......

Alex kept looking at the ceiling above his bed. His eyesight has become a bit blurry from wanting to go to sleep, but he refused to fall into its depths. That would bring tomorrow sooner. With school. And meeting....them again. Who knows what they'll do to me.

He sat up. I don't want to go there.......  

Alex looked out of the window. The stars were brightly shining through the sky, and the land, as far as Alex's eyes could reach, was dimly lit with grey shine. The landscape was strangely calming. He didn't know why, but....there was some aspect of this scenery that put his mind at ease.

Alex spent the rest of the night daydreaming and looking out the window. Despite all that that happened tonight, he felt somehow comforted.

Alex's hands were slightly shaking while entering the school grounds. The concrete kept crumbling under his shoes, completely messing up his plans to be stealthy. He turned his head, but the other people around here were just minding their business. It calmed him down a little bit.

As soon as he entered the always way too warm of a room, meaning the locker room, he met two of his classmates. Alex's heart jumped a little, but as soon as they acknowledged his presence, they looked away. Like always. Alright.....chill, so far.

Alex quickly opened his locker and quickly changed his shoes, and put away his clothes. But, when he was putting his outdoor shoes back on their rack, he noticed a pair of slippers and then legs just next to him.

 "....uh, dude..?" Alex looked up, and saw the owner of the slippers, nervously standing and fiddling with his fingers.  I think that’s……Jayden…?? He barely remembered his name, just because they were kinda close in the alphabetical order in the teacher's book. 

"Yeah?" What could he want?

"...I was wondering if.....um, I heard some-" 

"Dude!! Stop it!!!" The other guy quickly rushed to him and took hold of Jayden's arm. “Sorry dude, it’s nothing…..” He began tugging Jaden with him, out of the room, leaving Alex very confused.

......huh? It was like he could see the question marks in his mind, just floating around. Alex whipped his head up. He heard them, quietly whispering to each other, but couldn't make anything of it. 

I guess I'll just.....   

Alex broke his frozen stance after a minute. This unease started clawing at his consciousness, and he couldn’t erase the weird feelings this interaction gave him.

Alex let out a long exhausted sigh and went on his way. He was prepared for at least some weird stares while going to his first class, but thankfully, he didn’t meet anyone else in the hallways. A little weird, but alright.

When Alex was met with the dark wooden door of his classroom, he stopped. His anxiety spiked up. They are all......in there........

He remembered their faces from last night. He skimmed through some possibilities of what they might do. 

.......they'll probably call me slurs and all that....right?? I don't think they'll beat me up or anything.....hopefully.....    Alex remembered the one guy’s face from before. Or it could happen…….

He took a deep breath and wrapped his fingers around the cold door handle. His breath was shaky, and he internally cursed himself. Fuck…..okay….....

He opened the door. 

“Aww, our little friend is here!!” Some people started giggling. Alex recognized their voices. From yesterday.

The girls were trying their best not to burst out laughing while Alex met their gazes. “Oh, sorry!” One of them spoke. “Alice here-” She pointed to her friend next to her, “-coincidentally told your secret to everyone!”  Alex’s heart skipped a beat. He looked around him, and every one of his classmates was looking at him. Not saying anything.

“But that’s okay right??” She continued.  “Since everyone here’s so nice!~” She smiled at him. 

Alex stood there. Frozen. Even when he met eyes with Noah, who was not too far from him, he avoided his gaze and looked at the ground. Even him….   He sadly suppressed a chuckle. It was foolish to expect something different.

All of a sudden, he felt a tug on his arm. "A-Alex!" He heard behind him. He turned around…..and saw Max. Just from the look in her eyes, he knew that she knew. That she remembers everything. 

"I…I need to talk to you, alone. Please." She lightly started tugging him out of the room.

Alex noticed her biting her lip, and it was full of little tears and injuries. At least she feels guilty….

It made him feel a bit better. He didn't know why. 

"Waaaaait a sec!" Alex saw Max stiffen after they heard Alice's voice. 

She came up to them, but she still kept a safe distance. She fully diverted all her attention to Max. "How does it feel to ruin another person's life, Maxine? It feels pretty good, right?"  Max noticeably paled. 

"..u-uh…I….didn't-" 

Alice clicked her tongue. She sent a mean glance Alex's way. "Do you really want to be associated with him now? Everybody knows that he's a……f*g." She looked at him while saying the last part. 

Alex felt Max's hand stiffen. "D-don't say that…"

"Why not? I'm sure he'll be hearing worse shit than that from now on, all thanks to you~" Alice sent her a close-eyed smile.  "Now,-" she continued; "-I'm asking, do you really want to do that, it's either us or him. Can you really handle all the stares you'll receive? All the quiet whispering about you?" 

"Why are you doing this?" Alex asked her. He kept a stern face. 

Alice ignored him and instead kept staring at Max.

There was a bit of silence. Nobody said anything. Alex was looking at Max. She and Alice were looking at each other. Max let out a shaky breath. 

"....Max, let's just get out of here for now-" Alex tried to do something, at least.

"....I-I can't….." She let go of his arm. Max kept looking at the ground and then whispered "I'm sorry", and Alex knew it was meant for him to hear. She stepped out of his range on her shaking legs.

…….…......oh. He thought. Max had this look on her face, there was fear and shame in her eyes, and her lower lip was trembling. 

So that's how it is. She decided. 

"Go then." Alex was surprised that he heard himself say these words, and how cold he sounded. But, that was what he was truly feeling. He had enough. 

He turned around. This shit's too much…. 

He was ready to have a breakdown. "I'm so sorry. So sorry....." Max started crying. He left the classroom. 

He didn't care anymore. All he wanted was to be back home, crawl into his sheets, and cry. Cry so much, it completely blocks his nose and makes his mouth all sticky and disgusting. To cry all the pain away. Not to feel this growing emptiness in his chest, consuming him whole.

On the walk home, Alex couldn't believe it was really…..real. That was it. Just like that. 

Max fucked up. She should've apologized. He was supposed to be mad at her. And he was supposed to eventually forgive her because she was drunk. What a turn of events….. Alex let out a laugh, but it turned into even louder sobs. 

He couldn't even walk straight and continued stumbling his way over. 

I'm all alone again.