Ugh……..  Alex felt too hot, wrapped in his sheets. But he felt too exhausted to move. It felt like there was no more energy left in his limbs. It’s been….however long since he last left his bed, and the only thing making him aware of how much time has passed was from looking out of the window. 

Long nights were changing to bright days, and vice versa. It honestly made his eyes hurt. There was also his stomach, making a reappearance by loudly growling, getting louder and more frequent as time went by.  

The only thing he was drinking was water from a random water bottle under his bed, who knows how old. It had a weird taste, but it was better than nothing. 

I can’t……keep going like this……   He wanted to get up, but it felt as if this great force was pushing him down onto the sheets, not making him move an inch. ……fuck…….

It must’ve been another hour or two before Alex finally got up. He was so hungry he felt like throwing up. He could almost feel the acid in his throat.

As soon as Alex got to stand on his own two legs, dark spots appeared in his vision, and he almost fell. Oh my fucking god……  

He felt like he ruined his own body. How many days have passed, and he just let himself starve. Like a fucking idiot. 

He felt so frustrated with himself. Alex slowly stepped down the stairs, while holding onto the handrail to keep his stability. He immediately headed for the kitchen and the fridge. He searched the inside of the fridge until he found a plastic container with leftover lasagna. Alright….I can heat that up. 

Alex still felt very slowed down. He went to sit behind the counter after putting his meal in the microwave. The electrical buzzing coming from the steel box was the only sound Alex could hear. It was incredibly deafening. 

But, soon enough, he heard a loud ‘beep’, and the weird feeling in his ears went away. Thank god. 

Alex felt like he should be thinking about everything that’s happened, but his mind was just dull while he was munching on the food. 

He looked out the window. It was pretty out, the sun was setting, making the trees have a pretty pinkish shade. Alex forced himself to smile, he didn’t know why. He didn’t feel anything emotionally, he just felt his mouth muscles straining, nothing else. 

I should get some sun. Right now, Alex craved some warmth. And if he’s got no more….emotional warmth or reassurance, then the sunlight’s gotta do at least something. 

Alex chuckled under his breath. Hah…..there’s really no one left.

He slowly opened the front door. A wall of fresh air hit him, and he stepped back a bit. The grass and trees in front of him looked so much more alive and radiant than the dull atmosphere anywhere inside the house. 

Alex stepped out to the porch and sat down on the wooden stairs leading out. 

Alex still felt dizzy and exhausted, so he leaned on a wooden beam, which was a part of the fence around the porch. 

He closed his eyes. Alex’s body felt disgusting right now, after numerous days of not showering and sweating in his sheets, but the sun rays hitting his skin made him feel good. Made him feel like…..at the end of the day, the Sun’s always going to shine every day. Alex’s situation, his broken trust, and his trauma occupied all of his mental state and energy. He, a lot of the time, tends to forget to look outside of the situation and take a bigger look at things.

His mind drifted to Max. He recalled her face from the classroom. ‘I’m so sorry…..’ Her face while she said that…..Alex can’t forget that. She felt conflicted, he knew that.

She might be regretting it now……..but the fact that she hasn’t shown up once, and she must know that he hasn’t been going to school because all of that, was an answer enough.

Something rustled to his left. Alex quickly opened his eyes, and his neck cracked when he turned his head to the side. There was a weird shadow in the corner of his vision, but it disappeared right after he stilled his gaze. What……was that?

A weird feeling stilled in his mind suddenly. A strange feeling of peacefulness, but it felt……different. Like the feeling didn’t come from his brain like it was from….something else. Am I going insane…?

…….yeah, I am, maybe. He chuckled.

 A flood of memories from these past days came to his mind.  What if I’m the…..real problem?  Maybe everything that’s happened would’ve had a different outcome if he would just….be someone different? Be someone more sure of what they’re doing with their life, someone more likable and fun? 

Alex had no answer. Of course, he hadn’t.

Alex stayed there, just looking out, focusing on the fresh air and chirping birds.