The long-term absence of food in Alex's stomach made him…hungry, so to speak. Very hungry. 

Every time he filled his stomach with more food, no matter how filling it was, he would feel hungry not even a half hour later. I guess that's the punishment for earlier, huh.

Because of that, there was absolutely nothing in the fridge the very next day. Alex woke up, just to find the fridge and every food cabinet empty. There weren't even any eggs left.  

Alex dreaded thinking about it, but he had to…..go grocery shopping. And meet people. Just the thought of that made his heart beat faster with anxiety. 

But…...there was no going around it, he knew that. 

Alex looked in the mirror in the bathroom. He looked bad. No surprise there. Jesus christ….. He thought as he looked at his hair, and it seemed almost wet by how greasy it was.

"Blergh…" He shuddered with disgust. Alex immediately headed for the shower.

He must've spent like an hour in there, surrounded by hot steam. He scraped his body with shower gel two times just to feel clean again. The same treatment happened with his hair, plus conditioner. 

Right after Alex wrapped a towel around his body and left the shower stall, now not feeling like a gross sweaty blob, he felt more productive. 

He immediately got goosebumps though, from the cold air, and he shuddered. 

Oh fuck, it's so cold… 

He quickly left the room and headed upstairs. He didn't prepare any fresh clothes to get into after showering, so his next stop was the wardrobe in his room. 

He pulled out a random shirt, underwear, and pants. It was getting a bit warmer, but still, it was March.

Alex was at least prepared to go out. But just physically. His head still spun when he thought about what could happen. He could meet some of his classmates, and there's no guarantee of what they'll do. Strangely enough, throwing slurs at him was one of the milder scenarios in his head. 

Alex stood in his room for a bit. He knew he was going to be nervous and scared no matter what, so why just do it quickly and get it done? 

Gossip travels fast. All the townsfolk could already know his secret. But, for the sake of his sanity, he didn't elaborate further.

Alex double-checked his belongings.  In the back of his mind, he had serious doubts about the sincerity of his classmates.

Let's just go….  He said to himself and opened the main door. The sky looked like it was gonna rain anytime soon. That's good. Not so many people will be outside in this weather. A distant sound of thunder made him even more sure of that.  He even saw, when he looked far away, a veil of rain.

He made sure to pack an umbrella in his bag, even before he knew what the weather was. Good thing he didn't need to come back for it, the less time all this is going to take, the better. 

The way there was calm. But it felt like a strange calmness before a storm. The expectation of something horrible weighed heavy on his mind. Getting over every branch or big stone was visibly harder with the expectation that he was going to be hate crimed in a few minutes.

Alex saw the first houses in the distance. He was approaching the end of the path.

The convenience store isn't that far…..

He said to himself and walked onto the asphalt road. He felt like a goose on a hunt. Vulnerable and scared. 

The alley of houses gave him an unsettling feeling. Even though there wasn't a soul everywhere he looked, he got the anxious feeling that……..maybe there are people watching him from the windows of their houses. Quietly doing so, watching him like an animal in the ZOO. 

….I want to go home….. There was no doubt about that, Alex would rather do anything else, just to be back at home.  Not to have to experience such……fear, just going outside. All caused by just one stupid mistake. 

None of it was Alex's fault, but he had to be the one to suffer the consequences.  Just because he felt sentimental, just because he wanted someone to hear him out. 

I'll be more careful next time. He knew that it was going to take a lot for him to be vulnerable with someone again. He learned his lesson the hard way, I guess. 

He saw the small building of the convenience store in the distance, ending the alley of the houses. He took a deep breath. Okay….I'm almost halfway done.

He heard the thunder again, but his time was much louder. Perfect.  Alex hastily headed for the store, already putting his wallet from his bag to his front pocket, to have it ready.

Alex entered the shop. The sliding doors opened for him, and the store clerk, a college-aged girl it looked like, looked at him briefly.  Fuck, I should've brought a cap….

Alex cursed himself. He quickly took a basket and went to one of the closest aisles.

No one was there. Good. 

He looked around, and this aisle was full of snacks and sugary drinks. He took one of almost everything and went on. He then immediately went to the coolers, to look for some actual meals. There were a few already 'cooked' ones, ready to just heat up in the microwave. He grabbed almost all of those- Then, he grabbed some eggs, milk, pasta- some basic shit. 

Alex looked at his accumulated groceries and went to the check-out. He emptied his basket onto the check-out line, and the young woman began checking the things out. Alex was a bit embarrassed when she got to the microwave meals. 

He turned his head to the door, and right at that moment, a pair of older women entered the store. He just managed to turn his head away when they greeted the clerk. He recognized them. They would sometimes talk with his mother or go visit their house. Fuck. Alex really hoped that they didn't recognize him. They would for sure go to talk to him for like 20 minutes and make his trip that much longer and worse. 

Thankfully, it looked like they just went shopping without recognizing him. Alex released a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

However, right as he went to pay, he heard their quiet voices behind him. Quickly quickly 

He didn't want to turn around, and he just started stuffing the food in his backpack. He wanted to be far gone as soon as possible. Something about their presence was so sinister. 

"...I heard…."

"....ait, really? I wouldn't know by just looking at him….”

Alex stilled. …..oh no….    They know. Who told them? Do others know? Does everyone know?

…..fuck….  Alex slang his bag on his shoulder and quickly left. It was so suffocating. Everyone knows.

He wanted to start crying again, but a drop on his face got his attention. It started raining.

In mere seconds, his hair was dripping wet, and his clothes were already starting to snag on him. 

However, he didn’t take out the umbrella. He walked, slowly, home. Looking at the ground, and thinking. How can a lousy mistake lead to him feeling like this? Messing up, what feels like, his whole life? 

Alex chuckled. He looked up at the sky. He had to squint his eyes because of the water, but the dark, impervious clouds were mirroring his feelings. It felt like there was no more Sun. No more warmth. No more………anything.

Alex’s shoes were so wet, he felt like he was walking straight in water. There were puddles at every step, but he was walking at his own pace, very slowly. He felt numb again. The nervousness gradually built up to a feeling……of nothing. Honestly, he liked the anxiety better. Now, he just feels like a robot. With no emotions, just awaiting commands. 

Alex stopped walking. It was still a long way to his house, so he was just surrounded by dark trees. He put his bag down and sat by a nearby tree. He must’ve looked like a wet rat, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. 

He didn’t even think of his next steps. It felt like everything just got worse. Every time. Next time, they’ll just come to my house to beat me up. He laughed weakly.

He got quiet. He kept looking into the darkness of the forest and relaxed. After a while, he closed his eyes. 

He sat there, not really minding the cold and wet clothes, or his hair clinging to his face. 

Something started vibrating in his pocket. Alex had to literally unstick his eyelids from each other and looked down. It was his phone, and someone was calling him. ……who is it…?

His vision was a bit blurry, but he was able to identify who was calling after he blinked a bunch of times.

…oh  Alex saw that his mother was calling. What could she want….?

He pressed ‘accept’. 

He flinched when he heard her loud voice. “Alexander."

“....what is it?” His voice felt very raspy.

“My old friends called me that…..you’re….gay.” 

“Ah…..” That makes sense. These hags have my mom’s number, of course… “Well, you know now, congrats.” Suddenly, it all seemed so funny. “Are you proud of me? I came out.” He laughed, but tears came to his eyes. 

The other end of the line was quiet. Alex was almost not able to hear his mother’s quiet whisper. "Get lost." 

"I never want to see you again." Alex recognized some kind of emotion in her voice, but that certainly didn't matter.

“Haha!! At this pace, you’re gonna achieve that pretty easily. We never see each other anyway.” Then his tone got serious and cold. “What a good mother you are.” 

Alex pressed ‘end call’ right then and there. He dropped the phone somewhere on the ground next to his side. 

He looked up. The stars looked pretty.