The bus was late. I tried to reassure myself that buses were always late, but by the time it got to ten minutes late I was starting to panic. Finally, at fifteen minutes late, I saw the fucking bus.

Or… a fucking bus? It was only as I stepped onto it that I realised I hadn’t paid any attention to the bus number or where it was going, and by this point it could have been an entirely different bus from the one I’d been waiting for. I stared frozen at the bus driver for much too long as I struggled to re-configure the script I’d written in my head.

The bus driver gave me an encouraging nod. Fuck. She was already running fifteen minutes late, so she probably didn’t appreciate this. Or was she, because I still didn’t know if this was the right bus.

“Banksia High School,” was what came out of my mouth.

“You want to go there?”

I nodded and held out my fistful of coins, which by now were warm and slightly moist from my clammy hands. Sorry, bus driver lady. “Student.”

“Return or one way?”

Fuck, I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Well, I could always buy another ticket if I needed to go back, right? “One way.”

She sorted through my sweaty coins to make the correct change, and then handed me the rest back along with my ticket.

I started to walk towards the seats, but then I remembered the other thing I’d meant to ask. “Can you tell me when we get there?”

She smiled. “No problem, hun. Sit up front here and I’ll let you know when to get off.”

“Thank you.”

Unfortunately, all the ‘up front’ seats meant sitting next to someone. I floundered for an awkward few seconds and then sat down next to an old lady.

I’d hoped we could both ignore one another, but I could feel her eyes on me as I shoved my change and bus ticket into my pocket.

“Why are you going to school at this time of night?” she asked.

“It’s not my school.” Fuck, that just raised more questions, didn’t it? “My boyfriend goes there. It’s the first night of the play he’s in.”

“Oh, a play!” She actually looked genuinely excited. I hoped when I was her age I could get that excited about things like stranger’s school play, because I sure as fuck couldn’t now. “I’ve always loved the theatre. Which play are they doing?”

Did a school play count as the theatre? “Peter Pan. He’s the lead, so… he’s pretty excited.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. You know, I’ve always wanted to see Peter Pan. We even had tickets once when I was a little girl, but I fell ill on the night of the play and could hardly get out of bed. I tried to convince my father to carry me there, but he wasn’t having any of that.”

I’d never wanted anything that much in my life. Except, perhaps, to go and see this play tonight, so maybe weirdly I could relate on this one.

“Do you know if they’re still selling tickets?” she continued. “I’d like to finally get to see it, after all these years.”

“Uh…” I had no fucking idea. Probably? “Actually… my mum got stuck in traffic, so I have a spare front row ticket for tonight. If you want.”

Her face lit up. “Really? Are you sure it’s okay?”

What the hell was I getting myself into? But she looked so happy… “Yeah, I mean, we wouldn’t want an empty spot in the front row, right?”

“No, of course not. They deserve a full crowd for their opening night.”

I nodded. I thought Jethro did, anyway. I didn’t have much opinion on what anyone else deserved.

“Have you ever done any acting yourself?”

I thought back on that one school play I’d done when I was little, but I didn’t want to talk about that and I didn’t think it really counted anyway. I shook my head. “I don’t really like that sort of thing.”

“I tried it for a while. I wanted to be good at it so very badly, but I must admit I really wasn’t. There were so many things I wanted to do when I was young. I once tried to run away with the circus.”

“You remind me of my boyfriend. He likes to do things.”

Which was a bad way to phrase that, or perhaps just one that exposed me more than I’d intended. Most people liked doing things. I didn’t, generally speaking, but most people did.

“I can tell by the way you talk about him that you love him very much. That’s a beautiful thing.”

I’d never really thought about it in terms of love. That sounded so serious. I wasn’t sure she was wrong, though. When he smiled at me… yes, love was what I felt. I nodded.

Normally social interaction made me anxious, and really this was no exception, but at least it served to distract from the bus anxiety. When the bus driver informed me that we’d reached my stop, I realised I hadn’t had the chance to worry about missing it.

There were a couple of other people on the bus who seemed to also be going to the play, so I followed behind them with the old lady at my side. Old people were extremely slow, unfortunately, so I soon lost sight of them. But that was fine. I could see the entrance to the school lit up ahead of us and there were signs directing people where to go.

We made our slow way to the hall, showed our tickets to someone at the entrance, and then continued to our seats at the front. And then, there was Jethro.

He wasn’t wearing his costume yet, but he was wearing tights with his shorts. Not the ones from his costume. These ones were black. He smiled at me and hugged me the moment he saw me.

“Where’s your mum?” Jethro asked as he pulled back.

“Stuck in traffic,” I told him. I gestured to the old lady. “I, um…”

“Oh, she’s with you! Hi! Are you…?”

“She’s an old lady I met on the bus,” I told him, and then made a face because that sounded as weird as it was and also old people probably didn’t like it when you called them old and also also I’d just realised I’d never asked her name. “I gave her my spare ticket because she wanted to see the play and my mum can’t come.”

“My name is Adeline,” she said as she shook the hand Jethro had offered her.

“It’s nice to meet you, Adeline,” Jethro said. “I’m Jethro.”

“I’m Casper,” I murmured, because I was pretty sure I’d also never told her my name.

“Oh, yes, Jasper here has told me all about you,” Adeline said, and Jethro buried a smile against his fist.

“Casper,” I said, more loudly this time.

“Oh, sorry dear, my hearing isn’t very good anymore,” Adeline said. “It’s like that when you get old. Everything starts to fall apart.”

“Well, I hope you enjoy the play,” Jethro said. “Will you keep Casper company for me?”

“Oh yes, of course! He’s a very nice young man.”

“Thanks!” Jethro said, and then he gave me a peck on the cheek before jogging towards the backstage area.

“He’s a very handsome young man,” Adeline commented as I found our seats.

I nodded seriously as we sat. “He is.”

“You’re a sweet pair. It makes me happy to see two young people so enamoured with one another. You know, my husband…”

And then she launched into a long and meandering story about how her husband had courted her, which I didn’t mind because as long as she was talking it meant I didn’t have to.

She had just finished her story — or at least she seemed to have, but she’d seemed to have at least twice already — when I saw Jethro’s dad approach.

“Casper! I’m glad you could make it,” he said.

“My mum couldn’t,” I told him.

“Oh no! Is everything okay?”

“Traffic,” I told him.

That was a terrible answer, but he seemed to understand because he nodded. “How did you get here?”

“Bus.”

“I’m glad you were able to figure something out. Jethro really wanted you to be here tonight.”

“I know.”

“I’ll give you a lift home afterwards.”

“Thank you. Um… do you think maybe you could give Adeline a lift home too? I met her on the bus and she wanted to see the play so I gave her my extra ticket.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Jethro’s dad said to Adeline. “I didn’t realise you were with Casper. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Andre, Jethro’s father.”

Adeline shook the hand Jethro’s dad offered her. “It’s nice to meet you. I met your son before. He’s a very charming young man.”

“He’s certainly that,” Jethro’s dad said as he took his seat, which was actually next to Adeline.

And then they started talking, and I discovered my decision to bring a random old lady I found on the bus with me was genius because now I didn’t have to make awkward conversation with my boyfriend’s dad. They tried to include me in the discussion occasionally, but when I didn’t have much to say they went back to talking to one another.

I saw Jethro peek out from behind the curtain a few times, checking to make sure I was doing okay, and each time I forced a smile for him. I was all right. A little overwhelmed, but all right. If I had to take a few days off school after this to rest, my parents would let me. Doing all this on my own was a far more valuable learning experience than whatever I’d miss out on at school.

And then the lights dimmed, everyone went quiet, and the play started.

They had a real Saint Bernard to play Nana, which Jethro had of course already told me all about. He’d said it kind of sometimes followed its cues, but right now it seemed to just be patiently following the girl who was playing Wendy around the stage.

And then Jethro appeared and he was amazing and handsome and brought the show to life.

I’d heard all his lines before. I’d helped him practise and he would often go into full performance mode and leap around and make me laugh. This was different, though. This wasn’t my boyfriend being silly for me. This was Peter Pan in my boyfriend’s body, stealing the show.

I’d never really thought of myself as the sort of person who enjoyed plays because I had never seen a play before and probably wouldn’t have agreed to go to one if someone had asked because that involved leaving the house and being around other people and I wasn’t about that. But this… this was incredible.

When everyone stood up and clapped at the end, I joined in. The cast linked hands and bowed and Jethro met my gaze, flushed and grinning and alive. I was so proud of him. That was my boyfriend up there. Mine.

Then the curtains closed and people started to leave and we had to just awkwardly stand around and wait for Jethro. Well, it was awkward for me. Adeline and Jethro’s dad seemed to be having a great time talking.

I’d expected to be waiting a while, but just a few minutes later Jethro jogged up to me, out of his costume and back in his shorts and black tights. I didn’t know how he’d even gotten changed that fast.

“Do you want us to take you straight home, Cas, or… dad, can Casper come over for a bit if he wants?” Jethro asked.

“If it’s okay with his parents,” Jethro’s dad said. “We need to take Adeline home as well.”

I was going to be paying for this night for weeks, but it would be worth it. “I’ll come over. My parents won’t mind.” Heck, they’d be thrilled I was being all independent and social. Well, they’d better fucking not get used to it, because this was not sustainable for me.

But the fact that I could do it at least once, that I could want something and I could do something scary and difficult to achieve it and have things actually work out… well, that felt good. Catching a bus was nothing for most people, but for me it was a major achievement.

We held hands all the way back to the car, and then Jethro sat in the middle seat just so that he could rest his head on my shoulder. I felt a sudden rush of love for this boy and I wanted to kiss the top of his head and tell him that, but his dad and Adeline were also in the car so that would have been awkward.

Adeline sat up front with Jethro’s dad. She was passionately discussing stage lighting, which he clearly knew jack shit about. Jethro probably could have contributed something, but he was busy being my sweet sleepy boy.

Jethro’s dad stopped to drop Adeline off and got out of the car to walk her up to her front door, and I took the opportunity to lift Jethro’s head and plant a gentle kiss on his cheek. He smiled, and I could feel the curve of his lips as he pressed them briefly against mine.

“I love you,” I informed him.

He grinned as he squeezed in close against my side, hugging me as best he could in the backseat of a car. “I love you too, Cas.”

I kissed the top of his head, once and then twice more for good measure. “You did such an amazing job tonight. I know how much work you put into practising for this, and it really paid off.”

“You know because you helped me. Thank you.” Jethro was silent for a moment. “And thanks for coming tonight. I know buses are hard for you. Hell, I know just being in a place that busy is pretty stressful for you. I wouldn’t have blamed you one bit if you had decided not to come, but you did and it meant so much to me to have you there. Thank you.”

My throat felt tight. I wanted to cry, but instead I just squeezed him tighter.

We were going to be okay. I was sure of that. 

And me… well, my future wouldn’t be easy. I’d always known that. I had thought for years now that there was no hope, that I would get overwhelmed at some point and there would be no coming back, but I didn’t think that was true anymore. I could want things and I could do hard things to achieve them.

And maybe, just maybe, there would be people at my side to help me.