Dear Mother, 

Have you ever heard about family roles? Since the first time I heard about them was from you, I think you have. Family roles are the places that an individual can take in a particular family. Every member has its place and the family balance depends on respecting this structure.

Now, let me tell you about dysfunctional families… when a parent actively decides to abandon their role, someone else has to fill it in. 

During the quarantine period, you decided to avoid conflict with my father and little siblings and became only an empty figure.

Slowly but surely chaos took over the house: the dishes in the kitchen piled up, the mountains of unwashed clothes grew as tall as the Everest, the floors became stickier, and the beds remained permanently unmade. 

I tried to balance my classes and the chores. However, after a month of hard work, I seek your help. I asked you to retake your place, to convince everyone to do their chores. You said that it was not your place, you left your role, you made your choice.

My next step was reaching out to my father, he thanked me for the chores I'd been completing and asked me to endure for a little more. He trusted you would be back.

I listened to him and continued to clean up after my siblings, dreaming of your return. It didn't happen, and three months later I gave up. In shock, I took over the role: I asked my siblings for their cooperation and my father for support. The chores were evenly distributed among everyone, except you.

The dynamics changed rapidly, every problem and situation, from my father and my siblings, went through me. I helped Xavier, my little brother, with his homework, listened to his daily life and fixed whatever trouble he got. For almost two years, while you forgot everything and rested, I tried my best to work as the mother.

In the last week of August, you had a revelation and began to regret your past choices. However, instead of thanking me for the hard work and slowly resuming your role, you decided to scream at me: you went berserk. While you blamed me the glass vases and cutlery flew over my head, everything was my fault: from "overtaking" your role to your lost sock. As you blamed me, everything fell apart: my father disgustedly looked at me and Xavier cried nonstop in your arms.

I never asked for any of this, I never even wanted your place. You left us and I tried my best to help. At this point, I am not searching for an apology, both of us will always live with our choices. I am just going to ask, did you rest enough? Now, can you take care of Xavier?

Alice.