As told by Amanda Wentsworth

Nathan isn't exactly my usual type of guy. It was the first comment everyone made after meeting him.

He's a bit awkward around people and doesn't speak much. He doesn't laugh much either. Overall, the first impression you get from him is… well, unremarkable. He does such a good job blending in you'd hardly notice him at all if it wasn't for his looks. In that aspect, the guy is hard to miss. Tall, dark, handsome; if he had a hint of self-confidence he could be quite the sensation around campus. 

I admit that's what drew me to him at first. That, and the obvious vibe of uncomfortableness that he seemed to irradiate every time he entered a classroom. It was almost endearing, how out of place he felt. You could tell just by looking at him. 

Nobody talked to him, and he didn't talk to anybody. So when he started taking pains to sit next to me, I couldn't help but recognize the compliment. The guy was trying to make contact, and that clearly took a lot of courage. I felt the urge to reward his attempts. It was such a refreshing change from all the suitors that would feel entitled to my attention and take offense if it wasn't immediately granted.

We engaged in conversation eventually, and boy was that difficult! I pride myself on being able even to make rocks chatter if I try, but he was a challenge. He'd listen, endlessly if needed, but would add little to our regular small talk. Getting him to open up became a passion project of sorts for me. The first time I made him smile, I felt a wave of triumph I hadn't experienced before in social banter.

And I began to see him, for real. What I liked the most about Nathan is that he wore his heart on his sleeve. He may not have said much, but his eyes, his face, his body language would tell me everything I wanted to know if I took the time to read him right.

He was honest, and that was unusual. I come from a very closed upper-class social circle that always relies on traditional behavioral rituals and handles interactions in a calculated manner. I have a family legacy to uphold, and so do most of my friends; we are never entirely at ease, because everything we say might have consequences, and every action is monitored and evaluated. It's exhausting.

But Nate is nothing like most of the ambitious, career-driven people that populate our campus. He's a simple guy. He has no idea of what's proper and not. His plaid shirts are always oversized, and he struggles to keep his hair under control. When he smiles, he lights up, and his usually grim expression softens.

He had me falling for him without even trying, and that was yet another novelty for me, being used as I am to get bored of my suitors after a couple of dates.

I tried to get to know him better, to become a bigger part of his life, but I kept running into a wall. I got the feeling he had crafted a calculated, shallow pool of his personality he was willing to share, but that was it. He had deep barriers around the things that mattered the most to him, and that was the realm I wanted to enter.

He confessed I was his first girlfriend, so I tried to be patient; but patience is not in my nature, and as month after month went by and I still made no progress, I began to grow anxious.

As subtlety wasn't working, I tried pushing. I asked him questions. I tried joining him in his activities. We had study sessions together. I gave him presents to gauge his reactions. He got tense often, and usually changed the subject, but pushing worked better than pleading. He began to open up.

We talked quite a bit, and I learned so much more about him, but the wall was still there. I understood he would not yield, even though he diverted my attempts with the utmost gentleness.

So I decided to turn my proactivity up a notch. If you can't beat them, join them! I did my best to become part of his social circle. I met his family. I met his basketball teammates. I met his flamboyant cousin, who I knew was a big influence in his life.

And now, I was finally going to meet his best friend.

His name was Eli. That's all I had. I guessed it was short for Elias. I didn't even know his last name. I didn't know what he looked like, or how old he was. Every time he came up, Nate got so weirdly evasive and visibly uncomfortable that I always dropped the subject.

I thought that maybe they had had a fallout and were still working through it, but I noticed that this phantom best friend of his was continuously around, even if Nate wouldn't be open about it.

They texted. A lot. I often overheard Nathan making plans with him over the phone. He was taking dance classes with Alejo at the same sports center where Nate's team went to practice, so I found out they actually met several times a week. It certainly didn't seem like they were on bad terms.

So why hide him from me?

I entertained the thought that maybe it was Eli who didn't want to meet me. Or maybe Nathan was afraid he wouldn't like me. Whatever the reason was, it became clear to me that this guy was a very big deal in his life, and I just had to confront him if I wanted to conquer the wall.

When the occasion finally arose, I was surprised to find myself more nervous than I had been in my life. We had initially made plans to go to the cinema with Alejo, but Nathan, later on, asked me to change the location and go for a cup of coffee, just the three of us. That way, he said, we could get to talk more calmly.

So on we went, after our last class ended, to meet the mystery man.

I had dolled up, so eager to make a good first impression. Maybe this guy feared I was not a good match for Nathan. It was understandable; I was, after all, his first girlfriend ever, and Nate was, after all, a very reserved person. I got ready to be as charming as possible, to ease his fears. I knew his approval was important for my boyfriend, and I was ready to overcome this last obstacle to finally crack the barrier.

Nathan didn't say much on our way there. We walked, as the café he had chosen was just a few blocks away from our uni. I guess he was as nervous as I was; he barely noticed when I held his hand for reassurance.

His phone rang, and he picked up in a rush. It was Eli. 

“Hey, Li. Our last class just finished, we'll be there in fifteen. Ah? You're already there? When did you– what?! Dude, that's way too early. Nevermind. We'll be there soon. Yeah. Bye.”

It was a brief, unremarkable conversation, but I had never seen Nathan's face lit up like that. During the 20 seconds of that call, he seemed like a totally different person.

When he hung up, I stared at him. He noticed my surprise, cleared his throat, and started making small talk on his own accord, something he only did when he was truly tense.

I got a weird gut feeling, but I couldn't identify it. 

“He's already there?” I asked, doing my best to sound casual. 

“Yeah. There was no need, he made reservations anyway. I guess he was excited.”

“Or nervous,” I suggested, under my breath. 

“I don't see why he'd be nervous,” he said, thoughtfully. “I mean, you aren't, are you?”

“A little bit?” I admitted, smiling.

“Oh, come on, Amanda. You've already met my parents, my cousin, my teammates–,”

“Yeah, but this is way more important, isn't it? That's why you left him for last.”

He flinched a bit, just a tiny head motion. I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been eagerly scanning his reactions.

“Well, uhm…  you're my first girlfriend, so I really don't know how to... you know... do things. Sorry, Mandy.”

He was so genuinely confused I couldn't help myself. I squeezed his hand.

“You're so weird. And cute.”

“Cute in a weird way?” he ventured, with a half smile.

“In the weirdest way. Tell me more about him. That way I'd feel more... prepared for the challenge.”

“Challenge? Mandy, come on. Eli likes everybody.”

“I'd feel better if I had some insight. Some light intel, you know?”

“Intel?” he was flabbergasted. I loved teasing him. “I've already told you a lot of stuff about him.”

“Oh yeah, right. I forgot that top-notch information. He likes dinosaurs. Horses scare him. He has a dog. What do you want me to do with that?”

He was still reluctant. 

“Look, we are meeting him in about 5 minutes,” he begged. “You can ask him whatever you want then.”

I grew impatient and decided to be honest with him.

“Listen, I just want him to like me,” I blurted, earnestly. “What if he doesn't like me? You don't say much, but I know he's a big deal for you. You yourself are a nerve-wreck too, I can tell.”

He turned his head and looked at me. I couldn't define his expression. Was it worried, was it sad? Upset? I couldn't tell.

“Amanda, Eli likes everybody,” he repeated, firmly. “Don't worry about it.”

“I can't… not worry about it,” I retorted. “I know nothing about him. He's your best friend, we've been together for four months, and here I am, on my way to meet a complete stranger.”

He ran his hand through his black hair, making more of a mess of it. 

He took a deep breath and gave in. I knew when I had defeated him. He'd tell me more now, so I had to make the most of the brief window.

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything! For example– how did you guys meet?”

“At school. Elementary school.”

“Awww, you were classmates?”

“No, he's three years older than me.”

The mystery shadow began to take shape. He was now a 24-year-old guy, and not just any friend, a childhood friend. I grew confident and tried to go further.

“That's a big age difference for Elementary school students. How did you get close?”

He hesitated and looked away.

“I was bullied when I was a kid. Eli was a hall monitor. He kept my bullies at bay. We became friends after he saved my ass a couple of times.”

“Oh, love, you were bullied?” I asked. I could feel I was diving into delicate territory. I had to choose my words carefully.

“Every fucking day,” he answered, with a grimace. “But Eli would always show up and send them away. He didn't have to, but he did. He also helped me learn the language.”

“How come? You didn't speak English?” I asked, confused.

“I'm Argentinian. Moved to the States when I was seven. I hardly knew how to say hello back then.”

I knew I had to keep talking if I wanted him to keep talking, but that bit of information threw me off the tracks. How didn't I know something so fundamental? It dawned on me how profoundly little I knew about him, how unwilling he had been to share even the most basic bits of information, how huge the wall actually was. I was taken aback but kept pushing. It was the only way.

“I'm glad he was there for you, love. I wish I could have seen Eli fighting those bullies,” I said, as sweetly as I could. He smiled widely. A tiny triumph that would have thrilled me any other time, but now it felt bittersweet. A little voice in the back of my head whispered that the smiles I had to work so hard to earn appeared instantly by the mere mention of this person's name.

I was trying to brush away those petty feelings when Nate let go of my hand and pointed forward.

“Look, there he is,” he said, warmly. “Look at him fret. You were right. He must be anxious too.”

I turned my head instantly and scanned the crowd, only to realize I had no idea what to look for.

“Where is he?” I asked, eagerly.

“There, the redhead in green.”

I spotted a burly, bearded guy with reddish hair and a dark-green blazer. He was looking at the time and seemed to be waiting for someone.

“I see him! The one with the beard!” I exclaimed, excited. I imagined that big guy as a mighty kid, protecting my poor, tiny boyfriend from the evil bullies. It was a fitting image, Nate was over 6 feet tall, but that man was even bigger and– 

“Beard? No, no, he's… hey, Li!”

I heard a loud squeal in the distance. I squinted, confused, just as the bearded guy gave up on whoever he was waiting for.

As he left the scene, a very different person came forth.

He waved at us, enthusiastically.

Oh, my God.