It was just Gabe, sitting alone on the couch watching a movie, when Alice came home from work that evening. 

“How are you doing, hun?” she asked on her way through to the kitchen.

“Better,” Gabe admitted. Having his stitches out had made a big difference to his comfort levels and general wellbeing. He finally felt like he was truly on his way to healing.

“And how are things with Trist?”

“Mnnh…” Gabe scratched at his back and then made himself stop before he hurt himself. “Bad. I thought they were getting better today and we even talked a little, but now he seems mad at me again and I don’t know why. He just seems to really dislike me.”

Alice shut the fridge without getting anything out and walked back into the living room. She sat down next to Gabe on the couch. “Things really aren’t settling down with him, are they?”

“Escalating, if anything,” Gabe admitted.

She let out a long sigh and nodded, staring down at her hands. “I know he’s being silly about this and it’s not your fault, but when he’s out all the time and doesn’t come home until late at night…”

“It’s worrying. I know.”

“I have a responsibility to him,” she told Gabe. “And I have a responsibility to you, too. Don’t think you matter any less, but this was always meant to be a short term solution. Besides, your dad didn’t really give me any good reason you couldn’t stay with him, and I think that would be better for you. To be with family.”

Gabe opened his mouth to tell her that no matter what happened, his dad would never let Gabe stay with him, but he shut it again and nodded instead. All he’d really be arguing was that she should put his needs above Trist’s, and he didn’t want that. After Trist had tended to him with such care, had listened to him without judgement… fuck no, he didn’t want that. It didn’t matter why he was making Trist unhappy, making him feel unsafe in his own home. It just mattered that he was. He had to go.

“Okay,” Gabe said as he fidgeted his fingers together, all his focus on keeping his voice steady.

“You can talk to me, you know,” she said. “About anything. If there’s anything else I should know…”

Gabe shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine now. Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“You’re welcome, Gabe. I’m sorry there was so much drama.”

#

By the time Gabe’s dad arrived, Gabe was sitting on the couch with his packed bag at his feet.

Gabe’s dad took one look at him and turned to Alice, shaking his head. “I can’t take him back yet. Things with my ex still haven’t been settled.”

“He can stay with you, Frank,” Alice told him. “There’s no reason he can’t.”

“I don’t have a room for him. There’s nowhere for him to sleep.”

“I have a camping mattress you can borrow. It’s not ideal, but like you said, it’s just short term.”

Gabe’s dad was still shaking his head. “I’m at work all day.”

“So am I. He has the girls here with him, which has been great, but he should be with family. That’s what he really needs.”

Gabe’s dad was silent for a long moment and then he sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. “I’ll pay you double.”

“Take your son, Frank. Be a father.”

Gabe’s dad was tight lipped and silent as he marched out of the house with Gabe following behind him. He slammed the door of the car, squeezed his keys in his hand, and finally turned to look at Gabe. “What really happened?”

Gabe shrugged. “Nothing, really.”

“Gabe…”

“Well, I mean, remember that guy who was super hostile when you dropped me off? The one with the dog? I was sharing a room with him, and he still doesn’t like me. I didn’t do anything, though.”

“And I suppose it’s not your fault, again.”

“Yes? You were there. I didn’t did nothing. He just took one look at me and instantly decided he hated me.”

“Uh huh.” Gabe’s dad tapped his keys against the steering wheel. “And how many times has that happened to you?”

Gabe shrugged, because, well… many times.

“If one person hates you, it’s probably not your fault. If everyone hates you, it’s time to consider that you might just be the problem.”

“Not everyone hates me. The girls liked me. I think Alice liked me, too.”

“Girls like you. Guys take one look at you and they can tell.”

“Tell what?”

“You know what.”

Gabe swallowed and looked away.

“Nobody ever told me and I can tell.”

“So, what, everyone just hates me because I’m gay? That’s not my fault. I can’t help that.”

“The problem is that nobody needs to know that shit, Gabe. There’s this guy I’ve known for years. Worked with him for a bit, played soccer and went fishing together sometimes on the weekends. I never knew he was gay until his partner got sick and he mentioned it off hand. If you just dress and act and talk like a normal person and don’t bring it up, then nobody will know and nobody can care.”

“Were you still friends with him after he told you?”

“Yes. He didn’t shove it in my face so I didn’t care. Nobody did. It’s not the being attracted to guys part that really bothers people. It’s the whole…” He gestured vaguely. “Thing.”

Gabe turned to look out the window as his dad started the car. “Right.”

The rest of the drive and the elevator trip up to the apartment took place in silence. It was only after they were inside with the door shut that Gabe’s dad finally looked at him again.

“Come on,” he said, tilting his head to indicate for Gabe to follow him.

“Why?” Gabe asked as he followed his dad to the bathroom.

Gabe’s dad leant down to get something out of the bathroom drawers. “I’m going to help you do something about all this.”

Gabe took a step back when his dad turned around with a set of electric clippers in his hand. “Uhh… what exactly do you plan to do with those?”

“I’m going to buzz your hair short. It’s not everything, but it’s a start.”

Gabe ran a hand through his ear length hair and shook his head. “No thank you. I like how I look.”

Gabe’s dad put the clippers down next to the sink with more force than necessary. “That’s part of the problem, Gabe. You’re a teenage boy. Caring about your appearance like that isn’t normal.”

Gabe looked his dad in the eye. His voice shook when he spoke. “I don’t want to be normal. I just want to be me.”

“Just… come here.” Gabe’s dad grabbed him by the arm and dragged him towards the sink.

Gabe’s eyes went wide as he came to the sudden realisation that he didn’t know he was safe with his dad. Sure, he’d never hurt him before, but the amount of time he’d spent in his dad’s care in his entire life could be best measured in days. He didn’t know this man.

Gabe tried to pull back, but his dad was stronger. “No!”

His dad pulled him closer and picked up the clippers. “Don’t be stupid. It’s just hair.”

“No, I don’t want to!” Gabe struggled against his dad’s firm grip and used the fingers of his free hand to try to pry his dad’s hand off him. “Stop! Let me go!”

And then his dad looked at him. And his dad let him go.

Gabe stumbled backwards and then dashed for the bathroom door. He made it to the front door and then hesitated.

He had nowhere to go. Nobody wanted him. The idea of his dad holding him down and shaving his head filled him with a kind of sick dread that was about far more than just hair, but wandering the streets alone simply wasn’t an option.

“Come on,” Gabe’s dad said.

Gabe turned, resigned to his fate, only to find his dad holding his car keys and Gabe’s bag.

Gabe silently took the bag and followed his dad out of the apartment.

It didn’t take long for Gabe to realise where they were going once his dad started driving. Back to Sally’s house. He wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or not. 

He’d kind of been hoping his dad was taking him back to Alice’s house, but he shouldn’t have been. He’d already decided he didn’t want to get in the way of Trist’s life anymore, even if he did only have a problem with Gabe because he was a massive homophobe. He didn’t really know why. Something about the whole situation just didn’t feel right.

When Sally answered the front door, she took one look at them and said, “No.”

Gabe’s dad sighed. “Just take him, please. The arrangement I had set up for him fell through.”

“Why can’t he stay with you?”

Gabe didn’t realise he’d twisted his arm to look at the red mark from where his dad had grabbed him until he looked up and saw Sally watching him.

“Really, Frank?” she asked.

“It’s not my fault!” he insisted, and then sighed again. “It is my fault, but I knew I was going to fuck things up and I did my best to make sure he wasn’t with me. He can’t stay with me.”

Sally rubbed a hand over her face. “Then put the poor kid into foster care. At least for now.”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Why not?”

He looked her firmly in the eye. “You know why not.”

“Yes, I know, you had some bad experiences when you were a kid. You told me and I sympathise with that. But Frank, he’s not safe here. Apparently he’s not safe with you, either. Foster care might be bad, but we don’t know that it will be. That’s got to be better.”

“I’m never going to do that,” Gabe’s dad said. “Look, the thing with the coffee table was an accident. I know it scared you, but things aren’t that bad between them. If he’s going to get hurt either way, it’s better that it comes from your kid than his own father.”

“You can choose not to hurt him, you know.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Wait,” Gabe cut in. “So I should be willing and able to up and change everything about myself so I don’t get picked on, but you can’t even control yourself enough not to hurt me?”

“Yeah, Gabe, because I’m full of shit,” Gabe’s dad said, his voice raised but not quite shouting. “You’ve figured it out. I don’t know what I’m talking about and I sure as fuck don’t know what I’m doing. And I know it’s not great, but you’re going to stay here because at least you’ll have Sally.” He turned to look at Sally. “Okay?”

She hesitated for a moment, then sighed and nodded. “Gabe, why don’t you go put your stuff in your room while I have a chat with your dad?”

Gabe nodded and obeyed, though he didn’t really know what they needed to talk about privately after they’d just gone through all that in front of him.

Adam was sitting at the top of the stairs that led down to the basement rec room. “You’re back.”

“I’m back,” Gabe confirmed.

Adam nodded. “Did your dad hit you?”

“Nah, he just grabbed me,” Gabe twisted his arm to show Adam the mark on his arm. “It’s not that bad. I think it just scared him.” He hesitated, then admitted, “It scared me.”

Adam stood up and walked over so he could take a better look at Gabe’s arm. “Why did he grab you?”

“He wanted to shave my hair because he thinks it looks too gay.”

Adam made a face as he ran his fingers over one of the puckered lines of flesh on Gabe’s arm that Gabe had awkwardly yanked stitches out of earlier that day. That seemed so long ago now. “That’s dumb.”

Gabe pushed his hand away. It was still sore. “Maybe he’s right and I would get bullied less if I changed, but I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have to.”

Gabe had expected Adam to insist on prodding him some more just to prove that he could, but he didn’t. “Good. Those guys at school who bully you are losers. You shouldn’t change for them.”

“You realise you bully me too, right? Like, probably more than anyone. And not just me. You pick on other kids at school, too.”

“I know,” Adam admitted so readily Gabe couldn’t decide if the self awareness was comforting or unsettling. “But not because of dumb things like being afraid of gay people.”

“Why then?”

Adam shrugged. “I’m just mean, I guess.”

“That’s not a reason.”

“It’s not a good reason, but I’ve thought about it a lot and there are no good reasons. I’m just a bad person.”

Gabe frowned. He’d thought that himself at times, but now that Adam was saying it, it didn’t feel true. “No you’re not. You do bad things, but bad people don’t think about these things. They just don’t care. It sounds like you do.”

“I am a bad person. Do you want to know why?”

“Okay,” Gabe said cautiously.

“Because I know I’m going to hurt you again, and you know what else?”

“What?”

“I’m glad you’re back.”