After about half an hour of walking, their increasingly sweaty hands clasped together the entire time, the trail opened up to a wide creek. There was a bridge that crossed over it, but Trist led them towards the bank instead and let go of Gabe’s hand so that he could set his bag down.

Trist took his shoes and socks off, so Gabe did as well, and they paddled at the shallow edge of the creek.

“This is pretty,” Gabe commented, his toes digging into the smooth, shiny pebbles.

“Mm,” Trist agreed. “Want to go swimming?”

“We didn’t bring anything to swim in, did we?”

“You’re wearing boxers, aren’t you?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess so.” Gabe’s arms reflexively wrapped around his chest. “I guess so.”

“We don’t have to.”

“No, I— it’s fine. I just don’t want to take my shirt off, but I guess it doesn’t really matter if it gets wet.”

“Okay. Do you mind if I take mine off?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

Gabe’s eyes reflexively leapt away when Trist started to pull his shirt up, but no, it was fine. He was allowed to look. But then as his eyes raked down Trist’s bare torso he realised that staring was still maybe a little weird and dragged his eyes away again. He heard Trist stifle a laugh and when Gabe looked back and met his eyes he realised Trist had been watching the entire awkward display. Gabe turned away and busied himself with taking off his cargo shorts.

He jumped when arms wrapped around him from behind, then relaxed and leant back against Trist’s body.

“Hey,” Trist murmured, his voice low and tempting.

“Hey,” Gabe echoed, but his voice came out shaky and weak. Not because he was scared. He wasn’t scared, but he sure was a whole lot of something.

Trist turned Gabe around in his arms and then he just hugged him, safe and tight, his hand rubbing slow lines down Gabe’s back as Gabe returned the hug. Gabe was a little disappointed when he pulled back. “Swimming?”

Gabe nodded. “Swimming.”

The water was warm where it bubbled over their feet, but there was a layer of cooler water that they discovered as they waded deeper. At the deepest point the water reached the middle of Trist’s chest, but it was almost up to Gabe’s shoulders.

Trist reached out towards Gabe and Gabe reflexively pushed himself backwards, out of reach. For a moment, they just stared at one another.

“Okay,” Trist said eventually.

“Sorry.” Gabe waded closer again, but he still felt a little nervous about being touched while he was in the water. “I just— reflex, I guess.”

“I was just going to— I don’t even know. I just wanted to touch you.” His eyes pinched together slightly. “And that sounds weird.”

“No, that’s probably a normal thing to do.” Gabe moved a little closer, but he was breathing a little faster and it was only partially because Trist was wet and shirtless and right in front of him. Gabe sighed and combed his hair away from his face with his fingers. “Sorry. I don’t go swimming very often. I guess I’m a little nervous about water.”

“You can swim, right?”

“Oh, yeah. But I learnt to swim with Adam. So you know. There’s part of my brain that’s like… don’t be within arms reach, idiot. He’s going to try to fucking drown you. I know you won’t, but…” Gabe shrugged.

“That’s fucked up, Gabe.”

Gabe made a face. “Sorry. I really do know you won’t. It’s just like a phobia, I guess. I can’t help it.”

“No, I mean it’s fucked up that he, what, tried to drown you and now you’re traumatised.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess. I mean, he was like… six, so I don’t know.”

“I don’t know if that makes it any less fucked.”

“You know, I don’t know either, actually.” Gabe reached a hand up and touched Trist’s shoulder. He smiled to himself as Trist watched him but didn’t make any moves towards him. “We had private lessons together because he was too much trouble to be taught in a group.”

“Sounds like he was too much trouble to be taught with you, too.”

Gabe ran his hand over Trist’s shoulder, down his arm under the water, and then took hold of his hand. “Yeah, but he’s my brother so that’s how it was. And it was fine most of the time. We had a teacher watching us and Adam would try to dunk me and she’d stop him and it was fine.

“Only, she didn’t realise he wasn’t just being a brat like a normal kid. So one time she got distracted and she turned her back on us while we were in the pool. I guess that’s a bad thing to do with any kids who can’t swim too well, but we were in the shallow end and it was just for a couple of minutes. But Adam, he saw his chance and he went for it. The water was deep enough for us to stand, but he wrapped his whole body around my head and shoulders and dragged me under the water and then he just clung on and he wouldn’t let go and I thought I was going to die.”

Gabe realised he was squeezing Trist’s hand, but that was okay. Trist was squeezing his hand back. “Anyway, our teacher saw what was going on and pulled him off and he was laughing like it was a funny joke and I just saw the expression on her face change as she realised just how fucking close he’d come to drowning me.”

“Then what happened?” Trist asked when Gabe fell silent.

“Nothing, really. I cried a lot and she kept us further apart in the pool after that and didn’t take her eyes off us again while we were in the water.”

“She probably should have reported that shit and had you checked out in case you breathed in any water.”

“I’ve also had those thoughts, but as I got older I realised that though she seemed old and mature at the time she was probably just a teenager and she was probably pretty freaked out by the situation herself. We all make the wrong decisions sometimes.”

“You’re way too forgiving.”

“Sometimes forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself so that you can let go of feelings you don’t want to have anymore.”

“I guess. I think sometimes I need those feelings, though, because resenting someone else is the only thing keeping me from just sitting there and hating myself.”

“You can forgive yourself too, you know.”

Trist smiled. “Ah. Is that the secret to happiness?”

“Oh, hell no. As far as I’m concerned, happiness is a fleeting thing you have to appreciate in the moment. Always temporary. But so are the worst emotions, too, most of the time. They just have a way of feeling like they’re going to last forever.”

“Mm.” Trist stared down at their linked hands through the water, his fingers fidgeting against Gabe’s. “What about love?”

“What about it?”

“Is love a transient feeling as well, or is that a good feeling that can last forever?”

“You love your family, right? Sophie and Bee and Alice. So you already know love doesn’t just go away.”

“Yeah, but— hm. Okay.”

“If you think about it, nothing is forever because we’re all going to die one day. There’s no point worrying about it. And fuck, I have enough to worry about here and now. If I start worrying about if I might lose the good things I have at any point for the whole rest of my life I’m going to have a mental breakdown.”

“You’re right.” Trist looked deep in thought, his gaze aimed out somewhere over Gabe’s shoulder. “I guess it’s just like… I don’t like to buy expensive things. Not just because I’m poor. Even if something more expensive would be a better choice in the long run because it would last longer, I prefer cheap stuff. Because if you break it or lose it, it doesn’t matter. The nicer the things you have, the more you have to lose.”

“Ah, so that’s why you chose a trash tier boyfriend.”

Trist drew a long breath in through his teeth. “Yeah, unfortunately I didn’t. But that’s fine. I’m just going to have to do my best to take care of the nice thing I have.”

Gabe smiled. “Aw, you called me nice, but also a thing. I’ll take it.”

“I meant the relationship, you dork.”

“And a dork. I’ll still take it.”

“Pfft.” Trist lifted up the hand that wasn’t holding Gabe’s, then let it drop back into the water. “I was going to affectionately ruffle your hair, but then I realised the top of your head is about the worst place I could touch you.”

“That is the best leverage point for drowning someone,” Gabe agreed. “Pity. I kind of do want you to touch me right now.”

Trist’s eyebrows shot up.

“Like, a hug, I mean,” Gabe clarified. “I feel… I don’t know. I want a hug.”

“You want to get out of the water?”

Gabe nodded.