They waded towards the bank and as soon as they were out of the water, Trist’s arms wrapped around Gabe.

Gabe hugged him back. “Thank you.”

Trist let out a quiet huff of laughter against Gabe’s ear. “You’re welcome?”

“No, I mean for… nevermind.”

“Mm.” Trist gave Gabe an extra tight squeeze and then pulled back. “Your shirt’s not drying off any time soon, huh?”

Gabe looked down at his shirt. It was soaked and clinging to his skin. His boxers were wet too, but they were satin and would dry much more quickly. “Nope, but that’s okay. It’s the price I pay for being stupid and insecure about my body.”

Trist picked his own shirt up off the ground and held it out to Gabe. “Wear mine.”

“What will you wear?”

“Nothing? See, my skin can actually be exposed to direct sunlight for more than ten minutes without me dying.”

“Hmm,” Gabe stared at the shirt in Trist’s hand, but he didn’t take it.

“This isn’t, like, a trick,” Trist said. He sounded a little offended. “I was going to turn my back while you changed. I wouldn’t—”

Gabe snatched the shirt from him before he could get any further down that line of thinking. “I wasn’t thinking any of that. I was just thinking that it’s pretty hot out and you shouldn’t have your shirt off for too long if you’re not wearing sunscreen, but we brought the bottle with us so you can put some on.”

Trist turned around so that Gabe could change. “Ah, well, I could do that. I should do that. You know, for sun safety, which is very important. I’m just not sure if I can reach my own back…”

Gabe quickly changed into Trist’s shirt. It was a little loose on him, but he liked it. It smelled of Trist’s deodorant. He wrapped his arms around Trist from behind. “Maybe I could help you with that?”

“Mm,” Trist said.

Gabe let go of him and went to get the bottle of sunscreen while Trist found a big rock in the shade to sit down on. Gabe sat down behind him and squirted sunscreen into his hand.

Gabe took his time rubbing the sunscreen over Trist’s back, still cool and a little damp from swimming. Trist let out a long sigh and dipped his head forward as Gabe massaged the sunscreen into his neck.

When Gabe was done, he just stayed there, silent, sitting behind Trist. He wanted to keep going, to keep rubbing his hands over Trist’s bare skin, but they were dealing with sunscreen, not massage oil. He couldn’t just keep layering it on there indefinitely.

Trist leant back against Gabe’s chest and Gabe brought his arms up and wrapped them around him.

“I really like you,” Trist said, voice barely above a whisper even though there was no one else around. “I don’t want to get too intense on you and make things weird, but that’s what I keep feeling. That I like you a lot.”

Gabe squeezed him tighter. “That’s not going to make things weird, Trist. I like you a lot too. That’s a normal way to feel about someone you’re dating, right? The way you’d hope you both feel.”

“I keep expecting to want to make out with you or get touchy, and I do want to, but… maybe more than that I just want to hug you or see you smile. And I’m not used to that.”

“I’m not used to… a lot of things. This may sound weird, but I never realised being touched could feel so nice. Like, not even just sexually. Just… being close to another person. It’s nice.”

“No, I get it. It’s not like my dad was even remotely affectionate, so I went through the same thing. But still… with you it’s different. With other guys it felt like I was trying to get somewhere, and I was always in a rush. But it’s different with you. When I hug you, it’s enough. It’s not just a step in the process of getting somewhere else.” Trist shifted closer so that he could settle in better against Gabe’s chest without leaning too much of his weight on him. “Is that too… I don’t know.”

“No, that’s not too anything. I like when you tell me how you feel.”

“Sometimes feeling things scares me and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“Mm?”

“And I deal with it badly, a lot of the time. I know that. I get upset and then I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I’m upset and I get mean and defensive but that’s so much worse.”

“Why do you do it?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just scared of being judged, which is dumb. I think it just hurts less if I can tell myself, like… of course they don’t like me, because I’ve been a dick to them. Of course they’re pushing me away, because I did that. Because if I’m nice and I do my best and someone I like just doesn’t like me…” Trist took a long, deep breath in. “I think that would hurt a lot more.”

“That makes sense.”

“And sometimes I get like… imposter syndrome, but for our relationship,” Trist said, voice quick and hand fidgeting as they tangled with Gabe’s. “Like… maybe he only likes me because everyone else in his life has been so awful that by comparison I’m kind of okay. Maybe you’ll start meeting new people and you’ll realise I’m not special. I’m just sometimes okay and you can do better than that.”

“Well, I guess I can’t really reassure you because the way you got there assumes I wouldn’t know. But… I’m not sure insecurities really work that way anyway. Like, reassurance can be nice, but does anyone ever actually stop being insecure about something after someone reassures them? It’s like expecting a six year old to stop being scared of the dark because you told them ghosts aren’t real.”

“You’re probably not wrong. Sorry. I don’t know why I brought it up.”

“Trist.” Gabe grabbed a handful of Trist’s curls and gave them a gentle tug. “I’m not saying don’t talk about it. I’m insecure about stuff too, you know.”

“What do you have to be insecure about?”

“Uhh… my back is a pretty obvious one.”

“Oh. Yeah. I guess you are insecure about that.”

“Even though you told me not to be, because that’s not how being insecure about stuff works.”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

“Honestly, even if my back wasn’t all fucked up you’d still look better than me without your shirt on, so we can add that to the insecurities list. Hell, let’s just throw in physical appearance as a general category.”

“You don’t think you’re attractive?”

“I don’t think I’m unattractive, but I’m not attractive in the same way you are.”

“So?”

“Well you’re like. Tall. And pretty fit. If that’s how you like your body to look, you probably want the same thing in someone else.”

“Yes, that’s exactly why I chose to be tall. You nailed it,” Trist said. “Also I don’t think that’s how any of this works, and if it is, what the fuck are straight people doing?”

That startled a laugh out of Gabe. “Okay, yeah, maybe it’s a little dumb.”

“I don’t even really work out with the goal of looking a certain way. I just do push ups or go jogging sometimes because it helps me get my head sorted out.”

“I’m probably still going to be insecure about it, but that’s good to know.”

“I like that you’re smaller and lighter than me. It’s cute. I’ve never really been into big buff men.”

“I don’t know if I’m into big buff men, either. I’m just into… whatever you are.”

“A fucking mess.”

Gabe smiled. “A hot mess.”

“Sure, if you prefer.”

Gabe ducked his face forward and breathed in the scent of Trist’s hair. “Can we go home? This was a great date, but I really want to cuddle you right now and it’s hard to do that comfortably while sitting on a rock wearing damp boxer shorts.”

“Yeah. Let’s go home.”