One of the two guards walks so close to me that our shoulders almost touch. The other walks ahead, leading me through narrow corridors to an elevator. Everything is white. Tiles, walls, ceiling paneling. Cold light floods the wide corridors and is reflected on the silver-colored door of the elevator.
I try not to think too much about what the director has to discuss with me. It's unusual for a subject to be called in to see him, and usually there's only one reason. Failure. The shame of having disappointed the AUTHORITY.
In my mind, I think about how to justify my behavior. On my last mission I hesitated - I can't argue with that, but for NOS their experiments and research results are more important. A living subject is better than a dead one.
The elevator doors slide apart and reveal my reflection. Narrow face, round eyes and thin nose. My blond hair has grown longer on the sides. The only thing that has changed in the months. I still look the same as I did when I came here. An insecure boy who has no idea if his decision was the right one. Yet I turned twenty sometime in the last few days. The institution doesn't celebrate birthdays and the lack of a calendar makes it hard to assess the time that has passed.
"Move," the man behind me demands as the elevator stops. The muzzle of his rifle presses uncomfortably into my back.
My footsteps echo dully. It is much quieter on the fourth floor. Normally, subjects are denied access, so they are only allowed here under strict supervision.
I follow the two men down a bright hallway. These walls are made of glass, so that I can have a good look at the employees in their white coats as they do their work. Immediately, I remind myself to look away. Curiosity can be deadly. A phrase my father held close to my heart.
A few steps away from the director's office, I suddenly hear a voice thundering coldly, "You're too soft!"
The door is open. Sitting behind a metal desk is Neil O'Brien. A lean man in his late forties. Across from him is the best instructor in this institution. Tall, prominent features, fine eyebrows and several piercings on his face. No one knows his real name. He refers to himself as Nine.
One of the supervisors knocks on the door. " Director, we're bringing in the subject."
Both turn to us. While Neil smiles kindly at me, Nine's look is murderous.
Snorting, he says to Neil. "Are you serious?"
"We're done here," he dismisses him calmly, leaving no room for objection. "Please leave."
Visibly annoyed, Nine storms out of the room. The two supervisors seem thoroughly uncomfortable with this situation. They bow and close the door.
The hum of my heartbeat is all that remains.
"Sit down," Neil asks with a reserved nod.
"I'd rather stand."
"I said sit," he repeats sharply, but the friendly smile remains on his thin lips.
I pull the chair back. "How's the boy?"
"Huh?" Questioningly, he puts his head to one side and pretends not to know what I'm getting at. "What boy?"
I hate his voice. Especially when it's so soft-spoken.
"You know exactly who I'm talking about."
"He was sent to Asia," Neil replies, furrowing his eyebrows. Sighing, he rubs his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Refused to cooperate until the very end, so we thought it best to send him to the AUTHORITY."
"Is that it?", I whisper, immediately regretting my loose mouth.
"What exactly are you implying?"
I look at him. His light gray eyes lock onto mine. There's a clear warning in them not to push his patience. Still, I can't help myself. "The boy is confused. He's just a kid who doesn't know how to use his abilities or what it means to work for NOS. I'm sure if -"
"Tobias," he interrupts me. "You know that decision is not mine to make."
Yes, of course. Everything, the assignments, the selection, transfers, even our diet is decided by the AUTHORITY.
"Why did you want to see me?", I concede defeat.
Neil takes his time. He adjusts his bugle glasses with his index finger and looks at the desk. There are several documents in front of him.
"I've read the report. Reed wrote a complaint about your last mission, and if I'm honest, I agree with his observation. Your hesitation could have had far-reaching consequences. Are you aware of that?"
I don't reply to that.
Neil lets out a long sigh. "I'm worried about you. You know your goal. Why are you starting to doubt? NOS wants to help you."
"Do you believe that?"
"Pardon?"
"Do you really believe NOS is trying to help us?", I ask. "Every day we are reminded of what we are. Monsters. A threat to humans that must be eliminated. No one would voluntarily join an organization that preaches to kill us if we fight back. Why don't you tell them the truth? That they have nothing to fear?"
Neil's lips narrow. " This is impossible."
"Why? We don't want to hurt anyone!"
"Oh really?" Neil laughs bitterly. "What about the incident in Tokyo in which three hundred and thirty-eight people died, or the violent conflicts in many parts of Europe. Are these just tragic accidents? The list is endless! Every day I receive new reports of deaths that can be traced back to a subject. Can you blame people for being afraid?" After three breaths, he continues more calmly. "Your abilities are unnatural and extremely dangerous. No one can say why they exist or why it affects the younger generation in particular, but it was enough for the government to announce the decision to wipe you out. If this institution didn't exist - if the AUTHORITY didn't exist - you would be dead a long time ago. NOS is not your enemy, Tobias!"
You are special.
We will help you.
NOS is good.
The AUTHORITY will protect you.
Those were the first sentences after I passed the gate at the entrance. I know that I owe a lot to Neil and NOS. They saved me from my personal nightmare. And yet ...
"Listen, Director. If it's because of the mission yesterday -"
"Don't you get it?!" he chokes me off, and I'm shocked at his harsh tone. "It's much more than just a trivial mission. You've been unfocused for weeks and your scores are getting worse. Your last rank was C! C! You were one of the best. You know exactly what will happen should the AUTHORITY find any of you useless. This - " Neil throws a bundle of documents at me, held together with a black clip. It's Reed's report. "- is the third personal warning against you."
This makes me sit up and take notice.
NOS is strict. A devotion to duty and loyalty are the first priority. Even the first warning carries widespread penalties. Repeated misbehavior leads to deportation and finally death. This is my third warning and none of this has been initiated. Only mild punishments like solitary confinement or electrical stimulation therapy. The 'why' burns on my lips, but the grim look on Neil's face makes me swallow my words. Instead, I stand up and turn toward the door.
"Is that all?", I ask.
Neil stands up as well, smoothing out the creases in his pants as he does so, and walks slowly around the large table. Without any warning he reaches over and grabs my wrist. His squeeze is firm.
"Who saved you two years ago?"
Irritated, I withstand his piercing gaze. " Why are you asking me that question?"
"Say it!" urges Neil.
"It was you."
"And who made sure your siblings were safe?"
My heart skips a beat. My anger leaves me, replaced by longing and regret. Neil knows how important Tess and Tommy are to me and to use them against me is like a hard slap in the face.
"What are you trying to do?", I ask helplessly.
"Answer me!"
"You."
Neil nods in satisfaction. "Don't work against me, Tobias. I'm just trying to help you."
His words sound like a threat. I just want to get away. Away from him and his obnoxious grin.
"Can I go now?", I ask cautiously.
He nods. "Just promise me one thing, Tobias. Never question the AUTHORITY."
"Direc -"
"Promise me!"
I want to throw myself at him and choke him. He's playing with me, purposely driving me into a corner and forcing me to do something I'm convinced is a mistake. I hate it. So much. This feeling of powerlessness.
Reluctantly, I bow and say, "I promise."
Then I turn on my heel and stomp out of his office, slamming the door behind me.
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