Carter's POV:

Since I left home so early, I had time to go get myself a coffee and a doughnut, which I almost never do. Since Dad assists so much with my rent, using the savings Mom helped us to build, all of the money I made when I had a job in high school goes to extra stuff I want.

Four hundred level English as a junior is pretty difficult for me, but what's more surprising is that Amanda is a freshman in this class. It's my only class with her, and I didn't even know she was in this class until she started hanging out with Janelle. Usually, I sit with my friend, Ben, who's on the swim team, but today I slide into the seat beside Amanda.

She usually keeps to herself because she doesn't know many people in this class as we're all much older than her, but I need to speak with her today.

"Good morning," I say, and she peeks over at me before relaxing. "What? Did you think I was someone else?"

Amanda scoffs. "I thought you were someone I wasn't friends with who was trying to hit on me," she says. "Is Jeremy doing okay?"

"I can't really tell... I took him to the church-"

"You did what?!" she shrieks, making a lot of people around the room glance at her and fall silent. Amanda lowers her voice and waits for everyone to look away. "Hasn't he been damaged enough by the church?! What the hell, Carter?!"

I wait for her to finish being angry and yelling at me.

"If you would have let me finish, I would have told you that I took him to the church that my dad and I go to. The one that has the priest whom I spoke with when I came out and who encouraged and supported me," I say, and she raises an eyebrow. "I think it may have helped, but he's upset and is considering going home at some point, so I tried to get him to stay with me for a while."

"And?"

"And I think he might. It's not like he can easily move himself anyway."

Amanda sighs, clearly worried for her ex-boyfriend. It's weird to think that Jeremy is technically her ex-boyfriend, because the two never acted like a couple. Not that I've known Jeremy enough to see them as a couple and they're not even dating anymore.

"He needs to get away from his damn family. They're all fucked, except for his sister who's my age," she says. "She and her boyfriend are both really nice and she and I were friendly in school, but the rest of them... ugh."

I pull out my notebook as our professor enters the room. "Yeah, I met them," I mumble before telling Amanda about my brief interaction with them. "They don't seem very nice."

"They're fucking insane," she agrees as Professor Johnson quiets us all down to start. "I know you have questions for me about all of... this. We can chat after class."

I'm glad she notices, because I need to know how long Jeremy has undergone this abuse and I need to know how best to help him. No one deserves to hide their sexuality from the world and his parents can suck dick for what they did to him.

I just don't know how Jeremy is going to be able to undo all of the religious teachings that have been forced upon him. It's such an integrated part of him... what he needs is a therapist, not a priest.

Our class is as boring as always and we end up with an article to annotate and write an in detail response about that's at least three pages long. Professor Johnson just loves to fuck us all over and keep us from having a peaceful week.

"Do you have another class?" I ask Amanda as soon as class is over.

"Not for thirty minutes and it's just across campus. Walk with me," she insists, and I don't have another class today so I can follow her. "So... what's on your mind?"

"How long has the abuse been going on?"

Amanda sighs. "His dad beating him is newer... it started after he met you because his parents found out he made out with you. The rubber band... that has been on his arm for over a year now."

"He told me he thinks he's gay."

There's a sparkle in Amanda's eyes, and it looks like pride and satisfaction. She smiles as we walk down the long, cement path.

"Did he now?" she asks. "I'm glad he's finally accepting it. I mean, he felt more from making out with you for a few minutes than he did from me in four years."

I blush. "I'm sorry if I ruined-"

"Oh, relax," Amanda says, cutting me off. "You can't really ruin anything if there was no real connection anyway."

We sit down at one of the benches, the cold November air nipping at the exposed skin of our faces. I'm not wearing super thick clothes, since I jogged here, so sitting is definitely freezing me up a little bit.

"Why did you stay with him if you felt no connection?" I ask.

Amanda is much too smart to not notice that there was nothing ever there, and from how she's speaking, it was pretty obvious. She blushes when I ask, but before I can apologize, she gives me an answer.

"Well... I knew Jeremy all through my childhood. I knew that he was kind and shy and when everyone else was fucking around in high school, I knew that he would be ordered by his parents to not have sex before he was married and even if we got married... well, when I was a senior and he was junior, I knew he wasn't attracted to me so I'd never have to worry about sex."

I look over at her and see her staring at her gloved hands. "You're not interested in having sex? Like, ever?"

"I never really wanted to get married when I was younger. Never envisioned a future with a family or a husband or a wife... just me in a cottage type house with a bunch of ducks as my children. Maybe a cat." She sighs deeply. "I think I stayed with him to protect him because I knew that at least we could kind of protect each other."

I give her an awkward side hug. "I'm sorry, Amanda. That church really fucked with you guys."

"Yeah... but I'm keeping it quiet and following along with what my dad wants until I get my degree. Then, I'm getting a job and getting away from them. They don't know that I've been working on top of school to save and get an apartment."

"I'm sorry... but I'm glad you have a plan. You know that you can always talk to me, right? I mean, we're friends now, right?"

She grins. "Yeah, and you better let me be Jeremy's best man when you two get married."

My smile drops. "What did you just say?"

"Come on, I'm not stupid. I can see how you looked at him and how he always blushes when he sees you." She pats my shoulder. "Just be careful, he's scared of his own sexuality still."

"I don't like him!" I exclaim.

Amanda shrugs. "Whatever. Just so you know, he's not really into people spending a lot of money on him. He likes simple things, so setting up a cute place to watch a movie and a home cooked meal... that's something he'd really like. Also, he doesn't like microwave popcorn. White cheddar Smartfood popcorn is his favorite and he likes lemonade instead of soda."

"I can't cook!" I see Amanda smirking, causing me to scowl and correct myself. "Not that it matters because I don't like him anyway. He deserves a nice guy who has the money to take him away from this psychotic town."

Amanda gets up. "Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go, have fun at swim practice."

She leaves and I grab my phone from my pocket.

Even if I don't like, well, I'll claim that I don't like Jeremy, I'm still going to write down what Amanda said. What if he has a really shitty day and needs a nice friend to comfort him?

Who am I kidding; I'm attracted to Jeremy and as much as I want to be the one who gets to spend time with him and fall for him and be his best friend and the person he can turn to and care about... well, he's just too lost.

He'd probably hate being with someone like me.

I sleep around with other people, I smoke week at parties, and I don't really know what I want to do with my life.

Jeremy needs someone with their shit together. A fucking Boy Scout who will take care of him and make him happy.

Swim practice is a bit stressful, as our next meet is the week before Christmas and it's one of the last few meets where we can get personal records and qualify for the college finals. My coach is on my ass about it because I'm one of the best butterfly swimmers on the team, and I don't think that man will ever be impressed unless I win.

When I finish, I text Jeremy to see if he wants me to grab him food because Janelle is going to a musical with her mom tonight and I can't cook for shit. He responds saying he made dinner and I want to scold him for moving around with the amount of pain he's in.

When I get back, the table is set and he looks really happy, which is kind of surprising because he always seems to be either feisty or nervous.

It's a nice change though; it really is nice to see him smile, but it's not helping because he's even cuter and more attractive with that damn smile on his face.

"I'm really sorry for this morning," he says halfway through our dinner of baked chicken, roasted potatoes, and salad. "Being gay isn't abnormal and what I said came out bad. I mean... I'm gay, and I'm trying to get myself to see that it's normal and that I probably won't go to Hell for liking guys."

I cut up my chicken and feel a sense of relief flood through me, knowing that he's trying. "You won't, Jer."

"I hope not," he says, but he's smiling. "Also, I'm not going home, but I'm not staying here either. My sister, Jackie, is sneaking all of my clothes and important stuff to her boyfriend's house and he's letting me stay with him. At least then I won't be taking up your space."

This is good; at least I won't be overly attracted to him if he's not here.

"Will you be going to school?"

He hums in agreement. "Yes, Vincent lives really close to my school so I'll be alright. I'll come over if you still want me to."

"Yeah, of course!"

Well, that came out way too energetically, and I see a sweet blush making its way up and all over Jeremy's face. Dammit, stop being cute!

"Thanks... it's nice to have supportive friends."

"When do you leave?"

He rolls his eyes, but he's still smiling. "Try to rush me out, why don't you."

"No, I'm just curious! I don't want you to leave! Well, I do, but not in a mean way. Like, a friendly, supportive way. Like, I think-"

Jeremy cuts me off. "I get it, don't worry," he says. "And I'm leaving tonight. I just wanted to make dinner to say thank you. Don't worry, though, I won't be going to school tomorrow because of my injuries, so maybe we could hang out or something."

"Yeah, sure!"

There's a knock at the door and Jeremy gets up, limping over to me and hugging me tightly.

"Thank you... for everything. I don't know how I'll ever thank you for what you did."

"All I did was treat your wounds and take you to a new church," I deadpan. "It really wasn't that much."

Jeremy smiles back at me as he heads toward the door. "It meant a lot to me."