Carman sighed. "Yeah, I was afraid of that. Sometimes when people are sad they don't want to hear about why they shouldn't be sad. It may seem strange to us, but that's how it is. We can't possibly see things the way he does because our minds aren't in the same space his is. Still, I had hoped that talking to you would help him."

"I don't think so. He just didn't want to listen."

I sat there looking at the counter top. Betty placed a can of pop in front of me, smiled, and said "Drink this."

She then turned to Carman and said "Why don't you show him around the house? I've got to get dinner ready."

Carman got up and so did I. He showed me around the house, a more thorough tour than we had done earlier, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was too busy thinking about Aiden and trying to figure out where I had gone wrong. Eventually he led me downstairs to show me the rec-room. When we got to the bottom of those stairs my jaw dropped. This place was heaven. There was a pool table, some pinball machines along one wall, and a few full-size coin operated arcade games along another. A huge wooden bar was at the end opposite the stairs, and all around this bar were enough decorations to make you think you were in a tavern.

I blurted out like an idiot "Jesus, you guys must be RICH!"

Carman chuckled. "I don't know if I'd call it rich, but we're pretty well off. This was our family farm. We had 350 acres. After Dad died it was never going to be used as a farm again, so we decided to sell it off. Bryon hired some engineers to build the roads, I designed the houses, and this subdivision was born. The only thing that remains of the farm is this house and the carriage house out back. We took some of the money and put additions onto the house. Bryon wanted the three car garage (Aiden's bedroom is above it), I wanted my privacy so we built an apartment for me above the carport where we parked. I'll have to show it to you before you leave."

"I'd love to see it," I said. Then a thought occurred to me. "Do you live in it alone?"

Carman chuckled. "If you're asking if I have a boyfriend', then no. I had lived with one for years, but he got sick and eventually died. When the apartment was first finished he moved in with me, but he was only able to hold on for a year before he passed away.

"How did he die?" I asked. Then I realized how bold this question was and said "Sorry!"

Carman laughed, and said "No need to be sorry. This happened years ago. I still think about him often, but I have moved on. Life must go on, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how hopeless it seems sometimes. But to answer your question: Pancreatic cancer. It is one of the deadliest cancers, very few people survive it and it kills you quickly. He was only 27 years old."

"Wow. That sucks."

"Yeah. Life sometimes does. But enough with the sadness for now. Aiden told me you're a bit of an electronics geek. Come check this out."

He walked over to one wall and I followed him. Against this wall was a stereo system unlike any I had ever seen. The knobs, the buttons, the lights... and the speakers! There were two huge speaker towers, one on each side of the stereo system. Carman noticed me looking at them. He took the foam cover off of one, and you could see the individual woofers, tweeters, and mid ranges (at the time I didn't know what any of that meant, but Carman would explain).

"Cerwin Vega", he said. "The best speakers money can buy. There are two more on the other side of the room". 

I looked around and noticed them.

"Wow. That thing must be loud!"

"I assure you it is, but it's not just loud. Music isn't noise. A car with a broken muffler is loud, but that doesn't mean that it sounds good. There's no point in making loud noise if you're just going to turn it down because it sounds terrible. Here, I'll show you."

He reached up to a shelf and picked a small plastic case off of it, which he opened and pulled a little shiny silver disc out of. He must have noticed me looking at this disc, because he held it up to me. "Compact Disc, or CD. They're new. They're expensive but worth it. The sound quality is incredible."

He pushed a button on the stereo and a little drawer opened up. He plopped the CD into it and touched the button again. The drawer closed. He then handed me the plastic case. I looked at it. Beverley Hills Cop soundtrack. My heart skipped a beat: Aiden and I had watched that movie that fateful night. Richie would have watched it while hiding in the hallway.

"Now", Carman said, as he pushed a button on the machine and then turned the volume knob all the way up, "Prepare to be blown away".

The music started, and I immediately recognized it: It was the song "Axel F", the instrumental soundtrack from the movie. I say I recognized it – I hadn't particularly liked it before, because I was into heavy metal and this was more of a breakdancing song. I used to hear the breakdance kids play it from their "ghetto blasters" at school. I was just about to say as much when the bass started.

I was transfixed. The hair stood up on my arms. I could not only hear the bass, I could feel it. What's more, I could hear every note perfectly clearly. It was like I was hearing music for the first time. This sounded nothing like the crap coming out of those ghetto blasters. This sounded good. Then I looked up from the CD case and noticed the lights. Carman's stereo had something called a "Spectrum analyzer" on it, which was a component of his stereo that existed only to give visual life to the music. About two dozen columns of little coloured lights were flashing along to the music. I just stood there, jaw hanging, staring at those lights as they danced to the music more elegantly than any breakdancer could.

The song ended, Carman opened up the CD tray, and swapped CD's. He handed me the case of the new one. 1984 by Van Halen. This album was one I was well familiar with. As the song "Jump" played at full volume I continued staring at those lights. I was in heaven. I had never heard that song sound like that before! Finally, after a few more songs by different artists, he turned the system off.

"That's enough of that", he said. "Bryon and Mom will kill me if I keep it going. What did you think?"

The hair was still standing on my arms, and I was still looking at that spectrum analyzer, now blank. "That was AWESOME!" I shouted! A new audiophile had been born.

He put the CD's away, and we looked at the arcade games and pinball machines. Then we went back upstairs and he said "So you wanna see my apartment?"

"Sure!" I said. We went upstairs and down a hallway at the opposite end of the house from Aiden's room. We came to a door and entered. I looked around. It was small but very modern. None of the antique trim found throughout the rest of the house was present here. Everything was very state-of-the-art. There was one big room that contained the kitchen, dining room, and living room. The walls in the living room were covered in pictures of modern looking buildings and houses (a few of which I was certain were taken right here in this neighbourhood), and the furniture was leather. It looked too expensive to sit on. One end of the counter had some stools at it so I sat on one. Carman sat on another. I was still looking around when I noticed a picture on the wall of Carman with another guy.

"Is that..."

Carman looked up, noticed what I was looking at, and said "Yes, that was him. His name was Shawn. That picture was taken shortly after we had started dating."

I got up and walked over to it. "He's handsome", I said.

Carman chuckled. "Yes, he sure was. He was way too good for me".

I continued looking at the picture, at the happiness. I could feel my heart warming.

He then asked, "So what did you say to Aiden, if you don't mind me asking?"

I told him everything Aiden said, and everything I said to him, then waited to hear his thoughts.

"Hmm. That's nothing that I hadn't heard before, except that part about Richie's last words. I don't remember him telling that to anyone. That's interesting."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, just the fact that it took you to bring that out of him. It was nonsense, of course, just like you told him, but I can certainly see how that would bother him."

"So you don't think I went too far by losing it on him?"

"What? No! It was exactly what he needed to hear. I'm proud of you."

"But I got really mad at him, especially when he said that Richie killed himself".

"And well you should have. That was a terrible thing to say. I don't think he really believes it, but thinking it is helping him wallow in self pity, so he said it anyway."

"I think I really upset him though. He wouldn't talk to me any more".

"Well, he's already talked to you more than he's talked to anyone else in this house since that night. It's progress, anyway. And perhaps he needed the shock of somebody being mad at him instead of pitying him."

As I was listening to this, my eyes returned to the picture of Carman and Shawn. They looked so happy, like there wasn't a care in the world.

Before even thinking, I blurted out "What's it like to be gay?"

"What?"

I felt like an idiot, but what the hell. It was out there now. "What's it like to be gay? To have a boyfriend?"

Carman contemplated this for a moment, as if considering his answer.

**Author's note: The following section is told from Carman's point of view.**

"Well, I can't say it's the same for everyone. I was very lucky. It took me a long time to accept it myself, but when I finally did I was terrified. Imagine a farm boy being gay! As it turned out, when they did find out my family was very accepting, though it took a while before Dad came around. Still, I kept it hidden from them for years. I didn't really act on it until I turned 19 and went to a gay bar for the first time. Even then I was uncomfortable, because I felt like I was a fresh piece of meat that somebody had thrown into a tiger cage. The guys there were really aggressive and it scared me. I had nearly given up before I met Shawn. He came to my aid when one particularly aggressive fellow had cornered me in the bathroom. Shawn acted like he was my boyfriend and told the other guy to take off. He stayed with me the rest of that evening, and we talked and talked. When the bar closed he gave me a piece of paper with his phone number on it and told me to call him. We went our separate ways that night, and I almost threw his number away but decided not to. It took me several days to work up the courage to call him, and when I finally did we talked for hours! After that phone call we talked again several times, and each time we talked for hours again. Eventually, he suggested we meet somewhere, so I suggested a movie and we met. I had already felt like I was falling in love just from talking to him on the phone, but when I saw him in person again it there was no longer any doubt. We started seeing more and more of each other. One time we were walking through the Public Gardens together and he reached for my hand. I pulled it away in terror out of fear that somebody would see us. Shawn was surprised but quickly understood. After that we had several discussions after that about my "coming out". He didn't want to rush me, but I felt I was being unfair to him. Finally, I felt that I was ready, so I sat my mother down one evening and told her. Her reaction surprised me – not because she got upset or anything, but because she wasn't surprised. I next told Bryon, who also was not surprised. I was starting to think "God, is it that obvious?". Finally I told Dad. He didn't say a word. He just got up, walked out of the room, and went to bed. The next morning at breakfast he wouldn't say a word to me. He acted like I wasn't even there. He went out into the barn and spent the day there. At supper it was the same thing, then the same thing again the next morning. I asked Mom what was going on, and she said that he just didn't know how to take it.

I went up to my room feeling devastated. What had I done? I called Shawn and told him what had happened.

"Did he get mad?" Shawn asked.

"I don't think so, no. He just walked away."

"Did he start quoting bible verses at you?"

"No".

"Well, that's a good thing. He is just trying to process what you told him, but his not reacting with anger or violence shows that he'll come around."

"I don't know. I'm worried. What if he just doesn't want to talk to me anymore?"

"Well there's only one way to find out. Go and talk to him."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Well, you said he's in the barn. Go out into the barn and talk to him."

"I suppose..."

"Do it. For all you know he might just not know how to broach the subject with you".

"Ok".

I hung up and thought about it. Shawn was right. I had to talk to Dad. I gathered up every bit of courage I could muster and headed for the barn. I found him under the tractor, doing something to the power take-off.

"Dad?" I said. He didn't answer and kept on doing whatever he was doing under there.

"Dad, we need to talk."

"So talk".

I didn't even know where to begin. I started pacing around the inside of the barn, and heard the tools start up again.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm like this. I didn't ask to be like this and I'd change it if I could, but I can't. It's who I am."

Silence.

"I'm sorry if I disappointed you, and I'm sorry if you don't love me anymore, but I'll understand. If you want me to go away I will."

I heard the tools hit the ground and Dad was pulling himself out from under the tractor. He stood up and looked at me, but there was no anger in his eyes, only anguish. He just stared at me. My heart was breaking. Had I really caused him this much pain?

He then quickly walked over to me. I was a little afraid – Dad had never been violent, but he'd never had to deal with something like this before. I closed my eyes and braced for the worst. Instead he pulled me into a hug. I just stood there with my arms at my sides while he held me, and I could feel faint sobs coming from him.

"Don't you ever say that again! You are no disappointment! You're my son and I love you! No matter what you do, I will love you!"

"You're not disappointed?"

"No! I'm confused, and I'm scared for you. I don't want you to hurt yourself. I just want you to be happy".

I then returned his hug, We stood there for a few minutes, then broke it off.

"I want you to promise me you'll be careful. I hear all the time about people getting beat up or killed because they're... like you. I don't want anything to happen to you. I want you to be happy, but I want you to be safe."

"I will", I promised.

Soon after that I brought Shawn home to meet everyone. I was so happy! He fit in just like one of the family. Mom loved him, Dad loved to talk sports and cars with him, and Bryon treated him like another brother."

**End of "Other Carman's" point of view. From here on out we return to the original viewpoint.**