“Are you nuts? You are actually going to the circus with that creep!?” I rolled my eyes as I sat in front of my vanity mirror brushing my hair. I had made the mistake of mentioning to Aaron that I was planning to hang out with Conner today. As usual he blew up. Setting down my black rounded brush I swiveled in my chair, so I was facing him.

“Aaron calm down. Conner and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. He is not going to hurt me.” Folding his arms and frowning Aaron looked away from me glaring at the wall. Sighing I got up and walking over to him I placed my hand gently on his cheek and patiently waited for him to look at me. Finally, his eyes full of sorrow, worry, and something I couldn’t quite identify found mine. I smiled reassuredly at him.

“I promise I will be ok, but I have to do this. It has been 16 years since I have dared step foot inside a circus. I want to prove to myself once and for all that there really is nothing to fear. Otherwise that day will forever rule over me.”

“Then let me take you instead. Not co…” Pressing my lips briefly to his I stopped him mid – sentence. Pulling away I grabbed his hands and lovingly gazed into his eyes.

“Aaron in 2 weeks I will be yours forever, but today I just want to hang out with my childhood friend. Although Conner has a place in my heart he is just a friend. You are my fiancé almost husband. I want to be with you not him. Will you trust me?” For a moment I thought he was going to say no, but finally his shoulders sagged admitting defeat.

“Just be careful ok.” I smiled planting another quick kiss on his cheek before picking up my brush and sitting back down. He glanced at me one more time before sighing and leaving the room.

I paused hearing the door shut behind him, before finishing my hair. Putting the brush back in the dresser I gazed at the red headed woman in a dark purple tank top and black shrug. Grabbing my purse, I slung it over my shoulders before heading out the door. Making my way to Conner’s and my meeting place for tonight I became aware of light footsteps following me. Stiffing a little I stopped and slowly turned my head to see who was there. I frowned at the empty hallway behind me. A little nervous I continued walking while keeping half an ear trained behind me. I bit my lip nervously as the footsteps resumed the moment I continued walking. Stopping I quickly spun around in hopes of catching whoever it was. Yet once again I was greeted with an empty hallway.

“H…hello? I know you are out there. Show yourself.” I bravely called hoping they couldn’t hear the tremble in my voice. When no one appeared I slowly made my way to where the sound was originally coming from. I stopped when I reached a doorway leading into a separate hallway. I could hear movement on the other side. I was just about to open it when it suddenly swung open itself revealing Conner.

“Conner? You were the one following me?” I sputtered slightly annoyed. He frowned a look of confusion lighting up his eyes.

“Following you? No, I just finished my shift. I was heading over to find you since I didn’t see you at our meeting place, but than I saw someone duck into this hallway. Though they disappeared when I reached this door. Then you appeared.

I wasn’t sure if I believed him or not. Half of me wanted to believe him, but the other half was doubtful as his excuses all seemed really similar to each other. Plus, it also didn’t help that Conner kept appearing where the attacker should be.

“No, you are just letting what Aaron said get to you Sasha.” I quietly scolded myself.

“Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Maybe you would be safer here.” 

“No, it’s fine Conner. I haven’t been getting a ton of sleep lately because of these attacks so I probably just imagined it.” I lied forcing a smile. 

“Ok well if at any time tonight you feel unsafe let me know and I will take you home. If you are ready shall we go?” Conner smiled offering me his arm. Taking his arm, I allowed him to lead me toward the entrance. As we walked I couldn’t help but wonder why it is that Conner always seemed to show up right when I am being attacked or followed.

                                               ***

“Mommy I want to see the funny clowns.”

“I know baby, but we have to wait for Fredrick, and your dad.”

“Sasha?” 

Sasha!?

I was snapped from my memories as Conner gently shook my shoulder. Looking around I could see we were in the middle of a crowded area of people on top of a wooden pier overlooking the beach. There were concession stands all around us with people yelling and holding up cotton candy, candied apples, corn fritters, and other things. My eyes roamed to the side of me where Conner stood in his royal guard uniform looking concerned. I forced a smile as I looked up at him. I was hoping he didn’t see the sadness in my eyes. 

“I’m ok. I was just day dreaming is all.” I laughed nervously. I bit my lip as I noticed the unconvinced look on his face. I was just scanning the area for a distraction when suddenly we heard the crackle of a speaker overhead.

“Ladies, and gentlemen. If I could have your attention. The show is about to begin. So, if you would all kindly make your way to the big top we can begin.” I breathed a sigh of relief at the distraction as I quickly turned to Conner. 

“Well it’s going to start we should head over there.” I quickly grabbed his hand and began pulling him toward the big rainbow-colored tent hoping he wouldn’t press the issue of me zoning out in the middle of a crowd. Stopping in front of the tent flap Conner handed the performer our tickets before we headed toward the front row. 

                                       ☆☆☆

“Are you sure you are ok?” Conner asked leaning forward in his chair, so he could see my face.

“Of course. I am just excited is all.” I lied laughing nervously my left eye twitchiching from my growing panic.  Turning back toward the front I kept my eyes firmly glued on the center of the tent where the performers could be seen running around setting up the finishing touches. I forced myself to ignore Conner’s eyes boring into my soul. It was as though he was attempting to see into my heart and find out what was really going on. I jumped and clung to his arm as a huge flash of light and smoke filled the tent. I relaxed and looked up at Conner embarrassed as the smoke cleared to reveal the ring master. His arms were raised above his head in a victory pose as his black staff with a snake’s head carved in the top with glowing red eye was clutched tightly in his big hairy hands. 

“WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN TO THE CIRCUS!” His voice booming across the tent as he slowly lowered his arms to his side. Scanning the many faces adorned in the crowd he paused when he noticed me in the front row. He did a double take before releasing a big toothy grin as he bowed to me.

“Well what a pleasant surprise. Our very own princess has decided to join us today. I do hope you enjoy the show your highness.” I blushed staring at the ground as all eyes immediately trained on me. I mumbled a quick thank you as I kicked myself for not wearing a disguise.

“I believe the last time we were graced with the royal family’s presence was 16 years ago, when I was run out of town by your family.” He continued forcing himself to smile. My eyes snapped to his face as I stared at him in horror as I realized for the first time since he appeared in front of us that this was the same exact ringmaster from that fateful night. I could see confusion written on Conner’s face as he switched between looking at me and the ringmaster. My breathing became labored as a cold sweat appeared on my forehead. I could no longer hear what anyone was saying as the first performer took center stage. It was like everyone around me had vanished as I clutched at the fabric on my jeans and stared wide eyed at the ground. Painful memories immediately began flooding my mind threatening to engulf me. I was snapped out of my growing panic as I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking up with tears in my eyes I see Conner watching me with concern. Glancing around I can see Jugglers on a tightrope doing back flips in front of me as I sat there shaking like a leaf.

“Sasha?” Shaking myself I forced myself to smile up at him.

“I…I’m ok. I… I just need some fresh air is all.” I stuttered jumping to my feet and racing toward the exit. From the corner of my eye I can see the ringmaster smirking at my obvious panic, but I ignored it. No matter how hard I tried I just could not shake the overwhelming fear slowly consuming me.  Stopping in front of the guard rail overlooking the beach I leaned exhausted against it as I gazed out across the ocean gently lapping against the soft sand below. Closing my eyes, I listened to the silence around me as I tried to calm my pounding heart. I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I sighed in relief once I saw it was only Conner.

“Sasha what’s going on?” I hesitated not sure whether I was ready to share this with anyone yet but seeing the genuine concern on his face I relented. 

“As you and everyone else in the kingdom knows my mom was killed at a circus. What you don’t know though is that it was this same circus that she died at, and it was entirely my fault.” He stared at me stunned his mouth hanging open unable to come up with a response.

“It happened 16 years ago. My parents had decided to reward us for being so good. So, they decided to take us to the Circus that had recently come to town.” I paused trying to stop the tremor that was beginning to appear in my voice. Conner leaning against the railing looked out across the ocean as he waited for me to continue.

“The guards had just pulled into the parking lot when I jumped out too excited to wait.”