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I was 14 when I thought of falling into the death's tight cold embrace for the very first time.

Teenage drama worthy of a few thousands words hidden among the sappy story in a threadbare diary?

I'll spare the details by making a choice right now.

The highway that the rich kids frequently use for racing is strangely deserted, so I probably have a few minutes left, even though I'm already spread on the ground, sluggishly fingering the pack of pills that could potentially make my exit out of this life less bloody in one hand and grasping the boxed milk in another.

But it feels like standing up would drain me out even more right now. 

So I dully continue staring at the barely starry sky stretched all over my head in a loser's crown.

I sit up and vigorously sip on my chocolate milk through the straw, since the timing allows.

If I were to introduce myself, the therapist wouldn't have anything to worry about.

"Hi, I'm Ash Lee. For approximately 17 years I've been roaming around, indecisiveness isn't a sin at this age, right? School? Yes, I'm the most respected person in the crowd. My friends love me not any less, giving me all the well-deserved treatment. They make sure to keep me around, for what I'm infinitely grateful. Parents? They are the best. Often offer their guidance, so I hardly ever feel like I'm a lost cause. My gran? Well, she's a bit insane, but who wouldn't when being 86? My brother? Well, he's kinda the cause of some problems, but I don't have any grudge because of him leaving me here with all of this madness. A lover? Oh, yeah, my crush and I are already working things out. I'm fine and I'm not in the need of your service, thanks, madam."

I take a yet another sip, overwhelmed by a sudden wave of frustration. And then I break down like the screen of the already a few times dropped iPhone.

Pathetic, full of bitterness low cry breaks out of my throat despite my feeble efforts to stop the unavoidable corruption of the 'I'm fine' pretense.

Sly memories that have been languidly anticipating the rip to appear, absorb me by one impenetrable dome.

Levi and the rapidly growing distance between the two of us ever since Zara has entered our little social circle.

How tightly they hugged today upon meeting in front of our classroom's door whereas I received just a quick 'Hey' and was left standing alone in the hallway.

How I've spent the whole summer staring at my phone, at times waiting for her message, but mostly trying to kill boredom by binge watching every anime title on my list.

How my parents kept on quarreling because of me and my lack of readiness to decide what to do at the next stage of my existence.

How they never believe me about my grandmother's antics.

My head tilts back for me to address sky that's getting blurrier with every passing second.

"Haven't you had enough fun playing with me by now??" Own voice cracks, embarrassing my own self. "What have I done to be so damned?"

I sight, half wondering if I'm for real going to finish what has already been started.

The peaceful highway feels like the calm before the thunder.

Hesitating, as the rationality slowly finds its path right back to me, I keep blankly staring ahead of myself and wondering whether I've lost my mind completely or reached the highest rank of desperation.

It's only the matter of time before-

You are so pathetic, Ash. 

I bitterly smirk at my own misery, and somehow speedily scramble out of the hysteria by thinking at the backyards of my consciousness.

What about Pimp, you stupid twat?!?

My heart momentarily squeezes, I haven't thought of notifying Missis Blackberry to feed him. And my gran will certainly not remember to do it...

Snorting at my genius plan to get overdosed, then to be ran over by car like in an action movie through the brain fog, I slowly get up and begin to stroll back to the safer spot, taking a deep inhale of the serene late evening while deciding to plan out everything much better next time.

I know the peace won't last, so I am determined to get the most of it.

But then the atmosphere quickly shifts out of nowhere. 

It happens so fast that I don't get to blink or utter a swear word.

An invisible force roughly pushes me back to the road, causing me to whimper in dread as my mind thinks 'That's it, you, mob."

The ear-splitting honking blasts out of the darkness in which I've been confidently moonwalking through and the last thing I notice are two blinding orbs. 

When I fleetly manage to wonder in the process of gawkily stumbling towards my death whether I'll be considered an unforgivable sinner or not for dying like that, something strong roughly collapses into my body from the left, entirely changing my trajectory of movement. 

Reversing it.

Acting on pure survival instinct and a tad bit of adrenaline, I greedily snatch the soft grey fabric and mentally get prepared for hitting the ground, doing my best not to wretch out the remnants of my drink in the free hand, since I had much better plans for it from the very onset.

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A/N Thank you so much for giving this story a chance, God knows it's been collecting dust in my drafts for a few years now. I'm finally ready to share it with the world again.

here are a few pictures of Ash which I really enjoyed making as a welcome gift haha! ^^

I won't tell you who's on the thumbnail btw haha it's a major spoiler there xDD