It has been over two years now. Unlike Humans, it appears Elves don’t celebrate birthdays yearly. They have one at five years after birth. Then at ten years, then fifteen, then twenty. After that, Elves tend to celebrate birthdays every decade or so. Apparently, Elves have incredibly long life spans. An Elf that doesn’t meet an untimely death can live to be almost three hundred and fifty years old if everything goes well. 

And Elves who have a lot of mana can live even longer. Of course, this applies to everyone else as well. As far as I could tell Humans tended to live longer lives as well. I’ve seen at least one ancient-looking Human so far.

I tried asking the witch, Seana, how old she was, but she wouldn’t tell me. She said it was “rude for a boy to ask a girl how old they were,” whatever that means. 

It’s just a question...

I finally figured out Seana was my mother’s name, my father’s name was Alanis, and our family name was Shadowheart. Apparently, when Elves got married, they would often mix the last names together and make a new last name. So that makes me Kaladin Shadowheart. I’m not sure how thrilled I am about being the child of a Xeno, even if this is all just a simulation. I just need to take things in stride.

I have also recently learned Seana was an accomplished seamstress before she took time off to raise me. That teal blanket she would often wrap me in was her handy work. She explained to me that she could imbue the threads with her mana using magic, which allowed the garments to have some interesting magical properties, like helping my mana pool grow.

It appeared that manaweave regulated temperature perfectly. Even though this place was unbearably humid, I was never once miserable in the wraps. Even the skin-tingling sensation it gave me was oddly pleasing. If anything, it was so comfortable it was uncomfortable waiting to be wrapped up in it. I use it more or less like a blanket now though. 

Seana had begun taking on work again to help Alanis out. Alanis was a hunter or so I was told. He, along with a few other people from the village, would take small excursions out into the jungle and clear it of dangerous wildlife, gathering their materials and meat to sell back to the village. 

It sounded like hazardous work. Yet, I had never once seen him come back home injured or even mildly inconvenienced. The wildlife must not actually be that dangerous, especially since he leaves his armor set and spear at home, opting to use a far inferior wooden spear and bow for his work.

Seana had some coworkers over this morning and they were weaving while gossiping about the happenings in the village. This had been going on a few times a week now and it was a perfect time to make myself scarce and attempt my hand at magic. I slowly crawled my way out of the house and hid behind a tree that was behind our home. So far, any attempt I have made to replicate the few spells I have seen has failed. I simply don’t understand the process.

I have been attempting to create a ball of water I can throw, but nothing happens when I try to make it work. I’ve tried everything from willing it to happen to manipulate an existing pool of water to trying to throw water from my hands. It has been a frustrating few months, to say the least. Perhaps I should try a different approach. 

I remember Apollo was a fan of meditating. He rambled on about how amazing it was and how it helped him focus and achieve his goals. I didn’t really understand as I didn’t need to meditate to focus on my tasks, but I was willing to try almost anything at this point. I remember Apollo saying to clear your mind of unwanted things, then focus on the thing you wanted. Then control and steady your breathing. 

So, I plopped onto the ground and crossed my legs. I cleared my mind and focused on wanting to create a small ball of water. I steadied my breathing and relaxed. After about five minutes of sitting on the hard ground, I got up and let out a nice “DAMN IT!!” into the air. 

Ah, I feel better. Who needs meditation?

My frustration had hit a boiling point. So I sat back down, shoved my face into my hands, and began to wrap my brain around what I knew about magic and mana. 

Apparently, everything had mana, but not everything could use magic. I have seen somebody use magic, but that isn’t enough for me to know how to use it myself. I can’t seem to feel anything at all when I try to use said magic.

Perhaps the system has created something that I can’t use… no, that doesn’t make sense. Why would they go to such lengths of creating this magical system and not have me be capable of it? I had the foundation I just needed to think… and that’s when I remembered. 

I am pretty sure I have had magic cast on me before. When I first awoke that old man did something to me. I was in excruciating pain, and it was wiped away in an instant. I remember that warm feeling spreading from the center of my body as it stretched out towards my fingertips. Perhaps, if I recreated that feeling or at least delved into it a bit more, I could achieve a breakthrough.

I went back into my pose and redid all the steps for meditation again. But, instead, this time, I would focus on that warm feeling in my chest. After what felt like forever, I suddenly felt a tiny bit of warmth in my chest. 

It wasn’t anything like when the old man did it, but it was something. So I focused on that feeling even more. It began to feel almost like a drop of warm water in the center of my body. I tried to force it to my fingertips, but it died away only after a few seconds as I lost control of it. 

Damn. I am closer than I was yesterday. This is a start. I can’t stay out any longer today but I shall continue to train.

—

I started my journey five months ago with this little drop of warmth in my chest. It took many…. many… hours of trial and error, but I have finally managed to guide the warm water to my fingertips. I’m not sure what this does but now I am going to attempt to do…something.

So, I sat in my little spot in the shade and guided the warm droplet all the way to my fingertips. Now I was going to try to make a spec of water, the tiniest little droplet. I focused intensely on every aspect that I wanted from the droplet; the size, shape, color, how it was going to smell, even the chemical components. 

And I sat there for a long time attempting to do this until…. nothing.

I couldn’t do it! 

Damn! Maybe I really needed a teacher or something. Hell, even a dang book explaining this would be more straightforward! I kicked a branch in frustration and sat back down to think, I couldn’t give up, not yet. 

Mmmm… maybe I should use fire? No, I can’t. If I do something wrong, I might burn the entire jungle down along with myself.

Maybe… could I try wind? I have seen Seana use fire magic and water magic. So, if it was based on the elements, then perhaps there was wind and earth? Since I didn’t know what earth magic looked like, so I focused on making a small gust of wind instead.

I also decided to adopt another approach, I have never seen anyone use magic while meditating, so maybe I needed to be standing for it. I squared myself off with my knees just past my shoulders and dropped my base. I wasn’t sure what kind of stance I should take, but I figured this would be fine. 

Then I refocused and moved the tiny drop of warmth all the way back to my fingertips, where I imagined it turning into a small gust of wind. As soon as the droplet hit my fingertip, an ever-so-small amount of air came out from my hand, it was barely enough even to shake the leaves of the tree. But I did it! I used magic. Finally!

But my joy was immediately replaced with a feeling of complete and utter death. Only a few seconds after I made that slight breeze I began to feel awful. I felt like somebody had bludgeoned my entire body with a metal bat and kicked me a few times for good measure. 

I tried to move, but instead, I just fell forward as I lost control of my body and face planted into the dirt. I couldn’t move my body at all, not even wiggle my fingertips as I lay there inhaling the dirt. Nor could I speak to call for help. I just laid there for well over five minutes.

Slowly but surely, the feeling returned to my body as I regained control over it again. I was still in agonizing pain, and I was completely drained. I felt like I needed to hibernate for fifty years. 

I waddled my tiny fatigued body back home, where Seana called out to me, “Kal baby, are you okay? You don’t look so good... and what happened to your clothes and face!” she said with genuine concern. 

I must have looked as terrible as I felt. Seana dropped the fabric she was working on and rushed over, and began to clean my face. “I fell and I don’t feel so good,” I said. 

It was a half-truth. But it was better not to alert her that I could use magic, even if said magic might just be a death trap.

“Go lay down!  I’ll go get Doctor Jacobs right away,” Seana said, scrambling to get ready. 

I wasn’t sure if I needed a doctor but it probably wouldn’t hurt, I doubt they would be able to tell I used magic.

—

“So, you used too much magic, boy?” said the old as dirt doctor.

He was the same old man I remember seeing when I first awoke. The geezer looked like he might fall dead at any moment, yet I didn’t actually see him struggle to move. Alanis was currently away hunting, and Seana was running to go get me some soup from one of her coworkers, so it was just him and me.

“No… I no feel very good,” I lied. The Doctor once again fixed me with whatever magic he could use. I went from feeling like death walking to just being very very tired in moments.

“Anyone ever told you that you suck at lying boy? From the day I pulled you out of your mother, I knew you were going to be a hellion. But I sure didn’t think you were gonna cast a spell before you even turned five!“ he cackled. 

So apparently, five is the age where people can start casting spells?

“I don’t know magic.”

I tried to cover for myself as best as I could. I already had a train of lies, I might as well double down.

“Listen here, squirt, I have been putting people back together before your mommy and daddy even thought about having you. I know what mana sickness looks like, so don’t you lie to me. Now, what did you do?” he said while poking me in my fatty stomach.

“I made wind.” 

I take that back. It seems doubling down wasn’t going to work here. I wasn’t aware there was an identifiable illness associated with this…

There was no point in lying to him any longer. He had clearly seen through me. Now I knew that there were some severe repercussions if I overused magic.

“Huh, you tried to use wind magic, huh? You are an Elf, so naturally, you should be pretty good at it. But maybe you just lack an affinity for it? You try anything else?” he asked.

He seemed less concerned for my health and more interested in my abilities.

“I tried water. Didn’t work.” I said simply.

“So, you even tried water magic. Fascinating. Elves are famous for having loads of mana and being extremely adept at nearly all types of elemental magic. They even start casting spells earlier than nearly every other race. But at almost three years old? I wonder what you are capable of… ” he trailed off and got a far-off look in his eyes. 

Oh, no. 

Suddenly those emerald eyes of his gazed into me and he moved close to my face with a speed that surprised even me. “I’ll make you a deal, boy. I won't tell mommy and daddy about your little magic experiments. But you have to come with me four times a week and train in magic. It will be our little secret.”

Wow. All I had to do was nearly kill myself to learn magic? I should have done this sooner. I’d be an idiot not to accept this. Yet I couldn't help but feel I was making a deal with the devil. I decided against my better judgment and agreed.

“Okay,” was all I needed to say to secure myself a magic teacher.

I guess magic really is dangerous after all.