Kaladin Shadowheart’s POV

I had escaped the house and wandered off into the jungle a bit away from home. It was just becoming evening, so there were plenty of hours of sunlight left in the day. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach as emotions swirled around in my head.

I was just so confused and unsure of what I was doing. Here I was, in a fantasy world, living a second life. I just couldn’t come to terms with it all. 

It defied all logic, yet here I am.

Or perhaps I just wasn’t letting myself come to terms with it. I had grown sick and tired of these games. “LISTEN HERE, WHOEVER IS SCREWING AROUND WITH ME OUT THERE, JUST KILL ME ALREADY! WHY ARE YOU KEEPING ME HERE!?” I screamed into the evening air.

I hoped some administrative figure would descend from the sky and tell me what was going on and the purpose of all this was. That the simulation would finally end and they would either kill or spare me. Yet, my complaints and wishes were met with the silence of the evening jungle.

I leaned against a tree and slid my back down its rough bark onto the ground. I felt nauseous, as my emotions raged on in my head as I tried to make sense of all of this. My stomach lurched as I fought back the bile that threatened to escape my mouth. I felt light-headed, and I couldn’t stop myself from shaking and sweating. I stared off into the cloudy sky and tried to calm my nerves.

But suddenly, every fiber in my body screamed at me. I sensed something close to me and began to panic. I was so distraught that I hadn’t even comprehended why the jungle was so quiet. It was because something was in it.

I heard a bush rustle about fifty yards away from me as something slipped out from it. It looked like an inky black dog with no neck or mouth. Its front legs were shorter than its back, giving it a hunched appearance. It had two rows of six beet-red eyes and sharp pitch black spines coming out of its slick back. It almost looked like a moving shadow despite the red eyes. I could feel it staring straight at me. 

I have to run. Now.

I enhanced myself with mana and began a full sprint out of the jungle. It only took a few moments, but I could hear that monster gaining on me. It was closing the distance and fast. Crap, it’s going to catch me.

Out of options and my heart pounding out of my chest, I spotted a tree that looked easy to climb and hoped that thing lacked the ability to climb. I didn’t see claws on it, nor did it seem strong enough to jump straight up the tree. I scurried up the tree at blinding speeds for a five-year-old. I was about thirty feet into the air when I looked down at the jungle floor. I began to sweat profusely as I could practically drink the bloodlust that thing was emitting. It just sat there, staring at me menacingly.

Then in a blink of an eye, I heard a whoosh, then a thud as a black spine lodged itself into the branch right next to where my face used to be. I didn’t have time to think as I could hear the air whiz as more black spines were launched at me. I began running through the canopy as fast as I could. But, I could still hear that monster launching spines and running after me from below.

A spine slammed into the branch I was about to land on, and it gave away. I was in free fall for only a moment. Then I slammed into the branches on my way down to the jungle floor. I could feel my ribs break as I smashed through the canopy. I tried to hold onto anything my tiny hands could grasp, but instead, I just ended up smacking my head against a branch. 

I blacked out as I tumbled down to the jungle floor.

I woke up at the base of a tree. It only took one shallow breath to know I had destroyed my ribs and a few other bones. My head swam as I saw stars. To add insult to injury, a few yards away from me was that same creature. My attempt at escaping its clutches had failed. It fired a spine straight into my right shoulder, pinning me to the tree making me scream out in pain.

I could only watch as it advanced on me. It didn’t have a face, but I could tell it enjoyed hunting me as it let out a satisfied purr. My vision blurred as it sprinted at me to finish me off. 

Like hell, I’m not going out this easy.

I waited for it to leap at me, and I placed my hand onto the ground and willed a spike of earth to come forth. This spell was an Intermediate level combat spell called Earth Spike. Typically casting it only once would drain me completely, but I wasn’t about to let this monster have its way with me even if I died from mana sickness.

It leaped, and my Earth Spike went straight into its midsection, impaling the monster high up in the air. It let out a shrill scream of pain as it attempted to end my life. The murkey blackness where its face should have been melted away, revealing razor-sharp teeth that tried to rip my throat out. 

Using the last drops of my mana I sent a fireball straight into the mouth of the monster and watched it explode. Smoke fumed from the monster’s mouth while it was impaled on the brown spear of earth that I conjured, unmoving and staining the ground with oozing black blood.

I sat there, pinned to a tree and bleeding out with broken ribs and a concussion. On top of that, I could no longer feel the right side of my body. It seems the monster's spine was poisoned. 

Everything hurt so bad. I’m really not used to this kind of pain. No wonder they drugged us up at every opportunity.

I gazed off into the distance. All of this felt so real. But, maybe, it really was real. All this time, it wasn’t a simulation. I had actually been given a second chance at life. And instead of keeping my promise with Doctor Suárez and Heimdall to live life a little bit, I squandered a golden opportunity. 

I feel awful.

I heard them before I saw them. It looks like the little black ink monster has friends. And they weren’t happy. Through blurry vision, I saw a horde of the monsters closing in on me, bearing those hideous rows of pearl white teeth at me.

Suddenly the closest one to me was blasted apart by a lance of white lightning. I could only barely make out the figure of Alanis descending from the shadows as he danced between the monsters slaughtering them with his black spear. 

Only moments after Seana joined him, wielding two silver daggers and glowing a bright white as lightning arced around her, licking her arms and legs. I watched as they risked their lives to try and save me. They were outnumbered, yet they never stopped fighting.

I couldn’t help but feel so much worse now. Here were the two people who probably loved me the most in the world, risking their lives for me. Yet, I had never even called them Mom or Dad even once to their faces.

I had even called my mom a witch and referred to my own dad as a Xeno. As an infant, I had even contemplated killing my own family in my early times. But here they were defending me in my final moments. It reminded me of what I did for Hades Squad, which sickened me even more.

If I had the strength to vomit, I probably would. I was furious at myself. I had been living a convenient lie for the last five years. I had been lying to myself for five long years because it was easier to cover up and hide my new emotions than it was for me to face them. I was a weak little failure.

In truth, I was angry with being betrayed by Zeus and the rest of the Death Commandos. I was mad at Humanity tossing me aside when I was no longer needed. I was sad that I'd never see Hades Squad again. And I was devastated that I let Nyx die because of me.

I’d thought this life was some Navy simulation and not the real deal. And because of that, I failed in the worst ways possible. I failed not only my family in this life but I failed my closest companions in the last one as well. I’m so sorry, Nyx. I’m so sorry Doctor Suárez and Heimdall. I should have never taken the life of Kaladin Shadowheart. 

Things would have been better that way.

I could only watch as they fought. My already blurring vision was filled with tears as I drifted off once again to the void of death. I probably wouldn’t get a third chance at life. 

And that was fine. I didn’t deserve it the second time anyhow. 

It’s a shame I am going to die with all these regrets and that filled me with even more pain in my heart. If I had one more chance, I’d try to be the best son I could be. I’d call them Mom and Dad. I’d tell them that I actually loved them and that I was sorry for being the worst son to ever exist.

I am sorry, Mom…Dad... I'm so sorry…