“Nope, I’m putting my shoes on, let’s go!” he yells over his shoulder, heading towards the door where both of our shoes are and I’m doing the best imitation of a baby deer caught in a beam of headlights, paralyzed on the spot.

I glance back between Jaeyong and his parents in his kitchen who are cleaning up after us, feeling bad that I won’t be able to finish up. The exhaustion of the day is already making my limbs and muscles heavy, dragging me down, and making me lazy.

Mrs. Min comes to my rescue, some motherly sixth sense that places her hands on my shoulders to steer me in the direction of where my shoes are, where Jaeyong is waiting, humming a song that I don’t know under his breath.

“Please, go. We’re in town for the week, so maybe we can do this again, unless you’re too busy?”

I snort. Me? Me? Too busy?

It’s not like I’m going to tell her that I don’t have any friends, haven’t gone out with the people I work with yet, but I wouldn’t pass up the chance to be here again, if Jaeyong wants me, of course.

“I would love to see you again.”

“We go back to Daejeon at the end of the week. I’ll have Jaeyong call you, yes?” Mrs. Min smiles at me.

“Yes, of course.” I nod, letting myself be steered towards Jaeyong. I shove my feet into my sneakers, turning around to give Mrs. Min a hug, calling out a ‘goodnight’ through the apartment to Mr. Min. Haneul whines as he comes to stand by Mrs. Min, tail wagging a little sadly then stopping altogether when Jaeyong pulls the door open and ushers me outside without touching me.

It’s weird now, I know.

Honestly, I didn’t think this was going to go as well as it did, mulling it over as I follow Jaeyong down the stairs (instead of taking the elevators all the way down to the basement). I follow along behind him, marveling at the broadness of his back, shaking my head because I never thought he’d be so much bigger than me, broader and bigger—so much of a man now instead of the boy I knew.

I wonder if Jaeyong looked at me once tonight and saw the same thing—girl to woman, the changes that have happened over the time we were apart, and the things that have stayed the same during that time.

I stop when we get to his car, an unassuming black Hyundai Sonata (of all things). He beeps the car doors open, and I stumble after him to the passenger side, watching him round the car to the driver’s side, the car moving just a little as he takes his seat.

“I can tell your parents that you drove me home the next time I see them, if you want, and I can take a bus. I’m aware of how much of an inconvenience this is.”

Jaeyong glances over at me, blinking, hands on the steering wheel once he’s turned the ignition, Bigbang’s “Bang, Bang, Bang” blaring from the stereo before he hastily shuts it off.

“It’s not an inconvenience, I swear. My parents think I’m still able to go out like this, though, so you might want to lean all the way down in your seat. Sasaengs aren’t going to take it very well if I’m caught driving a female.”

Sasaengs, the same kind of obsessive fans that we have back home that stalk, endanger and do other weird shit to express their adulation to their favourite idols, would definitely rip me apart for being in the same car as Jaeyong.

“Ah, shit. Really? Okay, let me just leave.”

“It’s fine, just lean the chair all the way back and lie down. I don’t mind driving you. It helps that my car looks like every other one on the road, too.”

I lean the seat all the way back so I’m practically horizontal while Jaeyong is driving, getting a little nauseous in this position, but I set up my GPS with my address and hand my phone over to Jaeyong so he can hook it up to his Bluetooth and get us going, leaving the parking garage behind.

“I thought for sure I was going to come down here and find a Mercedes or something, the one with the pelican wings.” I flap my arms like a bird and do an admirable job of it despite the cramped space.

Jaeyong snickers, eyes on the road, and not on me, which of course is exactly what you want someone driving you home to do. It also maybe feels like he’s shutting me out, too, and I let him.

“Thank you for inviting me tonight. I don’t know if I said it enough.”

Jaeyong turns his head at the glow of a red light, smiling down at me with those stupid dimples. “Yeah, of course. I’m still amazed at your Korean, though.”

I squirm in my seat, wanting to risk the chance of sitting upright. It’s dark outside, too, and I don’t know about anybody else, but when I’m driving home and stopped at a traffic light, I’m more likely to fiddle with my radio or the next song on my ‘Driving’ playlist than look into other cars and see if it’s someone I recognize.

But then again, no one ever said I was observant, and from what I read when I got into the Trixie fandom, that sasaeng obsession knows no bounds—who knows if someone is following us right now? Who freaking knows?

“I still make a bunch of mistakes with the expressions, but I try hard not to. And I bet I’m going to get a lot better being in Seoul, hopefully. Your French has gone to shit, though, FYI.”

“What the hell? No it hasn’t!” Jaeyong laughs, glancing down at me, eyes somewhere near my legs so he doesn’t have to twist his neck as far…this is not The Exorcist, thanks. “Shit, really?”

“We can switch to French if you want. If you wanna practice.”

Jaeyong nods. “I’m totally out of practice, completely. It was so hard coming back to Seoul and my Korean wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be since I had to be better in English and French to translate everything for my mom, yeah? And at school, it was primarily French. God, I had to re-learn how to read and write in Korean.”

“I freaked out when I learned that there were two numbering systems. I still get them mixed up at times, especially when I’m reading the time out loud,” I confess.

Jaeyong sighs, glancing over his shoulder to his blind spot, and I can feel us merging into a lane, the car speeding up—getting onto the highway probably. It’s weird seeing parts of Seoul pass me by at this angle, being able to glance up into the skyscrapers and buildings piercing the cloudy night sky, the starlight over the city extinguished by all the bright, bright lights.

“I still can’t believe you’re here,” he says, shaking his head as he glances out the windshield.

I lean over to swat at his arm. “Are you convinced now?”

Jaeyong rubs at his arm even though I know I didn’t hurt him, just touched him enough to feel the muscle underneath, like a touch-starved pervert. “Yeah, yeah. I still can’t believe you’re here,” he says around a yawn, and it makes me feel bad that he’s going to get back home so late. “God, my parents nearly lost their shit when I told them I saw you at a fansign. My mom really liked you back then, thought you were a responsible girl.”

Responsible girl—makes me sound like the most boring girl, if anything.

I never rebelled, never did anything adventurous until I got to my twenties, not wanting to deal with the inevitable daily fights about it with my mom during high school, plus I was a wicked tomboy back then, more into sports than makeup, afraid of it and how it would look in my deep-set eyes. I snort, coughing into my hand when I end up choking on air.

“Responsible. Please.”

“You were the first friend I had, and you happened to be female. You were the candle I had to hold up to every girlfriend ever since.”

“What?! But we weren’t like that, not at all.” I frown, wanting to do a crunch and sit upright, finally taking the chance and lifting my seat to a more upright position, hand on the lever in case I need to go back down quick.

Jaeyong shrugs, scratching at the arm I playfully swatted at before. “She thought I was a lonely kid. I didn’t really have that many friends back in elementary school—she thought it was going to be the same in high school. Dance helped me through a lot, but none of those kids in my classes went to our school. I don’t know, I never really felt like myself, and seventh grade is absolute shit for everybody, you can’t tell me otherwise.”

I nod, because yeah, he’s telling the truth.

My GPS tells us we’re five minutes away, and I bring my seat all the way up, scrubbing along my face with my hands, trying to get the circulation moving, lamenting the fact that I’m going to have to take up another step in my skincare routine tonight (double cleanse so the makeup comes all the way off, shit). We’re finally pulling up to my building, and I’m yawning and Jaeyong looks so tired.

“Want me to get you a coffee for the ride home? There’s a convenience store just up there.”

Jaeyong yawns too, because they are contagious for sure, for sure. “Nah, I’ll be fine. Thanks for coming over, I had fun.”

I nod. “Sure, yeah, anytime.” I give him a smile, wanting a hug, not going to go for it ’cause that’s just the person I am.

Jaeyong tilts his head, a sleepy smile on his face, blinking slowly at me. “You mean that, Raleigh? Any time?”

“Well, I mean, I do work regular hours, but yeah, my evenings and weekends are pretty free. I’m still trying to figure Seoul out, so I’m always up for exploring.”

Liar, you don’t explore, you read a book in your apartment on the balcony instead of dealing with people.

Jaeyong nods, runs a hand through his hair. “I, uh, can show you around some time?”

My eyebrows pinch together, and my stomach flip-flops back and forth, the worst kind of roller coaster without doing the whole defying gravity kind of thing.

“Aren’t you super busy?”

Jaeyong shrugs because we’re both aware of the six-month hiatus. “I guess it’d be nice to see you some more. My parents are leaving by the end of the week, so you know they’re going to want to see you again. I’ll call you, yeah?”

“Sure, Jaeyong, you can do that.”

“It’s funny and weird that you’re saying my Korean name.” He flicks his finger against the air freshener tag hanging from his mirror, watching it swing like some sort of cat batting at a toy.

I don’t know what to say to that. I start opening the passenger door, setting off the inner light.

“Goodnight, Jaeyong. Talk soon, okay?”

“Talk soon.” He nods, and I finally get my door all the way open, jogging to the lobby of the building, turning to wave goodbye, somehow knowing he’d wait until I was safe inside the building.

Jaeyong doesn’t disappoint, waving bye to me one final time.

I head upstairs, take off my makeup once inside my apartment, rushing through my nighttime skin care routine, putting my lunch in plastic containers and having it ready in my fridge for tomorrow morning in case I do the dumb thing and snooze my alarm too many times.

I put on pajamas, brush out my hair, and finally climb into bed after turning off all the lights in my apartment and double-checking that I’ve locked the front door. I plug in my phone to charge, and a text message comes in.

MJY: My mom asked for your number, and I gave it to her. Be prepared for her to feed you when you least expect it, and to send you side dishes whenever she gets the chance. She misses me now that I’m not at home anymore.

Me: Did you think I was going to be mad about it?

Me: Thanks again for driving me home. You got home safely?

MJY: Yeah, I’m getting into my apartment now, about to have a midnight chapssaltteok. :)

Me: Glad I could indulge your addiction. Goodnight, Jaeyong!

MJY: Good night, Raleigh-ssi. Talk soon.

I fall asleep with a smile on my face, and only snooze my alarm once in the morning.

I’m calling it a win.