I regretted taking the underground on Wednesday. When the small metal tube filled with bodies, it had a knack for trapping in the heat. Yet I was willing to ignore it if it meant I would get to the library more quickly.

Stepping out from the underground station, I felt a gentle prickle on my skin from the sun above. We were supposed to have moderate UV rays today, so I made sure to apply sunscreen before leaving my home this morning.

Ducking into Costa, I grabbed myself the usual iced coffee. But as I went to pay, I added a bottle of water to my purchase. Given that he had bought me such an expensive meal, I figured I owed him something. Though I didn't know what he liked to drink.

Beverages in hand, I was quick to race out of the cafe and make my way up the steps of the library, through the ground floor, and up the final flight of stairs.

Yet as I rounded the corner to our table, my face fell to find it empty.

Tentatively setting up my belongings on my side, I left his space open in case he was late.

After all my things were in place, I went into the aisles to grab my books for today, still stuck on expanding my knowledge of fairies (the normal kind).

But when half an hour passed and he still hadn't turned up, I snapped the book I was reading shut.

Picking up my pile of fairy books, I then dropped them on the return trolley, the hardcovers and paperbacks colliding with a loud thud.

Heading back into the aisles, I tugged a new selection of new texts into my awaiting arms before sitting down and flicking to a new page, writing 'ghosts' on top.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

Ben never turned up that Wednesday. I waited until past midday in the hopes that maybe he was coming in the afternoon. But it was to no avail.

While the lack of his presence left a bitter taste in my mouth as I headed off that afternoon, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Because perhaps he just had something come up that day...

Then Thursday rolled around, another day of mugginess clinging to the air and dampening the spirits of all of London.

"Please remember to stay hydrated during this hot spell," the intercom at the train station announced as I climbed off the tube.

Weaving my way through the bustling crowds, I skipped my iced coffee that morning, eager to get to my seat to see him.

This time, I was sure he'd be there.

Yesterday had to be a fluke.

Which was why, as I bounded up the stairs, a small smile was already pulling onto my face in anticipation of our gazes meeting after what felt like forever apart.

But, as I rounded that corner... again, it was vacant.

And Friday passed just the same.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

On Saturday evening, after I had gotten home from work and had had my dinner, I called my mum for our weekly catch up.

"Hello honey, how are you?" she asked.

"Oh you know. So so," I mumbled back into the receiver.

"What's wrong?" she was quick to reply.

I sighed. "Why do people suck?" I implored, feeling the rant already brewing in me.

My mum was my only support system. Growing up was tough for me, with friends coming and going almost as quickly as the day turned to night. Marli had been my only one true friend through it all, but ever since school finished, even we had drifted apart, only catching up in brief every few months, the distance growing wider each time. So I often unleashed a lot of my feelings on my mother.

"What happened?" mum prompted.

"You know how I go to the library every day during the week?"

My mum gasped. "Don't tell me you actually met and spoke to a human there?"

"I did. Perfect place for a bookworm like me to meet someone, right? But turns out every human in this world is an absolute arsehole."

"What happened, Ollie?" Ollie was mum's nickname for me. A carry over from when I struggled to say my own name as a toddler.

"Well, first he stole my seat, but then we realised we were looking at a lot of the same things," I started.

"Did you say he?" she interrupted.

I deadpanned. "That's what you're hooking onto?"

"You're right. We can come back to that. Continue."

Rolling my eyes, even though she couldn't see it, I went on. "He has a friend writing a vampire story and he needed help introducing a character that would help defeat the antagonist. So I gave him all these ideas, and he even took me out to this fancy restaurant on Tuesday night where I finished telling him about all my options. Then poof. Nothing. Gone. It was like he got what he wanted, and now he has left." A defeated sigh escaped me.

"Oh, Ollie. I'm sorry that he was such a jerk. You're too good for him. But tell me... was he cute?"

"Oh, mum," I chuckled.

"That's not an answer."

I frowned. "I would say I found him attractive. But each to their own, right?"

"Such a shame!" she tsked.

"Well, if the personality is ugly then..."

"Did he have an ugly personality?" she asked, sounding shocked.

"No," I sighed. "He was lovely. Until the moment he just... ghosted me."

Mum was silent for a moment, but eventually she replied, "Maybe he had something important come up."

I laughed with no humour. "I'm not getting my hopes up mum. I already thought that, but every day he's been a no-show..."

But the line went quiet.

Sick of being sad and moping about a fleeting crush, I asked her, "So how's my cat?" desperate to change the topic.

She heaved a groan. "He's such a pain these days. He has learned how to open all my cupboards, and it's driving me up the walls."

"But is he cute doing it?" I asked the most important question, trying to force myself to feel happy all the while.

"So cute. It's so hard to stay mad at him." Mum and I avoided our first topic for the rest of the conversation, choosing to stick to lighter subject matters.

But after hanging up the phone, I was still too awake to sleep, slightly irked about Benjamin. So I decided to clean my flat to release my lingering tension.

It was a shoebox, really. The front door led into a kitchenette, showcasing the tiniest sink ever and a single induction hob. My dining table folded down on the wall by the kitchen. I had a king single, pressed against the wall in the room leading off my hallway/kitchenette, with a dresser on the other side. The best feature of the room was the small, but modern bathroom that shared its wall with the kitchen.

There were other apartments I looked at when I first moved to London that sat around the whopping figure of 180 pounds a week (the delightful cost of my shoebox), some with their own bedrooms, but further out and in a flatshare. Yet of all I looked at, this place was my favourite. It was right by Highgate station, giving me quick access to the city.

With only me to host, it was just enough room for what I needed. But, most importantly, it was one of the only places with a shower instead of a shower/tub combo.

After thoroughly vacuuming, mopping, dusting, and scrubbing the whole place, it was almost clean enough to eat off the floor within the hour... not that I would.

Yet despite feeling a little satisfied after inspecting my efforts, that niggling feeling of despair remained.

Tired and seeking another release, I hopped into the shower to rinse the sweat off. I spent almost an eternity sitting under the hot stream, vivid flashes of despair coming in waves as the foggy room felt familiar and foreign... this lonesome feeling was all too recognisable. All too soon...

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

Sunday passed pretty much like Saturday. I stacked shelves, recommended books, rung up orders, had my provided breaks, and binged TV shows until I fell asleep.

When Monday morning came around, I was already starting to feel the slightest bit better. I'd be lying if I said a small part of me wasn't still longing for someone by my side again, but the routine of my solitude was starting to feel right once more.

Yet as I forwarded out of my apartment that morning, stepping outside into the day, I immediately pivoted on my foot and hurried back into the foyer. Taking the steps two at a time, I raced back to my apartment, grabbing a thicker jacket before racing out for the bus again.

In less than a week, summer was essentially over, the hot spell seeming to be long gone as the coldness of coming autumn days began to creep nearer.

However, that brief trip back up to grab my jacket meant I missed my usual eight o'clock bus, so I was running a little late to the library. But it didn't matter anyway considering my routine was back to normal.

So even though I was late, I stopped in at Costa to grab a drink before finally heading up the stairs to my corner of the library at 9:45am.

But as I rounded that corner of shelves, eyes searching out my spot, I faltered.

Because he was back.

Sitting at our table. His eyes, burning blue, met mine right away, and he gave me a small, almost apologetic, smile.

The boiling bubbles of rage began to fill me—as I worked overtime to suppress the joy that was also trying to flood me. Looking away immediately, I forwarded over to the nearest table by the stairs this time instead of going over to the mythology section.

I'm not playing this game, my mind started to think as I set up my station. He can't just disappear like that and then smile at me like all is forgiven...

No way.

I won't just let go of what happened.

There's surely no excuse for ghosting me like that...

Benjamin suddenly disappearing after our brief period of bonding reminded me of the reality that comes with letting people in: they always eventually leave. And the way his eyes and smile made my heart leap around in my chest, I knew then that I couldn't get any closer than I had. Because that sense of dread that clung to my days before Benjamin had showed up had a feeling oddly similar to this one.

Like I had lost something... someone. But who?