Chapter 10

Tuesday, January 2, ????

   Ash just kept getting worse. I couldn’t even get him to eat one piece of food and it scared me. Eli and Elly became friends with Subree and joined in on beating Ash a few times, but gladly I was able to stop them. I was pissed that the twins would turn on us, especially against Ash, a few times they seemed like they wanted to apologize but Subree would pull them away.

   Eli tried talking to me a few times, but I mostly just brushed him off or went off on him, he seemed to know he was in the wrong. Elly mostly just stood by except for the very few times she tossed something at Ash or briefly hit, just to satisfy Subree. A bunch of bs.

Wednesday, January 3, ????

    School got canceled because of ice and snow, but It wasn’t all that happy.

   “Waylen, come here,” My dad yelled from the living room. I slowly opened my door and walked towards him, just to have a bottle smashed over my head.

   “Why are you still hanging around that boy!?” 

   “I’m the only one he has and I love him, how many times do I have to say it,” I say holding my head in pain.

   “Break up with him, or you're going to live back in Germany,” he says pointing at my room and then the door. I slowly walk to my room, tears stinging my eyes, my dad follows behind me.  

   I walk up to my window and my dad stands in my doorway. Ash is already at his window looking scared, I guess he heard the fighting again. “Are you ok,” he says, his voice sounding a bit worried, I could see he was looking at the blood dripping from my forehead.

   “I’m fine,” I say not looking at him but looking at my hands placed on the window sill. 

   “Ok,” he says and by the tone, I can tell he has a small smile. I want to look up at him with a smile like I always do but I can feel my dad’s glare burning into me.

   “A-Ashen,” I never call him by his real name when we’re home, and neither does he, so it hurts.

   “Yeah?” by the tone in his voice I can tell he’s a little worried, I don’t want him to be, I don’t want to do this.

   “I think we should just be friends,” saying the words hurt, like a stab in the chest, but I knew it would hurt Ash more.

   “Say that to my face,” I heard his sobs as he said that, I knew he was crying. I take a quick glance at my dad who is still standing in the doorway holding a bottle and his phone, ready to throw the bottle and call my mom to bring me back, she’d be in no stable condition to take me in. 

   I look up at Ash his tears dripping off his cheeks, I want to wipe them away and say that I’m sorry, but I can’t, so I just kept looking at him and say, “I never loved you,” the words hurt worse than the other ones, a lie, a lie that hurt extremely, a lie that broke the little boy I loved with all my heart, a lie that hurt my lover, the lie that broke my boyfriend. 

   “Goodbye, Waylen,” he says and closes his window and curtains. I felt my heart shatter inside my chest. After my dad walked out of my room laughing I broke down to my knees crying, everything hurt, and everything felt broken.

   I don’t know how long I was crying but I suddenly felt a pain in my wrist as if a cut. I thought for a little and then remembered Ashen’s scars, I quickly stood up and jumped out my window and knocked on Ash’s window sill but he didn’t answer. I knocked louder until he opened his window, his cheeks stained with tears. “I’m sorry,” was the only words I could say but he just stood there with his hands ready to close the window again. I reached for his hand but he jolted away, and I noticed the bandages on his wrists. I led him back to that, I led him to break his promise but I wasn’t mad, it was my fault. 

   “I’ll just leave you alone,” I say and climb back into my room, and into my bed.

   I don’t remember falling asleep but I woke up to my head hurting from all the crying, I look over to my window and see a letter. I quickly stood up and opened it. 

Dear, checkar boy or I guess now Waylen

You were the only one I had, and you knew that but I guess you didn’t love me as much as I thought you did or at all really, but I can’t take this anymore, I try so hard and I don’t know why, but don’t worry, I'm with the stars now, so please keep your promise and never forget me.

-Starboy, or I guess now Ashen

   I felt a sharp pain in my chest and before I knew it I was running to our special place. By the time I get to the waterfall, there’s already a broken spot in the ice. I ran up to it and saw Ash’s star necklace, the chain broken on the ice, in the snow is the ring I gave him.

   I break some more of the ice and pull Ash out of the water, his skin is cold and pale, I check for a pulse but there is none. Laying him gently in the grass, I attempt CPR and mouth to mouth. I check for a pulse again and there's a small one making me sigh in relief. I take off my jacket and wrap Ash in it for warmth. I take out my phone to type in ‘911’ and ask for an ambulance. 

   I held him tight and said sorry over and over again crying until I heard the sirens on the ambulance and I walked out of the woods carrying him. I answer a few questions they ask and watch the ambulance leave.

Thursday, January 4, ????

   I hardly got any sleep and didn’t pay attention in any of my classes, my anxiety was running like crazy and I kept having a mental breakdown. “Hey man, you ok?” Eli says walking up to me, I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t even notice I was crying.

   “Y-yeah I’m fine,” I say, wiping the stray tear off my cheek.

   “I haven't seen Ashen anywhere, where is he?” Eli says, taking a sip of his hot chocolate and looking around. I started crying again after he mentioned Ash and he quickly looked at me.

   “Wait- did he break up with you or something?” Eli actually looked worried, I guess he’s sorry.

   “No..,”

   “Then what happened?” Eli takes a seat next to me and I tell him everything that happened yesterday.

   “Ok, 1: your dad’s a dick, 2: I wish you would have told me in the beginning with Ash’s, I mean Ashen’s past so I wouldn’t of made a dick move too.” he looks at me with eyes that just yell: ‘come on Waylen forgive us!’

   “Yeah, I'm sorry, I should have told you-”  I get interrupted by my phone ringing.

   “Hello?” I say answering it.

   “Yes, hello, this is the Welbeck hospital.”

   “Oh yes, is everything ok,” I start tapping my foot worried.

   “I’m sorry for your loss,” I almost dropped my phone.

   “W-what, Ash is g-gone?” I say and look at Eli, his face is pale and I bet mine is too.

   “Ash? No no, oh my I’m so sorry I typed the wrong number, no Ashen’s awake actually and is asking about you, but he’s nowhere close to better he got quite sick from the cold water,” I sigh in relief but feel bad for whoever lost someone.

   “Ok I'm on my way,” I say and hang up grabbing my bag. 

   “Wait, we still have class,” Eli says, running after me.

   “Ash is more important than a diploma,” I say, opening the school doors.

   “He’s ok?”

   “Yeah, the nurse had the wrong number,” I ran to my motorcycle and put on my helmet.

   “Ok, well I guess I'll stay here I doubt he wants to see me after everything, so go take care of your boyfriend, and say ‘hi’ for me,” after he says that I give him a thumbs up and ride off to the hospital.

   When I get there I run inside saying who I am and run up all the stairs to Ash’s room. I open the door and wave to Ash smiling calmly. “Hi, why do you look so tired?” he says, looking a little worried.

   “I haven’t gotten much sleep, but I'm fine,” I say and sit on a stool next to Ash’s bed.

   “You saved me?” Ash looks up at me and I can’t read him this time, a mix of sadness and happiness I suppose.

   “Of course,” I say but he just looks down at his hands on his lap and I gently grab his chin to make him look at me.

   “Hey, I’m sorry about everything I said, I didn’t mean it,” I explained everything that happened with my dad and what he said and it seems to make Ash relieved.

   “You deserve more than me, you deserve someone that's not so scared of his dad and-” I get cut off by a slap on the mouth.

   “Don’t talk like that, and no more putting yourself through this just because of me, I want you to be happy no matter what, ok?” as he says that I can tell he’s serious.

   “Yes sir,” I say and salute, making us both laugh. 

   “Oh, I almost forgot, Eli wants to say hi and that he’s sorry,” that seems to make Ash stop smiling a little but he nods.

   “I forgive him,” he says and gives me a small smile.

   We talked for quite a while, Ash coughed a few times throughout conversations making me worry, after a while we both looked out the window and noticed that it's getting dark. “Wanna talk to Eli and Elly, maybe Ming,” I say and hold up my phone.

   “Yeah I want to say they're forgiven,” he smiles as I dial the number and put the phone on speaker.

   “Hello?” Eli answers.

   “Hi,” Ash and I say at the same time.

   “Oh hello, Ash, I mean Ashen? I’m not sure what I can call you now, you ok?” after Eli asks, Ash is silent for a little while.

   “Yeah, I'm ok, and you can call me Ash,” Ash says, but for some reason, I don’t believe him, I have a feeling he’s hiding something.

   “Ok great, oh, by the way, I'm sorry,” Eli says and it sounds genuine so I know he means it.

   “You're forgiven,” Ash says, giving his sunshine smile even though Eli can’t see it.

   After a little while of talking to Eli, Ash hands me a necklace with a moon charm. “Why a moon?” I ask, smiling and putting it on.

   “Don’t you remember, the moon is the brightest star at night,” Ash smiles but then it fades.

   “Ach I can tell you're not telling me something,” I look at him until he finally looks back at me but his eyes are teary.

   “I’m sorry Waylen, I should have had more self-control and not jumped from the top of the waterfall,” I look at him a little confused and then remember what the nurse said over the phone.

   “Y-you have a chance of dying don’t you?” after I say that I look down at my hands and feel tears sting my eyes.

   “Hey I said don’t get sad because of me, but yeah, the doctor said I might not live through tonight.” his voice went playful to sad.

   “But don’t cry about me or do anything stupid, or I’ll come back and haunt you,” he giggles a little which makes me laugh a little as well.

   Ash smiles at me and gives me a kiss before he starts coughing hard and nonstop then stops as his eyes flutter shut and he lays back, I feel my heart start to race as I listen to the ‘Beep... Beep….. Beep’ turn to ‘Beep.Beep.Beep’  and then lastly the final ‘Beeeeep’ I slowly stand up when the nurses and doctors run in. I knew he was gone even before they knew they couldn’t save him, I watched as they pulled the blanket over his face.

   I walk out of the hospital and stand outside looking up at the stars, I notice one very bright star and smile.

 Ashen Haris is where he wanted to always be...

With the stars, because he is

My Starboy

The End