Writing prompt: "'You shall fall dead on the day of your first child's birth!' was the curse that young, inexperienced witch put on you. Little did she realize that, to an asexual like yourself, she'd essentially given you immortality. Every year, on the anniversary of your curse, she tries to 'fix' things."

(Note: I understand "asexual" is defined as either "a person who has zero sexual desires," or "a person who chooses to ignore all sexual desires.")

Response:

I've had a few relationships in the past. I've even loved a few people. But, I've only ever wanted to cuddle with a cute girl; I've never actually really wanted to "do the deed." Before the witch cursed me, I've done it a few times in a few ways with a few girls. All ended badly. It seemed worse and worse as time went on. It eventually got so bad that I had a nervous breakdown after I broke up with a girl from my workplace. I pretty much decided then, "No more." 

When I saw a TV character say, "No more," it resonated with me on a personal level, as I had made my own vow. Never again would I "do the deed." Too many times my heart had been broken. Too many times had I faced hardship because I failed to practice self-restraint when a girl pushed herself at me.

Still, there were times, whenever I saw a young child do something cute, my heart would ask, "what if I had a child of my own?" Or other times when I felt especially lonely, my heart would ask, "Should I allow myself to have another partner?" But no. I can't do it. It's not that I didn't enjoy the physical act. But frankly, the consequences far outweigh the benefits. Another arrow to my heart is too high a price for a few short moments of pleasure.

How did I get the curse? That's a fair question. 

It's like this; I've always lived in a rural area. And where I'm from, nobody really minds if you walk the same cowpath that the cows do. So, a lot of people take shortcuts through their neighbors' fields to get from one place to another. After all, why walk 10 miles on the roads when you can walk 7 miles through the fields and reach the same destination? 

You're only considered a trespasser if you start harassing the livestock, breaking fences, or otherwise start causing trouble. And the people who do such disrespectful things don't usually stay here very long. They either learn to be neighborly, or the local government finds a way to make them move back to the city.

But, Miss Tilly bought the land just down the cowpath from me. She wasn't from the area, and she didn't know how things worked around here. Now, since her place is between my place and town, I would usually walk through on my way to buy my weekly groceries and necessities. Miss Tilly didn't realize this was normal, and when I crossed her property line it set off some kind of alarm she had set up. She rushed out of her house, wand in hand, and before you could say "What?" she had started putting the curse on me. 

As I had dealt with hysteric women before, (usually during a breakup) I knew the only thing I could do was to keep calm and try to explain things as best as I could. When she realized that I was just passing through, and that it was *normal* here, she went from antagonistic to horrified at her mistake. 

You see, curses are a funny thing in this world. They can't be lifted or changed. But, you can add things to mollify the affects. For example, when I told Miss Tilly that I meant no harm and explained the situation as it was, she decided to add a couple charms to me. The first was some sort of pseudo-science thing, where "death" became defined as death of my cells. So instead of just dropping dead on the spot when my child would be born, that's when I'd finally start aging. It's kinda like that unicorn movie; when the unicorn is magick'd into being human, she says she can feel her cells dying. That's how it works with me, now.

The second thing she did was give me...well, it's kinda embarrassing to say it, but, it's a fertility charm. It basically guarantees that the first time I "do the deed" with a girl, she'll become pregnant. 

There was one more thing she gave me; I no longer need to eat. I can eat if I want, but I don't have to, due to the whole "cells not dying" thing. Oh, and I asked; after a cell leaves my body, it reverts back to normal. So, no one can make some kind of immortality pill from my dandruff or something. 

I should mention, Miss Tilly added those charms before I really got to say much. (She's a bit...well-intentioned, but airheaded.) I had barely explained that I was just passing through when she popped the extra charms on me. She assumed, as most people do, that I get around a lot. Apparently I'm attractive. Pfft. I then proceeded to tell her a little bit about my history. Imagine her shock when I told her I haven't "done it" in years, and her even further shock when I told her that I had absolutely zero intentions of "doing it" anytime soon. 

Miss Tilly stood there, completely dumbfounded for awhile. Then she looked fearful; she said that she would get in big trouble if her Council found out she accidentally made someone immortal. Then, it looked like a light bulb went off in her head. She asked me if I would recant my "No more" vow if I met the right girl. I told her that I'm not going to look for any girl. I'm not interested in looking. But, if a girl comes along who was wife material, I could accept getting married and starting a family. 

I wish now that I hadn't said that. Ever since that day, my life has been different. On the bright side, since I don't need to eat, I don't need to take as many trips into town. Of course, now that she knows no one means any harm, Miss Tilly doesn't curse people for stepping foot on her property. Now she only gets notified by her alarms if someone strays from the cowpath. So when I make my trips into town, we give each other a friendly wave. 

But, Miss Tilly is dedicated to finding me my soulmate. Once a month, Miss Tilly brings a girl to my humble home. Thus far, I've met girls from every human ethnicity and religion. None were all that appealing. Sure, some were pretty. Some, the world would consider 11 out of 10, physically speaking. But, physical appearance isn't enough to attract me to any girl; not after what I've been through. I need more. Physical attraction is okay, but I need a girl who can keep up with me in conversation, as well as in a hundred other non-physical ways. 

Some of the girls Miss Tilly brought had decent minds. Unfortunately, they tended to be accompanied by horrible attitudes. The atheist was especially annoying to my Christian mind; she spent the entire time arguing with me rather than trying to seduce me. 

But today, on the 20th anniversary of my "curse," something new is at my door. Sitting on Miss Tilly's right shoulder is a fairy girl. I mean a literal fairy girl, with wings and everything. 

I look at Miss Tilly. 

"You've got to be joking."

"Well, I figured since you didn't like any of the humans I brought, maybe you'd like something different!"

"But she's only about four inches tall!"

"Hey! Four-and-a-half!" the fairy shouts. 

"Sorry, Miss fairy. No offense was meant. It's just that, well, do you know why Miss Tilly bought you here?"

"She said something about a curse. She wasn't really more specific than that. And my name is Tonk." The fairy curtsies. 

"Tonk?" I ask, nodding back.

"The other version was taken."

"I see," I continue, glaring at Miss Tilly. "Well, the curse involves, and please forgive my bluntness; the curse involves mating. I don't age until my first child is born."

The fairy joins me in glaring at Miss Tilly. "What the Captain Crook were you thinking, bringing me here!? It should be OBVIOUS why this won't work!"

"I thought size didn't matter," Miss Tilly tries to shy away from Tonk, who was shouting in Miss Tilly's ear.

The fairy and I both shout, "Seriously!?" as Miss Tilly starts literally backing away. Tonk floats in midair as Miss Tilly backs up.

"No, really! I thought you knew a size-changing spell, Tonk! I thought you could make yourself bigger or make him smaller!"

Tonk and I both give an exasperated sigh, then look at each other a bit startled by the timing. 

"How long have you known her?" I ask. 

"A few years," Tonk replies. 

"I see. Well, since you've made the trip, why don't you come in, have a bit of tea, and have a chat? We know Miss Tilly means well."

"Yeah, I guess so," Tonk sighs. She flies over to me and lands on my outstretched forearm, and looks at me inquisitively. "How did you know not to hold out your hand?"

"I didn't. But I've seen bird keepers handle falcons and stuff. I didn't know if you'd be offended if I held out my hand, so I tried what seemed similar to what I know."

We leave Miss Tilly at the door, and she closes it behind us. She's used to this; I always invite the guest in. I used to invite Miss Tilly in as well, but she'd always find some excuse to leave. 

Tonk and I share a couple hours of conversation together, and then the fairy flies home. I let her know she's welcome to visit anytime, and she replies by saying that she'll bring friends if that's okay. I say it is, and we bid each other goodnight. 

This was by far the best encounter I've had with one of Miss Tilly's attempted matches. I wonder who or what she'll bring to me next. I find myself actually looking forward to it for a change.