She wanted to sink down into the ground, away from chaos. Her heart had never wanted this, never ever. She just wanted a good life, no mistakes and goodbye to this horrible, loud world. Yes, she dared to insult the world, where she was standing right now. She had forgotten how she had loved her princess life, adored by others, envied by girls. She had been special. Now she was gazing at herself in the mirror, wishing she never had to become one.

“Lumi?” A familiar voice chocked on the smell of perfume. “Er, good fragrance here, Lumi, but we need to go now,” Lucy peeked into the vast bedroom.

“I can’t, Lucy. I can’t. Is this even real? This is my nightmare coming true. Without my mother, without nobody,” Lumi started to spill tears again.

“Hush now, silly child. You still have me. And of course, yourself. You can make it work, Lumi. You know everyone isn’t perfect.”

“But—,” Lumi wept.

“No butts. Dry your tears and go. I’m not your fairy godmother. Which means I have no magic to help you. But know that taking the crown is mad business, owning a whole country.”

The to-be queen didn’t reply. She wiped her tears away. She didn’t want to smear her makeup of course, but getting emotional was doubtingly her first failure.

Together, they opened the door to the gigantic church, lit with candles and filled with people.

Lumi fell silent as the procession of her crowning ceremony began. The room’s mood was quiet and grieving; grieving for her mother, and not celebrating for her new rise. Because Queen Tia had always helped everyone, the poor, the rich, and was good in every way. Lumi? A princess none really thought about, except now. She was to lead an army to fight, until her last breath. And if there were any time for romances for this thirteen-year-old, (which she hoped) who would fail and die at her first battle. Nevertheless, she was now going to be queen.

A sound of trumpets filled the hall. The church, decorated by statues of gods and goddesses, suddenly seemed to hold forced joy for the new queen. Lumi walked towards the priestess at the other end. A shower of applause rang around, but Lumi didn’t care. She just wanted to be done with this and go cry alone, nobody caring at all.

“This day, thus may her Gracious Princess Lumi be crowned as Queen Lumi of Khazzanae!” the priestess called out, and a crown weighed on her. She was the queen now, at this moment, on this land.

Cheers erupted, and the ceremony was officially over. Lumi breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing could get worse now.

Right?

Right, she thought so.

~

Lumi peeked out into the starry-night sky. She had always adored the skies, so free without pain. She wanted to be just like them, left with no decisions to deal with. She went quiet for a moment as she stared far ahead. She could see burning cities, destroyed moats and people charging to their deaths. She wanted to help them, she really did. But she was useless on a battlefield, because she didn’t learn how to fight when she was younger. Her mother wanted to teach her herself but Lumi had refused and stuck with dolls and children’s games. Now she regretted her chance that she had willingly swept away, leaving her defenseless against the enemy. She wanted advice. Then she remembered her mother’s last words.

“If you need advice, love…Find it at the library. It’s there. Find it. Find it, love,” she started to close her eyes.

Her eyes closed. She knew the library was a source for knowledge and wisdom. She hadn’t visited it in ages, ever since it was closed because none of her family studied anymore. They only learned the tactics and fight, and never cared for pure knowledge. The last time she went through those books was when she was five years old. Eight years ago. She heaved a sigh and opened her door, to the empty hallways. Quietly as a mouse, she tiptoed to the Royal Library in silence. Her silence scared her, as she was used to everyone being noisy and her alone silent. This time it felt like her shoes was making noise and everyone was aware of it. She was in the spotlight. And not at the same time. Since young, she didn’t like attention all to herself. Even when she craved for it, she remained silent, not wanting to be seen alone.

“Achoo!” her breath caught the musty dust that was not swept away from the doors of the library. No one came near here anyways. She looked at the glittering jewels stuck onto the doors. She felt that she was growing smaller and smaller.

Afraid of the door groaning, she pushed it open slowly. As she suspected, the door hinges groaned with a grunting noise. This made Lumi jump. She calmed herself down and entered the library.

The library had not changed ever since she last saw it. The wooden floor was well polished, except it gained more dust over the past years. The windows were huge, reaching the floors. The curtains were embroidered with golden thread weaving white leaves and silver flowers. Green silk hung behind. Chairs and tables were green and silver patterned, like cunning snakes except for one chair, painted gold and red, sign of royalty. Beside the Royal armchair, a pile of books stacked on the wooden floors. Huge tall building-like shelves filled with dusty books, all arranged perfectly. Lumi felt amazed that she had forgotten all those details. She went to the last shelf near the librarian’s desk and pulled out a book different from others. This book was familiar to her from the older days. It wasn’t a book but a journal kept by her mother from her younger days. Pictures and drawings dropped onto the ground with a thud. She picked up the bundle and went straight to a green armchair and started to read.

Inside the journal held precious memories, some almost too personal. Like a diary, perhaps, but more like a story kept here. Lumi flipped open the first page. There was a photo of her mother, her, and her dad. It was a good memory back then, but now, her mother hated it. Her heart leaped as she read the description of the photo.

Queen Tia Ramonae of Khazzanae. Fillip of Elvendore. Princess Lumi, daughter. She had found out of her father’s real name. What if he was still alive, and could be with her at this one moment? Her hands gently turned to the next page. She smiled. I love him. I can’t do as mother says. I will follow him. But what if mother says is true? What if he was a thief, and I was a fool? I don’t know. I’m flung at different decisions that are too hard to make. To betray my family and friends or to go with the boy I loved?

I wish God will give me an answer…Schedule

The new queen sighed to herself. If only he was still here, with her and her beloved mother. Lumi started to cry again at the thought of her mother. She smiled as the salty tears dropped on the brown papers of memories. She closed the journal and found her advice.

Decisions are always hard. But it’s what you do about them at the right time, at the right place. You can’t control how your fate will be; how your story will go. But make a decision. And follow your heart.

But how? She had too many matters on hand. She stood up from her seat and pushed the journal to the slim spot where it had been. She took the family picture and placed it on a table next to her. She walked back to the doors of the library. As she shut it, she glanced at the windows. She thought she saw a shadow but she swatted the thought away and walked back to her chambers as fast as she could.

Slowly she lay in bed. Her eyelids slowly closed. But she blinked again, thinking of something.

Her heart thudded. Could she find a teacher to teach her how to use the sword?

Then maybe I wouldn’t be so weak.