Prologue

“私は覚えている限り彼を追い詰めてきました。彼は私の運命にあります。彼は猫の刃を持っています。私は彼を倒して刃を手に入れなければなりません。私の宇宙を救うために、父よ、あなたが今私を聞くことができれば、私がどこから来たのか見てください!” それから奇妙な猫がポータルから落ちました。

“Who are you?”

“私は、ダークサムライダグが使用する犬の刃の守護者、マイクです.”

“I’m Mike! Have you seen my friends anywhere?”

BOOK 1

MUPPET’S SIDE

Muppet woke up…

He was in a hospital!

“¡Finalmente! ¡Estás despierto!” said a Doctor

“What?” Muppet didn’t know what was going on, so he got out of bed, paid the Doctor some money and walked out of the hospital, there was a battle going on, Muppet couldn’t see who was fighting as there was a small hill of rubble in the way.

Muppet climbed over the hill, and noticed Mike, fighting Fluffball!

“Fluffball! Buddy!” Muppet said excitedly

“Muppet! I haven't seen you in years!” Rejoiced Fluffball

“This ending is getting quite cheesy,” Mike said impatiently, Muppet then remembered his promise to Mike.

“Oh, Yeah! My guardian angel is Lottie!” said Muppet

“Wait, Great Aunt Lottie?!” Mike was shocked

“Yeah, Great Aunt Lottie.” Muppet replied

“What were you working on then?” Mike asked Fluffball

“Just a simple portal device designed to-”

“I know what a portal device does,”

“This one also makes omelettes,”

“Give me one now!” Mike demanded

“Maybe, but- OH!” Fluffball dropped the device and it cracked open into a portal…

Muppet, Mike and Fluffball were sucked into the portal…

“My head! It hurts!!” Muppet groaned; in front of Muppet, there was a sushi restaurant? It was called ‘マペット寿司トイレ’

“こんにちは！私の名前はマペットです！私はこの施設の誇り高い所有者です!” said a cat that had a similar coat to Muppet’s

“Umm… Hi?” Muppet greeted the cat, did they only speak Japanese here?

“これを取る,” Said the cat, handing Muppet a small earpiece, Muppet put it in, only to be met with a high-pitched noise for a split second; after said noise died down, the device spoke.

“CALIBRATING LANGUAGES” It announced, “LANGUAGES CALIBRATED, CAT LANGUAGE, NATIVE TO UNIVERSE 485, TO CATINESE, NATIVE TO UNIVERSE 86-B”

“Can you hear me?” said the cat, Muppet nodded

“In Cat Language?” Muppet nodded again

“What’s your name?” said the cat

“Muppet, yours?” Muppet replied

“Also Muppet,” said Muppet (for clarity purposes, we’ll call him Muppet 86-B) “It’s not normal for Universe 485 inhabitants to travel to other universes, it has only happened once before, I believe that was Jaquel”

“Maybe I could talk to him, maybe he knows how could get back to my universe!” Muppet ran into the sushi restaurant, only just realising the smell of the lovely, luxurious tuna!

Jaquel was sitting at the bar, enjoying some Tuna Maki. He was scarred with wounds from battles and brawls.

“Uhhh… Jaquel, I believe?” Muppet was nervous

“Wait… do you speak Cat Language?!” Jaquel seemed a little excited

“Uhh, yes?” Muppet didn’t know how Jaquel would respond

“What universe are you from?!”

“485,”

“OH MY GOOD TUNA! IT’S BEEN SO LONG! Is Senator Yowlei the president yet!?”

“He was,”

“What do you mean was?”

“He was about 435 years ago,”

“WHAT??! HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN HERE??!!”

“Around 28 years,” Muppet 86-B reassured Jaquel “Why did you tell him that?!” He whispered through gritted teeth “He doesn’t know how fast time moves here!”

“Oh” Muppet Replied “Sorry”

“It’s ok”

“So, how do I get out of here?”

“You’ll have to find who teleported with you! Or did you come here alone?”

“No, I teleported with two other cats, Mike and Dr Fluffball, that’s their names!”

“Ok” Muppet 86-B pulled out a strange device, with a radio attached to it; he spoke into it, saying “Come in, we are on the lookout for two individuals named Mike and Fluffball, bring them in by any means necessary, but make sure they are both alive.” The box was silent, it then sparked into life.

“Chhz- Read you loud and clear Muppet! -chhrzz- Will bring those two in alive -Chhrzz- over -chhz” said a cat on the other side on the transmission

“Over and out” Muppet 86-B spoke into the radio, “We’ll find ‘em in around a couple of hours”

“Ok” Muppet replied, he was hungry, “Could I have some tuna maki please?”

“Normally that would be ¥458.18, but since you have just done your first jump between realities-”

“It’s not my first,”

“WHAT??!!” Muppet 86-B was shocked, the expression was etched on his face

“I  know, do you want to know which reality I jumped to?”

“What reality?”
“Reality 1”

“NO!”

“I have also been to realities 0, 58, 86-A, 46, 2910, and 80218381739127361786487236762454, don’t ask how I remembered its classification”

“Oh, my, tuna! How have you been able to teleport there?!”

“I don’t know, when I was young, I touched a round ball thingy…” Muppet remembered it like it was yesterday…

“Class! Time to learn your R’s!” said the teacher, the class walked into class, Muppet stayed behind, however, noticing a strange rock on the ground, he went up to it and touched it; he felt nothing, nothing but a strange voice started talking in the back of his head

“Hiya Muppet!” It said

“Who are you?” Muppet said

“I am your… uh… conscience?”

“With you hesitating to tell me who you are, that would lead me to believe you are a stranger or some interplanetary being that used to live in a strange meteorite that was transferred into my mind after I touched said meteorite”

“Uhhh…”

“But you’re in my head and the possibility of an Alien species existing is very low, so I’m forced to believe your potential lie,” Muppet remarked

“Ok.”

The words echoed around Muppet’s mind as he came back to the present

“Ever since that day, I’ve been able to jump realities

“One Catnipiché, on the house, coming right up!” said Muppet 86-B, he then slid the drink towards Muppet

“I don’t want to get drunk!” Muppet said, and he slid it back to Muppet 86-B

“We’ll be waiting for a little while, maybe get drunk for a bit!” Muppet 86-B slid it back

“No”

“Yes”

“No”

“Yes”

“No”

“No”

“Yes, Urrgh! Fine! I’ll drink it!” Muppet drank it, instantly he felt drunk, his head was spinning, he had mixed feelings about everyone, he loved Muppet 86-B, now he hated him, Muppet then blacked out

“I think he’s too drunk Jaquel,”

“Yeah,”

“We’ll set him down in the guest room,”
“Yeah,”

“Should we give him some water by his bed?”
“Yeah,”
“Food?”

“Yeah,”

“Clean bedsheets?”

“Yeah,”

“Are you going to say anything other than ‘yeah’?”
“Yeah,”

“What will you say then?”

“Yeah”

“STOP SAYING ‘YEAH’!!”

“Yeah,” Muppet 86-B kicked Jaquel, who slammed against a wall, he also blacked out

“How hard are these walls?!” Muppet 86-B thought aloud as he picked up Muppet and took him upstairs.

Muppet awoke to a nice tuna maki and some water, he was very hungry and parched quite frankly. He happily lapped up the water and ate the tuna maki, and the bedsheets! They were so soft and cold, they were spotless! Muppet was happy, so he went downstairs,

“Oh yeah. I’m still in this reality” Muppet grumbled

“Oh! You’re awake!” Muppet 86-B greeted Muppet, “Jaquel  is still unconscious but I’m sure he’ll be fine, even though I kicked him with most of my power into the hardest wall in my restaurant”

“Good job you don’t have lawyers in this reality,” Muppet smirked

“Yeah, but more experienced reality hoppers can get a lawyer from another reality,”

“Good Point, is Jaquel-”

“No, he can’t reality jump.”

“Oh,”

“Yeah”

“Ok.”

There was something on the horizon, a thin black line, the line developed, there were now bumps, small bumps, but they were there, Then there were small lines separating segments of the line; finally, Muppet heard some shouting, he realised, IT WAS AN ARMY!

“何？ !!怒っているお客様が10年ぶりに私を見つけましたか?!!” Muppet’s translator-earpiece-thingy had glitched to let some Catinese through

“RECALIBRATING LANGUAGES.” It said “LANGUAGE RECALIBRATED”

“Ugh, what did you say? The earpiece glitched,” Muppet asked

“The angry customers have found me after ten years! This is not good!” Muppet 86-B

“Why are they angry?”

“Ten years ago, when I was about 26 years of age, I may have told some customers my food would make you immortal, and I overpriced said food, they believed it, and when some were murdered, they were dead, people found out, they became angry, so I burnt the place down and ran for days on end before setting up shop again here!”

“So why is there army men there?”

“Oh, I may have committed tax evasion”

“YOU WHAT??!!”

“Eleven years ago, I was broke after buying the old sushi building, so I didn’t pay my taxes.”

“That still doesn’t explain WHY THERE ARE ARMY MEN!”

“Oh yeah! This world is under martial law.”

“Universe 86-B doesn’t have any martial law…”

“Oh Yeah! This is reality 86-A”

“IS THERE ANYTHING YOU HAVEN’T TOLD ME??!!”

“Yes,”

“What. is. It?”

“I stole your watch.”

“WHAT??!!”

“Want a watch?”

“My watch please”

“Fine.”
“Are you really Muppet 86-B?”

“Yes,”
“Why move to 86-A?”

“Spread my business. Also, did you forget about the ARMY ON OUR DOORSTEP??!!”

“Oh yeah! Let me just get a rubber.” Muppet got up and found a rubber

“Why did you get a rubber?”

“If I told you, you would be dead.”

“Wha-”

“Go tend to Jaquel.”

“Got it” Muppet 86-B ran upstairs, Muppet held the rubber and ran at the army, screaming on the top of his lungs,

“COME AND GET ME!!” Muppet held the rubber to each of the angry customers and rubbed each of them out

“No!” “Arrgh” “Eek!” “Mrrow!” they yelled, screeched and moaned

In a matter of seconds, one massive army was a pile of graphite.

Erased from the book.

Muppet was breathing heavily, he knew that he was the only one who knew about the army’s existence, every single trace of them was gone. Their homes are abandoned, their friends, if they weren’t in the army, never knew them, and Muppet 86-B never angered them (even though he had still committed tax evasion). All traces, completely and utterly, gone. These weren’t the first Muppet had killed, he has killed many more.

Just with a simple rubber…

/////////////////////////////////////////////

Hours after the army had vanished, sitting down on the doorstep to the restaurant, Muppet was finally eating some tuna maki; Muppet then noticed something on the horizon, was that, no. wait, yes! It was Mike, on someone’s shoulder, unconscious.

Later, Muppet woke Mike up, who woke up with a grumble

“Urgh… Muppet, did they catch you too?” Mike groaned

“No, in fact, it was me who asked them to catch you” Muppet revealed

“I… Hate-” Mike coughed “-you… Mate.”

“Have this,” Muppet handed Mike a drink, it was supposed to make Mike better, he drank the whole bottle

“Phew! There we go! I’m much better now! Now to find Iridesu!” Mike got up to go, but Muppet sat Mike back down

“Who is Iridesu?” Muppet asked Mike

“Long story, not enough time.”

“You have time to tell me”

“Ugh! Fine!"