Chapter 16 | Asena Spiros

  Aleksi and his sister, Denica looked very much alike from their phoenix hair to their sharp eyes. But one was broad-shouldered and the other a dainty lady.

   "What transportation did you take to get here?"

   "The fastest train, of course."

   Aleksi frowned.

   "They had to be cleared out– all the stations. Don't worry though, I brought the Ventosa with me. They made for a quick and quiet journey. Which, makes me wonder, why didn't you just have Rusen magick you through the coastal line?"

   "He would not have survived the days of travel weighed down by an entire engine and its following carts."

   Denica shrugged, "Well, I can't imagine what you've gone through. You must have lost a lot too, like Sen."

   Her brother didn't respond, so she assumed he had. Logically, if Asena could only bring back sixteen of 70 people, what chance did her brother have?

   "We lost no one outside of the initial rescue, though the entirety of Orkney, except for two knights-errant was burned."

   "Like Craydon?"

   "Yes."

   "But Alek, you traveled for longer with more people. How could you have not lost anyone?"

   "I wonder that too."

   Aleksi pulled on both handles of the door to the town hall and opened them wide. Before he was made a makeshift hospital.

   "Why here?"

   "They're outsiders. Not to be trusted," she murmured. “Marren’s dominion, their law.”

   "Welcome, Marquess Damyanov! Lady Damyanov." The healers and the newly stationed knights greeted, interrupting the serious conversation.

   "You may return to your posts."

   The bustling that had paused momentarily, continued again.

   "Where is the little girl?"

   "I locked her and her father in a room. I've got the Ventosa watching them as we speak. Asena too."

   "Anyone else?"

   "A few stragglers the first day I got here. Some three days ago."

   "Actually, ma'am, they died."

   "Infectus?" she asked.

   "Yes'm."

   "Is that really what the empire came up with?"

   "The Tainted," she turned her head up to meet his eyes, "the Temple wanted to call them the Tainted Ones."

   "They've sent someone?"

   "To the mountains, where his Emperor Eimantas is staying... Was."

   Momentarily, Aleksi was taken aback by his sister's words.

   "There's... nothing concrete, but chances are slim." She added solemnly.

   "And what does father think of that?"

   "Papa? He's been ordered to go to the capital. He'll wait for us to get home, but he'll have to leave soon after. He says," she reached out for her brother's hand, "you'll have to prepare."

   "And you?"

   "I'll be leading our healers here for the meantime. Esthero thinks it's best to keep any survivor at Haerford. Even the smaller villages have been invited to come. We'll be opening our gate to the entire duchy."

   "As we should."

   "But Alek. If Asena is sick, what do we do?"

   He squeezed his sister's small hand in his and remained silent.

   "My lord! My lady..." A knight greeted them as they entered the upper floor of the town hall.

   "Has she awakened?" Aleksi asked.

   "I've kept her under the entire time," Denica responded for the knight.

   Aleksi lingered at the doorway behind his sister. Inside, there was a bookshelf, a small table, and an empty daybed.

   "Aleksi..."

   He rushed to the open window.

   "Chert!"

   "Uspokosya Alek! YA uverena, ona v poryadke."

   "How can I be calm after all that you and Rufus have told me?"

   "Uspokosya." Denica moved across the room to her brother, "I promise you, she's fine, Alek. She could've only broken through my magic if she's thoroughly rested."

   "You sure?"

   Denica nodded vigorously.

   "Da."

   Sometimes, Denica wondered if Asena wasn't more like the sister Aleksi wanted. But during times where her brother demonstrated unwavering belief, she'd stop wondering long enough to appreciate their relationship, along with her relationship with Asena.

   "I'll have the knights wait here."

   "Send others to look for her."

   "Of course."

   Aleksi didn't leave the sill of the window; his hands tightly gripped as he peered out. In the city of red, her green hair should be easy to spot.

   "Call on Rusen."

   Asena could hear them panic below her. When she'd heard them coming up the stairs, she panicked and ran to the roof of the building. Panicked. What even is that?

   New things, feelings, and sensations plagued her. These were things she'd never experienced before, not as clear as they were now. Before, emotions were a thin thread of little familiar details she'd read from books. They were tears she recognized to mean sadness. Or laughter to mean happiness. Fear was shaking, fast-beating heart. They were never her feelings. They were observations taught and learned.

   So what is panic?

   It resembles fear. It makes her want to cry. So is she sad?

   Social cues, her mother ingrained them in her every moment they spent together until her coming of age. Social cues, she was told, were needed in society. That made sense. Though, she never quite got the hang of them.

   "You're not supposed to get the hang of it," Rusen told her. "You're supposed to feel and empathize."

   Empathize means to understand and share the feelings of another. But what are feelings?

   Aleksi was panicked too. She could hear it in his voice. Then he was angry as he shouted. Denica was sad. Her voice trembled as she attempted to calm her brother. Feelings of panic, anger, and sadness, how did they play into her sudden disappearance?

   "It's nice to feel... something," she decided at that moment, "but also painful."

   In her sleep, she dreamt of her childhood. The exciting things she'd created and experienced. But she also felt rather alone. The days she'd spent cooped up in her chamber experimenting or the days in the library, reading was lonely. She didn't know that she'd been lonely.

   And when the dreams shimmered from childhood to recent pasts, she felt what she could only describe as anguish.

   The deaths of so many had been quick and ruthless. She had firmly believed that her job as an executioner was necessary.

   "If so, why did I protect Jojo?"

   The rush of all the emotions she'd never felt before was overwhelming.

   Protect. The word had always been straightforward. Her duty was to protect her lord and her family. But these were based on facts. She protected those who considered her as a friend because her father had equated friend to the family. As her father was a friend to the duke, the duke was a friend to her father. So, it stands to reason that her lord, her family, and her friends were all of the same kind– people she was taught to keep safe.

   But Jojo was no friend. She was a student. And she'd protected her not out of fact, but out of desperation and sympathy.

   Though emotions were interesting, she found herself more fragile than she ever wished to be.

chapter footnotes:

1. черт or chert is usually used to mean "dammit". I choose to use the Romanji so that the average person like myself can at least attempt to pronounce the word. hahaha

2. Я уверена, она в порядке or YA uverena, ona v poryadke is literally "she's fine, I'm sure," if you didn't get that from the context. While успокоиться or uspokosya is "calm down".

1. For the most part, all conversations will have some context clues for the reader to understand. Also, both Aleksi and Denica do not always break into ADL as shown in the first half of their interaction in this chapter.

3. Asena has Alexithymia. Her lack of emotions in some cases and in others, her inability to identify them is due to this disability. Though she was officially diagnosed with ASD, it is not clear whether she truly is on the spectrum. Her parents and other guardians taught her how to overcome any issues she may have had with interacting and processing experiences during her childhood. As a godly character, this "flaw" is what keeps her from becoming too O.P.