Warning: mild explicit scene

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RJ

Feb 7, 2014, Friday.

Tennis practice drains me more than normal. Maybe it was not a good idea to stay up late answering Chloe's incessant questions through texts. But I had to. She finally started to get a bit of understanding of the concepts, and I needed to keep her motivation going.

I stifle a yawn as I dig for my towel.

"Eh, RJ, you joining us for dinner later?" Joei asks, planting a hard slap on my back.

I give the tennis captain a cautious glance. "Sorry, Joei. No time today."

She frowns. "Again?"

"Yeah, sorry, things have been crazy lah. I'm... preparing to teach Chem remedial lessons and everything."

"Oh, okay," Joei says slowly. "Next time then?"

Ever since she became captain, Joei has been taking team dinners very seriously—it's supposedly good for team morale. I know she is letting me off for now because I'm her friend. But with my appointments at Tropic Falls, I am not sure when I will have time for these dinners.

"Yeah, yeah, next time," I lie.

Joei narrows her eyes at me before nodding and walking away. As she marches into the bathroom, she yells some encouragement at the newly-joined first-years about their friendly game today.

"Everything okay?" Huimin approaches me, looking up at me with a pair of concerned eyes.

I force a smile. "Yeah lah. Just tired."

Huimin looks like she wants to ask something more, but I don't wait for her to say it as I follow the rest of the team into the bathroom. Slipping into a walled shower cubicle, I close the door shut and hide myself from the world. I badly need some alone time after a long day of school and tennis practice.

The tension in my body releases as hot water rains down on me. Letting out a sigh, I slump forward and rest my forehead on the cold tiles.

I am so glad it's Friday. I will have to find Chloe later and probably teach her the entire Junior College syllabus again, but after today, I'll finally get a bit of a breather.

Her face flashes through my mind—her usual smile as she greets people, her dreary expression as we go through practice questions, her crestfallen face when she tells me her mother's condition... Once again, my heart aches with worry. I cannot believe she has been carrying all that burden with her. No wonder she was always so tired in class. No wonder she is pushing herself to work that job.

I close my eyes and try to shake the distress away. Instead, I focus on the shower—the warmth enveloping me, the smell of my shampoo, the soft pelting of the water. My body relaxes, and my hand travels towards the spot between my legs. Leaning my weight on the wall in front of me, I slide my fingers inside me.

My skin tingles with pleasure, and my wrist quickens in its movement as I imagine my celebrity crushes, this random model I saw in a magazine the other day, and then... Chloe.

No, no, go back to celebrities. Victoria's Secret models. Hyuna. Jennifer Lawrence.

The pleasure rises in me, and a breath catches in my throat. I let my hand go on autopilot—and Chloe appears in my mind again. This time, I cannot stop her from flooding my brain. Chloe, in her Tropic Falls outfit, tugging on the hem of her glittery dress. Chloe, and her smile, her little pout, her cute laugh. Chloe, draped against me, doing this to me...

I bite my lips to keep a gasp from escaping as I finish. When the feeling fades away, I slump backward, panting heavily. Guilt hits me like a hard slap in the face.

Shit, shit, shit. Why the fuck did I do that? I shouldn't be imagining a friend. How am I even supposed to face her later?

I need to go home and cool my head.

I turn off the shower and get changed as quickly as possible. Grabbing my bags, I storm out of the building without saying goodbye to the rest of my team.

Rubbing my temples, I step out of the school gate and spot a familiar black sedan parked at the curb. I frown. What is our car doing here?

The family chauffeur steps out and opens the door for me.

"Miss Shin." He nods his head as a bow.

I grunt unhappily before climbing into the car. When I see the passenger inside, I let out a loud groan.

"Hello, Ruijun," says the usual icy voice.

I fold my arms and snap, "What do you want lah?"

Ma ignores me for a good ten minutes as she types on her laptop, presumably sending out one last scathing email. The car finds its way into the highway before she finally closes her computer and turns to me.

"Is that the correct attitude to have when talking to your mother?" she asks in her exaggerated proper accent.

"I'm meeting with my friends later hor, so if you want to talk, make it quick."

She smooths her dark pantsuit before crossing her legs. "We'll chat more during dinner. We need to talk as a family."

"About what?" I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I bet it's going to be yet another stupid lecture on my attitude or something just as trivial.

"Your future."

My eyebrows twitch. That is vague as hell, but I know my mother is not going to elaborate further until we are home and out of earshot of outsiders.

We sit in silence for the rest of the trip home. Even as we step out of the car and walk into the house and dining room, the only sounds exchanged between us are Ma's stilettos clicking on the floor.

Ruimin is seated at the dining table, twiddling his fingers as he waits. He jolts up when he sees us walking in.

"Ma, Jie," he greets. His confused eyes meet mine and they seem to be screaming, "What's happening, Jie?"

Plopping my bags on the floor, I give him a small smile to calm him down as I sit next to him. Among the two of us, I'm the sibling who bears the brunt of Ma's tyranny, so I'm used to these sudden 'meetings' she calls for. Ruimin is more well-behaved, so he's understandably more anxious.

"Evening, Ruimin." Ma settles into the seat at the end of the table as if she is starting a board meeting with the company. She gestures for our maid to pour tea for all of us, and faces my younger brother. "How is school?"

He smiles. "It's good."

"And how are the classes at the Math Science Talent Program you're in?"

"Oh, uh, good too! We have more homework than other classes, but it's going okay so far."

I wait till our maid leaves before interjecting, "Where's Ba? Let's get this over with lah."

My mother's expression stiffens. "He should be on his way," she says as she whips out her phone. As usual, she has to text my father to remind him about this.

Rolling my eyes, I turn to Ruimin and we start talking about the latest shows we're watching and songs we're listening to. We're halfway through our discussion about the Hunger Games when Ba walks in.

He looks surprised by the attendance as if he's not the one who's always late to things. "Oh, everyone's already here ah," he says, taking the seat opposite my mother.

"Yes, dear. Shall we begin?" Ma leans on her elbows and wraps her hands together. "So, I called for this family meeting because I have been informed about a certain lie that is going on in this family."

Our heads jerk towards her.

"A lie?" my father repeats with a frown.

"Yes." Ma's cold, dark eyes land on me, and a shudder runs down my spine. "Ruijun, I've been told your relationship with Jon is fake."

Dread fills my heart. "Who told you that?"

My mother raises her eyebrows. "I see you're not denying it."

"That can't be true lah," Ba says. "They hang out all the time, Shelli."

"They do, but only as friends, with no intention to ever marry. I've spoken to the Kweks, and they are confronting Jon about this now." Ma's mouth twitches when she sees my surprise at that sentence.

Shit. Even Jon is pulled into this disaster. I wonder what is happening on his end...

"Is this true, Ruijun?" my father demands. When I don't answer, he slams his fists on the table, making Ruimin jump in his seat. "Why would you do this? You know how many arrangements we've rejected because of your relationship with Jon? They are with big, big families leh! And you know how many business decisions I made that benefit Soon Kwek Foods? We thought you would marry into that family!"

My jaw clenches. Of course, the first thing my parents' minds go to is the situation I put our family's company in. Not me, not Jon, not anyone actually involved. The company. Whatever dread or guilt I was feeling is immediately replaced by anger.

"Don't worry, Brandon. We still have time to renegotiate some of the arrangements," Ma says, the smugness in her tone makes me want to flip the table in front of me. "Thank god I managed to find out about this before it was too late."

This seems to calm Ba down. He leans back on his chair and pinches his nose. "Seriously ah, teenagers nowadays ah, treat dating as a joke."

"Indeed, they don't have the same values anymore," Ma concurs, her accent jarring against my father's voice. She peers at me with a arrogant, knowing look. "But Ruijun is sorry now and will listen to us from now on, right?"

I manage to unlock my jaw for a reply. "Fuck no lah. Don't you dare arrange anything for me."

"Language, Ruijun," Ma says calmly.

"We're not going to arrange your marriage lah," Ba adds. "Just some meetings with the big families."

As if that makes things better. "No. I'm not doing it," I insist.

"Why?"

"Just not lah!"

Ba sighs. "Ruijun, this is for—"

"Why do you not want to go on dates?" Ma cuts my father off with a tiny smirk. "Is it because you're a lesbian?"

My heart stops beating. I swear the rest of the world turns silent as well.

What?

"What?" Ba repeats my thoughts but in a tone completely different from what was in my head.

When my heart beats again, it pounds ten times faster, and ten times louder, than usual. The entire family is staring at me now—the cold, hard glares of my mother, the disapproving scowl of my father, and an expression of both shock and sympathy of my brother. My head is spinning, and I feel like throwing up, but I force myself to sit up straight and gulp.

"Who the fuck told you that?" I spat, trying to stop my voice from shaking like my fists.

"You don't have to know." Ma's fake accent is like nails on a chalkboard to me. "Just answer my question. Is it true?"

I close my eyes as I try to calm myself down. There's no point denying this. Whoever snitched on me told Ma everything. She knows too much, too fucking much. "So what if I am?"

My father looks so horrified, you'd think I committed murder. Turning to Ma, he grumbles, "Wah, I knew we shouldn't have sent her to a girl's school lor."

"We thought it was okay because it was only four years."

"Yeah, but look at Ruijun now. Four years is long enough liao."

Ma nods. "Apparently so. Should we withdraw Ruimin from Raffles, just to be safe?"

Ruimin lets out a soft yelp. "N- No, please! I- I like it there!"

"There are other good co-ed schools out there, Rui—"

"Don't drag Ruimin into this lah!" I bellow. "It has nothing to do with Nanyang Girls', okay? I've been gay since the day I came out of your fucking womb lah! And I figured it out before I even went to Nanyang Girls'. I just kept quiet about it 'cause I knew you two would react like this!"

"Ruijun, language."

"And I'm not fucking letting you arrange my life for stupid company politics or some stupid family relations or whatever stupid shit that is going on. Leave me the fuck alone lah!"

"Ruijun, language," Ma repeats.

"I don't fucking care lah." I stand up so fast the chair topples behind me. "And I'm fucking leaving."

With that, I grab my bags and march out of the room.

"Where do you think you are going, young lady?" my mother demands.

"Anywhere but here," I shout before storming out of the house.