“Whoa. So. Do you think he… uhm, reciprocates?”

“I don’t know, it seems like he does sometimes, but I can never tell if I’m, like, seeing what I want to see, you know? I’m completely biased. I can’t be the judge of that when I’m devoting every cognitive effort into not melting when we are close.”

Wow. Cheesy as balls. I hadn’t predicted such a display of instant sentimentality. It dawned on me that now that the gate was finally open, gallons and gallons of repressed romance would come rushing forth on me.

“I don’t know! I always get so nervous and– and so flustered when I get self-conscious, sometimes I become hyper-aware of him, like, all of him, and then I can’t really pay much attention to subtleties,” he continued, unhinged. “I’m so lame.”

“That you are, yes,” I wholeheartedly agreed. “But, in my personal experience– which is as wide as the wide, blue sea, mind you–, when things get this soul-crushingly awkward, it’s because there’s something going on with both parties involved.”

He stared at me with the same despiteful incredulity he displayed every time I suggested Jurassic Park could actually happen in real life.

“Listen to wisdom, child. It takes two to tango, and trust me, I’ve been third-wheeling you two from the shadows for long enough to confirm there’s something there.”

He was still reluctant to give credit to my words. I wasn’t surprised. I could smell the sheer fear and panicked vulnerability in him. If he were in the zoo, predators would be trying to jump their enclosures to kill him. 

“Come on, Eli! Think about the possibilities,” I encouraged, standing up and prancing around the living room in excitement. I’ve always been a sucker for romance, and that shit was straight out of a bad rom-com. I was in an absolute drama high. “What if you got together? What if it worked? You miss all the shots you don’t take. And sorry, darling, but to me, the only legitimate reasons you guys are not together are just a notable lack of balls on both ends and, well, really crappy timing.”

“It’s not just that, Dana,” he protested at last, shaking his head. “This isn’t a movie, you know? Things won’t magically happen just because someone confesses. There’s so much at stake here it makes you wonder if it's really worth the risk.”

I turned to him, crossed my arms, and frowned.

“Enlighten me,” I challenged. 

“Oh, well, for starters, the potential implosion of a friendship of fourteen years.”

“The friendship cruise sailed long ago, the first time you realized you had the hots for him.”

“Funny you should mention that, because that’s another– uhm, issue.”

“The cruise?”

“No, the hots,” he mumbled, blushing. He averted my gaze like a pious elderly lady attending the 8 o’clock mass. “I don’t think– that is, I can’t possibly imagine– uhm, I think– I think it’s just platonic for me.”

“Platonic,” I repeated. It was not a question. I embedded the word with as much sarcasm as I could muster. “After all this sugary drama? Really?”

“Yes, platonic,” he repeated, now glaring back at me. “I mean, he’s sweet, and kind, and funny, and interesting, and– and dear God, so damn attractive, but–”

“Hell yeah he is,” I interrupted, clicking my tongue. “You could play a pool match on that wide back of his.”

“Shut up,” he barked. Oh, boy. Now that the cat was officially out of the bag, I was gonna have so, so much fun at Eli’s expense. Endless waves of teasing lurked in his future. 

“Despite that,” he added, raising a finger in warning to prevent me from further expanding the topic of Nathan’s hotness. “I have never seen him that way… I never allowed myself to… well, fantasize. Natei doesn’t work like that. I’d feel like a total perv.”

“I’m not denying the perv part, but what do you mean he doesn’t work like that?”

He fidgeted, uncomfortable. Something clicked in my head.

“He’s ace?” I asked. It made so much sense. 

“I’m not sure,” Eli answered. “We’ve never talked about it. He never came out directly, it’s certain little things he says and does. If he’s not 100% ace, he’s certainly somewhere in the spectrum.”

“He might be, but that is not an impediment for you guys having a romantic relationship,” I said, smiling. “Unless missing the physical part is a deal breaker for you.”

“Not really,” he answered immediately. “Being with him would be more than enough, I don’t need anything else. But it would break my heart to make an advance and scare him or weird him out. Change the way he sees me. It would taint our entire history.”

“You’ve known the guy for over a decade, Eli, he’s not gonna assume you are a predator and flee. Give him some credit.”

“I do, trust me, I do, I just don’t want to burden him any further. I can’t say much, but I have good reasons to know his family… his father, that is, would give him a hard time if we got together.”

“Fair enough, that’s a valid impediment, I’ll give you that. But don’t you think Nathan deserves a chance to make that choice himself? For all you know, the only reason he hasn’t reached out to you is that he sensed you were not in the same place he was.” 

Eli didn’t answer. He went back to the sofa and sat down, thoughtfully.

“If that were the case… if I knew that being together is what he wants too… I think I’d be willing to take the first step,” he declared, grave as a martyr hero about to make the ultimate sacrifice to save the world. 

“That’s not very ballsy, handsome,” I smirked.

“Look, Dana, I know for a fact Nathan feels safe with me. He needs the safe space we’ve created together. I’m not gonna take that away from him and fuck up what we have with no reason, just to play Prince Charming,” he exclaimed fiercely. “I’ve been holding this in since we were kids, I can very well keep doing it.”

“Oh, yeah? And when the time comes, will you gladly help him plan how to propose to his partner? Take the mike and give a lovely toast at his wedding? Go to his Thanksgiving dinners with a smile? Spend the rest of your life being part of his life, uncle Eli to his children, lying through your teeth when you can’t be genuinely happy for him?”

He flinched, shaken. He hadn’t thought that far. I could read the valiant resolve in him wilting. A lifetime was a long time to hide a broken heart.

“We have an expiration date, don’t we?” he whispered, overwhelmed by the realization.

“It doesn’t have to be that way,” I encouraged, shaking his elbow gently. “Look, if you need to have some reassurance of his feelings before moving forward… there are ways to fabricate a bit of Fate when needed.”

He turned to me, suspicious. 

“What do you mean?”

“All I’m saying is that you guys could use a bit of an incentive,” I explained, carefully avoiding any particulars until I had convinced him to take action. “And I happen to know just the thing that might work.”

He was openly alarmed now. He knew me well.

“No. I know that look. Dana, we’re too old for schemes–”

“Have my schemes ever failed?”

He groaned. I giggled.

“Exactly. You know I’m always right in the end. We’re gonna kick good ol’ Fate in the ass and make her dance.”

“Dana, I don’t think–”

“Exactly, don't think. Leave the thinking to me. This will be my masterpiece. My Opera Prima. My best and last social experiment.”

I jumped up, bursting with ideas.

“I have to make some phone calls! Clear your schedule and come pick me up tomorrow after work.”

“What are you–”

“Hush, youngling!” I ordered, pushing him to the door. “Go home and get ready. Tomorrow we’re going places.”