POV: Jade Tate

It doesn't make sense to me. No matter how many times I rack my brain I still don't understand. Why? Why is she being like this? Why does it have to be this way between us? Doesn't she see how much she's hurting me?

"Skylar," I call her name and force her to look at me.

She sighs heavily and pauses shoving her clothes into her bag. Turning to face me.

"What Jade?" she says, disappointment and exhaustion in her voice.

"I said I was sorry."

She eyes me, her expression unreadable.

The truth is things have been very bad between us for the past year and a half. So bad in fact that we pretend we are still together in front of everyone else, but the truth is... more complicated than that.

I can't exactly say what we are to each other right now. I still love her and I know she still loves me, but ever since I left to work in Canada things have been very hard between us. We have been trying to make long-distance work but a few months ago we got into a big fight and she broke up with me. Or something like it. But I didn't want to announce it to everyone, including my fans that she dumped me, so she agreed to pretend we are still together in front of everyone.

Our relationship is for publicity only. Or so she says, but when we are together, in the same room, old habits die hard. We make love every chance we get when we see each other. She can deny it all she wants but I know she still loves and cares about me. I can see it in her eyes. See the pain it brings her every time I have to leave her.

Currently, she is mad at me because I convinced her to leave her hotel room to go hang out with me and all our friends while we were here in Darleen's neck of the woods. We ended up getting trashed and almost missing her track meet. She got into a lot of trouble. So much trouble in fact that her coach is making her find her own way back to school. Not letting her back on the bus with everyone else. Something about Skylar having to prove how much it means to her.

"Talk to me," I beg.

"Don't you have a plane to catch?" she snaps at me.

I frown at her.

"Just go already," she resumes packing her bag.

"I'm not leaving, not like this. You know I hate to leave on a fight." I say.

She takes off her engagement ring and shoves it into her bag. She was only wearing it so no one would say anything. Every time I see her take it off it burns me deep inside. A searing knife to my heart. I never take mine off unless I'm on set.

"Skylar," I push.

She clenches her jaw and shakes her head, trying desperately to keep her emotions in check as tears cloud her eyes.

I sigh and walk over to her, pulling her into my arms.

She jerks away from me.

I try again but get the same result.

It's my turn to clench my jaw and hold back tears.

"I know you still love me, why are you doing this!?" I demand.

"You don't get it," she forces a chuckle.

"I do! But I don't! I get long distance is hard for you, but I'm trying my best here. You say it's not enough; you say I'm changing; you say things are different now but... then if that were true why don't you date other people? Why do you always kiss me every time I come to see you? How come you keep up this façade for me? If you don't love me anymore, then why are you putting up with me?"

"I do love you," her voice cracks, along with my heart. "I love you so fucking much, that's why. Being away from you is killing me. I'm so lonely." She sobs.

"Skylar," I sigh and pull her into my arms.

"I don't want to do this anymore." She sobs into me.

"Don't say that. We can make it work. We are making it work." I insist.

She shakes her head no.

"Help me understand." I plead.

"It's always about you! About what you have to do, about what you need. About your job, your dreams! What about me!?" she shouts.

I flinch.

"You never ask me about me!" she grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me.

I blink at her in surprise.

"Damn you Jade," She says as tears stream down her face.

"Skylar—"

"No! Don't start with me again. I'm tired of having this argument time and time again. Tired of trying to get your attention. I'm tired, Jade. So fucking tired. I love you, but... sometimes I wonder if you really love me." she pulls away.

I feel my tears finally slip and fall down my cheeks. There is this huge lump in my throat that prevents me from saying anything. Hearing her say that is worse than any pain I've ever felt. She doesn't think I love her?

Doesn't she know she is my everything? Can't she see that I literally can't function without her? Isn't it obvious that without her I fall to pieces? If the world was ending, she would be the one and only person I would call and go to. If I lost everything, my job, my money, my looks, I know I'll always have her. She is my constant, my rock, my ride-or-die. It's her or nothing for me.

I take a deep breath as she grabs her backpack and slings it over her shoulder, then with a parting kiss on the cheek, she walks out of the room and leaves me alone.

I flinch when my alarm goes off for me to head to the airport back to Canada.

I wipe my cheeks and take in a shaky breath before walking out of the room. I run down the stairs to beat the elevator and wait there out of breath as it opens and Skylar steps out. She sighs when she sees me.

I run to her, and I kiss her.

She doesn't fight it, she holds me and kisses me back, passionately, like she loves me.

Because she does.

No matter what she says.

"I do love you; I do. I love you so fucking much. I don't know what I can do to make you understand." I say.

"Well, you better figure it out." She pushes past me and jogs out to the car waiting for her.

I sigh and look down in disappointment.

For a moment I debate on calling Mackenzie, but I don't want to bother her. She and Darleen seem so happy and the last thing I want to do is get between them by unloading my problems onto them.

But I wish I had someone to talk to about this. No one knows. I am a pretty good actress after all. I don't even know who I can turn to or who I can ask for advice. I don't want this to get out to the press.

Mackenzie is probably the only person I could tell.

Besides my aunt but I so don't want to hear her lecture. And my parents, but they love Skylar so much they'd probably agree with her and say I am in the wrong. And that won't help me right now, even if it is true.

I'm alone.

Without Skylar, I don't really have anyone I can talk to like that. No one knows me like she does. No one is as good of a friend to me as her. She's my best friend, my everything, without her I feel so alone.

"Excuse me," I flinch when someone walks up to me.

"Are you Jade Tate?" she asks.

I sigh.

I'm so not in the mood.

"Yeah." I force a smile.

Stay on brand, I can almost hear my publicity manager screaming at me from the beyond to stay on brand. As if she has superpowers and knows when my image is being threatened. Fake smiles make money piles she says.

"Oh my god, we love your show. My daughter and I are so in love with your character, can we get a picture!?"

"Sure."

Her daughter squeals in excitement.

I pose with them for the picture and quickly get out of there before more people spot me.

I get in my rental and sigh before making my way to the airport.

Figure it out she says, what is there to figure out? I love her, she loves me. Two plus two equals four. Right? I can't help that I'm busy all the time, she is the one who told me to chase my dreams. Now she's pissed because I am? How does that make sense?

I just don't understand.

What is it that I have to do to get you back Skylar?

What lengths will I have to go to make this right?

Why won't you just talk to me?