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My Second Life

A Blessing and a Curse

A Blessing and a Curse

Dec 28, 2022

This content is intended for mature audiences for the following reasons.

  • •  Abuse - Physical and/or Emotional
  • •  Mental Health Topics
  • •  Sexual Content and/or Nudity
  • •  Sexual Violence, Sexual Abuse
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The next morning, Administrator Ji sees Ha-neul parting with her father at the school gate, as was their usual custom. He musters the courage to walk up to her in the hallway. "Song Ha-neul, can I see you in my office for a second?" he asks.

"I have to go to class early today to clean the chalkboard," Ha-neul responds, "Can we talk here?"

Administrator Ji looks displeased. "Ah," he replies, "Go ahead then. I'll find you during lunch. It's about the welcoming concert for the minister tomorrow." He waves her off, but Ha-neul had already turned and walked down the hallway in the opposite direction.

Later that morning close to lunchtime, all the students exit their classrooms and spill into the hallway. Ha-neul hurriedly walks towards the school cafeteria when suddenly Administrator Ji calls out to her. "Song Ha-neul! Song Ha-neul! A moment please."

She stops and turns. Administrator Ji slowly approaches her.

"Song Ha-neul," Administrator Ji says, "I just wanted to say, please stop by my office after school today. I already told your parents, they'll hold off tutoring for today and will be there as well."

Ha-neul nods in reluctant consent. She watches as Administrator Ji disappears down the hallway. She immediately walks towards her mother's classroom nearby. She finds her mother talking with a student, and waits until she is free.

"Mom," Ha-neul asks, "Did Administrator Ji ask to speak with us after school today?"

"Ah, yes," Da-som replies. "I guess he wants to talk about the welcome concert tomorrow."

"Mom, you canceled tutoring for today?" Ha-neul adds.

"Yes, I canceled my tutoring sessions for today," Da-som replies.

Just then another student approaches Da-som. "Teacher! Please tell me what I did wrong here."

"Ah, I see," Ha-neul replies.

Da-som nods at Ha-neul before conversing with another student. Ha-neul walks back towards the cafeteria for lunch.

It was another sunny day. The cafeteria was full of students in line for food. But Ha-neul has a packed lunch from her mother as usual and sits by the window to enjoy the view. The school was down the hill from their home, but nevertheless it still sat at a high elevation above a shallow, rocky valley. The sun manages to break through the windows and light up the entire room with a nostalgic glow. Just then, two young girls sit down to join Ha-neul. They laugh and joke about the funny things their teachers said in class that morning, discuss their upcoming homework assignments, and whisper about their high school crushes sitting across the cafeteria before heading off for their afternoon classes.

It was near the end of her last class for the day when Ha-neul stares out the window of her second floor classroom, threading her fingers through her long black hair as she daydreams about the concert in China next week. She sees herself walking down unfamiliar, cobblestone streets lined with stalls of all kinds selling grilled beef, barbecued pork, fried chicken, and pastries. She traces her outstretched hand along the tabletops of the stalls, smiling so innocently, almost skipping by while the vendors wave to her happily as if she is a local. She thinks she can almost smell the appetizing aromas of the market, feel the new and modern clothing of foreign peoples gently brushing her by in the crowded street, hear the dozens of exotic languages spoken in ecstatic clamor, all expressing the same excitement of enjoying a simple afternoon stroll, exactly like the pictures and magazines of the West that she used to read since she was a child.

As she shifts her weight in her desk, the teacher going on and on about various musical chords, Ha-neul instead imagines what life would be like once she and her family managed to flee North Korea. How nice would it be to say whatever I want, she thinks to herself, free from the constant fear of saying the wrong thing. Just then, she can see herself standing on a stage, the spotlight shining down on her sparkling black dress, her bow in her right hand and her violin in her left resting under her chin. She slowly brings the bow to the strings, her eyes closed in intense focus, then starts with her arm elegantly swaying, producing the same familiar heavenly hum she's known ever since her earliest memories.

"Open your eyes and smile damn it!" her teacher yells at her angrily from the audience. He always says that.

Just then, a handsome young man rebukes him. "She's beautiful as she is," he says to him.

Ha-neul smiles. "I'll play as I please," she replies gently, nodding at the nice young man. He smiles back! Just then Ha-neul brings her arms to her chest as she quivers with glee in her desk, oblivious to where she's at in reality.

The teacher at the front of the class turns to her, and just rolls his eyes. "Song Ha-neul, pay attention!"

Ha-neul temporarily snaps out of it. "Yes, teacher," she replies, sinking back in her chair. She quickly resumes her daydream.

She's now a famous concert violinist with a new boyfriend! She sees cutscenes of their future together - eating ramyeon, riding bicycles by the coast, climbing to the top of the highest building and watching the fireworks on a clear moonlit night. She sees them marrying, her retiring from playing concerts and instead teaching music for grade schoolers, then her husband talking with her parents as Hye-jin plays with her daughter at a Christmas party. She carries on like this, until she rests her chin on her hand propped up on her desk and she completely falls asleep in class.

For although her parents tried to keep it a secret from her, Ha-neul was sixteen after all and connected the dots - all the money her parents saved up, her father disappearing on weekends, talks about the port in Dalian and boats with Secretary Hwang, keeping her most cherished belongings packed and always ready to go - and figured this was finally it, the opportunity her parents had been waiting for to escape. She was, however, unaware of the change of plans her father had initiated just a few days prior.

Just then the bell rings for the end of class, waking her up abruptly. Still in a daze, Ha-neul walks over to Administrator Ji's office, daydreaming about her second life. She opens the door and walks in to find Administrator Ji by his desk, alone. Shocked, she stands there, paralyzed.

"Close the door Ha-neula," Administrator Ji says. She doesn't move. He adds, "Your parents will be along shortly. I suppose you forgot about their performance classes every other week on Fridays? Come on, we have a couple hours until they're done for today. Close the door and take a seat."

Ha-neul remains frozen as if in a waking dream, her mind telling her to back out but her limbs unable to move.

"I really think you should close the door," Administrator Ji adds, "Unless you want your parents' secret to be exposed."

Ha-neul feels icicles stabbing her heart at that moment. She closes the door and takes a seat in front of Administrator Ji. Almost whispering, she asks, "What secret?"

"Come on," Administrator Ji says, "I know about their plan to defect. I have the evidence." He takes out an envelope full of cash and a rosary from his coat pocket and tosses it on his desk. He then pulls out a map. "Dalian, China," he says sternly. Finally, he pulls out a piece of paper from his drawer and reads, "A signed affidavit, from Secretary Hwang, confessing to organized conspiracy to smuggle defectors out of the country." He puts the paper down on the desk. "I know about the concert in Dalian," Administrator Ji continues. "I know how Secretary Hwang used his connections at the office of the ambassador to orchestrate random disappearances of staff. I know he is a close friend of your father's." He leans back in his chair before continuing. "I really don't want to see your father go to jail. He's been a close friend of mine ever since we started at this school. But it's my duty to report this." He glares at Ha-neul. She hangs her head.

Administrator Ji then stands up from his chair, walks around his desk, and leans on the tabletop facing Ha-neul. He says, "I don't know if I can go through with it, though. Your father is a fine man, I wouldn't want to see his career ruined because he was deceived by foreign propaganda. We're friends, right Ha-neula? What should I do?" He suddenly extends his hand and rubs her shoulder. Ha-neul's head is still bowed to the ground.

"Gosh, these days, I feel so lonely," he adds. "It really helps to have a friend to comfort me at a time like this." He places his hand under her chin and raises it, revealing her brown eyes.

"You are very beautiful, you know that?" he says, looking intently in her eyes. "Everyone always falls for the good-looking ones. A pretty face can be a source of power in this world. Or, what do you catholics call it - a blessing?"

He then leans in towards her and whispers in her ear, "Don't worry. If you don't say anything, your parents will be safe."

Administrator Ji returns to his feet and walks towards the door to lock it. He then turns towards Ha-neul. "Don't make a sound," he says as he starts to undress and approaches her in the chair. The hallways are empty as most of the students went home for the day. A faint sound of violins and pianos can be heard in the distance as other students practice their skills in their last classes for the week.

Some thirty minutes pass when Administrator Ji finally allows Ha-neul to leave. "Be back with your parents when they're done," he says to her nonchalantly as Ha-neul puts her blouse back on. He adds, "Clean yourself up first. We'll talk again later."

Ha-neul immediately makes for the bathroom. She washes herself at the sink and looks in the mirror. She isn't crying - instead of pain or fear or anger or anything at all, she feels numb.

Ha-neul makes it to her mother's classroom just as the last student is performing a piece on the piano.

"Good," Da-som says as she scrutinizes the student. "Sit up straight, maintain your posture." She then sees Ha-neul enter the room. "Oh, Ha-neula, we're almost done."

After a few minutes, Seul-ki arrives. "Ah, Ha-neula, did you go to the library as usual?" he asks, adjusting his glasses. He notices Ha-neul doesn't look at him, and instead is staring intently at the student now leaving the piano.

"Okay, let's go," Da-som says. The three of them walk down the hallway to Administrator Ji's office. Seul-ki opens the door.

"Ah, Song Seul-ki!" Administrator Ji says. "Come in, come in. I just wanted to congratulate you all on your preparations for the welcoming concert tomorrow. You all worked hard!" Administrator Ji is smiling energetically. He invites the three of them to a seat in front of his desk and goes on and on about how excited he is for the unique music arrangement for tomorrow's performance. "Aegukga, national anthem, 1930 version." He starts clapping. "Yah, what a unique touch, I'm sure the minister will love it! That's why the Ambassador wants to bring you all to China next week. The best!"

Ha-neul sits quietly in her chair, looking out the window.

writerhongpao
Writer Hong Pao

Creator

#sexualabuse

Comments (5)

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A. Harris Lanning
A. Harris Lanning

Top comment

I feel so bad for Ha-Neul. No one deserves that trauma.

3

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My Second Life
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Ha-neul is a beautiful, kindhearted sixteen-year-old teenager living in North Korea with her rambunctious sister and her loving parents. Threatened by an ambitious school administrator, they are forced to flee the country and search for happiness elsewhere.

Once out of North Korea, they meet Yeong-su, a mysterious teenager whom Ha-neul is immediately attracted to. Together they look for a way to sneak into South Korea and a better life. Will they survive? Will freedom automatically bring happiness? Can you really escape from your past life, or will it catch up to you in the end? Ha-neul seeks to answer these questions as she starts her second life.

This novel has a more serious tone and is not too long, about 78k words, with a lot of life lessons poured into it and a redemptive ending. May it help those who feel discouraged.

NOTE: This is for mature audiences only and deals with mental health issues, please be aware of the warnings from Tapas before reading.
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A Blessing and a Curse

A Blessing and a Curse

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