Kieran

Ryan

Kieran

Ryan

How could he be on his mind all the time when he didn't even know him?

His mom once told him that the love they felt for their mates would be different. But how could he know it was different if he never felt love before? He wanted to know. He wanted to know how love was supposed to feel when you were a human. He didn't want to question his feelings. He wanted to be sure. Apparently, he wanted a lot of things.

He heard stories about marriages that fell apart because the wolf discovered his mate. It brought a lot of tears, daddy issues, and broken homes. Although he was a teenager so he couldn't get married yet, and since he liked this concrete boy, he couldn't have kids. The only thing he was risking was a double heartbreak.

How would Kieran react if he suddenly broke up with him? Not that they were dating, but they could be. He didn't want to be the one to cause him pain. He wouldn't let anyone hurt him and the thought of him being the one to actually hurt him was terrifying.

What was he supposed to tell him? Should he lie? Tell him his parents were homophobic? Or that he was not sure about his feelings? Both were lies. If he wanted to have a real relationship with him, it couldn't be based on a lie. He was already hiding his biggest life secret from him, and he didn't want to add another one to it.

He had no idea how his parents would react to him liking a boy. He knew their reaction to the combination of human and boy, but not in his own case. He was their son. A son with whom they didn't always agree but still loved.

But one thing was clear. He liked Kieran. He looked forward to seeing him every morning. For every message, even a greeting. He loved looking into his eyes as they watched him as if he were someone important. With him, he felt like someone important. His heart raced just thinking about it.

Part of him was also concerned about Ryan. He was his mate, after all. He knew he said he didn't want his life to revolve around him, but the biggest question was – would his mate still want him if he knew about Kieran? Was he a hypocrite to think about it?

Evan knew the right answer.

He knew he wouldn't be the first wolf whose first kiss wasn't with his mate. Some didn't even lose their virginities together, but that was a different case when they weren't able to find their mates before they turned 18. They could either choose insufferable pain or spend their heat with someone who wasn't their destined partner. It was a sick joke straight from their Moon Goddess. She gave them clues to help them find the treasure, but if they failed to understand the map, pain awaited them. Maybe that's how the saying "what is love without pain" was born.

He was glad he didn't have to deal with that yet.

Still, he had this dilemma, which he couldn't share with anyone. Angie would probably understand. As he knew her, she would even encourage him to experiment with Kieran. But that was the problem. Kieran wasn't the person to experiment with. Kieran was this amazing guy who always tried to cheer people up and who used to share lunch with his friends. He was the person who spent many of his afternoons helping his peers with studying. He was the one who made his days better. He didn't deserve to be stabbed in the back.

Evan felt anxious. Also stupid, sad, and confused, but mostly anxious.

Since his vision on Saturday, he was ignoring everyone. Ignoring people was simply so much easier than neglecting his own emotions, and he was definitely a mess.

Angie tried to call him twice, but both times, he just watched his phone ring. Kieran texted him, asking how his day was, but he never replied. His mom was prying, trying to find out what the vision was about. Of course, she always asked what this girl was like.

Evan was tired.

His phone rang again. He was ready to snooze it again since he thought it was Angie, but surprisingly, this time, it was Kieran.

With a deep sigh, he answered the call.

"Hey," he greeted diffidently.

"Hey, why so sad?" He could hear how cheeriness from Kieran's voice slowly faded and was replaced with concern. A sudden feeling of guilt hit him. It took exactly one second before he transferred his negative emotions to the one person who didn't deserve them.

"I was just thinking," he started nervously, making up a believable lie in his head, which would at least slightly reflect reality. He still felt guilty, but he knew he had no choice. It was too late to keep his distance.

"Okay?" His voice wasn't angry or sad, just curious. It was as if he wasn't expecting anything bad. As Evan knew him, he must have wanted to find out why he was sad, so he could fix it. That's just the way Kieran was.

"It's just my parents. I don't think they would approve of us." It was true, but the reason for their dislike was different from the one Kieran must think of.

He was silent for a while.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. What do you wanna do?" He knew what he was asking. Abruptly it was his choice. He had the fate of their relationship in his hands. He could tell him that he didn't like him that much and wanted to be just friends or ask him out despite his family. The worst part was that Kieran was letting him decide. He obviously trusted him enough to know that he would make the right decision. Or at least one that will hurt both as little as possible.

"I don't want you to be my dirty little secret," he answered. What he said was true. He wanted to be proud that he could hold his hand, kiss him, and stand by his side, not hide at every little sound around them.

"Evan." The way he said his name… Evan didn't think he could be more attracted to him. "I don't care if we do this in public or if we stay in the closet. I just want to be with you."

"It just doesn't sound right," he sighed. Kieran was being too nice, and Evan felt like he was just taking advantage of him. He hated it and knew he was the only one to blame.

"Babe, there's no right or wrong when it comes to this," Kieran laughed a little and continued, "we don't know how our relationship will turn out to be. I just know I like you, and I think you might like me too." His heart skipped a beat at the sound of that nickname.

"I do," he admitted. He could feel how my cheeks reddened, which was quite pathetic since he couldn't even see him.

"So? We can take it slow. We don't even have to call it a relationship yet. I don't want to pressure you. I just want to spend time with you." How could he say all those words aloud? Compared to him, Evan felt like such a wallflower. Where the hell did all that shyness come from?

"Can we maybe call it friends with benefits? It just doesn't sound like something that comes with high expectations, and right now, that's something I can't promise to you." He felt bad as soon as he said that, but he couldn't take it back. It was too late for that.

"If those benefits mean I can get another date with you, I'll gladly be your friend." Evan didn't need to see him to know he was smiling right now. See? He was soft-hearted.

"If they will be as great as the last one, I think we can make a deal." Evan beamed. Suddenly he felt a lot better. He couldn't wish for a more understanding crush. All the more reason why he couldn't lose him. Without him, there was no joy, no simplicity, and ease in his life.

"I can't wait to see you on Monday." Evan felt the same. As much as he was afraid of Monday, he was so looking forward to it now.

"Miss me already?" His confidence was back, and so were his flirting skills. Everything seemed a lot better than it was just yesterday. If he wasn't stupid and simply answered his texts, he could have had peace a long time ago. Evan sometimes had real doubts about his intelligence.

"Maybe a little," his voice turned playful. The heavy atmosphere was gone, and they were back to being just them.

"Oh yeah? I guess there is also a little chance you get a kiss in the morning then," he teased him even when he knew that kissing him would be the first thing Evan was gonna do tomorrow.

"In that case, I missed you a thousand times."

He started to laugh. Loudly and from the heart. Laughter was easy with Kieran by his side.

At that moment, Evan knew they were going to be okay.

At least for now.