A Prince. A Duke. A Rogue. A Scholar. These characters would be perfect candidates in any Romance novel. And any maiden would be over the moon if she had the luck to have all these guys chasing after her.

…Right? Right?

Addie sighed and sat back in her chair. Well, on paper, it was a perfect Reverse-Harem story. A fun, weekly romp where the readers could choose their favorite ship(s) and commiserate in the comments section about the characters’ latest actions  (especially if the Female Lead was too blind to see when someone was in love with her). 

This was not one of those stories. 

The offending text was still on the screen. The novel had been recommended, with Addie in mind, to review on the podcast she hosted with her two friends/roommates. 

Every Season, they would review a new type of media. Books, Tv, Movies, Comics — nothing was off the table. So when the suggestion came in to do Webnovels for a Season, the friends were eager to oblige. 

The rules had been simple:

1) The story had to be available on a fairly-acquired site/app. 

2) The story had to be complete — or at least in a place in the story that felt like a complete thought (like a Season Finale).

And 3) For now--just novels. The plan was to read webnovels for the winter, and webcomics the following summer. 

The recommendations had come flooding in, as the listeners hoped their favorites would be covered on the show. And, for the most part, all the recommendations had been good.

… Until someone suggested Mysteries in the Mist.

Now, Addie had always loved a good mystery. From brilliant minds who solved cases in a glance-- to wacky, fun characters bumbling their way through a plotline — she loved them all. She loved going through a case, clue by clue, trying to solve it before the solution was given. So, naturally, when she heard that there was a webnovel where a female detective was the lead, Addie was quick to hunt it down.

It had been actually pretty easy to find. It was currently being featured on the homepage of its hosting site and seemed to be immensely popular. That meant it must be good right?

...Right?

That had been her first mistake. Her second mistake was spending almost 20 dollars to read all of it. 

The novel was about this girl, named Charlene Everalda Bennett -- and yes, the Author made it a point to drop in her full name every so often so no one could forget it. Charlene was the smartest person in the kingdom and incredibly beautiful. She received a letter to attend The Academy, where she had a bunch of guys vying for her love and attention.

There were seven guys altogether:

There wasn’t really a plot outside of that. School was attended, adventures were sprinkled in, better stories were ripped off, and romance ensued… 

If you could call it “romance”! 

She wasn’t 100% positive, but Addie was pretty sure most of the “romantic” gestures in the story would be considered assault. 

Aside from Oliver, none of the boys seemed to have any concept of “boundaries” or “keeping their hands to themselves”. Kenneth was especially notorious for this, even going as far as to get Charlene alone on multiple so he could "show his passion for her".  This was usually makeout sessions, but if it wasn't for the fact he always got interrupted, it was implied he would've done more.

And never mind the fact the jerk was already engaged! Albeit, he was engaged to the novel's villain, Lady Ethel Prescott -- but that still didn't give him the right to be a creep!

Eventually, he did break it off with poor Ethel, but that wasn’t until the novel was almost over and he had dragged Ethel through the wringer. 

Yeah, Kenneth was absolute trash. Any time he appeared, Addie made it a point to skim. And even then, it was still uncomfortable. 

Eventually, Charlene is proposed to by her six love interests (Oliver had been written out at this point). And since she couldn’t choose between them, she asked for some time to think. Worried at even the notion of being rejected, Caspian goes and kidnaps Charlene, locking her in a lavish apartment in the palace. She can’t leave, but she’s given everything she wants. 

Every night, the prince comes and asks her to marry him… and becoming more and more unhinged with every refusal. The maids try to convince her that she should marry the prince,  to the point where Charlene starts wondering if she should just do it and be done with it. 

Enter the Knight... who literally had only spoken to Charlene once, in passing. (Yes, he had a name, but Addie hadn’t bothered to commit it to memory.) He had come to bring Charlene to the Prince… and then proceeds to gaslight and kidnap her too. 

Charlene— who the Author tried to convince the readers that she’s enamored at the “proposal”, but it was clear that her spirit was shattered at that point— agrees to marry him. And then they make out as they ride off into the sunset. 

The End.

...No, really -- that's how it ended!

At first, Addie had assumed she'd been reading a bad translation. The translator clearly had either fallen asleep and written nonsense, or they were having a laugh at the expense of the writer. Upon finding that English was, indeed, the first language, she then assumed that the whole novel was a farce, or at least a satire. 

She was proven wrong once again. The author, GuffiMac, was quite serious about their work, and got defensive in the comments when anyone questioned it.

It was neither romantic, nor a mystery.  

Heck, there wasn’t even any mist in it!

If this was an obscure novel written by a small author, Addie wouldn’t have dared be so critical. Writing a story was hard, and plucking up the courage to post it online was even harder.  She would’ve just said it wasn’t her thing and moved on, forgetting about it a day or two later.  

But it wasn't obscure, and the author was apparently in talks about getting their work adapted for a larger audience.

On the one hand, she had to respect GuffiMac for doing well for themselves... But on the other hand, the story was utterly repulsive and there was no way she could give it a positive review. 

It wasn't going to be a complete roast fest. As a rule of the podcast, a bad review had to be accompanied by something constructive. But how to say anything positive for something so awful? 

Okay, time for a 'plot-doctor' approach.

She grabbed the notepad and pen. There was a lot to cover, and she was going to need to keep her thoughts straight. 

The first thing to go? The death of Oliver DuLuvli.

 It was a bit of an understatement to say that Oliver had been "written out".  GuffiMac murdered him-- plain and simple. 

Why? Because the readers liked him more, that's why! 

Oliver was a sweet guy– and honestly one of the only good characters in the entire novel! It was a low bar, but Ollie also treated Charlene like a human and not like an object -- which, sadly, not too many of the other guys could boast.  He was a good friend and an excellent listener.

His only crime was getting in the prince's -- and ultimately, the author's-- way.  

Caspian seemed to be the author's Golden Boy, but he was... How to put it gently? Insufferable? Suffocating? Overbearing? 

Obnoxious.  

So it was easy to see why Ollie was the reader's choice for Charlene's heart.  And since it seemed that the readers had no qualms with Oliver,  GuffiMac decided to make the readers hate him. 

And so, GuffiMac set out on a warpath to bring Ollie down. 

First, Ollie was outed. Very forcibly. After a questionable scene where Charlene tried to kiss him. 

A gay man? Surely, that would be more than enough reason for the readers to hate him. Surely.

But surprise, surprise: the readers didn't mind! In fact, they started shipping him with other characters instead.

Horrified at this backfiring turn of events, GuffiMac wrote a -- really uncalled-for and mean-spirited -- chapter where all the male leads harrassed Oliver. They insulted him, kicked and beat him, and made it very clear that they were not interested in him. The prince lead the charge.

It was the only time that all the male leads worked together. 

Beaten and bruised, poor Oliver had no choice but to run away...

And that was the last time he was seen alive. 

He was found a chapter later, dead in a gutter and barely recognizable.  And unlike the readers, who were distraught at the paragraph detailing his gruesome demise, the characters seemed too busy wrapped up in their lives to care.

That needed to go. Oliver's death made no sense whatsoever. The author's meddling ruined his and Charlene's friendship, made all the Male Leads irredeemable -- and Charlene too, if we're being honest, since she didn't even shed a tear over her so-called friend's death (or the events that lead up to it). 

 It also successfully isolated Charlene at the end of the novel. It was obvious that Ollie was supposed to play an important part at the end, and rescue Charlene from Caspian after he kidnapped her. But because GuffiMac decided Oliver needed to die, they were floundering for 5 weeks without an out, adding a bunch of filler chapters as they scrambled to find a solution.  

Save Oliver, and the ending would be saved.

Next thing to change: shift the story’s focus to Ethel. 

Ethel Prescott was easily the best character in the story, aside from Oliver. So what if she was the villain? So what if she was jealous of Charlene? Was she entirely wrong? Her fiancé was cheating on her! And why did people always feel the need to keep comparing her to Charlene? Ethel didn't mince words and could be a bit abrasive, but at least she was trying to solve the cases– 

Well, until Charlene would swoop in, exclaim that Ethel was wrong, and then proceed to throw out a wild accusation that   somehow  proved true. Charlene must of done a lot of her work off-page, because there was no proof that she actually did any investigating.

Poor Ethel was a competent detective, but she was ridiculed and harassed throughout the entire story by characters and author alike-- only to be killed off in the end with a single sentence. 

And people were still mocking her at her grave... 

She deserved justice.  They both did. 

But the biggest change would have to be made to Charlene. Charlene, aside from the railroaded Oliver drama, was... bland. She didn’t really contribute to the plot — like, at all. It was more like she was getting pulled along with the plot, but not really interacting with it. She hadn’t really needed to do anything , since the Author always just gave her the answer. 

Honestly, she could've been written out completely... but would it still be "Mysteries in the Mist" without her?

Addie considered for a moment, tapping her pen in thought. 

Ok, suppose Charlene was kept in — what to do with her? The Author had claimed Charlene was the smartest person in the room, so maybe she and Ethel could be in a sort of rivalry? They’d both be on the case, trying to solve them before the other. Maybe they could even get a culprit wrong, and the other could steer them on the right path. 

But the two shouldn't be pitted against each other, especially because of some guy!

In fact, just throw the whole “Romance” subplot out and just focus on the mysteries! Then it could be the story of two rival detectives competing to solve cases in order to earn prestige and glory.

…Unless Charlene was actually the villain. Then Ethel would not only have to figure that out, but also stop her… 

A yawn broke her train of thought. As interesting as that line of thought was, it was already late. She’d have to finish her notes in the morning before they recorded, but for now…

Another yawn. She got up, stretched, turned off the computer and light, and climbed into bed.  

Tomorrow was gonna be good. The episode would be recorded, she could put this stupid novel behind her, and that would be that. 

And that was her biggest mistake.