"Do you wanna try it, Soojin?"
"Try what, Minjun?"
"Falling in love with me." Minjun said.
He smirked, leaning his face close in so that both of us were leaning in on the side of the cement wall that held the outdoor sinks outside of the bathrooms stalls near the field for gym.
The rough feeling of the cool stone beneath, soaked into Soojin. Soojin let out a little breath of air before sucking in his bottom lip.
Soojin fluttered his eyelashes and flicked his tongue out, running it across the top of his lip nervously.
"I want to try," he answered. He stopped realising what he had said aloud. His hands pressed into Minjun's chest the two of his hands balled into half closed fists. His big knitted red sweater fell down his arms to his elbow, gravity pulling them down as he pressed himself into Minjun.
Minjun’s lips touched his own gingerly for a split second before crushing against his hard so hard it hurt. And at the same time that his lips were smashed something strong jabbed into his gut.
Soojin felt the wind disappear from his lungs and his eyes widened as he took a few shaky shallow breaths. Minjun’s arm pulled back from Soojin’s stomach and Minjun stepped back. Soojin crumpled towards the wall compressing himself in half the moment the pressure of the punch released from his stomach.
“Disgusting…” Minjun laughed, and jeered. He opened up his water bottle and Soojin watched his adams apple bob as he took a sip. His heart fluttered a little, confused by his attraction to the man he had become closer too all year and the man who just insulted him.
Minjun’s face twisted with disgust and he choked on the water spitting it into Soojin’s face, not even trying to turn away, some of it went over his shoulder and into the sandy dirt. It changed and became darker where he did. He turned the bottle and before Soojin could blink he had sprayed the entire thing across his face and upper torso, squeezing the bottle and shaking it so that it all sprayed out in a large fanned out wave. Covering a large surface area of his clothes and hair in one swipe.
“Ughhh, like I could ever have a crush on someone as dirty as you. Die, freak.” Minjun said throwing the bottle at him. The empty plastic bottle bounced off his shins and onto the ground before rolling away harmlessly. He sauntered off his echoing laughter like a piercing knife to the gut. His cocky little saunter and laughter made Soojin push through the double vision and the pain in his chest to try and stand up again. It came from more than his stomach, most of it was from his heart. But he couldn’t find a second wind. He had more than his breath knocked out of him. He had taken almost all year to work up the courage to ask Minjun out. He had thought he read the signals right.
‘Didn’t I?’
Soojin fell to the ground and sobbed his eyes out looking down at his hands, he rubbed them together as if to get the filth off of him. The filth of what should have been a special moment. Soojin rubbed the back of his hand and fingertips across his lips repeatedly. Water
‘Go away, go away..’
‘That was my first kiss! What a cruel and horrible fate.’
‘I am disgusting… Why couldn’t I have just loved like normal people. Why did I have to be so different? Why did I have to fall for him. Of all people!’
Something big and dark fell over Soojin’s face causing him to freeze.
‘What was that? Did someone see us? Was there someone else out there disgusted and ready to laugh?’ He waited for the sounds of laughter and jeering to start. Maybe they were covering his head to beat him up. He waited waited for the cruelty to continue.
‘Why did love have to hurt so much!’
“Just stay there a for while.” A gentle voice said.
That was all it took to release all the emotion and shame from his core. He had been stupid, what had made him think Minjun liked him back. How had he ever thought all the fake things Minjun had done nad said were real. Why couldn’t he see through the lies.
“What is wrong with me?” He sobbed, his voice cracking around the words.
There was a long sigh.
“Nothing is wrong with you.” came the soft reply.
Soojin sniffled and pulled the dark black fabric from off of him wanting to see how had come to his rescue. But also to scared of what he might find. What kinda of disgust and ridicule would be brandished across this new persons face.
He blinked down at it realising that it was a mans jacket. A very nice one. He looked back up and was met with the sun glaring over the persons shoulder. The person was tall and they moved over one step purposefully blocking the sun so he didn’t have to squint so hard.
He had on the same uniform as Soojin and the same tag on the top right of his chest. He tried to squint to read it but the sun was like a radiant halo behind him.
The guy licked his lips and smirked letting out a soft chuckle.
“God, you are to polite. Come here.” He said and offered a hand out.
Soojin blinked up at him, too nervous and butthurt to take it.
The guy didn’t stop smirking and just reached out and slowly, gently slipped his hand into Soojin’s until their fingers were intertwined.
His muscles tightened and bulged and Soojin felt the mans sheer brute strength pull him up and spun him so that the sun was no longer blocking his vision.
His dark hair bounced in the wind and his moonbeam dark almost midnight eyes looked at him with kindness. And the tall figure with broad shoulders and strong arms clicked in his brain. He had never seen him with so much clothes on that’s why it had taken a second but it was Jaimin Lee Jaimin star swimmer, accepted to the olympics, pride of the school Lee Jaimin.
A whole year and a class above him. Stopping to cover up the weeping mess behind the school.
‘Ayioo, what must he think of me?’
Soojin waited for Jaimin to pull his hand free but he just never made the effort. He wondered if he should try, or if that was too impolite.
“Why are you out here? Did you just see everything?” He asked, instead to distract himself from the growing silence while holding this national symbol of Korea’s hand.
“I was just passing by and I saw you crying.” Jaimin said.
“You didn’t see anything else?” Soojin asked, awkwardly.
Jaimin shook his head no.
“Sorry, That’s a lie. I wasn’t passing by. I heard Minjun talking to his friends about how he could tell you liked him, and how he was pretty sure you were going to confess today. They made a bunch of vomiting sounds and they all made bets of where and when you would do it. Minjun brought you out back here so his friend and him could win all the money. I heard him say he was excited to teach you a lesson. So I came to make sure the person they were targeting was, okay. I didn’t know it was you specifically, I just knew they were planing on harming someone and I couldn’t stand by and let it go.”
“Oh,” Soojin sniffled again.
“Minjun’s a fucking idiot.”
“You deserve someone who treats you better than that. Stop crying and don’t waste anymore tears on that trash. I guarantee you that there are enough people out there who will love you for you. That you don’t need to waste anymore water on that guy.”
“There is.” Soojin said. Then clamped his hands over his mouth.
Jaimin laughed. “Yeah, easily. You have bright eyes, a small face, cute pouty lips. And the wrinkle that occurs between your brow when you are confused or upset is charming. You have lots going for you. You seem really nice and gentle. So cheer up, kid.”
Soojin nodded, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. ‘He is so gentle and kind and wait… cute lips?’
“You are like me. Aren’t you?” Soojin asked, while wiping his nose with the back of his sleeve.
Jaimin smirked. “Like you huh, you mean gay?” He asked smiling.
Jaimin nodded his head once. “Yeah. I am.”
“Soojin, don’t let idiots like him change you. Not everyone is that dumb. You will find lots of people who can support and love you through your lifetime. People who will be there for you when you need them. So don’t give up, okay? You are not disgusting. I think you are… beautiful.” Jaimin said.
Soojin stopped rubbing at his face and looked up, startled.
“What?” Soojin said, baffled.
“Do you want to try, falling in love with me, Soojin. So what do you say?”
“Do you want to try?” Jaimin asked.
“But we are strangers, you don’t know anything about me.” Soojin said.
“I know you are in the same grade as him so that makes you a year below me. I know you know who I am, since you made a rather audible gasp when you saw my face. I know your name is Soojin and front he hurt in your eyes that I used to see reflected out of my own. I know too many people who said they loved you turned their back on you when they shouldn’t have over something you had no control over. And I know above all how brave and wonderful you have to be to put your heart out there when it’s so dangerous for people like us to do so. And I know that you need someone to hold you right now and tell you that even though everything sucks, it will all be okay.”
“It’s something I wish someone had told me years ago when I was first trying to come out of my shell. So can you let me hold you because you need to be held. NAd appreciate how kind and strong you are. How sweet and innocent you seem, and quietly fall for the person I can already tell your character to be. Because from what I have already seen in the past twenty minutes, you are already someone I could easily come to love. Because you are already so easy to like.”
Soojin looked up into those hopeful eyes that stared back at him, not with pity, but with understanding and care. ‘He likes what he sees already. He doesn’t find me disgusting.’
“Yes. I want to try.” Soojin said. His eyes widened in surprise at his own answer.
Jaimin rubbed the thumb of his hand on the top of Soojin’s hand in slow soothing circles. Soojin looked down. He had grown so comfortable he had forgot they were still holding hands. ‘No wonder he laughed when I asked if he was like me. He must have thought it was glaringly obvious. That was so dumb.’
‘As dumb as thinking someone you hung out with and who treated you well, liked you so much so that you let them steal your first kiss.’ Soojin frowned.
“What’s wrong? Do you not like it?” Jaimin asked.
Soojin pulled his hand out gently, he thought he would have to yank on it. Or struggle as Jaimin held him tight. But his hand slipped out easily and instantly.
‘Oh, he isn’t holding tightly to me, he never was.’
“Whats bothering you Soojin.” He asked.
Soojin pulled on his lips. “That was my first ever kiss. That asshole stole it.” soojin felt the anger boil up inside him again and felt the sting of tears at the corners of his eyes. ‘How violating.’
Jaimin’s hand reached out and Soojin reached out to grab it again but his hand went past Soojin’s ‘Oh he wasn’t reaching for me, I feel dumb.’
But before he could finish berating and belittling himself Jaimin’s hand wrapped around his waist and pulled him closely until their chests were touching. His heart beat in his chest quickly. Here was a beautiful and handsome man telling him how special he was. Accepting him and treasuring him. ‘Why couldn’t you have been my frist kiss? Why couldn’t I have met you first Lee Jaimin?’
“Don’t give that man anymore power than he already has. Your first kiss is what you choose it to be. Don’t ever let anyone take your choice from you. Okay?” He said softly.
Soojin nodded. His eyes fluttering softly.
Jaimin smiled, and his grip around Soojin’s waist loosened. “Good.”
“Let’s go home Soojin.” Jaimin said releasing him entirely.
Soojin nodded firmly, but his heart deflated a pang of rogue desire giving him a bout of courage he had no right to have.
“If I can choose, can I choose you then?” He asked. Mustering up every once of bravery he had.
Jaimin paused mid step. Silence filled the air as he didn’t move of a while.
“Nevermind, sorry that was stupid.”
Jaimin turned back around looked him dead in the eye then covered the distance between them quickly before descending down on Soojin faster than he could breathe again. Jaimin’s lips pressed against Soojin’s gingerly, nipping and pulling at them with a comfortable pressure and force. Nothing like Minjun’s disgusting kiss before. Soojin closed his eyes falling into the gentle nips and tugs on his lips. Enjoying how each one felt. How he smelt and tasted. The soft sounds that filled the air around them. It was perfect. He wanted more that pressure to lean in and change to something deeper. But Jaimin stayed consistent.
A calm clear pressure, that shook and waivered only when he pulled away. Soojin opened his eyes back up immediately.
“They are just as pouty and soft as they look.” Jaimin said shakily, before opening his eyes again.
“I… I.” Jaimin stumbled to find the words.
Instead he offered out his hand again.
Soojin looked down at it then back up at Jaimin and smiled.
Jaimin stepped back with one foot and choked coughing gently once.
“Yah, you are making it hard to find something to say. Let me take you home before I do something stupid.” Jaimin said.
Soojin smirked but nodded, he reached out and took Jaimin’s hand. Jaimin led him forwards.
“Are you hungry? I am always hungry.” He said. Soojin just nodded, content to follow wherever Jaimin was taking him.
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