I’ve always wanted to die… 

“Nicholas!” His voice pierced my ears as I laughed with my arms outstretched, falling backwards off the ledge. The harsh tears streaming down his cheeks was the last thing I saw as his hands reached for mine… It’s too late, I’m sorry. 

The wind hit my back as I stared up at the beautiful starless sky. It will be the last thing I’ll ever see. I’ll miss watching the sky with him. 

My body was weakening from the poison, there was no point in fighting it now. I’ll be able to sleep forever. I’m sorry, maybe we’ll meet in another lifetime, please forgive me for leaving you like this. 

“Goodbye my dear friend…” with a bright smile forming on my lips, the tears lifted from my cheeks as I shut my eyes. 

Allowing the darkness to consume me, this warmth engulfed my body. Much like a hug it was comforting. I laid in this warmth for some time not moving, or making a sound. It was nice to just feel comfortable for once. I never thought about what would happen after I died, I just wanted to feel relief. This is what I wanted but something felt off. It was when a bright light showed up that I realized why. 

“Congratulations mister and missus Blumen, you have a beautiful baby boy.” What? What just happened? 

No no no, this is not what I wanted! Is this a joke? I couldn’t see anything but I could feel everything. From the air, to the hands that grabbed me… why am I so easy for people to just toss around? 

Once my eyes had finally adjusted, the first thing I saw was a beautiful lady, her strange lapis colored eyes staring down at me. Her curly blonde hair was slightly sticking to the sides of her face as she smiled. “Welcome Lotus,” she whispered. 

Where am I? 

“He’s beautiful,” a man's voice said behind me. Shifting my gaze down, the place looked older. What time period is this? Medieval? Or ancient times? I’ve never seen this one before. The lady that was holding me didn’t look away as she placed the back of her finger against my cheek, gaining my attention immediately. The more I stared at her the more I noticed how tired she looked. 

“He has your eyes,” that same man spoke up as another hand was placed carefully on my head. Why isn’t he where I can see him? 

“It’s strange how he doesn’t cry.” the lady whispered, “is something wrong with him?” It was when she said that… everything clicked in my head and the horror of that realization hit me like a truck. Did I just– no… no I didn’t– 

“Not all babies cry, he’s perfectly healthy. Please don’t worry yourself madam, you both did amazing.” 

Ew, I can’t get it out of my head now. Thanks for the confirmation. I’m too young for this, can I go back to sleep? “Lydia, you should get some rest, I’ll hold him for you.” Her name is Lydia? Wait, no! As we were forced to part, I couldn’t help but let out this cry when I was no longer near her. 

What is this feeling? No, I wanna go back! “Oh, he has lungs on him.” The man I had been hearing speak was now right in front of me, his dark hair resting atop of his hair in a wavy mess, with his seemingly normal green eyes. Personally, it was strange to see since I had never seen someone with green eyes before. 

“Shh, it’s okay Lotus… your mom is tired, you’ll get to see her after she gets some sleep.” 

Why do I not believe him? Who even are you sir? 

“He might be hungry later so be sure to remind me.” Lydia said, her voice was barely audible but somehow he heard her, “don’t worry dear, I know. Just get some sleep.” he waved her off heading out the door. 

Wait, why are we leaving? Why can’t we stay there? Mister, turn back around, we’re leaving her behind! Why aren’t you listening to me? “Are you hungry? Did you have an accident?” What? No! Turn around! “Or are you sleepy? You did go through a lot to get here, it must have been stressful.” 

Huh? “It’s okay now, you don’t have to work hard anymore.” …What are you talking about? Staring at him, the silence that followed his words as he walked down the quiet hall, repeated in my head, “everything is okay, you can relax.” his hand lightly rubbing my back, reminded me of that warmth I felt before. 

The calmness from his words and the warmth gradually made my eyes grow heavy. “I’m so glad you both survived.” Is he crying? I couldn’t finish my thoughts since he somehow made me fall to sleep. 

What kind of magic?  

Weeks following that traumatic event, I’ve encountered struggles I didn't realize were a thing. My hands are so small now and I can’t control when I use the bathroom, it just comes out whenever it wants. I hate this so much. Not to mention my mom and dad aren’t always around so I can’t move around when I want to, because I don’t have control over my body. 

I’m struggling with this everyday and what makes this so much worse is that– “Mommy! Lotus stinky again!” 

“I don’t stink, that must be you! Don’t blame me for you lacking control of yourself!” is what I wanted to say but I only cried… this is so embarrassing. 

I was thirteen before I was reborn, the idea of having someone change and feed me is so annoying. My sister stared at me with eyes that were just like mine, her hands placed over her sensitive ears to block out my crying. 

“Amelia, ask your father. I’m making dinner.” Lydia called from the kitchen. Judging by Amelia’s expression she didn’t want to go outside but she did anyway. “Papa!” she shouted hopping off the couch, her blonde hair flowing behind her as she headed towards the door. “Amelia be careful!” my mom warned as the door slammed behind Amelia after she left. 

I guess I’m alone, it’s very peaceful now. The door flew open followed by, “slow down Amelia–” I spoke too soon. She’s fast. 

Seeing, who I now know is my father, peering down at me with a warm smile. My eyes brightened up, because I accidentally peed on him one time and I still feel bad about that. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” he muttered as my body lifted to higher ground. 

Amelia looks so small from up here. While I was staring down at her she was smiling up at me, making silly faces. It was amusing if I’m being honest, she looked funny and I couldn’t help but laugh. She was funny sometimes. 

“Elijah , make sure to use–” 

“Yeah, I know,” he quickly said, heading towards my room. 

The silent hall was one of the things that bothered me about this place. It was quiet unless I made noise. I’m not used to silence, I was always surrounded by constant noise in my past life, there was never a moment of peace and quiet. There was always a baby crying or teenagers running around in the place I lived. There was never a dull moment when I was in that place. 

Here, however, it's rare for it to be loud and noisy. I guess it’s because of Amelia and my dad’s sensitive ears that it’s always so quiet. I didn’t mind, it's just weird to me personally. Being in a building full of kids was normal to me so I guess I've been conditioned to like noise. 

After months of trying, I finally was able to move my body better. Though I still couldn’t walk like I wanted to. It was better than nothing. I could move around… sort of. I didn’t need help when it came to small things like holding stuff or you know the basic things like moving my head and arms. 

My current life struggle was just trying to learn how to crawl and I have to say, I’ve succeeded… to an extent. I’m still learning, cut me some slack. I didn’t know it would be this hard. “Lotus moved farther this time,” Amelia grinned also on her hands and knees, following me around. 

Looking up from his book, he smiled at the both of us, “that’s good.” It was just us three at home, since Lydia went out to the market. She’s been gone for a while, I wonder how far away we live from the stores here. I still haven’t been allowed to go outside just yet, but it has to be pretty far. I don’t even think we live near other people if I’m being honest. There's never other voices around, I can never hear anything outside my window besides animals. 

Do we live near a forest or something? 

“L come here,” Amelia grinned standing in the hall with a bright smile on her face. Glancing over at Elijah he just nodded for me to go ahead and with every ounce of strength, I pushed forward at full speed. My hands pressed against the wooden floor board to move myself forward as fast as I could. 

The wood against my sensitive skin hurt a bit, but it wasn’t preventing me from reaching my sister. The only thing that stopped me was… freezing once I reached a certain point, I couldn’t go any farther. I wouldn’t be able to see where I was going beyond this. “Miya, turn on the light so he can see you.” 

When the light was turned on, the front door opened and I knew exactly who that was. The blonde hair hung over her shoulder as she carried bags inside. My father quickly stood up, placing the book down to help her. “Mommy!” Amelia said, running past me as I tried to reach her as well. 

“Did you get anything for me?” Amelia asked, grabbing a bag as well to carry them into the kitchen. “Check the bags,” she shrugged and Amelia scrunched up her nose and did just that, following Elijah into the kitchen. “Awe everyone left you in here, come here.” Lydia squatted down with her hands outstretched for me, soon picking me up. 

Digging in her pocket she pulled out what looked like a lollipop, but from the cold smoke that was coming off of it, it was obviously not what I was thinking. Sitting down, she placed it in my hands… Is this safe to eat? “Go ahead, it’ll feel nice on your gums.” 

Oh, that’s what it’s for. 

Trusting her I placed it in my mouth, cold! But it did feel nice. She chuckled watching my facial expression change from shock to pleasure within seconds. “What’s that?” my father asked standing behind the couch. “An ice lolly, Mrs Belanger said it’ll help with the pain.” She smiled, her fingers lightly running through my hair. “His hair seems to get darker everyday.” 

“I guess he gets his hair color from me,” this thing is good, they should buy this more often. “If only he had gotten your eye color too.” she muttered, sadness in her tone, “it would be easier to hide him.” 

Huh? Lifting my head I looked between them confused, “don’t worry, we’re safe here.” he reassured my mom. What are they talking about? “Yeah, I know,” she grinned down at me as Elijah walked off to check on Amelia I assume, “she’s too quiet,” he frowned. 

“Amelia, what are you doing?” his voice faded away as he disappeared into the kitchen. “Lotus, is it good?” she asked and I just turned and went back to eating since the discussion ended. 

The months that passed were brief as I was learning about my family. Amelia turned four, a few months ago, and she’s become a lot more talkative since then. And by talkative I mean, “Lotus, do you like this book?” She can’t even read. 

How am I supposed to respond to this? 

“Amelia, go clean your room,” thank you. She slid off the couch and placed the book on the table, running off to her room. How did she know I didn’t want to read it while she was gone? 

Looking around, I took it upon myself to try and grab the book so I could read it. Extending my hand out, my little fingers could almost grab it. I felt the page getting closer but the moment I touched the book, I lost balance. 

I’m going to die. 

“LOTUS!” Lydia’s voice was filled with panic, her once calm lapis eyes were a bright purple and it felt like time slowed down as I stared at her. What is that? The light traveled down her arm and through her hands as they reached out for me. Strangely I never hit the ground, I was perfectly safe, almost like I was… Floating? 

She rushed over, while I was staring at the ground that I never made contact with. Was that magic? Grasping at my sides she lifted me up, I could feel her heart slamming against her chest when she held me. 

Was she that scared? 

Looking up at her, the tears that built up in her eyes were slowly rolling down her cheeks, but they weren’t the normal clear color that tears are supposed to be. It reminded me of paint as they slowly rolled down my mother’s cheeks. 

Reaching up to touch the colorful tears, it didn’t feel like water. It was thick and kind of squishy, like really expensive paint, that high quality stuff that schools never let you use in art class. 

“You’re okay,” she sighed as I made eye contact with her. It was a bad idea. My eyes, the dry burning sensation that happened made tears well up in my eyes and I couldn’t hold back the cry that followed. When I went to rub them, Lydia stopped me. 

My only option is to squeeze my eyes shut in hopes of it going away. “Honey,” she called, placing her hand over my face. At first I didn’t understand why she was doing that but, once I felt the cooling moisture that eased the burning I began to calm down. 

Ever since that day I've noticed every little thing my parents did that involved magic. They were cautious around me a lot more though. Which is disappointing but, at least I now know there is a lot more to this world than I originally thought. 

For the past couple of days, Lydia has been sending letters out. Who was she sending them too? I have no clue but it’s allowed me to read up on this world, I had no idea they had so many books just lying around. 

So far I’ve learned that this world is called floret and my current home is residing in an empire called Nucifera, which has five kingdoms. Those being Linaria, Adenium, Zinnia, Fulva and Indica where the emperor lives. 

Most of those kingdoms are separated by species of different mythical beings, which weren’t listed for some reason. 

It only said that the emperor was human and that was where most humans lived. While reading there were some odd parts talking about a floating city, where these high priests lived, whatever that means. There wasn’t much on the place in this book. 

Sadly it didn’t come with pictures either, so I had no clue what anything looked like. 

“Amelia go get your brother, your mother is taking you both to the market today.” Elijah announced and I quickly kicked the book shut, running out of the library. “Lotus!” Amelia called, turning down the hall as soon as I left the room. 

With a bright grin on her face she grabbed my hand as I ran towards her. We headed down the hall together, her walking a bit too fast for me. I’m still learning, it’s a struggle. 

Once we reached Elijah he smiled, waving me over and with each wobbly step I eventually made it. While he was pulling my shirt over my head I decided to ask a question. “Why can’t I go with you?” 

Just from the expression on his face I could tell he was about to lie or completely avoid the question. His smile dropped slightly as his gaze shifted away from my face. “I’ll take you when you’re older, okay?” when I’m older? That doesn’t sound fair, Amelia gets to go with you all the time. 

“Make sure to put a coat on him, it’s a bit chilly outside.” my mom said walking into the room with Amelia following closely behind. Her hair covered her eyes even though it was tied up which I thought was strange.