A few days pass quietly before my father summons me to a family dinner.

Our meal is oddly quiet. Good food floods the table; honey garlic chicken wings, potato wedges, salad, and roasted chicken. Our wine glasses are full, but no one talks.

My father's blue eyes glance at me every now and then.

My mother's cheeks are almost pink with some unrestrained emotion.

The two of them live together now that the earl has officially divorced Xavier's mother. They don't have to hide anymore, but people still whisper about how my mother had used her vixen charm to steal a married man.

Father's knife cuts into a chicken's thigh and hits his plate with a sharp clang. I wince as I take a bite of my chicken wing. Earl Dwyer glares at me as if I shouldn't be enjoying the meal that had been prepared for me. Instead of finishing it, I put half of the remaining wing back on my plate. Xavier watches all of us with an innocent smile on his face.

Earl Dwyer says, "I got a call from Blake today."

Some of the air leaves my body. "Oh?"

In my mind, a little voice is going, 'No, no, no, no,' as I try to hide my panic. Blood drains from my face. I need to run and find somewhere to hide, but I can't leave my seat. My legs feel stuck, glued together.

"Were you and Xavier in a romantic relationship when you were younger?" Father stares at me, and my stomach squeezes shut. I realize then that the food is only for decoration tonight. But Father continues, "He says you boys kissed and had... sex?" He tastes the last word and scowls as if he doesn't like it.

My mother shakes her head, clearly overwhelmed.

Why would Blake go to my parents for help? Why would he think they could help us?

Everything is ruined.

I bow my head as a knot forms in my throat. "We didn't know we were brothers then."

Xavier shrugs as if he would have done the same thing regardless of whether we are related. He eats with gusto, peeling the flesh off his wings. The dark brown sauce coats his lips as he crushes a few potato wedges between his teeth.

"You lied to me," my father says, and I feel like we had gone back to the night of the prank when everyone was watching me, waiting for me to denounce Xavier.

My face warms. "I didn't want to get in trouble. I was scared." My voice cracks, something it hasn't done since I was a teen. I struggle to meet anyone's eyes and wish I could shrink to the size of an ant and disappear.

Earl Dwyer shakes his head. "This is ridiculous. You had sex with your brother, knowing how sinful it was; you lied to us for years, and even after Xavier tried to drown you, you still went back and had sex with him again! Why didn't you talk to your mother and me about what you were going through and see how we could help? Do we mean nothing to you? Really? As your parents, we're putting an end to all this. We should have never introduced you to each other. And since I can't trust either of you to stay apart, starting tomorrow, one of you will live here, and the other will live in America."

Xavier laughs. "You have always been a controlling ass but sending one of us to a different country... now that is a new one." He raises his wine glass and says, "Cheers to having the most controlling bastard in the world as a father." Xavier mimes touching his glass against others before taking a long drink. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm parched."

Earl Dwyer's lips twitch. "Your mother and I spoke about it, and we think Xavier should go to America."

They haven't spoken to Xavier once since this conversation began, as if he had ceased to matter to them.

Xavier chuckles. "So, you think my lovely brother won't find another man to replace me if I'm gone? Trust me, he was fucking other men while I was away. He knows how to use his pretty face to his advantage. But... at least you know me. You'll never know a thing about the rest of the guys he sleeps with."

Earl Dwyer looks at me. "Is this true?"

"I'm sorry." My ears are so hot I worry they'll shrivel and fall off. I feel my parents' gazes warming my skin, stabbing me in the gut. I had never felt more disgusting or unwanted.

My mother just sighs and shakes her head.

Xavier says, "You know what my brother is the best at? Saying 'sorry'. He says it so many fucking times it has lost all meaning." He sucks the sauce off his fingers. "Tell Chef Jayden the food tonight was absolutely exquisite." He kisses the air, much to his father's annoyance.

Father removes the cloth from his lap and places it on the table, glaring at Xavier and me. "We'll talk more in the morning."

My mother tells me, "You should have told me," and follows Earl Dwyer out of the dining room.

***

Xavier and I lie on his old bed. The blue gemstone I had gotten him for his birthday sits on his dresser. He carries it around with him like a charm. We hold hands. The discomfort I felt around him earlier in the week is starting to fade.

"Dinner with the parents is always fun," he murmurs.

"Now they know everything."

"Are you afraid they'll hate you now?"

"A little." There are parts of me I prefer to hide, but now the skin covering them has been forcibly peeled off, so my innards are displayed for all to see.

Xavier climbs on top of me and kisses my nose. He holds my chin and massages it with his thumb. "Do you want to join me in hell?" he asks. "Or do you want to continue this miserable life, worrying about jail or marrying whatever foul women our parents pick for you?" He kisses my neck and leans back to study me. His long eyelashes flutter as he blinks. He is so sweet, I can't help the tickle that forms in my chest. I can't help loving him back.

***

A stone pool waits in the earl's backyard. Moss coats the dark grey and black rocks. The water is so cold it sends tingles through me as I enter. Xavier follows behind me. He wears a belt filled with heavy weights that matches the one he had given me. Behind us, soft yellow lights glow in the windows of the manor. And in front of us, a ring of dark green trees pokes the greyish-blue sky. The remaining sunlight is nothing more than a small strip of orange on the horizon. I feel heavy, but my head is still above water, so I don't mind it as much.

We walk towards the deep end. A few metres in, my feet brush the edge, where the pool suddenly dips into oblivion.

I try not to think of my mother finding our bloated bodies in the morning. Or her screaming till her lungs rattle and she collapses on the ground. I try not to think of Earl Dwyer discovering his two sons had committed joint suicide.

But now that they know the real me, there is no way they could love me like before.

It sounds a little childish, but all I hear is my mother reading to me. "Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, and Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty back together again."

That was how final death was. How permanent. No one, no matter how much they loved you, would ever be able to put you together again.

Xavier whispers, "I'll see you in hell," and steps off first. He disappears under the water for a moment, and I know that he won't rise again. That's how serious he is about leaving this world.

I won't betray him; this time, I'll do whatever I can to ensure he stays happy.

I step off the ledge and sink beneath the cold water. Xavier pulls me lower, and I feel a cord tie around my ankle, an extra precautionary measure to stop me from rising. The rope is attached to a rusty anchor Xavier's uncle had dropped in the pool on a dare long ago. Another rope tethers Xavier to it. I find Xavier's face and pull him up till his shoulders are on the same level as mine. He hugs me, and it helps me stay calm while we wait for the end.

I'll be okay. Everything is okay.

I love the water; it has always been like a second home.

I try not to think of Blake and how betrayed he will feel when he finds out. He shouldn't have gotten my parents involved.

After one final kiss, Xavier and I press our heads together, lungs burning with a desire for oxygen, eyes stinging and our already dim vision blurring. I reach the point where I must inhale; by then, it's too late to change my mind. My mouth opens.

Xavier squeezes me as we inhale water, and it fills our lungs, replacing oxygen. I'm choking, thrashing, and trying to swim to the surface, but Xavier holds me close.

I don't want to die anymore. The soft silver glow of the moon crosses over the water. I reach for it. I want air so badly it hurts. My vision shrinks to a black circle. My mind struggles

It strug-

I-