The scent of musk permeates the apartment. The soft sounds of someone getting dressed rings in my ears. The sight of an unconfident man standing in front of a mirror greets me. His mouth gaped to let out a sigh at the sight of his unsightly dark circles that stood out from his pale skin. The man in that mirror is me.

I am getting dressed up for a special occasion: today is my sister’s wedding. Despite not going outside much, I want to brave my fears by going out for this special day. I owe my sister, Eura, a lot. She’s the reason I am able to live in this apartment; this was originally hers before moving out to live with the man who is now becoming her husband and my brother-in-law. She was able to complete all the documentation to transfer the ownership of this apartment room from her to me with some help from relatives. She was the one who suggested I move away from our parents and live independently; she was able to find a solution to a long problem I had with ease.

I loosen the tie enough for me to be able to breathe with it on. I hadn’t worn a suit since my college graduation and it’s the only one I own since I haven’t gone shopping in a while. I look lame wearing an old suit, but that’s me on a daily basis.

Once I am finished, I turn towards my couch where my sketchbook and cell phone are. Because this is a special occasion, I reach out to grab my cell phone. I don’t need the sketchbook for today.

The sound of knocking comes to my attention as I rush over with anticipation about meeting my guest. A man in a three-piece suit greets me casually. I see how shiny his styled hair is; he put on too much hair gel.

“Samchon…” *

“Hey, Eugene. Are you ready to head out?”

This man is my uncle, Jay. He’s my mother’s younger brother who occasionally visits me to check up on my condition. He’s not here for a visit as he is carpooling with me to go to the wedding together.

“Almost.” I tell him as I search around to find my wallet and keys, which were in the usual coat pocket. “Let’s go.”

Not talking in a while makes my throat feel weird when I speak. Pressuring my throat to belt out noise loud enough for both of us to hear always leaves it sore after a few hours. I just hope to not talk too much, but given the environment I will be in throughout the whole day, it is impossible.

“How has life been treating you?” Jay wraps an arm around me as soon as I lock my door.

“The same as usual.”

“What a boring answer.”

“Sorry for being boring.” I pout at his remark.

Jay pinches one of my cheeks. “There’s nothing wrong with being boring.”

I feel a sudden chill down my spine; I think there is someone watching me from behind. I turn around to see Wendy looking at me with protruding eyes. Her hand drops the phone she had gripped. I wonder why she’s out and about; it’s four in the morning—early.

Jay asks, “Who’s this?”

“My next-door neighbor.”

Her mouth gapes as she approaches me with pure shock. “You can talk?”

Her face is too close. I lean back for personal space. “I always can. I just choose not to talk.”

“That’s so weird…” Realizing what she had said, she immediately clams up; I can see some regret on her face. “Forget I said anything,” she mutters as she grabs her phone and rushes into her apartment. That is a side of Wendy I never expected her to have; she’s human, so it makes sense for her to have different sides to her.

Jay teases me by saying, “I think she likes you.”

His words baffle me. “Impossible. All she likes is the idea of me. I’m like a ghost and she likes that.” A small sense of guilt surges within me. I feel bad for having some personal bias towards her. Was I this judgmental towards others? 

“Well, we should hurry and go. We’re going to be late if we keep standing here.” I follow Jay down the stairs and towards the lobby. I greet the receptionist and then head to the parking area where Jay had parked his car; he drives a fancy car. As we get in, Jay turns on the engine, but stays still.

“What’s wrong?”

“Eugene, I’m also picking up your parents on our way to the reception.” I could hear his voice softening up, as if he feels guilty for hiding it from me.

The thought of meeting with my parents again makes my heart feel heavy. I am not ready to see them again—it has been two years since I last saw them. They were a factor in why I became this way.

I feel a chill down my spine as I try to unbuckle my seatbelt. Jay stops me from leaving the car.

“I’m sorry for hiding this from you! I know you’re not comfortable, but please bear with this just for today, okay?”

Frustration wells up within me. Why should I stay in a car with a liar? Why should I stay in a car with people I am not comfortable with? However, if I leave, I don’t have any other mode of transportation to get to the wedding reception. I wouldn’t be able to see Eura on her big day. I feel my blood boiling, but I have to deal with it just for today.

I buckle in the seatbelt. “Don’t they have a car? Why do you need to pick them up?”

“They got into a car accident last week. Their car is in the repair shop, so they requested me to take them there just for today.”

The news of them getting into a car accident makes me worried. “Are they okay?” Although they are one of the reasons why I became this way, it doesn’t mean I hate them. I still love them, but it’s hard to express it with all these complications within me.

“They’re fine, but your mom has a fractured knee.”

“She does?”

“Yeah, she’s been upset by this because she wanted to wear a hanbok** for Eura’s wedding. But with her fractured knee, it’s hard to wear one because of the skirt.”

Why am I being so worried over my mother? Why do I have this uneasy feeling within me? A part of me feels relieved that she didn’t die, but there is also another part of me that wants to brush it off and not care about it. Am I this horrible of a son—let alone a person?

I hear the sound of Jay turning on the engine and then pressing the pedals. As soon as I blinked, we were on the road. It has been a while since I last came outside; the world outside feels like another planet to a hermit like me.

I roll down the window to get some fresh air; I wonder how long it has been since I last felt wind blasting on my face. The air in Georgia is probably not the healthiest due to the cities being polluted, but it’s still better than getting no air at all.

I wonder how my parents are doing. Have they changed over the past two years? Have they aged? What should I say to them when we meet?

I sigh as I think about the past.

--

*: Samchon means 'uncle' in Korean.

**: Hanbok is a traditional Korean outfit. It's often worn during wedding ceremonies. Parents of the bride and groom would dress in it.