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Accidentally Viking

IF YOUR LIVER FAILS YOU

IF YOUR LIVER FAILS YOU

Feb 10, 2023

Alvin is frozen as the crazed boar charges towards him.

The animal is paces away, but Alvin still can't move.

Erik: Al!

Erik steps in front of Alvin and shoots an arrow into the boar's chest. It grunts and collapses to the ground with a thud. It continues to groan piteously.

Erik: Make the kill shot.

Alvin stares at the boar, horrified.

Erik: Al! The beast is suffering.

Al comes to his senses, steps forward, and shoots an arrow into the boar's head. The boar lies still and quiet.

Al sits down hard on the ground and drops his head in his hands. Erik crouches beside him. After a moment, Erik tentatively touches Alvin's shoulder. Alvin looks up at him, eyes filled with tears.

Erik: I thought you said you were a hunter.

Erik studies Alvin's face, then gets up and takes out a hunting knife from the sheath at his belt. He steps over to the boar, slits open its belly, rummages squelchily among its organs, and carves out a gleaming purple slab of flesh. He stretches a bloody arm out to Alvin, offering it him. Alvin recoils.

Alvin: What is it?

Erik: Liver. My father used to say: if your own liver fails you, borrow another's.

Alvin: No, thank you. I thought you hated blood.

Erik: Why would you think that?

Alvin shrugs, not meeting Erik's gaze.

Erik: Has Sten been telling tales?

Alvin: No.

Erik stares at Alvin with narrowed eyes, then bites into the raw liver, juices streaming down his chin. Alvin watches in revulsion for a moment, then looks away.

§

Alvin and Erik walk into the village in the late afternoon, Alvin in the lead. Each is shouldering the end of a branch from which the slain boar dangles by its bound feet.

As they walk, they collect a train of admiring children, the boldest of whom stick their fingers in the boar's mouth and jump back, giggling.

Hearing the commotion, Sten steps out of his house and bars their way, looking grim. Alvin and Erik stop.

Sten: So. Did you make the kill shot?

Alvin looks at Sten defiantly.

Alvin: I did.

Sten looks suspiciously from Alvin to Erik.

Erik: He did.

Sten grunts and steps aside.

Alvin and Erik walk on, carrying their kill.

§

Alvin enters the Jarl's house. Solveig is sitting at the table, hemming a pair of leather trousers, frowning in fierce concentration.

Solveig: I think I'm getting better at this.

Solveig holds up the trousers. The right leg is two inches shorter than the left leg. She sighs.

Alvin collapses wordlessly across the table from her.

Solveig: Well? How was your day with Erik?

Alvin: All right, I guess. I planted a field of carrots, and I killed a boar.

Solveig: Oh, well done!

Alvin: Yeah.

Solveig: You don't sound pleased.

Alvin: It's just...I don't have as much in common with Erik as I thought I did.

Solveig: Oh. I did tell you he's an odd one.

Alvin: So am I!

Solveig smiles.

Solveig: I can't argue with that. You are Other, after all. You're probably stranger to him than he is to you.

Solveig starts picking out the stitches she just made.

Solveig: I haven't seen Oskar all day. I'm a bit worried. You didn't see him on your way back, did you?

Alvin: No. It looked like all the kids in the village came out to see the boar, but not Oskar.

Solveig: Strange. He usually brings in the firewood at about this time.

Alvin: He won't be doing that anymore.

Solveig: What do you mean?

Alvin: I freed him.

Solveig stares at Alvin.

Solveig: What?

Alvin: I told him he's not my slave anymore, and that he should go out and play.

Solveig: Oh, Al!

Alvin: What? What's wrong with that?

Solveig: What did he do when you told him?

Alvin: Well, now that you mention it, he kind of...ran away.

Solveig sighs and puts down her sewing.

Solveig: That's what I was afraid of. Let's go.

She stands up.

Alvin: Where?

Solveig: I think I know where he might be.

§

Alvin and Solveig are walking along the beach, headed for a craggy outcrop.

Alvin: What did I do wrong?

Solveig: Oskar was happy with you. Now he's afraid you'll give him to someone else.

Alvin: Of course I won't. He's free!

Solveig: Who does he belong to, then?

Alvin: Well...no one!

Solveig: How about you?

Alvin: Me? I don't know anything about kids. He doesn't belong to me. That's the whole point of freeing him.

Solveig: So belongs to no one? That's a terrible feeling. It's how I felt, before I married you. And he's only a child.

Alvin: Exactly! He shouldn't be anyone's slave. He shouldn't be bringing me breakfast. He should be playing with other kids.

Solveig: But he is a slave, the member of a rival clan, and a mute. The South Shore children will never accept him.

Alvin: I've been meaning to ask, is he really mute?

Solveig: I'm the only one he speaks to, and then only in the case of some great calamity. Ulf had a cruel temper and would beat him. It was safer to be silent. We're going to where he used to hide from his master.

They reach a stretch of tide pools and step carefully over the sharp rocks, pausing each time the waves cover the rocks until the sea foam hisses away and they can see their path again.

Alvin: You know, you don't belong to me either.

Solveig: What do you mean? I'm your wife.

Alvin: Yes, but you're also your own person. You don't have to cook for me, or sew for me, or wash my clothes.

Solveig: That's what wives do!

Alvin: Where I come from, women can do anything a man can do. Anything they want.

Solveig looks suspicious.

Solveig: Anything?

Alvin: Anything. What would you do, if you could do anything?

Solveig: I don't know. I'll have to think about it. Here we are.

They stop at the dark, narrow mouth of a cave in the outcrop.

Solveig: I think you should go talk to him alone.

Alvin: You know, you'd probably do a better job than me. I already messed up.

Solveig: Which is why you need to make amends. Don't take too long. The cave fills up at high tide.

§

Alvin walks into the cave and stops to let his eyes adjust to the dimness. He sees Oskar sitting against the cave wall, hugging his knees and resting his head on them.

Alvin speaks softly.

Alvin: Oskar, it's me.

Oskar lifts his head briefly, then lowers it again.

Alvin walks over and sits cross-legged, facing Oskar.

Alvin: I'm sorry about this morning. I didn't mean to scare you.

Oskar shrugs, still hunched over his knees.

Alvin: I still don't want you to be a slave. But I don't want you to worry about it. We'll figure something out.

Oskar lifts his head to look at Alvin. Alvin sees that he has a black eye.

Alvin: Oh, shit. Is that...did the other kids do that?

Oskar nods.

Alvin: I'm so sorry. That was a really dumb idea I had, huh?

Oskar shrugs again.

Alvin: I like your cave, but it's pretty cold and damp. And I bet you're hungry. Should we go home? Solveig's waiting outside.

Alvin stands. Oskar gets up too. They walk to the mouth of the cave. Oskar exits first, stepping carefully over the sharp rocks. Alvin sets a foot wrong and splashes into a tide pool, ankle deep.

Oskar comes back to him and holds out his hand. Alvin takes it and steps out of the pool.

§

Erik is pounding a wooden post into the ground, extending a partially built fence. The late morning sun is winking through fitful clouds.

Alvin and Oskar come up to Erik. Alvin is carrying a spear in each hand. Oskar is swinging a wooden bucket by the handle. Alvin waits for a break in Erik's pounding.

Alvin: Good morning.

Erik swings around and eyes the two of them. His expression is guarded.

Alvin: Weren't we supposed to go fishing today?

Erik: I wasn't sure you still wanted to.

Alvin: I do.

Erik shrugs.

Erik: My error. But no matter. This fence can wait. Is Oskar coming with us? We can stop by my house to get some bait.

Alvin: We've got breadcrumbs in the bucket.

Erik: You've thought of everything.

Alvin: I'm trying.

§

Erik and Alvin, with their trousers rolled up, are standing knee-deep in a lazily flowing river, each holding a spear. Erik takes a handful of breadcrumbs out of his pocket and strews them on the water's surface. The two men wait, silent and still.

Soon the water around them is roiling with gleaming, spotted trout. Erik tenses, aims and hurls his spear into the water. Then he reaches into the water and grasps the flailing trout impaled on the spear's tip.

Erik: Grab the fish first, not the spear, or it may wriggle off the end.

Alvin nods, wrinkling his nose, and looks away as Erik pulls the fish off his spear and tosses it onto the bank.

Erik: Now you.

Erik throws in another handful of breadcrumbs. Alvin eyes the fish anxiously, aiming first at one, then at another. He throws his spear half-heartedly and the fish scatter, unharmed.

Erik: It's better to pick one spot to aim at, and wait for a fish to come. Otherwise your movements scare them away.

Alvin freezes, aiming at a single spot, then tosses the spear gently into the water, trying not to make an alarming motion. The spear flops over and the fish scatter again.

Erik: You'll have to throw harder, to pierce both water and fish.

Alvin makes one unsuccessful attempt after another, getting more and more frustrated as Erik gives him helpful pointers.

A few paces downstream, Oskar tips the remaining breadcrumbs from the bucket onto the grassy riverbank. He rolls up his trousers and wades into the river with the bucket.

Gritting his teeth, Alvin hurls his spear violently into the riverbed, narrowly missing Erik's foot. Erik jumps back.

Erik: Odin preserve me!

Alvin: Shit! I'm a menace to everything but the fish.

Alvin yanks his spear out of the riverbed, splashes noisily to the bank, throws the spear on the ground and himself down beside it, breathing hard.

Oskar inches up to him, carrying the bucket, which is sloshing heavily with water. Alvin sits up and Oskar shows him that he's caught a fish in the bucket.

Alvin: That's great, buddy.

Oskar goes over to sit by the pile of breadcrumbs and feeds them to his captive fish. Alvin lies back down and glares at the sky.

Erik flops down beside Alvin.

Erik: I get the feeling your heart isn't in this. Where do you stand on fish as opposed to boar? Morally speaking.

Alvin: I dunno. Fish aren't as furry. I know it makes no sense. But I'd still rather let them go their own slimy way.

Alvin gestures at Oskar.

Alvin: Anyway, Oskar's already a better fisherman than I'll ever be.

Erik: It doesn't matter. It's not part of the Tasks. You already earned your hunting token.

Alvin: You earned it, not me. If it weren't for you, that boar would have attacked me. You're disappointed in me, aren't you? That's why you didn't come this morning.

Erik: No.

Alvin: Then why?

Erik stares across the river. He speaks after a long pause.

Erik: You feel...dangerous.

Alvin: Because I'm Other?

Erik: No.

Alvin: Because I almost speared your foot?

Erik: No.

Alvin: Why, then?

Erik: Because...you and I are so alike.

Alvin props himself up on his elbows and stares at Erik.

Alvin: Alike! Alike how?

Erik is silent again.

Unnoticed by the two men, Oskar carefully tips his fish back into the river and watches it swim away.

Erik speaks in a barely audible voice.

Erik: We...feel things men shouldn't feel.

Alvin: You mean like...not wanting to kill. But that's a good thing! We're right and everyone else is wrong.

Erik: If one man says it's day and a hundred say it's night, only a fool or a madman would agree it's day.

Alvin: I don't believe that. I know what's right.

Erik: So does a madman. Or thinks he does.

Erik stands and picks up the two spears.

Erik: Let's go back. I'm hungry.

§

Erik, Alvin and Oskar are on the path back to the village. Erik is striding a couple of paces ahead. Alvin is hurrying after him, looking troubled, and Oskar is trotting behind them both.

Alvin stops for Oskar to catch up with him. He notices Oskar's bucket is empty.

Alvin: Hey, Oskar. Where'd your fish go?

Oskar: Home.

Alvin stops short, stunned by the first word he's ever heard Oskar speak. Oskar walks on, swinging his bucket.

§

Alvin and Solveig are eating supper in the Jarl's house.

Alvin: Solveig, I've made a decision.

Solveig: You think we should sleep together?

Alvin: No! Not that. I've decided to take Oskar home.

Solveig: Home? Back to the Redhairs?

Alvin: Yes.

Solveig chews her food thoughtfully.

Solveig: Does he want to go?

Alvin: He must. Why wouldn't he want to go back to his parents?

Solveig: Only his mother. His father died in battle when he was just a baby. I don't know. It's been so long since Oskar was taken.

Alvin: I'll ask him. But if he wants to go back, I'm taking him.

Solveig: Sten won't be pleased. It's unheard of! Giving back a captured slave.

Alvin: Sten will just have to deal with it. Anyway, I thought you of all people would be in favor.

Solveig: I am, I suppose. If it's what Oskar wants.

Solveig fills their cups with water from a pitcher.

Solveig: In fact, if you go, I'll come with you. Someone will need to show you the way.

Alvin: I was hoping you'd say that! Thanks.

Alvin eyes her curiously.

Alvin: A couple of days ago you said something about having been betrothed? Was it to one of the Redhairs?

Solveig: Yes. Finn. That's one reason why I want to go with you.

Alvin: To see Finn?

Solveig stares into the fire, missing the look of relief that flits across Alvin's face, which is quickly replaced with a neutral expression.

Solveig: I want to visit his grave.

Alvin: He died? I'm so sorry.

Solveig: He must have died in the same raid when I was captured.

Alvin: 'Must have'? You're not sure?

Solveig: Must have. I've been waiting for months for him to come rescue me. He must be dead.

Alvin: What if he isn't?

Solveig: He is. I know he is. If I weren't sure of it, I would never have married you.


naomiruppin
N. R. Quill

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Accidentally Viking
Accidentally Viking

1.2k views0 subscribers

Alvin is a gay, Black, idealistic Zoomer who’s always happy to tell you why you’re living your life wrong. When his plane crashes over the mysterious Icelandic Rectangle, he washes up on a Viking island untouched by time. His first act is to accidentally kill Jarl Ulf, leader of the South Shore clan, thereby becoming the new Jarl (= Viking head honcho). To hang on to his rule, Alvin vows to complete the Vikings’ Nine Tasks of Manhood.

But Alvin can’t live with himself unless he tries to “fix” the Vikings. While he attempts to sell tolerance and brotherly love to his clansmen (who would much rather be killing, raping and looting), Sten Son of Ulf does his best to thwart Alvin’s efforts at every turn. Always relationship-challenged, Alvin now finds himself caught up in a love rectangle: Sten loves the fair maid Solveig, who falls for Alvin, who has a hopeless crush on smokeshow Erik. But Alvin has to wonder -- is his love doomed? Are gay Vikings even a thing?

Read on to find out!

This story is a mashup of portal fantasy, romance, humor, adventure and found family drama.

* New episodes every Friday! *

Cover art by Dussadee Royal (https://www.linkedin.com/in/dussadee-royal)
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13 episodes

IF YOUR LIVER FAILS YOU

IF YOUR LIVER FAILS YOU

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