Tor chewed his sandwich slowly, savoring every bite with a relish he hadn’t had in ages. The food at the soup kitchen was good enough, but Tor’s appetite hadn’t been the same since his hospital stay. Nothing had been the same since his injury…but at least his appetite was back today and he was surprised at how grateful he was for it. Josey had brought him to a little mom-and-pop deli a few blocks away from his office building. The red-cheeked woman and stringy man behind the deli counter brightened when they saw Josey (of course) and greeted the younger man warmly.

“Josey, you’re early today!” they exclaimed, and then they glanced at Tor, their cheery expressions faltering slightly. “…And with a friend?”

Josey turned a little pink, but he spoke in his usual voice. “Yup, this is Tor. Could I have my usual please? Tor, order whatever you like – it’s on me today. Etta and Sam make the best reuben in the city, if that’s your sort of thing.”

Tor did order the reuben sandwich special with chips and he sat down with Josey at a little table in the back corner to wait for Etta to bring their food over. There were a few other people in the deli and their murmured conversations created a soothing ambience with the hum of refrigerators and sizzling grills. Josey didn’t say anything while they waited, preferring to play with the sugar packets and his straw wrapper. Tor was grateful for that too; he wasn’t ready to talk, not just yet. After a few minutes Etta brought their sandwiches out. Josey had ordered a grilled cheese with tomatoes and pickles inside it, which made Tor grin for some reason.

“Do you order off the children’s menu everywhere you go?” he asked.

“If they have grilled cheese, yes,” Josey replied, but he was grinning too. Tor liked his grin, but more than that he appreciated how well Josey took his teasing. He’d pegged the younger man for being one of those sensitive types who were serious about everything; considering that Josey illustrated children’s books for a living, Tor was beginning to realize he’d made an unfair judgment of the guy. Josey was probably a lot of fun to be around, he guessed. Tor hadn’t had fun in ages.

Neither Tor or Josey said anything as they finished their lunches. Once the last chip was consumed and Josey slurped down the final dregs of his iced tea, he glanced up at Tor.

“I was going to do some sketching in the park,” he said slowly. “Wanna come along?”

Tor considered it. He didn’t particularly want to be around crowds of people, but at the same time he didn’t want to be alone right now. He needed distraction, something to keep his mind from drifting back to his memories. Maybe if he focused on Josey’s drawing, he could ignore the people AND his own problems.

“Do you mind if I watch you draw?” he asked.

Josey smiled. “Not at all!”

“And you promise not to draw me?” Tor added after a thought.

The other man’s smile wavered a moment, but he nodded.

“I won’t sketch you unless you ask me to,” Josey promised.

“Alright then,” Tor agreed, and they stood to leave. Etta and Sam came around the counter to hug Josey goodbye, and to Tor’s surprise, they shook his hand as well.

“We’re so happy to meet you, Tor,” Etta whispered to him. “Josey is a lovely boy – you better come back often!”

Then Sam pushed a small paper bag into his hand and they waved the pair out of the deli. Tor was mystified by their friendliness and he peered into the paper bag: it was full of warm chocolate chip cookies.

“Nice!” Josey said when he saw the cookies. “Sam’s best – right out of the oven too!”

“You seem pretty close to those two for a mere customer,” Tor commented as they started walking towards City Center Park, eating the cookies along the way. They were really good.

“Ah, well,” Josey said. “I lived with Etta and Sam for a bit while I was in high school. I was friends with their daughter Kristy and they let me stay until I graduated. They have the apartments above the deli and I worked at the register in return. I try to eat there at least twice a week now, to make sure they’re doing OK. Kristy is working on her master’s degree in business at the university across town and she doesn’t have a lot of spare time to visit them at the moment.”

He said all this in a matter-of-fact tone, yet Tor could tell there was more to the story of his relationship with Etta and Sam. But Josey didn’t seem to want to talk about it and Tor didn’t want to force him; Josey had been very respectful of his privacy so far and it was only fair for Tor to respect his. But he found he was hoping that Josey would tell him more about himself…which was distressing, because Tor wasn’t supposed to be interested in him.

They arrived in the park and Josey looked around for a place to sit. Tor didn’t say anything, but followed him to a bench that was under the shade of some trees yet afforded a good view of the fountain and open green. Josey sat down and Tor sat next to him, leaving a generous space between them. Then Josey’s sketchbook and pencils came out and he started sketching a young family that was throwing pennies into the fountain. It was amazing how Josey could bring a figure to life with just a few short strokes. 

Tor watched the confident, steady hands move across the page with murmuring scratches and felt the last lingering tension of the morning leave his body. It was as if Tor’s throat had finally opened and he could speak again.

“Do you really want to know what happened?” he asked quietly.

Josey paused to look up at Tor. “Do you want to tell me?”

Tor nodded, so Josey closed his sketchbook and gave him his undivided attention. Tor cleared his throat and then looked down at his hands; it would easier to tell the story without seeing the expression on Josey’s face.

“So, uh, I volunteer at a soup kitchen in the mornings and the evenings most days,” he said. “It’s a way of keeping myself on a routine, plus I get the leftovers when the meals are done. I’ve been doing it for about six months now, since I…um…starting living rough, and while we get some rowdy characters, there haven’t been any major problems in all that time.”

He paused, unsure if he wanted to continue; the blood was pounding in his head.

“But something happened this morning?” Josey’s soft voice suggested and the pounding quieted again.

“Yes,” Tor continued. “There’s this guy – we called him Stubborn Abe – he comes in every once in a while and cusses up a storm, but nothing worse than that. Well, I don’t know if he was on something this morning, but he came in and demanded an extra biscuit. When I told him no, he hit me with his tray. No warning, no anything. He dumped all his food on the floor and hit me with it. I fell to the ground…that’s when I got the scrape…and I just…just…”

His chest and throat tightened again as he remembered the paralyzing fear, the inability to move, the horrifying way his body wouldn’t do anything that he wanted it to because he was so frightened. It was the exact same thing that had happened that day when Garcia and Ellwood were trapped by the insurgent gunfire and Tor hadn’t been able to…

“Tor,” Josey’s soft voice whispered. It was enough to break the spell.

“I froze,” Tor croaked, his voice sounding as though it had to travel from a long distance to reach him. “I just…laid there while everyone else had to wrestle Stubborn Abe. Even after they got him down, I couldn’t move. You see, I have these sort of…um, episodes. Like I’m back in combat, you know, and it’s hard to snap out of it. I have a few tricks that they taught me in therapy to deal with it, including one with a braided bracelet that I keep in my pocket. Somehow I managed to put my hand into my pocket to get it and…well, I grabbed your business card and for some reason it seemed like the best idea was to find you. So here we are.”

“Here we are,” Josey agreed, and Tor finally lifted his head to look at him. The younger man was considering his face thoughtfully - no pity, no disgust, no regret, only thoughtful concern. Tor was relieved. He’d worried that Josey might tell him he was overreacting or that he was being foolish for asking a near stranger for…well, Tor didn’t know what he was asking Josey for, but he couldn’t avoid the truth that he wanted something from him.

They sat in silence for a minute or two, while children played in the fountain nearby. There was birdsong and the susurration of leaves. Faint patches of sunlight flickered on the pavement beneath their feet. Tor’s fear felt like it was miles away now. The world had carried on despite what had happened to him and if he could summon just enough courage to let go of the past, the flow of time would carry him away too.

“Finding Josey WAS the right thing to do,” he realized. “Maybe that was what the red string meant for me…maybe it’s easier for me to find this calm when I’m around him. Maybe if I can stay near him, I can be braver and everything will be alright…”

He glanced back over at Josey, who was also deep in thought. He must’ve felt Tor’s eyes on him, though, because he suddenly looked up. There was apprehension in Josey’s eyes, but something about Tor’s expression must’ve reassured him because then he smiled. And when Tor went to smile back, he realized he already was.

“Listen,” Josey said. “I’m going to say something, and I want to be clear that I’m not suggesting it because I’m hoping for some soulmate thing or anything more than friendship…you understand?”

Curious, Tor said, “Go on.”

“Right,” Josey sighed. “The thing is: I need a vacation, but I don’t want to be stuck at home and I don’t much like doing things alone. Believe it or not, I have a hard time relaxing outside of work.”

“I believe it - I saw all those awards on your wall,” Tor replied with a grin.

The other man chuckled. “Yeah, they don’t teach work-life balance classes in art school. But…I feel like you showing up today was a sign that I NEED to change things. It sounds like you might want to change too, and well…what if we were to change things together? We could help one another out – you keep me company as I go on field trips around the city and I can help you snap out of your episodes whenever they happen. It’ll just be for two weeks and after that we can go our separate ways if we decide that we can’t stand each other. No strings attached, if you pardon the pun.”

Tor carefully considered the offer. Yes, he needed to change - and if he could help Josey out too, then it wasn’t like he was leeching off him or taking something he didn’t deserve. Now that he wasn’t wrapped up in his own thoughts, Tor could see the dark circles under the younger man’s eyes. Josey clearly needed to rest and if there was a chance that he could make that happen, Tor would do it.

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “I think I’d like that. The only problem is I don’t have a phone, so we’d have to arrange where we meet ahead of time…”

At these words, Josey flushed bright pink.

“Well, um,” he said, his gaze nervously avoiding Tor’s, “I was actually thinking that you…only if you want to, of course… that you could maybe stay at my place. I have a couch that would probably be big enough for you and there’s a washing machine and a shower if you wanted to use them. I just thought it would be easier for us to arrange stuff if we were sharing a space, plus if you have an episode at night I’d be right there to help out…”

Tor pretended to be scandalized. “Are you sure this isn’t just some ruse so you can use me as a model for your erotic illustrations?”

Josey burst into laughter.

“You saw through my evil plot,” he chuckled. “There’s a peephole in the shower!”

Tor grinned. “Well, at least I know ahead of time so I can make sure you get my good side. But seriously, if you’re willing to have a stranger living with you for two weeks, I’d appreciate it. It’s…it’s been a while since I was under a roof.”

He knew he didn’t need to say more. Josey nodded.

“Great!” he said, beaming a smile. “Do you want to head there now, or can I sketch a little longer?”

“Sketch to your heart’s content,” Tor replied. “I’ll be right here.”

They settled more comfortably on the bench as Josey took out his sketchbook again and Tor leaned back to watch the people walking by. More than one person glanced their way and for some reason the passerby always smiled when they saw the pair sitting together. Tor supposed that he and Josey did look like an odd couple, but he didn’t care - for the first time in a long while, he was beginning to hope that he was worth this good fortune.

* * * * * *