CW: This chapter contains mentions of drug and alcohol abuse and addiction

After a half hour, Moses found himself asleep again, a dreamless sleep this time, and a few hours later, he woke up again. The lazy sunlight of summer morning shone through his window, and he saw the vivid colors of sunrise. He got up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He shuddered as the chill of his father’s air conditioning blasted him. Moses had never really lived in a place with adequate heating or cooling, and he was still getting acclimated to it. He headed to the living room to turn the thermostat up, hoping no one would notice. It wasn’t like the house needed to be cold anyway, and in Moses’ mind, this was a waste of utilities. He dialed back the AC, muttering under his breath about how extra it was for one man to be paying all this money for AC when it wasn’t even close to the hottest the summer would get. He didn’t notice Mal come in, and jumped back when he placed a hand on his back.

“Jesus wept! Did ya forget how to say ‘hello’?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Well, maybe warn a guy next time! Ya damn near gave me a heart attack.”

Mal eyed him sleepily, his hair a little disheveled from bedhead. He looked like he had just woken up, but still managed to be effortlessly handsome, and it kind of infuriated Moses. He glanced at the thermostat, his brow furrowing slightly.

“Seriously?”

“What? It was cold.”

“It’s sooo hot outside though.”

“Not really. We’re gonna keep it down. It’s not that bad right now.”

“Yes mother.”

“It would be really weird if I was your mom. For one thing, I don’t think it’d be medically possible.”

Mal smirked and touched the small of Moses’ back, which sent tingles down his spine like an electric shock. Mal’s face shifted into a regretful look.

“I, um, actually wanted to apologize for last night. I feel like I messed up big time, and said somethin’ I shouldn’t have, and I’m really sorry about that. That’s business between you and Dean, and I overstepped.”

“I wasn’t-I’m not mad at you, ok? I didn’t leave because I was pissed at ya, Mal.”

Moses looked deeply in his eyes, noticing the somber tinge they had now taken on.

“He shoulda told me himself. That ain’t your responsibility.”

“I still feel bad! I wanna make it better.”

Mal felt a burning in his chest. He wanted to hold him, to tell him it was ok, he wanted to touch him and cherish him.

“That’s between me and my dad. There’s nothin’ you can do to fix it.”

“But that sucks.”

On impulse, Moses cupped his face in his hands. He didn’t know what he was doing exactly or why he was doing it, but it felt right in the moment. This feels like the right thing to do.

“Listen to me. The shit between me ‘n my old man, that’s us. It has nothin’ to do with you. You don’t have to apologize for the fuck ups other people make. Ya didn’t do anything bad to me.”

Mal rested his cheek on his palm.

“Ok,” he said softly, “I just want us to be good. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“If I hated you, you’d know. Trust me.”

Mal still looked unsure, and Moses realized in that moment how insecure he seemed. Sure, he was a little cocky, and he was bigger and taller than Moses, but at that time, he looked so small. So fragile, like one wrong move could break him. So upset, like he could cry at any moment. Moses wondered what on earth would make him look this way. He was shaking a little, and Moses noticed his fists ball up.

“Hey,” Moses caressed his face, “hey, look at me. I’m not angry at you. You haven’t done anything to make me mad at you. Ok?”

“Ok. I’m sorry I’m being like this.”

“Stop apologizing for things ya shouldn’t be sorry for. I’m ok.”

“As long as you’re sure..”

“Why do you care so much, anyway? I mean, ya don’t know me and you’re just living with my dad, right?”

“I guess you’re right.”

Mal sighed, pulling away from Moses.

“I’m gonna go for a walk.”

“Ok.”

Mal grabbed his car keys and walked out the front door. Moses felt a familiar burning in his throat. Why the fuck did I say that?! He’s probably upset with me now. Why do I always fuck shit up? What’s wrong with me today?!! Moses was jolted out of his frustration by the sound of his dad’s voice on the phone.

“He’s fine, Beth…What?....No, of course not!....Well, you’re definitely one to talk…Don’t give me that…I can take care of everything….Well he’s ok…Mal is a good kid, and so is he!...Don’t you bring Teeran into this…I have to go, I will call you later. Goodbye.”

Dean came into the living room, sighing deeply. He looked tired, but he was well put together, wearing a button up and slacks. He adjusted his expression around Moses, showcasing a more friendly demeanor.

“Good mornin’.”

“Hi.”

“Ya sleep ok?”

“Yeah, it was fine. Mal is out.”

“Ok. I’m gonna head out soon as well. I got a contractor meetin’ for a job I’m in charge of.”

“I’ll be here, I guess.”

Dean’s face fell.

“Look, kid, I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about the engagement. It honestly slipped my mind, I was just so happy to have ya here and…I totally blanked on it.”

“You think that’s all I’m upset about,” Moses scoffed, “You haven’t been a part of my life for 3 years, dad! And now you’re waltzing in to save the day with a fiance, who until today I’d never met, and a guy you treat more like a son than you’ve ever treated me! You didn’t even CALL me! Say what ya will about my mother, but she at least took CARE of me. Did you do that?!”

His father looked down at his feet, his eyes glassy from tears threatening to fall.

“I know. I know I’ve been a real piece ‘a shit, and there’s nothin’ I can say to justify that. I regret so much in my life, and I wanna get better. I’m ready to get better, I mean. For you, and Teeran, and Mal, and for myself. It may mean nothin’ to you, and that’s ok. I wanna do things right this time, though.”

Dean approached Moses, cautiously, but determinedly.

“You are one of the few things I got right in my life,” he said, taking Moses by the hand, “I’m not about to fuck that up again. You can hate me, you can cuss me out, you can be angry.”

“I just wanna know why, dad. Why didn’t you call me? Hell, you could’ve emailed me, SOMETHING. Why didn’t you even try?”

In that moment, Moses saw something he had never seen before. His father was crying. His shoulders rose and fell as quiet sobs threatened to escape him.

“I was scared…it got really bad after you left….”

“How is that possible?”

“I’m an addict, how do ya think? I started shootin’ up.”

Moses didn’t even notice his own tears spilling over his eyes until he was fully bursting into tears.

“I didn’t want you to see me like that. It was…so ugly…and I’m so ashamed….I just….I couldn’t expose you to that…I’d already do enough.”

Moses gasped in pain as the sobs racked up in his chest. It hurts. God, everything hurts. His father let go of his hand, balling up his fists.

“Why…would you..why did you do that?”

“I was…scared..of who I was…who I am…I needed to run away…”

“Who you are?”

“I’m bisexual. Teeran…he’s my first love.”

Moses huffed, almost relieved by this news. It somehow took a pressure off of him.

“Ya know why I got kicked outta the house?”

“Partly. I know Beth was at the end of her rope about, well, whatever goes on in her twisted head. And it’s not like I paid too much attention anyway. I was already making arrangements to come get you when she called me.”

Moses shook his head, “that’s not the point. She found out who I am. I’m gay, dad. I-I was scared to tell, well anyone. I know it’s stupid not but-”

“Don’t say that! You are the most important person to me, ok? Nothing you could do or say would ever make me think less of you. You can come to me for things, ok? I’m proud of you for telling me.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

“That’s the first time you’ve said that to me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I want to mend our relationship. I know that takes time, and trust and forgiveness, but I’m your dad, and I want to be there for you.”

“This isn’t gonna fix everything.”

“I know. But I need to try, at least.”

Moses looked at the clock on the wall, wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand.

“You’d better get goin’, you’re gonna be late.”

“I will, but I wanna make sure you’re ok.”

Moses rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine. Git.”

“Watch your mouth, boy.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Dean grabbed a tan satchel from the coffee table and opened the front door.

“See ya.”

“Bye, dad.”

The door closed, and Moses fell in a heap of his tears, his hurt, his pain he still very much felt. The words echoed in his head before he could stop them. This is temporary. It’s gonna get taken away again. I don’t deserve anything. I’m worthless, and I’m gonna get separated from my dad again! It was just like that day. His mother came to pick him up. His 14 year old body was shoved into the back of a car while Beth was ranting and cursing about what a worthless drunk his father was.

“Is dad gonna be ok,” he muttered.

“You don’t have a dad. That piece ‘a shit ain’t a man or a daddy or even a human bein’. He doesn’t love you, Moses. He doesn’t want you.”

The rest of that day was spent in silence, wondering what it was all for.

“That’s right. I don’t have a family. This is temporary.”