The wooden pew made their thighs numb from sitting so long. The church had been in a desperate need of a deep clean and since Aaradhya’s father had decided enough time had elapsed since getting out of the hospital, he’d enlisted them to do it before Sunday communion. So they’d been sitting a lot longer than the others.

The church was filled to the brim with other churchgoers. Filled with the sweet smell of flowers drifting, white roses, daffodils and daisies. The white wooden walls captured a cool fall breeze.

Aaradhya had been sitting at the back of the church as their father ran the service. The bandage had finally been taken off their hand and most of the cuts had healed. Yet, Aaradhya could still feel something, wrong would’ve an inexact description of the feeling now. It was a feeling akin to fire in your bones - makes you alive yet crumbles at your soul. They could feel the cracking.

Everyone in town was packed into the only church in Gamal.

The town had long been religious, even before Christianity had stepped foot on the Island of Gamal. It had been more than a thousand years since an utterance about their primordial pantheon had been heard.

For once Aaradhya wasn't sitting in the front pew. Cornered in the back, the bible sat opened by their right hand only. They could feel the staring eyes of the other churchgoers as their father continued his sermon. Still coping with the loss of two fingers on their left hand. Aaradhya didn’t miss the constantly turning heads of the other citizens. Especially from the Laker sisters. As if in sync, Aaradhya would spot out the corner of their eye the shifting grey hair of the sisters.

It had been hard to concentrate on the sermon, the light and welcoming sound of his voice loomed but never broke the surface of their attention. Mostly because they were so distracted, waves of another indescribable feeling. At first it felt like a pull, physical and attached to them like a fishing line. Then it was a palpable, burning darkness in their soul. A hazy gloom settled over their eyes as they watched the worshippers bent forward in wooden pews. The feeling wrapped around their mind in cloudy perfumed thought. Nausea gripped their head like a tight crown. Doubling over the bible fumbled to the ground, slapping loudly against the floor.

As their hand connected to the brown leather cover of the bible everything changed. A ripple sent up their spine and the leather morphed beneath their fingers. Sprouting a mimicked root, the leather tore and clumped together. An almost leather tree.

Throwing a hand over their mouth so they wouldn’t scream, Aaradhya had never been so overjoyed to have no one else in their pew line. And then the tree disintegrated, the leather of the bible turning to sand and falling between the wooden cracks at their feet.

A million questions suddenly ran through their head but they caught themselves. Now wasn’t a time to question the happenings of whatever that was. But they caught themselves, now they just had to get through the sermon with a smile.

Their head popped from behind the pew. Aaradhya croaked out a meek “sorry” with a unsure smile. Everyone’s eyes burned into them. Each running over their black turtleneck and blue jeans. Even Kamon Yasin and Dan Elot were staring too, the two fishermen that had saved them that night. Aaradhya squirmed under the others’ gawking and turned their gaze back to their father’s towering figure.

The sermon finished soon after with no more spontaneous creations. Some layed out food and drinks for those that would stay to chat, to socialise. Aaradhya had been dreading this since this morning. Other townies left afterwards, each sending their own version of sorry about your accident as they left church grounds. Either mentally or verbally the pinched eyebrows and sad eyes had to each be exhaustingly matched with either a mental or verbal “thank you” from Aaradhya.

Aaradhya didn’t really understand the need to say it. They were alive, despite the ring of nausea still gripping their frame. Aaradhya knew they probably felt bad but it didn't feel quite real. Each of their expressions felt stilted, almost waiting expectantly for Aaradhya to drop the details about that night. As if they knew.

There was a void where the memory of that night was supposed to be.

The loss of their fingers had been horrible, traumatising to say the least, but survivable. Sorry felt like the wrong word for them to describe it, but maybe they were just overreacting. Even then first few weeks after coming home from the hospital, everything was excruciating - physically, mentally, emotionally. Everything had to be adapted, changed, fixed for them. As if their independence was once again ripped from their grasp and they were a child once more. But that had passed, independence regained and life readjusted. Though the pain had been agonising, not only from their hand but atleast most of it was contained there. The pain was a constant dull numbness, like sitting on your hands for too long and piles of needles and pins being individually embedded beneath their nonexistent skin for hours on end. And the pain meds didn’t feel like much solace.

Aaradhya helped pass out food and drink, giving stilted smiles to the others. The other townies always shook Aaradhya’s hand and added a small gestural smile alongside their token of God is good and i'll pray for you. Aaradhya had overheard their father talking with the Laker sisters about the greatness of God and how he had saved his child.

“Hey,” Kamin broke Aaradhya’s attention away from the drinks and food. He shifted from side to side, “So what were you doing out there that night? A couple of us down at docks were wondering.” His voice was gruff and heavy despite the obvious concern on his face.

“Uh-” they coughed and spluttered, “No, no clue. Can’t seem to remember that night real well.”

“Oh, okay.” Kamin Yasin gave a half baked smile before leaving.

The memory of that night was there and wasn’t. Sharp and fuzzy. Broken and mended. Like the memories were snagged on a hook or were simply just the remnants of an echo.

The air felt heavy alongside a thrumming in their fingers. Aaradhya decided to step outside. They took a deep breath on the wooden balcony as the heavy door slammed behind them.

“What are you doing out here?” Kai Suzuki questioned. Easy eyes wandering over Aaradhya's frazzled frame. No one left church early, definitely not Aaradhya. Usually.

“It got stuffy.” Kai nodded like he understood but they knew he didn’t. Aaradhya didn’t even understand what was going on.

The air felt fresh and new compared to the stifling and suffocating nature that they’d felt back inside. “Did you hear about Mr. Hughes?” Kai spoke, breaking the silence. 

“Huh? Oh-no I didn’t.” Aaradhya looked down at the steps. Kai’s inky black hair was shaggy and ran down to his ears. He looked awkward in his blue-green checkered shirt and for all the years they’d been going to church together, he’d never been anything other than awkward in those white walls.

They’d been going to school together for years but he was quiet and Aaradhya even quieter.

“Broke his leg ‘cause he slipped down at the docks. He was running after a fish that slipped out of his hands.” He was twisting a grey rock between his fingers as he spoke. The sun’s shimmering rays lightly wove through his hair and raked down his cheekbones.

Aaradhya gave a sputtering laugh before they came to their senses and broke, “Oh no.” they covered their mouth, “I shouldn’t laugh at that.” Despite the sudden burst of feigned morality Aaradhya didn’t miss the lack of conversation pertaining to their newfound lack of fingers. Appreciation bloomed in their chest.

Kai smiled back, his eyes squinted as the sun blinded him momentarily, ”I wont tell if you don’t.”

Aaradhya sat down beside him. The cold stone steps froze at their thighs. “Deal.”

“Thanks…” Aaradhya started to thank him for momentarily distracting them, but their mind went blank. Their hands touched as they outstretched to grab a stone laying on the old steps. Looking up, locking their eyes, His eyes flickered black. Like the deepest shade of earth or space devoid of twilight stars. Their heart stilled for a moment, unsure if it was just a trick of the light beneath the sun.