You can't bat an eyelash without movement, you can't cry without thought,  you can't feel without touch. Can't regulate my heartbeats, your presence feels like chest compressions. A split second can't go by without my mind drifting off into your smile. Can't blame the one who fell, but blame the one who set the trap. All can be destroyed but can't be erased like my emotions. The pressure collapses and rebuilds itself when I speak. Borrow my eyes and see what you may find. I haven't fallen in lust but love. But I can't, I don't have space in my mind to make up for all your needs and desires. So I will never be your perfect match, though I play this game with u, I, and my mind. A game that drains time and turns it into this infinite loop. You can't make infinity without creating a rift....a black hole. A black hole of emotions. That's what your eyes see, a nappy unkept simulation of physical matter. Can't make sense of it no matter what one may try. So you sit there and wait out the ride. I speak fluently,  with entitled tones but still. l, my eyes are blind to what you may think I behold.

My heart ached, my lungs would grow quiet when I would think of you. I never quite fully understand why my body would fall into shambles every time you grew near. You're glistening smile paved a long future of happiness. As naive as I was I couldn't fathom at the time that you were a being too. As much as I thought I suffered, it was only half of what you faced. I have been more than blessed to see you flourish through these years. You might not think so, but slowly and surely you taught me respect. My immature bitter resentment towards anyone that got near you caused you to pull away. Now I question if that was me trying to protect you, or protecting my heart. The thought of you caring and loving me even at my worst still ponders my mind. And how a shame I am for not realizing you did love me back in return, just not the way I selfishly desired. I will never forget the day I fell for you. You walked into the gates of our school, moving your blue hair out of your face. I acted like I didn't notice your arrival but I couldn't seem to get my eyes off of you. Who knew I would be able to take part in one of life's rare treasures at such a young age.

  I got to experience true love, unrefined and raw love. Even though at times it didn't look pretty. Even though at some points it wasn't that morally right. I know I've apologized countless times, but I can assure you this is my last one. I gave so much of my energy to people who didn't care for me right. I gave them respect, my attention, and my passion. I let you have the bad parts of me because I knew you would be there. Foolishly I did it too because I was scared that I couldn't show you the real me after I showed my ass. I can't tell you enough. How much of an impact you have made in this lifetime. I will never have the courage to tell you how that year was without you. How a smell, song, street, place, flower, or even a word would be me to tears because you weren't in my life. The world stopped turning for me for a year.

 Everything was lifeless and carried no meaning. I wondered if something was wrong with me when I would think of you before my family. I would think of the way you would laugh and how it would make me feel safe. I know you know this, cause I've told you once before but I can tell you years later that it still didn't change. How I could never look you dead center in the eyes. Yes, I could look at you but not 100% because I felt I wasn't good enough to be seen by you. I just saw you for the first time in two years. It honestly made my heart stop for a moment. Your few steps to my car door made me anxious because I was so scared of what you might think of me now. I stupidly told you multiple times to stop touching me because I was hiding my still live and well love for you. You are truly a gem in my eyes. No matter what you do I find myself lost in you. I know that you have a bright future in front of you and I can't wait to watch you grow and continue to grow now.  No love will ever grow to what you amount to in my heart and soul. I now know it isn't obsessive to love someone deeply. I know full heartedly that I can live to be successful and have a plentiful life, but if the chance arose to drop all just to have you. A thought wouldn't cross my mind, I would do so. Because you are worth it to me. I hope in another lifetime I can hold your hand. I love you. Hope you find happiness and love.