Chiron

Sunday is my only day off. Even though I was out late and cried myself to sleep, I still wake before everyone else. The anxiety of never being late to open the cafe has become ingrained in my psyche and has conditioned my body to wake early. I go through the motions of my routine. Yoga, shower, breakfast, farmer’s market. Pushing through the ache of loneliness, determined to embrace solitude.

As I put away fresh produce and contemplate where to put the set of candles a stallholder guilted me into buying, Nic’s and another familiar voice move down the hall towards the front door. I peek my head around the corner, catching Nic leaning in to kiss the guy we helped.

He carries his shoes and is wearing the same clothes from last night, now wrinkled as if they’d been in a pile on the floor. An unsurprising turn of events considering how star struck he’d been when he saw Bebe and how smooth Nic is when he’s interested in someone.

They obviously had fun together, if the heart eyes he’s still giving Nic are any indication. I’m glad that the interaction with that dickhead was merely a blip in their night. I must’ve been out cold to miss them coming in or having sex. Granted, my bedroom doesn’t share a wall with Nic’s, so that helps.

I sneak back into the kitchen, allowing them privacy to say goodbye. A few minutes later, Nic comes in humming quietly to himself, lips pulled up at the corners in a dazed little smile. He sidles up to the countertop, retrieving a bowl and the cereal box from the cabinet above. I glance up at him with a teasing smirk.

“Nice night in the end? How did your second performance go? I see you had fun after hours.” With a lopsided smile and a light blush, he brings his hand up to rub the back of his neck. 

“Yeah, um, after you left, we found Luca’s friends and they invited me to hang out with them to celebrate his friend’s upcoming wedding. We just really hit it off, I guess. He’s an interesting person. He asked me to say thanks to you for helping him last night.” 

I nod, walking to the refrigerator to continue putting away produce, and ask, “Is Jade home? How did their night go? Hopefully, the gallery opening was a success?” I grab the milk and hand it over to Nic for his cereal. 

“No, I don’t think Jade’s home. Probably stayed at Leigh’s place.” He takes the milk from me cautiously. “You’re not upset about last night, are you? I’m sorry I called you a wrung out washrag. I didn’t realise how upset you were. It just really looked like you didn’t want to stay. And I talked to Vinnie about that guy. Leo? Vinnie said he’s not banned anymore since he was only trying to help Luca and the next time he comes in, he can have a round on the house.”

I close the fridge door and shrug. 

“I’m not mad. It’s good to know we didn’t help a douchebag, and I was ready to leave. I hope Leo goes in. It wasn’t fair he got kicked out, but I understand why Vinnie did it, and I’m happy that you and Luca hit it off.”

Nic fishes a spoon out from the cutlery drawer and carries everything to the kitchen table while I’m talking. He sits to eat his breakfast, which is closer to lunch at this time of the day. I lean my hip on the counter, crossing my arms, and watch as he mulls over my words. His brows furrow together as he shovels a big spoonful of cereal into his mouth. 

After a couple of chews, he asks around the bite of food, “Wait, so you didn’t hook up with the dude? I figured he’d wait around for you outside the club. Did you get his number or anything?” 

I shake my head. “Nope. The whole fucking night was a big old embarrassing bust. I’ve got lots of new bruises to show for it, though!” Sarcasm is dripping off my words as I hold up my arm to show him the row of bruises Luca had given me and my slightly swollen and bruised up elbow from where I crashed into the floor. 

Nic opens his mouth to say something to me, but before he can, we both hear the front door banging open, Jade calling out, “Loves, I’m home!” I stride from the kitchen to meet Jade, leaving Nic to finish his breakfast in peace. 

“Hey, how was the opening? Did Leigh make bank?” I smile at them, grateful for the interruption. Jade gives me a quick hug, then walks over to flop onto the couch. 

“It went so well! Leigh was thrilled with the turnout, so we celebrated with dinner and a movie at her place. How was your night?” I keep a stilted smile on my face, but they’re not paying me any attention. They’ve found the tv remote and start flipping through channels. 

“Um, it was fine. Nic had a great performance and met an interesting guy. I got to talk to Aaron and Tess, but it was really busy and I was tired, so I went home early.” Jade looks tired themselves and isn’t listening to what I’m saying, so I finish, “I’m going to head to my room and take a nap, I think. I was up early.” 

Not waiting for acknowledgement, I escape to my room. I’m not in the mood to be around people. I hate this dejected feeling and it makes me irritable. Why can’t I seem to get one person to want to stick around for me, but Nic and Jade can somehow keep multiple people interested? How the fuck do they do it? I grab my laptop, put on noise cancelling headphones, and start some sad music to wallow in my misery. 

I spend the rest of the day holed up in my room, listening to sad songs and working on cafe paperwork. I’m woefully behind on the administration portion of the business. Admin alone is a full-time job, and I do both it and the actual running of the cafe. I desperately need to hire someone to take over some shifts. Ideally, I can use that time for ordering and paperwork, rather than saving it for my day off at home. I make a note to talk to Mom about putting out an ad to hire someone.

I’m a co-owner of the cafe with my mom. When I was a baby, my grandma died, leaving my mom a big inheritance on top of her sizable trust fund. It came as a surprise. Apparently, they weren’t on speaking terms when she died, due to wildly differing opinions regarding Mom’s choices -i.e., me - and her ruined future. Mom created a trust fund for me with the inheritance first. Then decided she would save some, give a sizeable portion to charities, and use the rest to build her dreams. 

She always wanted to have a new age, herbal healing, and crystal sort of shop, but with a twist of also selling houseplants. So, she found this big, old, abandoned Victorian-style house, bought it and renovated it. The entire ground floor is her shop, The Healing Crystal, and now includes my cafe, Chi’s Cup of Joy.

The upstairs is a self contained two-bedroom apartment, and the attic space is a smaller - also self contained - studio style apartment. When I was young, we lived in the apartment. When I left for college, Mom rented out the first floor and moved into the studio.

After I finished my business degree, we renovated the original kitchen, dining room, and conservatory of the house into my cafe. All that to say, I consider my mom’s opinion on major decisions. She’s owned and operated her successful business for a long time now, and has a lot of wisdom about it.  

Later in the evening, there’s a knock on my door. I don’t answer, banking on their assumption I’m asleep or wearing headphones. My bad luck holds as Jade speaks through the door. 

“Cie-Cie, I know you can hear me. I’m sure you’re catching up on paperwork. Nic filled me in on last night’s club incident. I’m sorry I wasn’t listening earlier, and that I wasn’t at the club to help. If you need to talk, you know I’m here. Whatever you need.”

Did I mention Jade has crazy intuitive powers and knows me really well? I let out a sigh and slump further down into my chair, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples. My head hurts from hunching over my laptop and wearing tight headphones all day.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine Jade. Thanks for checking. I’m going to bed soon.” I call out to them. 

“Okay, if you’re sure. Nic is worried you’re mad at him.” I roll my eyes and sigh again, frustration building. There are a few reasons we didn’t stay a couple. One because he can be a self-involved dumbass sometimes and I just don’t have patience for it. 

“I’m not mad at him Jade. I already told him that. Just tired. Can you tell him again?” Jade gives an understanding snort. They know how Nic and I can be sometimes.

“Yes, I’ll tell him again. Night Cie-Cie.” 

The truth is, I am upset. Just not at Nic. I’m heartsick and still feeling dejected, and frustrated at myself for feeling that way. I should be happy to be out of a shitty relationship and one thousand percent over her after the way she treated me. I should definitely move on with my life after leaving her six months ago. Not stuck in this listless state of limbo.

There’s so many ‘shoulds’ that I’m failing. I’m dismayed that I finally connected with someone other than her, and they literally dragged him away. That swiftly cycles into guilt because it feels selfish that I’m so bummed about being separated when he’s a virtual stranger. 

I can hear her snide voice in my head, mocking me. ‘He must not have liked you that much. He didn’t hang around to see if you would come out.’ and ‘He was handsome and kind. What would he want with a useless, basic asshole like you?’ I squeeze my eyes shut, pressing my fists to my eye sockets, and take a couple of deep breaths.

Pushing her voice away, I say out loud, “You’re a bitch, Carrie, and you’re wrong. I don’t have to listen to your shitty words anymore. Get out of my head.” I plop my headphones back onto my ears and change the music from sad to angry, drowning out her voice and my insecurities at the same time.