***

Life with Danny didn’t turn out the way he expected. Danny got up early and came home late, often missing dinner due to his hour long trip to and back from his workplace. His company dinners and meetings often required overtime, leaving Jason home alone.

Jason studied and gradually continued to complete his semesters in earnest. He tried to fight back an irritating feeling that he was running out of time. He felt like he never had enough time. One night, as he prepared to get ready for bed, he realized something important. Danny had forgotten to get his prescription earlier that week, and his bottles were all empty.

In order to make sure he didn’t end up in the hospital, he went to the 24 hour pharmacy for a refill and inadvertently found out how much Danny had really been paying for the prescriptions. Unable to purchase them at the time, he headed back home while feeling the wracking guilt weighing on him. It was just another thing that he was now responsible for, he needed to stop depending on him. He sat on a park bench and stared up at the night sky, wondering if he should just pick a spot and off himself to end the constant pain and suffering he was inflicting on himself and his roommate.

“You’re too young to be out here contemplating death aren’t you?”

He turned, startled, to spot an elderly man sitting on another bench.

“I’m sorry?”

The old man took a breath, wrapping his hands around his cane as he stared up at the stars.

“I come here at night to think to myself. It helps, the stars are so beautiful that I forget how shitty I feel half the time.” He scoffed, wondering if the old man was senile.

“I know the face of a person who is contemplating the end of their life. You seem too young for something like that.”

He mockingly arched his eye brow and smirked before answering sarcastically, “Death isn’t biased.”

The old man shook his head slowly in agreement, his whole body moving with it.

“You have anyone to talk to? Usually, having a person or two helps,” he asked.

“If I did, I wouldn’t be here talking to you.”

The old man chuckled. “I guess not. Would you care to enlighten me?”

He considered it, would talking to a complete stranger help? He didn’t know, but it wasn’t like he was going to see him again.

“My roommate, also the person I have been in love with for almost 7 years now, has been buying my choice of death since I was diagnosed. I only just found out how much they were. On top of that, he never once asked me about them or what they were. I don’t know if I should feel grateful, or just really depressed.”

The old man nodded in understanding. “Maybe he was just trying to help you.”

“I feel like shit. I mean, I was so grateful that he was doing these things that I didn’t even stop to consider the fact I wasn’t even paying him back for them. I was just buying him lunch because he told me to as a form of payment.”

“Sounds like you paid him for it then.” He looked at him uncertain.

“You’d be surprised. Once you tally all your food expenses for eating out, it will easily overcome a medication refill every month.” The old man had a point, but still.

“So, did you get your refill?”

“No.”

“Why not tell him?”

“I don’t really want to, that would just make me seem even more ridiculous. I’m saving for my funeral, not trying to freeload off him to stay alive.”

The old man nodded silently. His response was tactful, considerate.

“Don’t you think your roommate would want to see you okay? If he came home and saw you in pain, do you think he would be okay with that?”

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“Then I think you have your answer. It is hard to live most days when you know the end is coming, but the days that are easier remind you why you still are. Grasp onto what time you have left and hold onto it with force. Only then, can you die knowing you tried your best.”

“What about you old man, you have someone to talk to?”

“I’m talking to him.” He chuckled, and they sat in silence for a while.

“Do you need help getting back?” he asked, not wanting to just leave the old man by himself in the dark. The old man scoffed and replied confidently.

“I live nearby, I will be fine. Get home boy and try not to be so hard on yourself.”

He waved bye to him, walking back towards the house. He had always wondered what it was that had led the man to be outside that night. It was only a few weeks later that he saw his obituary in the newspaper, saying he had passed away from old age. It only reminded him how fleeting the moments in life really were.

***

Jason woke up feeling sluggish. He could feel the difference as the medication was starting to dissolve from his system. His forehead was beginning to sweat profusely as he stared up at his ceiling. Somewhere in the shared living room, he could hear Danny shuffling around. He was probably getting ready for work, and Jason glanced over at his clock to confirm it.

The sudden movement stung as a sharp pain reverberated through his neck. He turned over and closed his eyes, struggling to fall back asleep as Danny left. He called into work and school, remaining in bed the whole day. He didn’t have the courage to get out of bed in such a wretched state.

After what seemed like most of the day, he finally gave in to his need to use the bathroom. On his way back, he felt himself get lightheaded from the throbbing sensations throughout his head and chest. A sudden sharp pain in his chest made him loose focus, almost knocking the wind from his lungs as he stumbled forward. In an attempt to save himself from falling, he reached out but his head struck the side of the kitchen table when his hand missed it.

Danny was on his way back home, bringing his co-worker with him. It wasn’t intentional, she just pressed him so much he was tired of rejecting her advances. He hoped Jason would help him drop a hint, even though they hadn’t been seeing much of each other lately. He hoped seeing his roommate waiting for him at home would get her to back off enough to leave him alone.

Truth was, he had no idea what he was doing. Lately, Danny had been thinking about the kiss he had shared with Jason. Living with him turned into a flop because they never saw enough of each other anymore, so how was he supposed to approach him now?

He eyed the chatty woman walking beside him, knowing there was no way in hell he could sleep with her even if he wanted to. Jason would fill his thoughts and that would end that instantly. He already knew this, since he had tried it once before after that incident and couldn’t go through with it.

He paused before the door and spoke in a calm, but very tired voice. “My roommate may be asleep so don’t be loud okay?” She gave her approval as he opened the door, and he instantly noticed the lights were still on.

He sang his praises too soon, walking around the hallway corner only to have his heart leap from his chest and body freeze solid. Jason was on the floor, completely out cold. Blood was evident on the corner of the table and a small pool had accumulated from the stream that was dripping down his forehead onto the floor.

“Jason!” he yelled.

He dropped everything he was carrying and immediately checked his pulse. He was still breathing, and Danny gently turned him over. He grabbed a hand towel nearby and pressed it against his head.

“Oh my god! Should I call an ambulance?” the woman screeched.

Jason started blinking at the sound of her screechy voice and looked up at Danny with blurred vision. Danny could tell he was out of it, more than likely due to a concussion.

“You call that ambulance, I will never talk to you again…” he grumbled.

Danny looked down at him dumbfounded. Of all the things he could say, he says that? He rubbed his eyes in frustration.

“I’ve got this, can you just go home?” he asked her, his patience finally snapping.

“Is he going to be okay?” she asked, sincerely concerned.

“Yeah, he’s just clumsy.”

“Okay, see you at work then. I hope you feel better Mr. Roommate?” she offered, quietly taking her leave. What a way to drop someone.

“What the fuck Jason?”

“Ugh, could you not yell?”

“How did this happen?”

“I was on my way back from the toilet and I stumbled.”

Danny tightened his grip, trying to stop the bleeding completely now. Jason let out a groan of pain and he lessened it cautiously.

“Let me get your pills for you, you keep them in your night stand right?” he asked.

Jason didn’t have time to react and stop him before he was already moving for the bedroom. Then he heard a loud and aggravated scream. Was Danny always this emotional?

“Jason! Why didn’t you tell me I forgot to refill your prescription? Wait, is this the reason why you didn’t go to work or school today?” he interrogated. How did he know that?

“Are you keeping tabs on me?” he questioned.

“Forget about that right now, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it isn’t your responsibility! I shouldn’t have asked you in the first place!”

He heard another aggravated scream before hands at his sides. The sudden touch jolted his body and he let out a surprising sound which left him severely embarrassed.

“Stop your antics right now, I’m totally fed up with you!” Danny snapped at him.

He was fed up with him? He wanted to sock him in the jaw right now. Danny was so lucky he was barely lucid. Though, his hands on his waist seemed to burn right through his shirt and onto his skin. Why was he so touchy right now?

Danny helped him into bed, a ton of pillows had been thrown in a hurry on it to help him sit up. “Hold this against your head and don’t fricken move.”

“What? Where are you going?”

“To get your refills.”

“Wait, Danny!”

“I mean it, don’t move! If I come back and find your ass anywhere else, swear to god, I will punish you.” Wasn’t he atheist? Punish him? What was he, a kid? Asking him outright probably wasn’t the best idea, not that he had a chance to.

He heard the door slam shut, and sucked in a deep breath. What was even happening right now? This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, he was supposed to just wait it out and buy it himself in a few days when he got paid.

Danny couldn’t help but run to the pharmacy, his feet almost tripping over themselves a few times. As soon as he entered, he didn’t even hesitate to go to the bandages and antiseptics. Then, with an armful of supplies, he approached the counter and got the medication. He was so upset with himself that he couldn’t focus on anything else.

How could he have forgotten? He kept seeing his body lying on the floor and felt like his heart was going to stop again. He knew his medication was painkillers, but he had never asked for what purpose because he respected his privacy. He never thought going without his medication would end with him possibly dead in his own house.

The thought haunted him, remembering an old memory of finding his grandfather laying still in his bed one morning. What if that happened to Jason? Could he even handle that? He rushed back home, making sure to heat up some water before checking on him.

“Jason, you need to wake up. You probably got a concussion from that fall so I need to keep you awake for some time. It’s important, especially since you blacked out from it.”

He answered with a slight moan, and Danny grabbed the drink he had brought. He tried putting his pills in his mouth and then the drink, but it spilled out.

“Fuck this.”

He grabbed the already wet pills and shoved them on the tip of his tongue, putting some of the drink in his mouth. Then, without warning, kissed Jason. His tongue slithered against his lips, forcing them open and then tangling with his own. The pills slid to the back of his throat, and by reflex, he swallowed the pills with the liquid. He pulled away, his lips tingling from the sensation.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself enough to focus. Then he started on his wound, trying to clean it properly while keeping him awake. Once he felt that it was patched up enough, he grabbed his phone and called into work. If this crazy bastard thought he was going to work after this and leave his ass here, he thought wrong.