***

Danny never answered his proposal, just remaining silent. Since that night, the distance between them grew larger and larger. Their lively conversations became dull and short, their date nights withered out to almost non-existent, and their sex life wasn’t happening.

Was this what a real relationship was supposed to be like? You work to live, sleep to work, and eat or drink in order to fall asleep? He had no right to complain, having gotten another chance that he hadn’t had before. He often thought about Doug, that night at the hotel constantly coming back into his thoughts.

Due to stress, he had just passed out. Danny never told him what had happened, never asked about what he had done, and Chris continued to meet with him occasionally. He had just woken up in the hotel room, undressed and in bed with a note from Danny to make sure to text him when he got home. Every time he did something now, he was anxious and scared, wondering if what he was doing was wrong. Spending time with a friend was okay, right?

Danny didn’t say anything every time Jason mentioned it, just looked away and went back to whatever he was doing. The unspoken words between them were suffocating. Whenever he tried to apologize he was met with the word okay. It made him really hate that word.

“You two haven’t made up yet?” Chris scolded. Jason remained stoic, tired from overworking himself. It had been three weeks already.

“He just basically ignores my existence at this point unless he needs something. Can you pick up dinner? Can you find my pair of socks? I left my keys on the table, can you grab them?”

Chris gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, I caused this.”

“No, you didn’t. Our communication just sucks ass right now. I mean how am I supposed to fix things if he never wants to face them?”

“I don’t think he entirely blames you though.” Jason glared at him through his coffee.

“Speaking of which, you never did tell me what happened after you left.”

“Ah, that’s not something for me to mention.”

“You didn’t sleep with my man did you?”

Chris stared at him with an unbelievable expression. “What do you think of me exactly?”

“You’re a player, for sure.” Chris let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Just corner him, then he won’t be able to escape.”

Jason thought about tying him to the bed and doing naughty things to punish him, maybe he was a sadist? No, he was pretty sure that was a masochist. A sudden pain in his upper chest caught his attention and he instinctively rubbed it while sipping on his tea.

“You alright?” Chris asked.

“Yeah, it’s nothing. I’m going to head home early today, I’ll catch up with you more some other time.”

“Okay, be careful.”

As he walked down the street, he started thinking about the things he needed to remember. Did he take his medication today? He paused as the pain came back, his anxiety growing. No, he had forgotten because this morning Danny didn’t wake him.

Normally Danny woke him, which helped jumpstart his day with a bit more energy. This morning he hadn’t and he didn’t think to take his medication. Then he realized for three or four days he hadn’t done it, had he not taken his medication because of it?

He started picking up the pace, realizing that he had royally screwed up. He fumbled with his phone, his eyesight getting distorted. The feeling of his chest becoming heavy was coming back, triggering how he had felt before his operation. Was he having a panic attack right now?

He struggled to keep his breathing under control, seeing the house in sight. Where was Danny? Was he at work? Should he call him? He was suddenly terrified, afraid he would die. It was like his body was telling him it was shutting down as he forced himself up the steps and into the house.

He managed to click on his phone, unlocking it before hitting his speed dial. His hands were shaking badly as he reached for the medication in the bathroom cabinet. He couldn’t reach, his grip coming loose and his legs becoming weak. His phone dropped to the floor after Danny picked up.

He didn’t have it on speaker as he reached for the medication and felt his legs give out. His body crashed onto the floor, his chest heaving as he stared at his phone. He felt his breath become short, tears falling from his eyes as he tried to reach for it.

“Danny…” he called out. He didn’t want to be like this, he didn’t want this. If he was going to die, he wanted Danny next to him. He closed his eyes, losing consciousness.

When he woke, he was in the hospital. He didn’t want to be back here, yet here he was. He was afraid to look around, would Danny not be here? He slowly opened his eyes, seeing Danny lying against the bed next to him. He didn’t recall much of what had happened, his chest just felt sore.

Danny opened his eyes, realizing he was awake. He stretched his hand out and held onto Jason’s. They stayed like that for a while, just sitting in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, just exhausting as he squeezed back. The doctor came in, taking a seat before checking his vitals.

“Have you been experiencing any discomfort?” the doctor asked. He shook his head no, trying to not to worry Danny who was still stoically silent.

“What about before you ended up here? You weren’t taking your medication like you said you were.” He sucked in a deep breath, trying to focus. His pulse started to rise, the doctor keeping an eye on the monitor.

“I didn’t realize, I’m sorry. I had a routine and then that stopped and I didn’t realize it until I started getting pains.”

“You didn’t think that maybe that was a sign to check or tell Danny?” the doctor asked. How could he? They were barely talking at the moment.

“I thought it was just anxiety.” The doctor nodded in understanding and sighed heavily.

“You’re very lucky Danny, your levels dropped really low. There can’t be a next time, okay?” the doctor said seriously. He nodded in agreement, afraid to look at Danny. “I’m going to prescribe you better pain killers and some anti-anxiety medication for now. You need to stay on track with your medication, it’s very important.”

The doctor left them alone, which didn’t really help the situation anyway. Danny refused to look at him, refused to say anything. He had no idea how he felt, and it was making Jason even more anxious. It was like this even after he was discharged.

Jason remained in bed for about a week, unable to bring himself to do anything. Danny checked in on him, making his meals in the morning and at night, leaving lunch on his nightstand. He also left notes around, reminding him what times he needed to take his medication, Jason felt more like a patient than his lover.

“Jason.”

It was the first time he had spoken his name in a while, and the sound made him instantly cave into all the sadness he had been holding back. “I’m sorry.”

Jason wanted to argue, to throw a fit and question him. Looking at his eyes and his expression, he lost interest in doing that. It was clear he was apologizing for everything, not just not being home when he needed him.

“Can we eat out next time?” he asked. Danny smiled and nodded, knowing he needed escape from the house. Things got a little better after that, words left unspoken beginning to slowly come out.

***

A couple of weeks had passed since Danny began talking regularly with Jason again. He wasn’t entirely sure how they had ended up so bad in the first place, but knew he had made mistakes. Jason ending up in the hospital was a wakeup call for him, knowing he needed to do better. He wasn’t too keen on Jason going back to work, but decided to be open minded about it and at least let him go back part time. The truth was, he was really scared to leave him alone now.

When he had received that call, he was in the middle of a meeting. Jason knew he didn’t normally pick up during his meetings, and he never called unless it was lunch time. So when he saw his phone lit up, he had gotten an ominous feeling. When he answered and didn’t hear anything before he called his name, in a desperate cry, he jolted out the door.

While he had to apologize profusely later on to his boss, he hated the fact that he needed to apologize at all. It was clearly an emergency, and yet all the business people around him acted like it wasn’t the end of the world unless it affected them. Assholes.

He thought about what had happened after his surgery, all those months he spent trying to help him ended up turning his affection into smothering. He never realized that Jason was the type who needed constant reassurance in order to move forward. They had known each other for a long time now, and this was still something he had failed to consider since they spent most of that time being considerate of each other.

He let his obsession with being everything Jason needed get to his head, which made him paranoid. The conversation he had with Chris came ringing back into his mind with a vengeance, knowing he had crossed a line. He could never let himself forget the terrified look on his face as Jason shook, asking him to marry him. He wasn’t ready for that commitment, but was willing to force himself to keep him all because Danny was insecure.

Anyone in that situation would normally think their partner was cheating on them. Yet, Danny still knew that he had activated a GPS for Jason’s phone without his consent to know where he went. His intentions may have been pure concern for his wellbeing at first, but he used it thinking nefarious thoughts. He wasn’t guilt free in this.

To make matters worse, when he realized it was a hotel, he had to make sure. It was a clear sign he didn’t trust Jason or his word that he was only staying out a night. He wanted to make things right so bad, that it blinded him. He had used the excuse that they needed a second key, the room being listed under both their names since the card he had used was one Danny had given him.

When he opened that door, he felt like his world was crushed. He automatically assumed, even as they both denied it. It was only when Jason’s state was pathetic enough, that he realized he had fucked up royally.

That was why he left them there, and why he ran like a coward. He wanted to apologize and yet was so angry, he couldn’t. Angry that things had gotten as far as they had, angry at himself for being so stupid, and angry at the stranger who kept popping into their lives.

He had looked into Chris the second he had a chance too, especially after learning about Jason’s condition. The guilt of having done that and then accusing them both, made him feel worse.

Chris had stopped him as he walked out onto the streets, pulling away as Danny lashed out at him. “Listen to me!” he snapped. Danny didn’t know if he could listen, his head pounding as he thought about all his mistakes.

As Chris scrambled to explain their situation, he didn’t know what to believe. He was in denial until Chris mentioned Doug, and he remembered the guy who had asked him to take care of his childhood friend.

“Wait, what about Doug?” he asked, trying to confirm what he heard.

“I said, Jason didn’t know about Doug’s death. When I told him he started to freak out, I seriously thought there was something wrong with him. That’s why I brought him back to his room.”

Danny wasn’t sure how to process this news, realizing this must have hit Jason hard. When he went into more detail about their conversation, Danny quickly realized why Jason had a breakdown.

“What?” Chris asked, worried he had said something to trigger him. Danny was normally the willing type to console people, but in that moment, he really felt like a piece of shit. So he explained what had happened to Jason and why he hadn’t been at the funeral.

He explained to him that he had answered Jason’s phone at one point, the person being Doug’s mother. When she found out that Jason was at the hospital, she didn’t answer and just offered her prayers before hanging up. He had forgotten all about it because he was busy helping him recover.

“Shit, his mother knew this whole time. That’s why she didn’t make a fuss at the funeral,” Chris stated, rubbing at his face. Then Chris proceeded to tell him about the rings and Danny felt his whole soul shatter because he had made a really bad choice.

“You need to go back to him, he needs you right now.” Danny knew he was right, but when he returned, Jason was out cold. He undressed him, taking care of him like he was made of glass. He crawled into bed with him, but couldn’t sleep. When morning came, he made his side and left a note. He couldn’t face him with all the guilt he had felt, wanting to avoid it as long as he could.

The time after his discharge was slowly making things better between them, but it wasn’t enough. Danny needed to tell him the truth about the phone call, how he had found him in that hotel, and his insecurities.

He was stopping at a bakery, taking some deserts home to Jason, when his world seemed to crash once more. Out of all people, and all places, he had to run into the one person he never wanted to see again.

“Danny? What luck running into you again?” The voice irritated him, so much so that he refused to even look in his direction. He continued to the counter, trying to block out that dick’s voice as much as possible. “Don’t be like this Danny, come on.”

He grabbed his order to go and rushed out the door. Chris was on his way back to work from lunch, when he crossed paths with Danny. At first he was going to greet him, until he saw his face. Chris was genuinely surprised, seeing the calm and collected Danny with the pained and panicked expression he had. A guy sped after him, grabbing his arm. “Danny! Why are you acting this way?”

Chris stayed back on standby, just in case things got out of hand. Based on how Danny’s expression went straight from pained and panicked to angry, he was sure something would. “Fuck off!”

The immediate rejection made Chris assume this guy was defiantly a shit head, and probably an ex. “You’re being rude.” A bewildered look crossed Danny’s face and he sucked in a deep breath to calm himself. “It’s been a really long time since we were kids, I thought you would have gotten over that by now.” Danny ignored him and started walking away again.

“So, did you move on?” Danny stopped in his tracks and Chris felt like now would be a good time to step in. Just as the stranger reached for Danny, he grabbed his arm and pulled it back. The guy looked at him with an annoyed expression. Chris knew his type, they liked to prey on vulnerable people just to make themselves feel better. “Who are you?”