Chapter 5

But just when I thought I had made up my mind...

“Do whatever you want,” came out of my mouth. “But not as my lady-in-waiting.”

Damn it.

“Thank you, Your Highness!” Arielle cried.

I turned to Etsen and asked, “What about you?”

“I’ll... stay here, too,” he replied.

I guess this was what it came to. Everyone was staying. We were all back at square one.

Ding!

[The Crossroads of Life and Death]

Quest complete!

Congratulations.

Ding!

Robért’s affection levels remain at reset.

Ding!

The status of the Robért Juran route has changed from Terminated to Pending Termination!

Ding!

You have been rewarded a Life.

After yet another deep sigh, I ordered everyone out of my chamber.

“Why are you not asking anything of me?” asked Robért, the last one to leave.

“What should I be asking?” I inquired, barely concealing my annoyance. I was sick and tired of it all.

“Are you going to just let me leave like this?” he pressed.

“I am.”

“Even if I don’t want to leave?”

“I am,” I confirmed once again.

“That’s... that’s not fair.”

“Then what do you want me to do? You betrayed me. I won’t hold you accountable, but I have no reason to keep you around,” I said.

“...”

“Come back once you’ve collected your thoughts,” I said. “When you do, I’ll grant you freedom from whatever torments you.”

“Freedom...”

A moment later, I was left alone in my vast bedroom chamber. I sank down on the bed. I guess I just wasn’t capable of killing. Even if she was after my blood, and my own life was on the line.

Still.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to kill somebody who could do nothing but beg. I felt utterly defeated, unable to ignore the thought that this might have been my last chance. Nevertheless, I had to pull myself together. Maybe this was all for the best. If I couldn’t send them away and force them to give up, it might be better to keep them close by so I could monitor their movements.

Just then, the door creaked open a sliver.

“I said everybody ou—!” I began yelling irritably, but then stopped myself when I spotted blond hair through the crack. “Nadrika?”

The door opened further, and Nadrika got down on his knees outside of the entrance.

“I’m sorry, Your Highness,” he said.

“Come here,” I called after a pause.

He quietly got up and approached me, then sat by my side and gingerly took me in his arms. I leaned my cheek against his shoulder and closed my eyes. I could feel him softly stroking my back in the dark and felt glad he wasn’t saying anything.

It was just beginning to hit me that, only a moment ago, I had nearly become a murderer.

* * *

He had been a successful bureaucrat. A lowly aristocrat from a local family in the outskirts of the empire, he had managed to become chief librarian of the imperial library without a single connection—the highest position one could obtain in the palace without them. It was an important job that involved managing documents that could only be viewed by the imperial family. Of course, it was still trivial work, but that didn’t mean he was unskilled. There just wasn’t any room for him to move further up.

For centuries, the upper classes had been dominated by high-ranking aristocrats and their children, as well as close relatives and vassal families. All was peaceful in the empire, and with each passing year the number of aristocrats only grew, with the white-haired old farts refusing to step down from their positions in the imperial court. And so, he had decided to be content with his achieved status. He buried his skills, leaving them unused.

Perhaps that was why he slowly began to grow sick of his life. The imperial library was not a place just anyone could enter, so most of the time he was alone. Each day bled into the next, and the monotony made him exhausted.

One spring day, he fell asleep in the corner of the library with a book in his lap. When he opened his eyes, a woman was smiling at him with her chin resting on her hand, bathed in the afternoon sunlight.

“Who are you?” he asked.

Suddenly, he couldn’t see anything. He groped his own face and felt the woman’s hand covering his eyes.

“Keep your eyes closed.”

When he faintly nodded, she took her hand away. He didn’t know how long he should keep his eyes closed, but for some reason he found it difficult to disobey her command.

“Nice to meet you... Robért Juran.”

When she slowly whispered his name, he couldn’t stop his eyes from opening. But there was no one in front of him. And it was at that moment he realized he was in love.

Shortly after, he came to learn the identity of the mystery woman. The one and only princess of the empire. He loved her with everything he had. After a fervent courtship, he eventually earned the title of her concubine. But on the first night they had been together, which to him was to be a night of ecstasy and pure bliss, the princess had lain naked in bed and simply spoke her feelings into the air.

“I’m bored.”

Then she made an unexpected suggestion.

“How about a threesome with my sex slave?”

“...”

“Or... you could do it with another girl in front of me, and I’ll watch.”

He refused. He wanted to make love to her and no one else. But the princess never requested a night with him after that. Whenever he paid a visit to her chambers, she would taunt him while having sex with other men right in front of him. Robért had never once thought that he would be able to have the princess’s exclusive love. But he hadn’t realized that he’d be denied even the tiniest bit of her.

Love had made him a hopeless optimist, but eventually he became a bitter pessimist. He was nothing but an outdated plaything to the princess. A toy tossed in storage, never to be taken out again. Even bringing him in as a concubine had only been done as a malicious prank. She had teased him, withholding the concubine title so that he’d grow restless, forcing the title on other men who hadn’t even wanted it, then eventually giving him the empty title while depriving him of the love he so craved.

What a cruel joke.

The more Robért clung to her in desperation, the more the princess seemed to enjoy it. Then she had grown bored and had forgotten him entirely. There was nothing else that Robért could do. So, feeling empty and dejected, he began seeing other women.

He spent many a hedonistic night in the company of women who showered him with love, even if it was just for a brief moment as their bodies intertwined in bed. Some were pleased with his performance and wished to commit to an ongoing relationship. Some even professed their love for him. But those words only left him feeling lonelier and more heartbroken each time, reminding him that they were words he would never hear from the princess. The princess would never say words like that to him, not in a million years.

And he himself could not return the words to those women. He loathed himself for that. And just as his self-loathing was growing unbearable, he met Arielle. She had told him she didn’t mind that he didn’t love her. That, in turn, was actually what enabled him to love her.

Or at least, that’s what he believed.

* * *

I felt a hand stroking my cheek and gradually came to my senses, soaking up the peaceful quiet and gentle warmth of someone’s skin on mine. When I slowly opened my eyes, the hand on my cheek withdrew immediately, leaving behind a lingering sense of wanting.

“Good morning,” I murmured.

A pair of light eyelashes fluttered in front of me.

“Oh... good morning, Your Highness. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” I answered.

Apparently I had fallen sound asleep last night. Lying across from me, Nadrika wriggled out of bed. I lay still in bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, remaining buried under the covers. Last night, I’d let down my guard around him without even realizing it. It was too late to take it back, and I wasn’t even sure precisely why I acted the way I had, but I figured I could chalk it all up to the heat of the moment.

After deciding on that, I took a deep breath of the morning air. A full day had passed. It was now morning. And I was still here.

“Here, have some water,” Nadrika said.

When I accepted his cup and took a sip, Nadrika peered into my face.

“Your face looks a bit puffy,” he said.

I must have looked exhausted, having only slept for a few hours. “Is that so?” I answered, patting my unfamiliar face with both my hands. How would I know, anyway? I could only accept his comment as fact.

Hearing him laugh whole-heartedly, my eyes shot up to Nadrika. His golden hair glowed white in the sun, but what I found even more radiant was the twinkle in his mesmerizing eyes. I couldn’t look away, even as his bright purple irises began to tremble nervously at my intense stare.

“...”

He was the only person here who had shown me kindness since I first woke up in this world. That was enough for me. I didn’t have to hold back or doubt any feelings of friendliness I had toward him. And just as I made up my mind...

My stomach growled loudly.

“...”

“Shall I call for your breakfast, Your Highness?” Nadrika suggested.

“Yes, please,” I said, nodding sheepishly. Even in the middle of all this, I guess I still get hungry. Nadrika smiled brightly at me and stood up to leave. I reached for his wrist before I could stop myself.

“What about you?” I asked.

“Pardon?”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“I am...”

“Then eat with me.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

As Nadrika answered pleasantly, I recalled his tearful, petrified face from the morning before. His peaceful expression now was probably one that the princess would never have witnessed. I studied him quietly, lost in my own thoughts.