It was still early when Anwyll woke up the next morning. Early enough that he could barely see the sun peeking out from behind the buildings. It wasn’t hard to find the source for his wake up either when he blinked his eyes open, only to be greeted by a pair of empty eyes staring back at him over the edge of the bed. He scrambled back with a barely muffled, startled shout and forced himself to turn his eyes away from the ghost. Despite trying, he couldn't avoid seeing the hopeless expression, smudged features and long hair.

It was easier to not empathize when he couldn't see them. 

A deep breath, then another. It was a familiar kind of morning from a few years back, before he had met Koresh. Ever since he and Koresh had met, the ghost rarely if ever left Anwyll’s side for the nights. The nights were the worst, as if most ghosts were afraid of the sunlight.

Over the last decade and half, Anwyll had learnt that there was no absolute solution to ignoring the ghosts haunting his steps. There were brief moments of respite in sleep, but while awake, all he had were tricks.

The first trick to it was to keep moving to keep them from crowding him. The second trick was headphones to drown out their endless whispers.

The third trick and the only one to never have failed him was Koresh's presence.

With Koresh gone and Anwyll being more or less bedbound, only one option remained.

It took some effort from his part to ignore the ghostly figure beside him and reach past it for the pack Cadell had left for him. When he didn't find what he was looking for, he turned to the pile of clothes left by the nurse. From the corner of his eyes, he could see more figures in the reflections from the glass window and bit his lip nervously as he dug through the pockets of his jeans. He fumbled when he finally found his headphones and sighed in relief when he slipped them on.

Jay had charged his phone yesterday along with adding her and Cadell’s numbers on it - and copying Anwyll’s number to their phones. Now Anwyll was more than grateful for the gesture, even if mostly for the fact that it meant he had access to his playlists.

His chest throbbed with a wistful feeling as he skimmed through the first playlist, filled with rock songs Koresh had insisted Anwyll would listen to, to “educate” himself. Koresh would have told him he is spoiled everytime Anwyll pleaded him to stay for the night. But each time he’d remain anyway. 

Anwyll hated the way he kept waiting Koresh would appear and sit on the edge of his bed. Hated the way the thought made him hopeful, and at the same time, hurt just the same as the blade on his wrist had.

He swallowed hard to try to get rid of the nausea forming at the memory. He didn't want to cry, he just wanted to know why. But he knew he couldn't always get what he wanted, so the easiest would be to let go and bury the thoughts and emotions related to it. Everything would be easier if he could do that much.

He skipped a song on his playlist that started with melancholy piano notes. Then the next song that started with stretched out guitar notes that rang painfully familiar to him. Finally, he closed the playlist, realizing it was too full of songs from Koresh and Orion both. It brought to mind the long evenings and days he'd spent in Orion's apartment and nights and mornings at his own apartment with Koresh.

Both the people he missed so badly it hurt, both of whom he’d have been fine just seeing once more, just to ask what happened. Both who had left without as much as a goodbye, much less an explanation.

Wallowing in self-pity wouldn’t help, Anwyll told himself when he had to briefly close his eyes. A loud, repetitive pop-rock song started playing and Anwyll turned the volume up. He hated repetitive lyrics, but at least it was in no way connected to Koresh or Orion.

With a heavy exhale, he laid back on the bed and pulled the blankets over him. He was still chilly and the chilling brushes against his skin didn’t help. He wanted to go back to his apartment, but he knew it wouldn’t make a difference where he was.

The ghosts would not hurt him, he repeated to himself, hearing the low cadence of his father's voice in his thoughts.

A whisper louder than others made him shake his head and to pull the blanket further over him. He tried to think of things he would do that day, what he had planned, what he wanted, but it only made the anxiety coil in his chest and the urge to run away stronger.

Being bed bound in a hospital made all of his routines irrelevant. The only thing he could think of that needed to be done more urgently was getting his pay from the last gig he had done for Koresh's friend. But he had never gone to see him without Koresh.

At least Jay and Cadell would be coming over for lunch.

Lunch that was still some seven to eight hours away, he realized, checking the clock from his phone screen. Anxiety welled in his chest. He felt restless and he knew that staying still would just attract more ghosts to his side. He wanted to move. Needed to move.

It wasn't as if anyone was there to keep him in bed, nor had anyone specified that he should stay in bed. Which had to mean he could get up and walk around for a bit, right? He did need to use the bathroom too.

He still made sure to be as silent as possible as he tossed the blankets off of him. After a moment of consideration, he tested the IV still attached to his arm. He felt fine and he had been told the IV could be removed this morning, so it didn’t matter if he did it on his own, right?

If someone asked, he would just say it was an accident. His dad would have never bought it, but he was not here either.

It stung like hell when he pulled the needle loose and he had to take a moment to hum along to the song playing from his headphones to distract himself from the pain.

 His legs felt feeble when he slipped off the bed and he took a moment to steady himself. He was just about to push himself on to his feet when he made the mistake of looking up.

A smudged figure of a girl stood in front of him, physical and real in a way most ghosts weren’t.

Startled, Anwyll flinched and fumbled to not drop his phone. 

“Anwyll.” It was a whisper, barely louder than the ones before, but now obviously spelling out his name and cutting through the music. Determined, Anwyll turned his eyes to the floor and wiggled his toes to distract himself.

“Your friends called you Anwyll, right?” the same voice, but clearer and louder now. Anwyll saw the figure beside him shifting from the corner of his eye. Despite the physical appearance, Anwyll could tell she was a ghost, just a bit more real than most of them were. He was morbidly curious about how far it extended, if she was distant like the other ghosts. If her eyes were lifeless like theirs, or bright and lively like Koresh’s.

Anwyll hadn’t met a lot of ghosts like Koresh.

But just as he was about to give in to the curiosity, he heard the door to the room being opened and looked up to see Jay entering with a sleepy and startled expression on her face. Her hair was straightened neatly and she was wearing a simple, dark blue turtleneck along with straight jeans.

The kind of outfit she wore whenever her parents took her to their professional gatherings and dinners. The “professional Jay” -look.

“Hey,” Anwyll greeted her silently, decisively looking past the ghost before him. “You’re up early.” Jay stopped so stand by the bed, casting a thoughtful look at the IV and Anwyll’s posture. Anwyll grinned at her sheepishly.

“You okay?” she asked, the remaining sleepiness fading from her expression as she handed a paper cup to Anwyll, keeping one to herself. Scent of coffee drifted from the cups, along with a faint whiff of cinnamon.

“Yeah, I just wanted to walk around a bit,” he explained as he took the cup.

“Uhuh,” Jay seemed unimpressed as she sat down. “You don’t think you should wait for the nurse to clear you?” Anwyll grimaced and turned to look at the IV and the tube laying loosely on the bed.

“I felt restless,” he offered as an explanation, but shifted back into the bed and propped the pillows against the headrest so he could sit comfortably. Jay offered him an empathetic smile. Or at least, Anwyll thought he caught a glimpse of one, before the ghost girl decided to step between them, lips pursed in a stubborn manner.

“Listen to me,” she ordered firmly.

“I’m sure. You also lost a lot of blood just the other day.” Jay’s voice didn’t entirely match the empathetic smile and Anwyll grimaced at the sharp edge to it. And partly at the ghost staring at him insistently.

“I know,” he sighed and tugged the blankets back over him, hoping the ghost would take a hint when he pulled the blankets high enough to partly hide her from his view. “Sorry for worrying you.” Jay nodded and smiled a bit more warmly at the apology.

“I need to go drop by Aarni’s office to sign up some papers, I decided to stop by and bring you some decent coffee on the way,” Jay explained then and took a pointed sip from her coffee. Anwyll mirrored the gesture and sighed at the taste of coffee and cinnamon spreading into his mouth.

It had been a while since he had had a proper cup of coffee.

“I don’t deserve you,” he exhaled as he leaned heavily against the headboard. Jay exhaked a short laughter.

“With your recent track record, no, you don’t,” she told him and Anwyll winced.

“Ouch,” he said out loud and turned to look at her. “Deserved, I guess.”

“It sure is,” Jay told him cheerfully. “You haven’t even asked how I’m doing.” Anwyll blinked at her slowly, thinking back on their conversation from yesterday, then blinked again when he realized she was right.

“Oh,” he breathed out, “um. How are you? And what was that about Aarni?” He looked pointedly at Jay’s appearance, mostly in an attempt to hide the guilty and sheepish expression at the realization that he really wasn’t being a good friend. Despite Jay having spent hours at his bedside and bringing him food and coffee.

“You are terrible,” the ghost told him and Anwyll had to bite his tongue to not snap out at her. A judgemental, pestering ghost was the last thing he needed in his life right now.

And yet, he still kept expecting Koresh to appear, any moment now. What a hypocrite he was.

“I’m alright,” Jay responded happily and crossed her legs, “as good as I can be, given the circumstances. Looking forward to getting to Aarni though. Raphael Capra offered me an internship. I just need to go sign the papers.” It took a moment for the words to sink in and Anwyll sat up straighter, his eyes widening in surprise as he looked at Jay. A proud, smug smile formed on Jay’s lips.

“The Paragon?” he asked, just to be sure. Jay nodded.

“Yup,” she agreed proudly. Anwyll felt a similar smile tugging on his own lips as he leaned forward to offer his hand to Jay, palm towards her. She grinned as she gave him the high five, hard enough to sting.

“Congratulations?” he offered, laughing. “That’s the position you’ve dreamt of since you started studying, right? Working with Gifted and their rehabilitation.” Jay nodded eagerly, but her expression gained a bit wistful tone.

“Mom and dad still want me to at least become a ‘proper doctor’, after I’ve finished my internship and studies. They think I lack ambition,” she admitted and Anwyll reached out to nudge at her slightly. The ghost girl let out an offended squeak when Anwyll brushed past her and forced her to shift. Then she stopped, frozen still as she stared at her arm where Anwyll had briefly accidentally touched her.

Uh oh.

“You’re acing it though, doing what you want to do,” Anwyll reminded Jay, trying to ignore the cold feeling trickling down his spine when the ghost looked up at him with wide eyes. “And you’re doing an internship for a Paragon, what would be more ambitious than that? How did that even happen?” Jay’s smile brightened at his words, if only a bit.

“Yeah,” she agreed slowly, then laughed, “yeah, I know. It’s just, ugh. Things have been hard recently with everything going on. It was Theo who introduced me to Capra and things kind of just happened from there. Apparently he has heard of my parents and their work, so.” Anwyll did his best to focus on her and her explanation, but the ghost stepped right in front of him and reached out to take a hold of Anwyll’s hand, causing both of them to freeze still.

Anwyll finally turned to look at her properly, a frown on his face.

She was a short girl with long, golden hair falling messily down her shoulders in waves. Her eyes were similarly bright as Koresh’s were and if Anwyll hadn’t been sure Jay couldn’t see her, he wasn’t sure he would have been able to tell she was a ghost anymore. She looked alive.

“You’re Anwyll, right?” she repeated and Anwyll turned his eyes away to smile past her at Jay, pulling his hand free from her. Or trying, but she held on.

Don’t let her know how much it bothers you, he told himself. She is not really here. Anwyll’s father insisted he imagined the ghosts. That the physical sensations were just because he saw them touch him, his mind filled in the sensation.

It didn’t explain the bruises or scratchmarks though.

“They’ve worked on things for Aarni before, right?” he asked, trying to grasp on the conversation again. Jay shrugged.

“They’re regular clients by now. From the sounds of it, Aarni has been pretty much building their information infrastructure from the ground up since some three years ago,” Jay explained and sighed. “They think Capra and his brother would be useful contacts, even if my work is in the wrong department. Granted, they also worked on the healthcare database, I think. So I will have to interact with their work daily even in rehabilitation.” The ghost girl shifted restlessly and a frown marred her face. The topic changing to a more complex one did nothing to help Anwyll with his task of ignoring the ghost girl.

“Hey,” she said more impatiently, waving her free hand in front of Anwyll’s eyes. She squeezed Anwyll’s hand tighter and Anwyll had to swallow his anxiety from the gesture. He couldn’t pull away without making a scene, but if he didn’t, he might get new marks to explain to Jay.

The whole situation was unfair, and even after years of similar experiences, Anwyll felt like he might choke on the frustration it caused.

“Maybe they’ll come around,” he suggested and focused all his willpower not to give any attention to the ghost, nor to show his frustration.

“Please listen to me,” the ghost pleaded insistently.

“We’ll see,” Jay shrugged. Anwyll saw her open her mouth to continue, heard her voice forming words. But despite her voice being louder than the ghosts, despite Anwyll forcing his attention on Jay, the ghost girl’s voice cut through it like a knife with her next words.

“I need to know if you are Orion’s Anwyll.”