Painful, but Desirable

Chapter 5

“You always knew I was the son of a chaebol family. If you really wanted me, I’m sure you’d have tried before. But you...” Doyun lifted her chin with his finger. “You always ran away from me like a rabbit from a hunter. Always in sight, but just out of reach. Why are you doing this now, after all these years?”

He lowered his arms and released her.

“You should meet a nice, normal boy and live a nice, normal life. Don’t throw it all away on me while you’re drunk.” He stood up from where he was sitting on the entrance floor. Once his warm body separated from hers, she felt a chill come over her. She stretched out her hand to stop him. But he was already at the door.

“Sunbae...” she said.

“Sleep well,” he didn’t let her continue before he stepped out the door.

Sleep well. That was the only hint of kindness after their kiss.

* * *

SUNDAY MORNING

Doyun was visiting his aunt in the hospital. His mother’s sister was like a parent to him. She studied Doyun’s face from her hospital bed for some time before speaking.

“Doyun,” she said.

“Yes?” he responded.

“Is something wrong?”

He frowned a little at the sudden question. “No, nothing’s wrong. I’m doing just fine,” he said. His frown grew deeper as he wondered why his aunt, usually so quiet, had suddenly grown inquisitive.

“If you’re busy, you don’t have to stay long,” she said.

“I’m not busy,” he said.

As a company executive, Doyun’s schedule was usually quite full, but he had some free time this week. She tilted her small head and asked again, “If you’re not busy, why do you keep looking at your phone? Are you waiting for a call?”

Doyun’s lips twisted faintly. “No. It’s nothing,” he said.

“Hurry up and go,” she said, “You’re busy. You don’t have time to waste here with an old woman.”

He told her again that it was nothing, but she didn’t believe him. His aunt stood up and began to push him from behind, ushering him out of the room. Stepping into the elevator, he let out a long sigh and rubbed his temples. He didn’t feel good. He felt a prick of conscience at being caught red-handed. He’d been checking his phone all weekend and trying to pretend he wasn’t.

Shin Hayeon.

He recalled the events of last week’s meetup at the bar—and what happened afterward with his hubae, who was two years younger than him. Maybe she was drunk out of her mind, but for whatever reason, she had proposed to him. Remembering the scene, he smirked.

What was that all about? Has the world turned upside down?

Doyun was not the easiest person to approach, but he felt sure of his relationships with the club members—he’d known them well for years. Shin Hayeon was the exception. She always kept quiet when he was around and seemed to tremble in fear if she so much as saw him. And yet, last night that same timid girl had suddenly proposed and clumsily kissed him.

At the time, he blamed the alcohol and tried to push her away. He thought she might try to apologize the next day and kept checking his phone for a message. Nothing. But then she had never initiated contact with him. With everyone else in their club she laughed and had a good time, but if he so much as glanced in her direction she froze and looked away. There was no chance she would send an apology first, regardless of what had happened.

“Damn.” He was so lost in thought he went to the basement parking lot instead of the first floor.

She’s never acted like that before. This is all her fault.

Annoyed, he stepped into the stairwell heading back to the first floor. His phone vibrated. It was a text.

“Sunbae, if you don’t mind, could we see each other for a second today?”

The nerve. It was Hayeon.

* * *

An hour later, he arrived at the café where they’d decided to meet. Through the window, he could see her sitting inside. Her hair was pulled back neatly, and she was dressed professionally. A familiar sight, even at a distance.

Shin Hayeon.

Had she just come from a wedding? Or a funeral? The black suit dress was stuffy and formal, night and day from what she’d worn the other night—a thin blouse accentuating her soft curves. She’d put her hair up when she started to get drunk, showing the sweet line of her slender neck. His bottom lip almost fell open with desire, but he raised one eyebrow instead. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like that she was on his mind. He didn’t like that he wanted her.

She was sitting inside staring at her full cup of coffee, unaware that he’d arrived. She opened and clenched her slender fingers several times as if she was nervous. He opened the door and went inside. The bell on the door jingled, and she looked up immediately.

“Sunbae, hi... I mean... How are you?” She was shaking like a leaf. To Doyun, she looked like a small rabbit on a field of snow in the mountains. Her eyes were bloodshot. Maybe she hadn’t slept.

“Right... Hi,” he said.

“Sorry to make you come all this way...”

“It’s no big deal,” he interrupted the line in her carefully scripted speech. “My driver drives, I just sit in the passenger seat. It’s nothing.”

“Still, it’s far from your house,” she said.

“You know where I live?” he asked. She nodded timidly. That’s surprising. It was silent between them for some time. Tired of waiting for her to speak, Doyun spoke first.

“Did you go somewhere?” he asked.

“Huh?” Hayeon’s eyes were round and wide as she shook her head. “No, why do you ask?”

Doyun pointed at her dress. “It looks like you went to some sort of ceremony,” he said.

“No. I just came from home,” she replied.

Her dress wasn’t right for this weather—too thick—it was like she wore it for protection.

Her shoulders are stiff. She’s about to apologize. She just got drunk and proposed to a man she hates. She kissed a man she fears. What was I hoping would happen if I came here?

He wasn’t here for an apology. Maybe he’d wanted to see the woman who looked him in the eyes and spoke so boldly that night, but there was no trace of that woman today. Hayeon looked down at her coffee and wet her lips with her tongue until they glistened.

“Sunbae, I wanted to say thank you for the other night.”

“What?” he exclaimed.

“Thank you for walking me home,” she said. He had expected an apology, but she was thanking him. “I drank more than I thought. If I had tried to walk home alone, I’m sure something could have happened. But, thanks to you, I made it back without incident.”

She bowed her head as she said thank you.

“No need to thank me. I’m glad you were safe,” he said. Was she trying to pretend she was too drunk to remember the kiss? That would be more like her. If that was all, a text would have sufficed. Doyun tapped on the white marble table.

“Is that all you wanted to say? Thank you?” he asked. He uncrossed his legs, thinking about standing up to leave. When he made up his mind and started to get up, Hayeon raised her head. The eyes that had trembled just moments before fixed firmly upon him.

“No. There’s more,” she said.

“…”

“What I said that night—it wasn’t because I was drunk,” she said forcefully, “The thing about getting married.”

This was the third time she’d ambushed him. Twice on Friday—first when she pushed the hair out of his face and stroked his forehead, and second when she asked him to marry her. This was the third.

“If you’re looking for a business marriage, sunbae, marry me. If I don’t currently fulfill your requirements... it may be impossible, but I’ll do my best to meet them.” She spoke in a hushed voice. He was so taken aback his reply came out stronger than he intended.

“Hayeon, I told you already, this kind of thing doesn’t suit you.”

“…”

“I’m not just looking for a regular arranged marriage,” he said, “I need someone to pretend to marry and live with me just for a year or so. I could demand we break up at any time.”

“That’s fine with me,” she said.

“Are you out of your mind?” he said.

Hayeon said nothing and sat looking at him with her hands clenched into fists. “I’m not crazy, Sunbae. It doesn’t matter if it suits me or not. I need it.” Her fists were shaking. Her voice faltered as she continued.

“I need you...” She stopped and swallowed. “I need your money,” she finished.

“Money?” he said.

“Yes?” she responded.

“What do you mean? Is your pay at the company not enough?” he asked. The salary at a major corporation should have been plenty for a single woman living on her own.

“My father... my father has a debt that I have to repay,” she said.

Ah. Then...

“I can’t pay it off myself. It’s to a private lender,” As if it were painful to reveal her shame, she stopped speaking several times before continuing. “That’s why...when you said you were looking for a business marriage, I didn’t wait to hear the conditions and immediately asked you to marry me. Because it’s urgent. I’m… I’m sorry about that,” she said.

It bothered him, watching as her slender hands clenched into fists. Seeing her eyes moisten as she looked at him, he worried for her.

Damn it.

At the strange feeling, he crossed his legs again and furrowed his brow. Lost in thought, he didn’t say anything for a long time. The café was almost deafeningly quiet on this Sunday afternoon. There were no other customers. The only sound was the ticking hands of the clock at the counter. When the second hand had clicked more than a few hundred times, Doyun sighed. Then she smiled a small, crooked smile, the corner of her mouth twisting gently.

“I’m sorry, sunbae,” she said, “I’m not even drunk today, and I’m still acting crazy. I’m sorry I wasted your time. You must be busy.”

She got up from her seat. But she stood up too quickly, and her chair tilted backward. Her eyes turned toward the falling chair.

Trying to get away again?

Doyun stretched out his arm. His firm hand grasped her thin wrist.

“Oh!”

She jumped at his sudden touch and looked back at him. He raised one eyebrow and spoke.

“Don’t run away from me so fast. If you marry me, you’ll have to deal with much worse.”

“Huh?” Her eyes widened. She blushed with surprise and her mouth fell half-open. She looked as if she couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. He liked that look of surprise very much. At least, it was different from her usual state of trembling with fear. He smiled lazily and spoke again.

“Tell me your conditions. If they work with mine, okay.” I may regret this... he thought as he spoke the words. “Let’s do it.”

“What... What are you saying?” she asked.

“Let’s do it,” he repeated. “Let’s get married.”