Painful, but Desirable

Chapter 7

The sweet words flowed out of Doyun’s mouth so naturally. The look on his face was so calm and collected. The smile on his lips showed no trace of his usual cynicism. It was as if he were looking at someone he truly loved. The warmth of that gaze made Hayeon’s heart skip a beat.

He reached out for her wrist once more. Whenever his skin touched hers, that indescribable feeling built up in her body all over again. She forgot everything around her—even the passage of time—as she looked at him. But it only lasted a moment. Doyun released her hand and erased the warm expression from his face.

“See?” he said, “I can be a very convincing actor.”

Hayeon returned to reality. The spot his hand had touched cooled as quickly as it had heated up. That was real acting. His performance was powerful enough to fool her even when she knew what he was doing.

“Don’t worry about me, Hayeon. I’m even more desperate for this to work than you,” he calmly continued. His head tilted slightly for a moment, then he spoke again. “My aunt still has many people in the company. We’ll have to keep up the act in and out of the office. If you marry me, you won’t be able to live a free single life like before. And I’m not sure how things will play out after we’re divorced.”

His gaze sharpened on her. “Do you still want to marry me? Are you sure you won’t regret it?”

“Yes,” she said.

“And you’re okay with me being your spouse?”

“I like you,” she said without a second’s hesitation. Now that she’d heard his reasons, she wanted—even more—to be by his side. Her decision might sound as foolish and risky as jumping off a cliff, but she wanted to be with him. She didn’t want him to go it alone. “I won’t regret it.”

Her voice was filled with certainty. At her words, the fire in his eyes burned down to a smolder.

* * *

That night, Hayeon returned to her apartment, lay down on her bed, and took a deep breath. Everything was happening so fast. This really was all for the best, right? All the strength she’d shown in front of Doyun melted into a puddle of anxiety now that she was alone. Would she really be able to pull it off? She was so afraid of showing her feelings. Would she really be able to act like his lover? And would she be able to make him truly happy, not just for show? She was worried about all of it.

“No, you can do it,” she said aloud. At that moment, her phone vibrated. She rushed to check it, thinking it might be Doyun. But the message wasn’t from her future husband himself.

[Seorak Bank] 4/11 20:38 1003-442-****** Transfer 600,000,000

Hayeon just stared at the screen. It was too many zeros to comprehend. “What...” she murmured. Eight zeros… 600 million won? Of course, she knew who’d sent it—Cha Doyun. Even the 440 million won she asked for would have been a shock, but 600 million won? She thought there must be some mistake, so she called him.

This was the first time she’d ever called him. She had his number, but she’d only ever sent him club-related texts. She didn’t have the courage to call him. But now was no time for hesitation. He’d sent her 600 million won. Each time the phone rang, Hayeon grew more anxious. Her lips felt dry. The phone didn’t ring for long before a man’s voice answered.

“Oh, Hayeon.”

Their first phone call. He answered not with Hello? or even his usual Shin Hayeon but with her first name, Hayeon. His voice sounded so sweet that, for a moment, she forgot the unbelievable amount of money that had just entered her bank account. While she gathered her wits, she heard him whispering to someone on the other side of the phone.

“I’ll be right back, Aunt Yeonjin. I'm just going to take this call real quick.” Hearing his voice, Hayeon immediately understood the situation. He was at the hospital with his sick aunt right beside him. That’s why his voice sounded so loving when he answered. He was taking a call from the woman he would marry, the woman he was pretending to love. The first act of the play had already begun. She heard his footsteps, and then he spoke again.

“Sorry,” he said, “I’m out taking care of something.” The warmth in his voice had already disappeared. Startled, Hayeon forgot why she had called. Her lips opened, but no sound came out.

“Hayeon, are you there?”

“Yes, sunbae,” she said.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Hearing his hard, business-like voice, Hayeon took a deep breath before speaking.

“I saw that you transferred the money to my account,” she said.

“Oh, good.”

“I asked you to send it after the wedding.”

“You need it now, and I have the money. Is there some reason it should wait until the wedding?” he asked.

Was he trying to be considerate? Was he worried she’d have a hard time without it? They had a strict agreement, but all they’d done today was talk about it. What if she didn’t follow through on the contract? How could he send so much money, just like that?

“Why did you send it already? What if I took the money and disappeared?” she asked.

“You?” he replied, smiling. She could hear a puff of air and his familiar laugh. “Hayeon, come on. You? Running away with my money? That would be funny.”

“It’s not funny, sunbae,” she said.

“I’m better at reading people than that,” he said. “Right now, you’re checking in because the money startled you, right? That’s so like you. If you were going to disappear, you’d be gone already.”

Well, he was right about that.

“Still,” she said, “I only need 440 million won. Why...”

“I wouldn’t know the details, but I imagine it’s very expensive for a woman to get ready for a wedding,” he said. She thought she heard him sigh faintly. She couldn’t tell whether he was annoyed or concerned. “Skincare or I don’t know, things like that.”

“I can...” She started to say that she could pay for that herself, but then remembered that she was supposed to have a father hounded by debt collectors. “I won’t need this much just for skincare and wedding preparations.”

He thinks I’ll need 160 million won for skin treatments.

“Well, I don’t know how much it costs. Anyway, you can take care of all that yourself. And use the rest however you like. Think of it as funds for keeping up appearances. You can buy clothes or anything you want,” he said.

“But—"

“Don’t even think about returning it. You can’t possibly know how much you’ll need once you’ve entered my family,” he said. His firm tone shut her up. One day, everything would be revealed. She would return it to him then, along with the interest that it would accrue in the bank.

“Oh, I was actually meaning to call you,” he said. His firm tone was gone and replaced by hesitation. “I talked to my aunt earlier. Would you be able to come to the hospital and meet her next weekend?”

“Yes,” she said.

“Does that work with your schedule?”

“I can go any time.”

“Okay, good. I’ll talk to her and let you know,” he said. He took a deep breath before continuing. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing, sunbae,” she replied. She felt tense as she responded. She had never imagined any words like this would ever pass between them. “We’re going to be married soon, after all.”

“Haha,” he laughed. Maybe he felt awkward, or maybe she’d just said something silly, but he seemed to laugh more than usual when they talked. “Okay, good.”

Suddenly, she didn’t want the call to end like this. She rushed to say something.

“Sunbae?”

“Yeah?” he said.

“I was thinking... about the clothes... and... if I’m going to meet your aunt next week...” she searched desperately for any way to involve him. “I don’t know what type of clothes your aunt likes.”

“She won’t be too concerned about that sort of thing,” he said.

“Well, I am,” she said. She was nervous and her lips felt dry. “Would you mind going with me to buy clothes?”

They were getting married. Obviously, it was her first time getting married. Of course, she was completely satisfied with Doyun as her partner. And she would also be okay if the marriage didn’t work out. But she wanted to take advantage of every opportunity while she could. The opportunity to spend time with him, for example.

“Could you… help me pick them out?” she asked again.

Choosing women’s clothes might not have been the most attractive offer for a date. But it wasn’t like she could just ask him to a movie at this point. He was so busy. She felt like anything she asked should be related to his aunt.

“You want me to go with you?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said. She balled her hand into a fist. “It’s too awkward... I mean, it’s going to be awkward... in front of your aunt. We could get our stories straight and pick out some clothes while we’re at it.”

And see each other, face to face. And have dinner together. They had never had dinner together, just the two of them. Doyun was a generous sunbae. He didn’t wait on his hubaes hand and foot, but he didn’t avoid spending time with them either. He was known to buy meals for them from time to time. In university, Hayeon occasionally slipped into those gatherings and observed him. It was usually just lunch at a typical snack shop, with the students all chattering and having a good time. But it made her happy to be there with him.

Her heart would thump as she stole glances at him, hoping not to be caught. She felt that way even with everyone else around, so it was impossible to imagine being alone with him. But now it was different—now there was a reason for them to spend time together and get closer. Even if she accidentally showed her feelings, wouldn’t he just think she was acting? Like he was? Doyun answered her.

“Well, it has to be before next weekend. Do you have time?” he said.

“We’re off on Wednesday. How about then?” she said.

“What time?” he asked.

Is that a yes? Is he agreeing to see me? She felt butterflies in her stomach when he asked about the time. She’d expected him to angrily dismiss her. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. Should they meet at 7 A.M.? No—clothing stores wouldn’t even be open then.

“Around 10:30?” she suggested.

“10:30?” he said, then he paused. Was it too early?

“That’s when the department store opens,” she added quickly. Had she made a mistake? What if he said it was too early and he couldn’t go? What if he got annoyed and said he didn’t want to go pick out women’s clothes? The butterflies swarmed within her, but his voice cut through the flurry.

“Okay, good. Let’s do it,” he said. He sounded totally composed. And here she was about to jump out of her skin. “We can spend the whole day together. It’s a date.”