Karina’s Last Days

Chapter 4

Abelia was fourteen and still at an age that allowed her to act like a child. However, when Karina was that age, the attention that she needed was robbed by Abelia’s sickness and Feldon’s constant injuries. Looking at her little sister’s bright smile, a fit of ugly jealousy and resentment budded inside Karina as she thought, That should have never happened.

“Karina, can I please come with you? Please?” Abelia begged.

Nocturn looked at Abelia and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her away from Karina. “Lia, you’re upsetting me. I came here at the count’s orders to check up on you.”

“But…” Abelia looked at her sister with eyes full of regret.

Karina bit her tongue. She felt like she would say something wrong given the awful mood she was in.

“Besides, I heard that Lady Karina had a very important and urgent matter to attend to. It would put her in a tight spot if you kept being stubborn,” said Nocturn.

“Is that so?” Abelia looked at the older girl with longing eyes.

Rather than saying anything, Karina forced a smile to try to reassure her sister.

“It must be nice that Karina gets to go out all the time...” Abelia put her head down, looking disappointed.

Seeing her, Karina felt her gut churn. Her sister was obsessed with her, so she always had to be by her side. Because of that, Karina hadn’t been able to make even one decent friend. She could count on one hand the times she had hosted or attended tea parties. Her clenched fist trembled. There had been times when she had also wanted to go out and be with friends—days when she had tried to focus on something else, trying not to resent her family.

“Then would you bring back delicious treats from the market? Like skewers and juice! I’ve always wanted to try them!” Abelia raised her head with a playful expression in her eyes.

“Okay,” Karina answered in haste because she wanted to leave right away. She bowed her head slightly in gratitude to Nocturn, who was looking at her with strange eyes. Then she turned to go.

I feel like I’m going to puke. Her eyes darkened as she went down the stairs. She felt sorry for Abelia but also couldn’t help but feel jealous of her. Karina found herself to be hateful and disgusting. Her steps were precarious as if she might collapse any minute.

* * *

“We’re sorry, Karina. Enphric has fallen off the horse and we need to go to the academy to see him. You’ll be fine on your own because you’re a good girl, right?” Countess Leopold asked.

“But today is my birthday...”

“Your brother could be hurt.”

“What about father...?” Karina started.

“Your father has headed to the academy already. Let the butler know what you want for your birthday. Let’s have a party next time. That’s all right with you, yes?”

Like two actors on a theater stage, Countess Leopold and little Karina were speaking under a spotlight in the dark in Karina’s memory. The conversation had taken place when she was four years old. In the end, the countess hadn’t even waited for Karina’s answer before she had turned to leave the mansion. Little Karina had just stared blankly at her back.

Another memory formed in Karina’s head.

“Wow, they’re so small! Are they my little sister and brother?”

“Yes, here are your younger siblings. Now that you are a big sister, you need to look after the babies, okay?”

“Okay!”

Karina was really happy the day the twins were born. It was her first time watching little adorable babies wiggle around—she was fascinated. It made her smile to think that these cute little babies would follow behind her, waddling cutely. But from the moment the twins were born, all of the attention went to them due to Abelia’s poor health.

“No! This is mine! Mother made this for me...!”

The baby’s grip was surprisingly strong despite the fact that he’d just learned to crawl. Karina stomped her feet in angst when her brother snatched her precious teddy bear-shaped wallet. She tried to get it back from those small, strong hands, but the baby fell back and he burst into tears. This was not what little Karina had wanted.

“Oh Lord, Karina! What in the world are you doing? You are their big sister!” her mother yelled.

“But… Feldon took what is mine...”

“You have to let them have it. You’re the big sister! Big sisters need to be more mature. That’s how they learn from you. Just give it to Feldon for the time being. Aren’t you a good girl, Karina?”

“...”

“Good God! Please listen to your mother. Stop throwing a fit. Think of your age... If you don’t listen I will tell your father to teach you how to behave.”

“But I don’t want...” Karina said.

“Stop acting like a child.”

Eventually, the countess took the wallet out of Karina’s hands and gave it to baby Feldon, who let out a joyous laugh. The wallet, which was handmade by their mother for Karina’s fourth birthday, was the only thing she had gotten the first time she’d been left alone. With reddened eyes, Karina was forced to let Feldon borrow her favorite item, only for it to come back to her tattered years later.

The scene changed into a different memory in Karina’s mind.

“Mother, I feel dizzy…”

“What? Oh no, you have a fever. The doctor is taking a look at Abelia right now, so we can have him tend to you right after that. Let’s go to your room first. Mother will take you.”

“Yes, Mother.”

Karina, who hadn’t been in her mother's arms for a long time, quietly buried her face in her shoulder. It was rare for Karina’s mother to warmly embrace her and give her a concerned look. But that happiness hadn’t lasted long.

“My lady, the visiting doctor requested your presence to discuss little Miss Abelia.”

“Is there something wrong? Oh, okay. Tell him I’ll be there right now.”

Countess Leopold put Karina down with an apologetic look on her face.

“I’m sorry, Karina. I’ll call a maid. Follow her and rest in bed. I’ll come to visit you with the doctor as soon as we’re done. Karina, you can go to your room by yourself because you’re a big sister now, right?”

“Can you take me to my room?”

“You’re fine. You’re the healthy one.”

The countess sighed in response to Karina's pleas.

“Karina, your little sister is sicker, so please be a good big sister and think of little Abelia.”

Karina was never the center of attention.

“Our daughter is such a good girl.”

She was only complimented whenever she held back from doing something. With an older brother who lived away from home, a rowdy younger brother, and a sickly younger sister, she was the sibling who did not get kindness and warmth.

When she turned ten, she decided to not seek anyone out anymore. Instead, she pursued a slightly different hobby. She started drawing whenever she was alone. She would draw lines and add colors. Soon, she completed a vivid drawing. At that moment, satisfaction swelled within her. Karina didn’t know that her gift was a “miracle,’’ and she definitely didn’t know that that kind of gift could ruin her health.

The house of Count Leopold had established swordsmen in each generation, but there was nobody in the family who had been famous in the art world, and thus, art disease was not a common illness in the family. If she had been born into a family that produced many outstanding artists, such as the Attilens or the Carlos, she would’ve gotten the treatment needed for the kind of gift she had, but that did not happen.

She had been astonished to see the butterfly that she had drawn with all her heart and soul come to life and fly out of the drawing paper. It had come alive. The butterfly flew around the room and eventually vanished. Young Karina went straight to her parents.

“Mother! Father! I made a drawing and...!”

“Karina! Listen, Enphric won first place at a swordsmanship contest at the academy. It looks like he will graduate early.”

“Um… Wow! Enphric is amazing! But, mother, I made a drawing and...”

She wanted to tell them that a butterfly flew out of the drawing, that it was mesmerizing. She wanted to ask them to take a look at the drawing.

“Drawing? Ah, good job.”

They barely looked at the drawing. Her parents, who were engrossed in reading Enphric’s letter over and over, hadn’t even acknowledged her art.

“Anyhow, Enphric is coming back this weekend. So we’re thinking of having a small banquet. Abelia’s been feeling pretty well recently too. So much good news.”

“...”

The words on little Karina’s tongue never left her mouth before she turned her back. As time passed, Karina became more immersed in her drawing, realizing that no one was going to give her any attention.