Karina’s Last Days

Chapter 5

“Karina! Did you bring down the stuff from up there?!”

“What? No?”

“Then why is Abelia holding that stuff? Didn’t I tell you it was dangerous?”

“I didn’t do it...”

“How could you be the big sister and not listen to a word I say? Why are you acting out?!”

Karina couldn’t say that it wasn’t her doing. She saw Abelia hiding behind their mother, looking at her, pale with worry and about to cry, so she couldn’t say that it wasn’t her. She also realized that her mother wouldn’t listen even if she did try to explain that she didn’t do it. Her heart ached. In the middle of this memory, Karina waved her hand above her head, wanting to escape the darkness in her mind and the scene changed again.

“Tomorrow is Enphric’s graduation. We were thinking of pushing back your birthday party. Is that okay with you, Karina?”

“Yes, that’s fine, Father.”

“Karina, I’m sorry. If your tea party isn’t urgent, can we push it back a little? Abelia isn’t feeling too well.”

“Yes, Mother.”

In this memory, Karina saw herself making the face she always wore after she had stopped letting everything around her hurt her. Suddenly, saying okay to everything was Karina’s go-to answer. She tried not to have any hope or hard feelings. If she felt sad and resentful, it made her feel like the bad guy.

Her younger siblings were sick, and her older brother was injured, so she felt that requesting that her parents stay with her because she was lonely was asking too much.

My drawing is nothing compared to the greatness of my older brother whom everyone compliments. He is far better than me because he makes our parents happy. I need to put my younger sister first because she is sick. Just because my birthday party is happening a few days later doesn’t mean there will be less food or fewer presents. I’m okay because I am healthy. I am… okay.

Karina made more drawings and noticed that only when she put her entire heart and soul into a piece would it come to life. Her animated subjects could stay alive for as short as an hour or as long as a full day before they vanished. As time went on, she noticed herself making more drawings that came alive before disappearing.

Karina was captivated by the life in her drawings. They would look at her when she called, unlike her family who always ignored her. Her subjects that came to life became her friends who listened to her, pets that consoled her, or even the doctor that attended to the twins and Enphric’s injuries for her worried parents.

As her loneliness grew, her life energy was unknowingly fading to the point of no return.

* * *

“We are here.”

Karina, who had fallen asleep in the shaking carriage, opened her eyes at the voice. Her back was wet with sweat from the short dream. She pressed down on her pounding heart, pulled herself together, and stepped out of the coach.

Because she was going to have to go to the carriage station for the return trip, she sent the driver on his way. As she made her way to the doctor, she tried to pull herself together—she had not intended to fall asleep and have an awful dream like that.

“I should take things easier,” she mumbled with sarcasm. It was nothing new. She always reached the same conclusion after she thought about her family.

Abelia and Feldon are children and they are my younger siblings.

It was always up to her to understand the situation.

I should just go ahead and see the doctor.

It was no use feeling depressed.

Even if I cry, nobody comforts me.

Young Karina had realized that before she turned ten years old.

“What is this, you felt like living again after just a single day?”

Karina heard a blunt voice as she stepped inside the clinic. It didn’t make her feel uncomfortable. Rather, she felt more at ease with the brusque doctor than with her soft-spoken family. Having made up her mind, she brightened up and offered a soft smile. The white-haired doctor was old but looked very healthy.

“No, I need some medicine,” she replied.

“Medicine? What medicine?”

“I’m leaving.”

At her answer—which seemingly came out of nowhere—the doctor almost burst out laughing. He stopped once he saw the peaceful look in her eyes. “I don’t think I was ever the master of my own life. Someone else has always controlled me... But I don’t want to let that happen anymore.”

“So you’re leaving?”

“Yes.”

The doctor liked this attitude better than her grim resignation from the previous day, but to take a trip in her condition. He honestly could not recommend it, but her eyes were determined and had no trace of second thoughts.

“How long is this trip?” he asked.

“Mm… Have you heard of Zentar, way up in the north?”

The doctor’s eyes widened suddenly and for a moment, Nocturn came to her mind. Karina shook her head—why would this old man remind her of him?

“Just tell me that you wish to die. Then I’ll make something that will kill you in a heartbeat.” The doctor’s words were harsh, but he was smiling.

Karina’s face hardened awkwardly. She knew that the doctor wouldn't placate her with niceties, but she didn’t expect him to be this severe and straightforward either. He left her speechless and she rolled her eyes while trying to think of a good comeback.

“What! If you’ve truly come here to ask me to kill you, then you’ve got me all wrong. Go on, get out!”

“No, it’s not that...” Karina was taken aback as the doctor waved his hands at her like he was shooing away a group of marauding birds. “Is there a way for me to get to my destination without dying? The trip will take a good while, probably two months. Do you think it would be difficult for me even if I stay at an inn every two days to rest?”

“Why go to the north? Take a boat if you want to rest, that would be better.”

“Um… The place I plan to stay is in the north.”

“Hold your horses, do you know how cold it is up there? And the winter is coming in two months,” he said.

“Mm, does the winter matter? I’m just going to stay inside anyway...”

The doctor glared at Karina discontentedly. She was baffled as the doctor seemed to treat her like a naive child who knew nothing of the world.

“So what is it that you exactly want?” he asked.

“I think I’ll be happy if I can avoid collapsing and dying in the street.”

“When are you leaving?”

“In a week.”

“Tsk. That’s not a lot of time. Okay, I can’t do anything to bring back the life that art disease has taken away but I can slow down the pace at which the disease is progressing.”

Karina’s eyes widened.

“However, once you stop taking the medicine, the progression of the disease will start again. And I am only going to make you two months’ worth of medicine,” the doctor continued.

“That’s enough.” Karina gently nodded her head. Since this was the answer she had wanted, she put down a handful of gold coins on the desk.

“Why are you giving me all this money?”

“It’s for two months’ worth of medicine.”

“But I don’t need this much!”

“Then please take it as a gesture of gratitude. I don’t have anywhere else to spend it anyway. I’ll come back in six days.”

Karina didn’t wait for the doctor’s response and left ten more gold coins for him on the counter before smiling, bowing her head lightly, and leaving with a peaceful expression on her face. The doctor just clicked his tongue and quietly watched her leave.

“Why is such a young thing so quick to give up?” he asked aloud. He was a doctor. He tried to help those who wanted to live but he wouldn’t go out of his way to help someone who wanted to die. “I wonder what kind of life she’s lived that she’s so content with dying…”

The doctor roughly swept the gold coins into the drawer and shook his head. He shrugged as he continued watching Karina from the window as she got further away.

* * *

Before returning home, Karina bought some skewers for Abelia. Her parents and Enphric wouldn’t eat commoners’ food but the curious twins would certainly enjoy it.

“...like skewers or juice! I’ve always wanted to try them!”

She pictured Abelia smiling innocently.

“I’m so jealous that Karina gets to go out all the time...”

Just the thought of her little sister’s words made her stomach upset. She knew Abelia meant no harm and that she looked up to her older sister as any younger sister would, even if she didn’t understand why. Still, after a certain point, Karina couldn’t smile genuinely at the smaller girl.

Suddenly feeling sorry, Karina bought two glasses of fruit juice that Abelia had mentioned wanting before making her way to the station and renting a carriage. At first, the driver didn’t pay her much mind but he bowed once she told him her destination.

The humble carriage was old, dilapidated, and smelled musty. The rattling was so bad that her bottom and back soon began to hurt, which made her thankful that the estate’s big marketplace was close to the mansion.

These skewers would be good as a snack before dinner, Karina thought with a sigh.